


Sirens Eye

by meg_renX



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Student/Teacher, Ass to Mouth, Bloodplay, Blowjobs, Choking, Classroom Sex, Cunnilingus, Desk Sex, Dominant Kylo Ren, Eating out, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Forbidden Love, Greek Mythology - Freeform, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Light BDSM, Multiple Orgasms, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Overstimulation, Period Sex, Period blood, Pet Names, Professor Kylo Ren, Public Sex, References to Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, Rough Oral Sex, Sexual Tension, Slapping, Smut, Student!Reader - Freeform, Submissive Kylo Ren, Teacher-Student Relationship, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, professor!kylo ren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:08:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 43
Words: 133,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24416383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meg_renX/pseuds/meg_renX
Summary: You're a barista at the Alderaan University Starbucks, going into your fifth and final year and you're still infatuated with one of your regular customers: Professor Kylo Ren. When you find out that he is the professor of the ONE class you're excited for this semester you almost drop dead. Fuck. You suddenly find yourself anticipating 7:00am at work and 3:05pm when class starts.Kylo takes over your life, and honestly you don't mind. Going from his barista, to his student, to his fuck-buddy/lover all in a couple months has your head spinning with anxiety and lust. Can you maintain professionalism or will he break you down until you're nothing but a longing body for him to take?
Relationships: Ben Solo & Reader, Ben Solo & You, Ben Solo/Reader, Ben Solo/You, Kylo Ren & Reader, Kylo Ren & You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 51
Kudos: 237





	1. Tall Bold, no Room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO AO3! I began on Wattpad, and now we expanding! I hope you enjoy this fic! It's basically how I wish my university degree went lol. 
> 
> \- Meg xx

"Text you when I get there! Love you guys!" you shouted to your parents through your truck window. It was only a two-hour drive from your hometown to the city where you went to university. Your parents always made a big deal when you left in September after the summer was over, but you reminded yourself it was only because they cared.

"We love you too baby. Drive safe!" your dad called after you as you drove down the street, seeing your house, and your parents, shrink until they looked like dolls. A quick glance at your phone and you saw that it was 9:54am, Sunday morning.

It did make you sad every time you left, but you could come home whenever you wanted _because_ your university was so close to home. You had your set-up as usual in your truck, phone plugged into the aux in one cup holder, your water in the other. You listened to your usual playlist and zoned out as you left the town limits.

The drive was dull, not much scenery to look at, and after four years of making the same trip on the same highway you knew there wasn't much to see. Though, you do admit that when you drove later in the evenings and would catch the sunset, the warm ambiance that flooded your truck made you feel so happy. Watching the sun disappear into the horizon lulling the moon awake.

But because it was a new semester, you had to leave your house much earlier, and would have to catch the magical sunsets another time. Move-in day was always a bit stressful, finding out your room (and roommate) situation left you feeling anxious as you drove into the campus. Driving down the main road brought back a flash of déjà vu.

You remembered the first time you saw Alderaan University, and how beautiful you thought it was. The gates to the campus bold and stoic against the subtle landscape of the city. Through the gates was the main road, trees on either side and the sun pouring in your parent's sun-roof.

Your first year you were so nervous, but your parents were there to help your first move go smoothly. The scenery of the campus took your breath away and you instantly felt at ease. You felt as if this place would be your home away from home. And it was, you loved coming back every new semester. It made you sad that this was your last year.

At the end of the main road was a four-way stop. Turn right and you're headed to where the resident buildings are, turn left and you'll find yourself where all the buildings and halls where classes are held are, keep going straight and you're met with the Hoth building. Essentially where the Main Office, Mail Room, Housing Services, and Food Services offices are.

You parked in front of the Housing Services entrance near the east of the Hoth building and glanced at your phone. The clock read 11:59am. Perfect timing! You had to be at Housing Services for noon to get your room assignments so that you could have the rest of the day to move everything in. And this was going to be a _very_ long day indeed.

––

You got your room assignment, and luckily you're in the same building as you have been since year two: Coruscant. Thank the Maker, Coruscant is the best resident building by _far_. Kashyyyk and Kamino are the other two buildings, but they are filled with either first-years or people who'd rather party than study. You head up to your room, third floor, room 66. Last year you were on the first floor, which you _hated_ , so you're glad to be on the third now.

You go to put your key into the lock, but before you have the chance the door swings wide open and you jump back to avoid the door hitting you. Re-focussing on the moof-milker who almost hit you, your eyes went big.

"LEIA! Ohmygoshohmygosh I can't believe it's you!," you tossed your bags down and tackled her through the open-door way.

"Better believe it bitch! I may or may not have requested that we be roomies again to my dad!," she gushed as she hugged you back forcefully.

Her dad is Dean Organa, aka Dean of the entire university. Being best friends with the Dean's daughter has its many perks; tons of volunteer and extra-credit opportunities, chances to meet with important faculty members, and not to mention the fact that he put in a _very_ good word to the on-campus Starbucks that landed you the job! You guessed the perks stretched to having choice in roommates now too.

Leia helped you bring in your bags that you left at the door. Then her boyfriend Han helped you bring in the rest of your stuff from your truck. Han doesn't go to the uni, but he practically lives with you during the school year (another perk of being the Dean's daughter? You thought yes). You don't mind though because he's practically family to you now. They both are.

Family. SHIT. You forgot to text your parents. Oops. You opened your phone texted your family group chat.

_You: hey guys sorry I forgot to text you when I got in, Leia surprised me! We're roommates again this year I'm stoked! Just unloading my car with Han now so I'll text you guys when I go to bed. Love you xoxo._

After you finished bringing in all of your stuff, you realized it was dinner time. The three of you took a well-deserved break and went to Mandalore Market, the universities version of a cafeteria. Even though classes don't start for another couple days, Mandalore is already open for the students who live on res. On your way down, you stopped at the Starbucks and saw your boss, Paxon.

"Hey Pax!," you called through the closed gates of the store, finding the latch to open it up. "Hey kid, long time no see!," Paxon called from the back, "how was your summer vacay?". You made your way into the back to see Paxon leaning into the ice machine.

"It was good, worked, saved, travelled, all that good stuff ya know..." you trailed off as you noticed him struggling, "hey, what's going on with the ice machine?"

Paxon lifted his head from inside the machine and bonked it right on the edge, "FUCK, ow" he exclaimed as he pulled his head from the machine rubbing the back of it. "You know this wouldn't be the Alderaan University Starbucks without _something_ breaking before we even open." He rolled his eyes and softly kicked the ice machine.

You both laughed and caught up a little bit more before you headed back down to Mandalore with Leia and Han. "See you Tuesday morning, bright and early for work!" you called out to Paxon as you trotted down the hall. 

The three of you reached Mandalore finally, after climbing down 7 flights of stairs through the Dagobah building, where all the Fine Arts classes were held. You didn't need to go there much other than to get down to the Mandalore and Exegol Hall (ExHall) where majority of your classes were held. Leia and Han shared some nachos and you decided on some chicken nugs and fries for dinner.

–– 24 hours later

Monday was a blur of unpacking and settling in. After your shower, you head to bed and set your alarm for 5:30am. UGH. This was going to take some getting used to again. You checked your work schedule along with your class schedule and smiled because everything worked out so well this semester. You'll work every Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday with a 3-hour Psychology class on Monday nights. No classes on Tuesday or Thursday (THANK THE MAKER) and then your Archaeology class, and two History classes on Wednesdays and Fridays, Crusades first, then Greek Mythology. Humming happily to yourself, you texted your parents, then put your phone on your tiny bedside table and drifted off to sleep.

——

You awoke to the sound of your alarm going off and cursed silently as you got up to go to the bathroom. Groggy and half-asleep you washed your face and got dressed. You put on your green apron and smoothed it out in the mirror. You cringed. Green was _not_ your colour, but the Siren staring back at you made you smile. You pulled your hair into a low ponytail, letting your locks tickle the back of your neck.

This past summer you cut your hair, it used to reach your butt, and now it was little longer than your collarbones. It felt like a weight being lifted on your shoulders, and you felt like a new person. Impulsive haircuts at home have that effect on people. You didn't bother with makeup, and shoved your glasses onto your face, pushing them up with your index finger. One final look at yourself and you grabbed your purse as you headed out the door.

The walk to the store was only about 7 minutes, and thankfully there were tunnels underneath the entire campus so that you didn't have to walk outside while it was chilly with the crisp morning air. You made it to the store with 10 minutes to spare, as always, and you greeted Paxon with a soft smile. "Good morning kid," he said not looking up from his work laptop.

"Morning!" you replied as you hung your purse on one of the hooks in the back room. With the extra time you decided to re-write your name tag and make yourself a drink. Picking a red chalk pen, you started writing out your name as the sound of the espresso machine hummed your coffee to life. You finished off your name tag with a couple red hearts and put it back onto your apron.

You finished your drink, just a simple latte: espresso and steamed milk. Your favourite. You inhaled deeply as you brought the cup up to your mouth and you revelled in the sensation that it brought to your brain. The smell of the heavenly mixture shook your brain fog away and your senses started functioning normally.

You snuck some oatmeal and grabbed a yogurt from the fridge and ate quietly while Paxon opened up the rest of the store. You scarfed down the rest of your breakfast and began the coffee cadence. You always rotated three roasts: dark, medium, and light. Three roasts meant a new pot every 15 minutes. You thought to yourself that it is such a waste to dump a full pot after 15 minutes, but as per Starbucks policy you have to, oh well.

6:00am rolled by and you were officially open for the first time this semester. You were thinking about if you were going to have the same regulars as last semester, and you lingered on _one_ in particular. Professor Kylo Ren. He's in the History department, but only teaches North American History, which you _hate_. So you only ever saw him when he came every morning at 7:00am on the dot, ordering his regular drink: a tall bold, no room. Non-Starbucks parlance = small dark roast, no room for milk, cream, or sugar, aka black, aka _gross_. Albeit, tall and dark. Just like _him_.

You realized you were watching the clock with anticipation as it got closer to 7:00, and Pax took notice to it. "Hey, you already counting down the the minutes till Professor tall, dark, and _sexy_ comes?" He drew out the word _sexy_ as if it was just lingering on his tongue. "It's only your first shift back kid!" he snorted as he was on hot bar making drinks.

You had a break from customers on cash and you spun around to hop on cold bar to help him, scoffing at his accusation. "Me? What no! I'm just trying to get used to being up so early again". You knew he didn't believe you, but you continued making the drink without looking up. Over the past four years you made your attraction to Professor Ren obvious, mostly because the entire staff agreed with you. Pax is gay and sees how Professor Ren could be attractive, but says he isn't his type. Oh well, more for you.

You finished and went to the pass, "I've got a grande iced matcha tea latte for Finn!" you said with as much fake enthusiasm you could muster. Finn came and grabbed his drink, you recognized him from a few of your history classes from the past. He didn't talk much, but sometimes he asked really intelligent questions, which you admired. You couldn't ask good questions for shit. You hated public speaking, and that included raising your hand and asking a simple question in class.

He smiled and nodded at you. "Have a good d–", you were cut off by someone clearing their throat at the cash register. A shiver shot up your spine at the sound. It was deep-set, and undeniably distinguishable. You spun on your heels and hopped to the register. Sneaking a look at the clock on the screen, 7:00am exactly, you looked up to greet your customer. Your eyes were met with the blazing amber irises of Professor Kylo Ren. His smirk took your breath away and your voice cracked when you choked out his regular order.

"Tt-tall bold, no room for ya this morning?" Wow you sounded like an idiot.

"I'm impressed you remember my order," your name rolled off his tongue as he glanced at your fresh name tag resting on the breast of your apron and you shuddered.

Fuck. Your first day and you already made yourself look like a fool in front of the hottest professor on campus. This is gonna be a _long_ year.


	2. An Unsatisfied Craving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: brief mention of drug addiction. No actual use of drugs, just referring to Kylo as your own potent drug.

You stood there, mouth agape, while he stared at you intensely. _Wow fucking say something you dumb-dumb,_ you thought to yourself.

"Oh! Yeah, well you're hard to forget," you winced, he stared more, "I-I mean your _order_ is hard to forget! Haha, it's like the easiest drink to remember." That wasn't so hard to spit out, was it?

"Mhmm," he said as he pulled out his sleek leather wallet and grabbed his Starbucks gold card, not faltering from your gaze.

"Right... Anything from the pastry case this morning?" you choked out, gesturing to the case filled with carbs on carbs of fluffy pastries.

"No, thank you," he replied, saying your name again. That made you shiver _again_.

You clicked the screen and while he was paying you spun around to pour the coffee. Thank the Maker that he orders brewed coffee, because you never have to ask for his name for the cup. You were sure that you'd spontaneously combust if he ever said his name to you.

You glanced over at Pax who was leaning up against hot bar, waiting for more drinks and he winked at you. You shot him a smug look and turned back to Professor Ren.

"There you go sir, h-have a good day" you said as you went to place the hot cup on the counter. He reached for it as you set it down and your fingers touched ever so briefly. Your stomach dropped out of your ass. Your breath hitched. _Fuck_.

"Thank you, see you around" he said as he walked off.

You watched him longingly and realized you were holding your breath. You let it out quickly and spurted as you tried to settle yourself. You looked back at the cash register and, thankfully, there were no more customers. You turned to see Pax standing directly behind you.

"Well, I gotta say. You could have handled _that_ more smoothly!" he snickered to himself and slapped his knee, clearly making fun of your failed attempt to seem calm and collected in front of Professor Ren.

You punched him playfully in the arm, responding, "yeah, well you be on cash at 7 o'clock every damn morning then!", fake laughing to yourself.

You didn't _really_ mean that, you needed to see Professor Ren every morning, you craved it like taking a hit of the most potent drug. Yet, you were always left feeling unsatisfied. Ugh, _how_ did he do that to you?! You've never taken any of his classes (American History, EW) and you've only ever seen him when he comes to get his coffee. Your interactions don't last more than a couple of minutes, yet you always find the wrong things to say. All while he seemed to say just the right things to you, making you melt every time.

Another glance at the clock, 7:06am. Shit, this was going to be a _long_ first day.

––

2:30pm rolled by and you clocked out just before the late afternoon rush. You said bye to Pax and the other employees and headed down to Mandalore for a late lunch.

Trotting down the stairs you heard some voices around the corner. You gasped and stopped in your tracks as you recognized one of the voices. Tip-toeing down the last couple of steps, you peeked around the corner to see Professor Kylo Ren talking with another professor. You kept your distance but you were able to make out that they were arguing about _something_.

"Maz, that is _not_ fair! I am an _American History_ professor, one of fact, _not_ fiction," Professor Ren said firmly with his arms crossed in front of his broad chest.

He had his jacket looped around his leather bookbag and _holy stars_ his arms were huge. Really huge. You had only ever seen him as he was first arriving to the campus, so he always had his jacket on. You were so focussed on his massive biceps that you failed to notice that they had stopped speaking and were looking back at you. _Fuck_.

Before they could say anything you darted around the corner and headed back down the stairs. _What the hell were you thinking?! NOW he must think you're a total lunatic. With major issues. Great._

You continued cursing yourself as you reached Mandalore. The lines were short, and you were grateful because you realized you hadn't eaten since that oatmeal this morning. The first day was busy, you were always shocked at how many people 'needed' their Starbucks once school resumed. The lunch special was a pulled pork sandwich, that sounded good. So you got one to-go and started heading back to your room.

Ascending the Dagobah stairs was always a workout, and since you hadn't done the 7 flights in four months, you struggled as you neared the top. _Wow I need to work out more often_ , you thought as you finally reached the top.

As you strode into the hallway at the top of the stairs, head down heavy, and breathing as if you'd just ran a 10k marathon, you collided with someone. Reflexively you shot your hand up and pushed _whoever_ the hell just ran into you. Looking up to cuss the moof-milker out, your face was drained of all the blood.

Professor Kylo Ren was staring down at you, smoothing the crease from his white dress shirt that _you_ made with _your_ hand.

"In a hurry to get somewhere?" he asked cocking his head to the side, acknowledging your to-go container and laboured breath.

 _HolyshitholyshitHOLYSHIT_. You looked up at him, frozen on the spot.

Wow, he was _much_ taller than you originally perceived. Having been separated by a counter and a cash register made him seem less... substantial in size than he is before you now. His left hand was rested in his trouser pocket, with his jacket hung loosely on his wrist. His right hand was now caressing the strap of his leather bookbag, running his index finger along the thick seams of it. You were taking in his appearance when you heard him clear his throat, coaxing you out of your trance.

He was _waiting_ for your response.

"U-uuh... Fuck, no! Sorry! I should have been looking where I was going! I am _such_ a clutz sometimes," you rambled off while trying to avoid eye contact.

"I'd advise you to watch your mouth around me, it is not appropriate behaviour for a _student_ ," he spoke slowly, almost... seductively? _What the fuck?_

"Oh! I am so sorry Professor Ren, I-I..." you broke off as he bent down to pick up your purse off the ground. You didn't realize that you had dropped it when the two of you collided. He placed the thin strap delicately back on your shoulder and you thought his hand lingered a bit too long resting on your upper arm.

" _Don't_ let it happen again," he warned, starting to walk away. "Have a good rest of your day," he accentuated your name, flashed you the slightest of smirks and you sucked in air through your clenched teeth.

You gawked after him as he descended gracefully, but powerfully, down the stairs.

He knew your name. Like actually knew it. Like not just reading it from your name tag. You didn't have your apron on. He _knew_ who you were.

Bewildered and face hot, you basically sprinted back to your room. You swung the door open and almost knocked Leia on her butt.

"Hey! What's the rush?" she asked as you slammed the door shut behind you as if _he_ was following you. _But why would he?_ UGH.

"Leia, you'll never guess who I just _literally ran into_ ," you spoke slowly, realizing that you were trembling.

––

You were sitting at the end of your bed while Leia was sprawled out across the length of it, face in her hands as she listened to your horror story.

"HOLY FUCK!" she squealed as you finished telling your tale and shot up to sit on her butt beside you.

"..I-I know... I don't know what to do or think of it all."

"Well, you only see him in the mornings, _usually_ ," she emphasized the word 'usually', "so just be normal. You were never this smitten last year! What happened?" She rested her head on your lap as she resumed laying down.

"I don't know Leia! I just feel different this semester. Maybe I'm just hella stressed out." You scoffed while playing with her hair.

"I checked on my first break, and there is _still_ no assigned professor for my Greek Mythology class, it just says TBA," you went and took your hair down from the low ponytail, tossing your scrunchie onto your bedside table and continued your half-assed rant, "I mean _come on_ , the class I'm most excited for and there is no professor! The first class is tomorrow! What if it's that shmuck prof we hate?!"

"Hey, cool your jets hot stuff. Everything will be fine! It always is!" She had gotten up now and was heading out of your room, "come on, we gotta go to the bookstore anyways to get our textbooks."

Shit, you forgot about that. Textbooks were so overrated and SO expensive. You never had to crack any of the textbooks open until your term essay, such a waste of money. You grabbed your purse, _the purse that he touched_ , and followed her out of your room.

It was just before 4:00pm, which is when the bookstore closed, so you two were relieved to see that there wasn't a massive lineup. You grabbed the books you both needed for your courses and headed to the lineup. Waiting for what felt like an eternity you finally made it to the front. The next available worker called you from behind a display, so you couldn't see who it was, but you went to go greet them.

You looked up and it was Finn.

"Uh, hey," he said sheepishly.

"Oh! Hi! I didn't know you worked here." you beamed a smile up at him.

"Yeah, it's just a little extra cash, you know," he started ringing through your books, "you work at the Starbucks, right?"

"Yeah I do! Iced matcha tea latte guy right?" you grabbed your debit card and winced as you caught sight of how expensive four measly textbooks were.

"Yes, wow you're good at remembering peoples orders!" he was smiling too now.

You thought of how Professor Ren said he was _impressed_ that you remembered his order too, and for some godforsaken reason you had to stifle a moan attempting to leave your throat. _The fuck_? You shook your head and responded with a forced smile,

"Yeah, it all comes with the years of experience, seeing the same people every day, ya know!"

He bagged your books and you chatted about balancing work and school, and you found out that he's in the same Greek Mythology class as you.

"So weird how they still haven't told us who the professor is going to be, huh?" he said as he handed you your receipt.

"I know right, well, I guess we'll have to see tomorrow!" You took the receipt and stuffed it into your pocket.

"Yeah! Hey... do you uh- do you want to sit together?" Finn looked sort of embarrassed to ask, but in all honesty you were glad to have a familiar face in the class.

"OMG yes! That'd be nice, see you tomorrow." You smiled genuinely this time and waved at him as you and Leia headed back towards your dorm.

Tomorrow could not come fast enough. Finally, your first day of classes was here. You had Archaeology from 10:50-12:05, then the Crusades from 1:40-2:55, and Greek Myth from 3:05-4:20. You planned your schedule so that you could have a break for lunch in-between Arky and the Crusades.

You had always had to eat every two hours or so, or else you got grumpy and hangry. You got that from your dad you suppose, he was always snacking. You thought about your parents and decided to text them a quick goodnight before you headed to bed early. You wanted to get a good night's sleep before your first day of your last year.

You set your alarm for 9:00am, so you could shower and actually make yourself presentable for the day. For work you never really tried to look nice because of that ghastly green apron, so jeans and a t-shirt usually did the job just fine.

Tomorrow was supposed to be fairly warm, so you decided ahead to wear a dress or skirt, and you made a mental note to shave your legs in the shower in the morning.

Your brain was buzzing with the excitement of self-care, and the anticipation of first-day-classes, and before you knew it you were fast sleep. 


	3. Early Incompetence

Surprisingly, you woke up before your alarm went off. Probably just first-day jitters, as always. You laid in bed a little while longer till it was 9:10am and then you trotted off to the bathroom. Leia was already gone, she had a class at 9:25 you remembered.

You started the shower and the water burst from the shower-head with a hiss and the room began to fill with thick steam. You put on some music and hopped in.

20 minutes later, you emerged wrapped in a mediocre towel and wiped the mirror of the condensation that collected. You took extra time with your skin care routine this morning and even blow-dried your hair. You headed back to your room and put your housecoat on, then sat at your desk to put on some makeup.

You don't wear much face makeup, a little bronzer and highlighter and that was it. You decided to do some winged eyeliner today and concentrated as you attempted to make the flicks even. Mascara and a little bit of lip gloss and you were done.

You looked at yourself in the mirror. You felt good. You put your glasses on and looked at the clock: 10:17am. You still had some time, so you curled your hair and then went to go pick out your outfit.

You felt powerful this morning, so you boldly chose a matching pantie and bra set that was covered with delicate white lace. You grabbed a black t-shit dress that came in at the waist a bit, threw on your mums old red 80s jacket and some black converse high-tops. Grabbing your backpack you readied yourself for the day and headed out.

––

The first day of classes was always boring as hell. Going through the syllabus was tantalizing and going into your last year, you felt as if you'd spent more than enough time with them.

Archaeology was alright, the class itself seems really interesting and the professor seems really passionate about it all. Your lunch break was good, and you spent the time looking again at the class site for Greek Mythology, _still_ no professor assigned. You wondered who it would be, hoping it wasn't the shmuck prof you despised.

Just before the Crusades started you went to Starbucks to grab some liquid courage. Pax greeted you as you approached the till.

"Hey kid! How's the first day going so far?" he asked as he leaned onto the counter.

"It's good! You know how first days are though, boring, but necessary," you replied rolling your eyes. Pax graduated last year, so he knew how it felt to be a student. He started out as a barista just like you, but two years ago he got promoted to manager. He deserved it, and the store has never run more smoothly. You smiled.

You ordered and noticed Rey changing the coffee cadence, dumping the pot of dark roast.

"H-hey, so how did Professor Ren look this morning?" you probed as you paid for your drink.

Pax looked a bit confused as he responded, "he didn't come this morning, I was waiting for him and so was Rey. But then he just didn't show up." He shrugged, "Poe said he saw him in ExHall, so he's here, just don't know why he didn't get coffee today."

Your brain was trying to figure out why Professor Ren was already breaking his routine? It caused your stomach to churn. Maybe he decided he didn't like Starbucks anymore. Or maybe what happened yesterday scared him off for good. _Great_.

"Huh, that's weird. Well I gotta go to class, I'll see you tomorrow!" you said as you grabbed your drink.

––

You got to class finally and found a good spot, right in the middle about three rows up. Even with your glasses you still hated sitting in the back, and the front made you too nervous. You enjoyed Medieval history a lot, and this class seemed promising.

The Crusades is such an interesting topic, people going to war in the name of religion, fighting for what they thought was just and holy. You wondered if people still did that today, just in a different way. Class was over quickly and you had only 10 minutes to get the Greek Myth.

You had pounded your coffee back and realized you needed to pee really bad. Fuck. You went to the nearest bathroom and the line was out the door. _Fuck_. You had to wait, there was no way you could hold it for the entire class. Tapping your foot impatiently you kept checking the clock, it had already reached 3:05 before you even got into a stall. Great, late on the first day. Finn will be wondering where you are, and walking in late into a class where you don't know who the professor is = terrifying.

Finally it was your turn and you rushed into the stall, did your business, washed your hands and then sprinted to your classroom. You crashed open the door with more force than you anticipated and quickly, _and loudly_ , shut it behind you. You spun around to observe the classroom and try to find Finn.

Your heart stopped and you thought you might drop dead.

Staring at you, along with the entire class, was none other than _Professor Kylo fucking Ren_. You thought it was maybe a mistake, that you went into the wrong classroom, but before you could make your swift exit, you heard Finn whispering to your from a couple rows up.

 _Shit_ , you were in the right classroom. And Kylo Ren was the professor.

You scurried up to where Finn had saved you a seat and you slithered into it. Professor Ren cleared his throat and proceeded with _taking attendance_. Who takes attendance in a university class?! A few names later and he called your name. Out loud. _Duh_. But it still made you wince. Finn nudged you and you rose your hand up into the air, making a sorry excuse for a 'here!' and shot your hand back into your lap. Your mind was racing.

 _This is not good. Not good at all. WHAT THE FUCK was he doing here? He teaches American history, not European history. This couldn't be farther away from his specialty._ You had a realization: this is what Professor Ren and that Maz professor were arguing about yesterday. _Why had he been chosen to teach this class._ At this point you'd take the shmuck professor over Professor Ren 100%. Your cheeks burned and you were sweating so much that you were sticking to the seat.

You were so uncomfortable the entire class and it took everything you had to focus on what Professor Ren was saying about the assignments and exams. You could feel Finn staring at you every few minutes, but you just kept your eyes fixated on the front of the classroom.

You lost count of how many times Professor Ren made direct eye contact with you, noticing that he lingered on you longer than he did with other students. You pressed your legs together when you noticed a warmth beginning to form from in between them. _Was that just because you were sweating profusely... or was it from something else?_ You shook the thought from your mind and sat fiddling with your thumbs, constantly checking the clock.

When class was _finally_ over, you gathered your things so quickly that Finn finally grabbed your arm and said something.

"Hey, you okay? Why were you late? You look like you saw a ghost or something."

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a long line at the bathroom, so I ran here haha" you shrugged him off and began to plan your escape. You looked at the front of the room and there was a group of eager students waiting to talk to Professor Ren so you were hoping he wouldn't notice you leave.

As you reached the door and went to dart out, you heard your name called through all the light student buzzing. You froze.

Professor Ren called your name _again_ , and you turned around. "Stay and wait a minute until I am finished talking with the other students please," he said your name _again_ and the other students were piercing you with their eyes.

You nodded and looked to Finn who was outside the classroom, you smiled at him as if to say, _go on it's okay_ , and he smiled back and left. You walked slowly over to the back of the lineup of students and waited your turn. About 5 minutes later you finally reached Professor Ren.

He _waited_ until the last student was out the door, holding out until the door was completely shut, and then turned his attention to you fully.

"Late on the first day," he said as he went to sit on the edge of the desk, crossing his arms over his chest. He was wearing a light blue dress shirt today with the sleeves pushed up, you could see his forearms and your mouth parted. He had a pair of khaki slack-style dress pants on with dark brown leather dress shoes. His strong thighs were practically begging to be released from the confines of his pants when he sat down, crossing his legs slightly. _Holy shit_.

"Y-yes Professor, I'm so—"

He cut you off before you could finish, "That was not a question, but rather an observation of your early incompetence."

You head dropped in embarrassment and you looked at your feet. You eventually looked up and you saw that his gaze was not on your eyes, but swiftly surveying your body. Your pussy clenched and you shifted your feet to ease the pressure. _What the hell?_

"I expect that you'll be on time for the rest of the semester. I do not tolerate tardiness, but as it is the first day and you are not... _familiar_ with my methods of discipline, I shall let it slide." He stood, grabbed his leather bookbag and walked behind you, trailing his massive fingers along your waist ever so slightly. You couldn't move, but managed a weak "Yes sir."

He grunted with approval and when you turned around he was gone.

You were left in the classroom alone and didn't know how long you were standing there when another professor came into the room.

"Hey, there's another class coming in here dear, are you waiting for someone?" _Were you_? She had kind eyes but you didn't recognize her, must be a Sciences prof.

"Oh, no sorry I was just leaving," you said as you made for the door.

You walked in silence as you approached the Dagobah stairs. Your feet were heavy as you began climbing them slowly, trying to figure out what the _actual FUCK_ just happened. You ran through the facts in your head.

_Kylo Ren was your Professor for Greek Mythology._

_He 110% knew who you were._

_He had called on you to stay after class to... insult you?_

_Then he touched your waist as he left._

You realized that all of these so-called facts had resulted in a familiar wetness in your panties. _Oh, for fucks sake_.


	4. A Gift Then

You wandered through ExHall and remembered that you wanted to go and see Professor Canady, your Crusades prof, to ask him about the first assignment. You found his office but you were met with a closed door. _Shit_ , his office hours ended while you were wandering around. You checked to see when he would be back and you saw you could come see him quickly tomorrow on your lunch break at work.

You were walking quietly back down the hall of offices when you noticed one door cracked open slightly. You read the name plate: **Kylo Ren: American History**. You were _way_ too curious not to try and steal a peak inside the door, so you crept closer and peered through the crack.

His office was huge, then again so was every other office you've been in. Alderaan University spared no expense in the size of the buildings and rooms. His office was lined with bookshelves that were full of old looking books. Makes sense for a history professor. From what you could see, his desk was at the far end and there was a set of two leather chairs in front of a... _fireplace_?! Wow, you've never seen an office with a whole ass fireplace before. You leaned a bit more to try and get a better look, but your big head knocked the door open a bit more. _FUCK_.

You waited to get yelled at, pushed away, the door slammed in your face. _Something_. But... nothing happened. So you took a deep breath and with some built-up courage you pushed the door completely open. Professor Ren was no where to be found, his office was empty. You thought that maybe he forgot to lock his door when he left? No, he was too meticulous for that. Maybe he went to the bathroom, or to get food, you pondered as you walked around the office.

It was lit with the early evening sun, beaming in through the big windows. The air smelled of coffee and, you realized, the familiar scent of his cologne. You could always smell just a hint of his cologne when he ordered his coffee in the morning, it just didn't click until now that it was _actually_ his.

You walked over to the fireplace, mesmerized by its rustic beauty. You drew your hands along the stone mantle, tracing the intricate designs carved into it with your fingers. Your hand bumped into a box of some kind and it knocked over a small statue that was sitting beside it. _Shit_ , you hoped it didn't break. You looked down and saw it was still intact and sighed with relief.

You bent at your waist to pick it up when you heard the door creak. You shot up, placed the statue back and turned around quickly.

Professor Ren was standing just inside the door, holding a mug of fresh coffee. You could smell its aroma and see the steam rising from the rim of the mug. It was small, white, delicate. The mug looked incredibly tiny in his huge hand as he just stared at you with his other hand in his pocket.

You stood there in silence for what felt like minutes when he finally began walking towards you. You held your breath. Slowly, he took his hand from out of his pocket, reached over your shoulder, and readjusted the statue that you put back. He was so close to you, yet when he finished fixing the statue he didn't move away, nor did he say anything.

You were looking up at him and you caught his gaze. His eyes were fixed on you, with a look that suggested he was hungry for _something_. Finally you knocked yourself out of your daze and took a step away.

"I'm sorry sir, I saw your door open and I was just..." you trailed off as you realized you had no excuse for being in his office. He just stood there, contemplating you. You rambled on,

"I was just coming to say that I was sorry for being late again, that's not like me at all. I'm a good student and I respect my professors time. It won't happen again." _That sounded better in your head._

He was still silent as he walked over to his desk, setting the mug gently down beside a stack of books. He turned to look at you, and you could have sworn that he checked you out. His eyes dancing from your feet back up to your eyes. He held your gaze and finally spoke, his deep voice penetrating the air.

"You're lucky. I'm in a merciful mood as of now. I can... appreciate a student when she _knows_ she's behaved poorly." He fingered the handle on the mug without breaking your gaze.

 _Fuck_. You licked your lips.

"You say that this is not typical behaviour for you," he crossed over to you, "and so I look forward to get to know what _is_ your typical behaviour," he lifted his hand, and pushed a stray strand of hair from in front of your glasses, and tucked it behind your ear, "especially when it concerns me." You gulped.

He leaned in closer to you, reaching your ear with his lips and breathed, "I'll see you tomorrow morning, and please," he scoffed your name, "do choose more appropriate undergarments if you decide to wear such a short dress."

Your face grew hot and your cunt pulsed with pressure, warmth gathered in your lower belly and you knew you were soaked again. _He had seen your panties when you were picking up the statue_.

"You are dismissed," he said forcefully. He didn't have to tell you twice before you were already outside his office, running down the hallway.

_What. Just. Happened._

You got to your dorm and thought that maybe you had just dreamed the entire thing. But the wetness in your panties convinced you otherwise.

You checked the clock, 5:27pm. Leia would surely be at Mandalore with Han getting dinner, so you decided to take the opportunity to _investigate_ your current situation.

––

"Fffuucckkkk," you breathed as you came down from your second orgasm. Hot shame washed over you.

Did you _really_ just cum, _twice_ , to the thought of Professor Ren? Touching you? Seeing your panties? Yes, yes you did.

You recovered from your high and sat on the end of your bed. Your stomach grumbled, you hadn't eaten dinner yet but you couldn't bring yourself to go to Mandalore to get food. You looked at your phone, 7:18pm. _Wow_ , you spent almost two hours touching yourself to thoughts of Professor Ren. Classy.

You heard Leia and Han come in outside your door and you went outside to greet them. You wouldn't tell Leia what had happened, just yet... that is if you tell her at all. You were so confused about everything that you didn't want to involve anyone else yet.

"Hey! We brought you some food!" Han said as he kicked his sneakers off. Leia was setting down a to-go container on the small dining table and you eyed it up.

She saw you watch her and said, "Yeah, this is for you! When we didn't see you down at Mandalore I figured we'd get you something to bring back."

You smiled and went over to the container and opened it. Chicken nugs and fries.

"Ah fuck yes! Thank you, I am starving." You sat down and immediately began stuffing your face.

You shared first-day stories (explicitly avoiding your encounter with Professor Ren) and flipped on a movie to watch before bed. At about 9:00pm you decided to take a cold shower, hoping that it would wash away the sin you felt in your soul. It didn't.

You said goodnight to Leia and Han and turned in. You laid in bed, and your abdomen ached with need. _Really_? You ignored it and shifted to get more comfortable. You texted your parents group chat:

_You: hey guys! My first day was really good, I'm really excited for my classes this semester!_

_Mum: hi sweetie, oh that's good! did you see that handsome professor yet?_

Shit, you forgot that you told her about him last year.

_Dad: what handsome professor?_

_You: oh no one dad, and yeah mum he's a customer at Starbucks so I see him sometimes_

_You: actually funny story, he's my professor for Greek Mythology this semester. I didn't find out until today_

_Mum: oooohhhh that's LIT._

You cringed at her attempt to use slang.

_Dad: Greek Mythology? that sounds like fun._

You were thankful that he just completely disregarded who the prof was.

_You: yeah I'm pretty excited about it. I'm heading to bed though, gotta work in the morning. Love you guys so much xoxo goodnight_

_Mum: goodnight, sweet dreams_

_Dad: night baby, love you too_

You set your alarm, 5:15am this time. You wanted to put some makeup on tomorrow and maybe do something other than a low pony with your hair. It was just after 10:30pm so you put your phone down and tried to go to sleep, but your mind was racing with thoughts and images.

_Professor Ren's large hands, tenderly playing with the mug handle. His eyes skating over your body and piercing holes into your soul. His husky voice at your ear as he warned you to dress more appropriately._

The feeling in your stomach started to return and your pussy screamed to be touched.

You always _did_ sleep better after getting off... So you decided to crank another one out quickly before bed. _Jesus, what was wrong with you?_

Coming down from your third high, you drifted off into a sound sleep.

––

It was almost 7 o'clock and you were finishing up with a customer when you saw _him_. The customer left, and he approached the counter. Jacket on, but undone, the buttons of his dress shirt pulling with tension. His leather book bag hung on his broad shoulder with one hand on the strap. His other hand was pushing the hair from his face. _Holy fuck_. He was absolutely gorgeous.

You dropped your sharpie and yelped, quickly bending down to pick it up. _Bending over in front of him again? For fucks sakes_. When you stood back up he was watching you with an intrigued look on his face.

"Good morning," he said your name and his voice sounded like dark chocolate.

"Uh- good morning Professor Ren! Just your regular for you this morning?" you tried to put on your best customer service voice, but failed miserably.

"Yes, thank you." he said as he pulled out his gold card.

You held up your hand. _What were you doing?_ "It's on me today sir," you heard the words aloud, and it was your voice who said them, but you were unaware that you had spoken them.

The corner of his mouth turned upwards into the slightest almost-smile, and he put his card back into his wallet. He pulled out a piece of paper and slid it across the counter into your other hand.

"A gift then, for being such a _good girl_." You looked down in disbelief.

"BEHIND!" Pax said loudly as he came from behind you with Professor Ren's coffee. You moved quickly out of the way so Pax could place the cup down. You took the paper and stuffed it into your apron pocket.

"Have a great day Professor Ren!", Pax called after him as he walked back to hot bar, nudging you with his shoulder.

Professor Ren didn't say anything else, he just grabbed his cup, looked up at you and winked. Then he was gone and you were left standing there with your mouth wide open.

When he was out of sight Pax grabbed you by your shoulders and spun you around.

"BITCH!! He was eyeing you up _so hard_ today!" He was holding your hands and jumping up and down.

You both laughed and you tried to seem as excited as he clearly was.

"Still not my type, but even my gay-heart has to admit, he was looking _mighty fine_ this morning damn." He was fanning himself like an over-dramatic diva. You laughed.

And you agreed with him, as always. "Yeah, shit he's so fucking sexy." You joined him in fanning yourself and you both broke down laughing.

"Hey, I gotta go to the bathroom I'll be right back." You started for the back room and he just nodded heading to help a customer.

You darted into the back, making sure no one was around and pulled the paper from the pocket. You stuffed it into your bra and went to the bathroom.

Once inside you locked the door, and leaned up against it, opening the note, reading it in your head.

**Come to my office when you're off work. See you at 2:30.**

**-Professor Kylo Ren.**

You exhaled so abruptly you were thrown into a coughing fit. You blinked your eyes of the tears that formed from coughing and clutched the piece of paper. His handwriting was flawless, like the kind of handwriting that you would see in historical texts. Beautiful and excellently written. He signed his name with big cursive letters, looped to perfection.

He wanted to see you, in his office, _alone_. Regarding the course? Or something else? Your heart picked up with excitement and your pussy clenched. The rest of your shift could not go by fast enough.

––

It was 2:15 and you had told Pax that you needed to meet with Professor Canady (which you did, because you forgot to on your lunch break), and that would give you enough time to see him then head to Professor Ren's office.

It wasn't busy so Pax had no problem letting you clock out 15 minutes early. You thanked Pax, gave him a quick hug and then made for Canady's office. He was there this time, so you could ask him about the first assignment.

When you were done speaking with him and left his office, you checked your phone. 2:29pm. _Shit_. You couldn't be late _again_ for Professor Ren, so you sprinted to his office. Thankfully it was only a few doors away from Canady's.

Glancing at your phone, 2:30pm exactly, you knocked on his door.

"Come in." You heard from the other side. You opened the door and stepped just inside, not sure where to go from there so you just stood there.

Professor Ren looked up from his book and his brow furrowed, "I said come in," he spoke your name slowly, coaxing you inside, "please shut the door and lock it." He motioned for you to come sit on the wooden chair in front of his desk. Your breath was heavy and you could already feel the familiar sensation of warmth beginning to boil in your stomach.


	5. Relax

"Fuck," you said under your breath as you turned to shut the door and lock it. You swallowed hard as you began walking towards the chair in front of his desk. You sat down on the edge of the chair, your backpack still on.

"Take that ridiculous thing off and _relax_ ," he said as he put his book on the desk and then sat back lazily.

You scowled at him, but obeyed and took your backpack off, placing it on the floor as you tried to seem comfortable. But you couldn't be farther from it.

"You wanted to see me Prof—" he cut through your words like butter.

"I am pleased to see that you _can_ be on time," he stood and walked towards you, "it makes me hopeful that I will not have to... discipline you." He sat on the edge of the desk, his massive legs just inches from your body.

Your breath held at the sight of his legs slightly opening, just enough that you caught a glimpse of his incredibly obvious bulge. _Jesus fuck, you wondered how big it would be hard_.

"Fuuuck..." you said again, this time louder. _Oops_.

"I could have _sworn_ that I told you to watch your mouth around me. And just when I thought you were being a good girl." He opened his legs wider and you scooted further back into the chair, sinking into it and pressing your legs tighter together.

"I-I'm sorry Professor, your behav––" you stopped and corrected yourself, "your uh, your note caught me off guard, and I'm still not sure why you called me here."

"Ah yes, well I noticed that you are the only student in this Greek Mythology class who has not had me as an instructor in the past. And so I wanted to make sure you know what I am expecting of you in this course." He had closed his legs and had moved towards the fireplace.

You hung your head in disappointment and your legs relaxed a little bit. You turned to look at him holding the statue that you had knocked over yesterday. It looked so much smaller in his hand, yet you remember having to carry it with two hands it was that heavy.

"Oh, right. Of course Professor, anything from you to do well in your course I will gladly take." You fumbled with your notebook, ready to jot down anything important that he might say.

He turned to face you, his eyes cast over with that same look of hunger. He looked like he was going to pounce at any second. But he didn't, he just went through the course expectations, along with a few of his own.

"Along with the typical university expectations of a student, I have a couple of my own," he was pacing in front of the fireplace, holding the statue in one hand while his other was placed behind his lower back.

"I expect you to be on time and show up every time, both to class _and_ whenever I call on you."

"Wait, what the hell––" he cut you off, _again_.

" _And_ I expect that you cease the use of that _naughty mouth_ of yours whilst in my presence," he was walking towards you now. He crouched beside you and placed his hand on your upper thigh, "or I will find myself having to teach you _extra lessons_."

 _Holy fuck. Was this happening for real? You'd been waiting for this for three years, right? No, wait this was beyond inappropriate and you could get expelled. In your last year! No way, you couldn't be doing this right now_.

Despite your inner babble, your throat released a soft moan. Barely audible, but the twitch of Professor Ren's eye revealed that he had heard it.

Before you could say, _or do_ , anything else, he was standing and heading to the door.

"Thank you for coming to see me this afternoon," he said your name as he opened the door, holding his hand out, "I will see you tomorrow in class. _On time_. You are dismissed."

You didn't say anything as you snatched your bag from the floor, throwing your notebook back inside. You stormed past him and didn't turn back to see if he was still standing at the door or not.

What the fuck man? For three years you drool over this man, then _he_ flirts with _you_ , and then kicks you out? After _he_ told _you_ to come see him. And then has the audacity to demand that you obey his every summons? No, no fricken way were you going to get roped into his web, right...?

––

You got back to your room and chucked your shoes off, needing to jump into the shower ASAP. As you undressed, the cool air blew immediately up in between your legs. _Fuck_. You brought your fingers down and they were coated in your heaps of wetness.

"Uuugghhhh," you groaned as you turned the shower on. Waiting for it to heat up you took your makeup off and grabbed a towel. You hopped in and let the water run down your frigid body.

You couldn't stop thinking about Professor Ren. You thought it was bad before? It was a thousand times worse now. Despite every inch of your brain telling you to ignore his advances (if you could call them that), your body shrieked at you with desperation.

You thought of his 'list'–– more like demands really –– of expectations he had of you. Did he have the same expectations for everyone in the class? Was he like this with everyone? You pondered this very unusual situation you were in and realized that you had been in the shower for over 45 minutes.

You finished washing up, making sure to erase the slickness from your folds, and turned the shower off. You heard Leia outside laughing, probably at the TV or something.

You wrapped yourself in a towel and went to find her. She was sat on the couch in the living room and was laughing her ass off at some program on the telly. She saw you and paused it exclaiming,

"Hey! There you are, I thought you were dead in there or something!"

She had no idea how accurate that statement truly was. You decided that you needed to tell her everything, well maybe not everything, but most of it anyways. She's your best friend, and you knew she'd know what to do about it all.

"Hey, I gotta talk to you about something," you went to sit beside her, still in your towel. You didn't care, you needed to tell her _now_.

You explained the situation as best you could, and surprisingly she didn't interrupt you the entire time. That was unexpected, and because of her lack of input, you ended up telling her every single thing. _Oops_.

"Wow," she said as she crossed her arms, "that is intense. Even for me!"

"I know, what do I do?"

"Relax! It'll be okay. I mean, you seem to be interested right? And I know that he's your professor and everything, BUT it's your last year! And plus, I started dating Han when he was working here!"

Han had been one of the maintenance guys that worked on the shuttles for the school when he and Leia met. She didn't care that he was an employee and that she was a student, and apparently neither did her dad. Han got laid off though cause of budget cuts a couple years ago, but they're still as strong as ever.

She made a good point, but it was different for you. Professor Ren was _exactly_ that, your professor. Student-teacher relationships are like hella illegal and not to mention frowned upon. But you were grateful for her lack of judgment and massive support.

"You're right Leia, I guess we'll just see what happens? Ugh for once I am _not_ looking forward to Greek Myth tomorrow." You finally got up and got dressed.

You guys talked some more and Leia helped you pick out what to wear tomorrow: a burgundy plaid mini-skirt (yes another skirt), with a solid black long-sleeve shirt, and your black converse high-tops again.

Giggling you guys talked more and it felt nice to gossip about life again. Albeit shocked it was _your_ life this time and not hers, but still. She always gave such good advice, you just hoped you could follow it.

Leia always saw the good in people, she believed in true love and that it could always snuff out the darkness in anybody.

"Any adversity can be crushed by the spark of hope that love wields fiercely," she said as she braided your hair.

You wanted her to be right. You wanted love and you wanted someone who wanted you too, no matter what. You accepted that only time would tell, and considering it was still the first week of classes, you determined you had all the time in the world to wait.

You guys watched a movie and then said your goodnights. Tomorrow was Friday, thank the Maker. This was the longest first-week you'd ever endured, and you were glad it was over tomorrow. Though you couldn't help but get worked up that your day would be concluding with Professor Ren's class.

You were thinking of all the things that could go wrong tomorrow, as well as all of the things that could possibly go right. You fell asleep, dreaming about Professor Ren's massive hand on your thigh.


	6. Bad Judgement

The day was dragging on, your lectures today were still sort of introductory so there wasn't much note-taking to be done. You were anticipating Greek Myth today more than anything.

After the Crusades, you were thankful that the lineup to the bathroom was short today, and you made it to Greek Myth with a couple minutes to spare.

You walked in and saw Professor Ren standing at the front of the classroom. You shot him a quick glance as you smoothed your hands down your skirt onto your bare thighs. _You were not messing around today_.

His eyes watched you, following your hands down your legs, then he looked back up straight into your eyes before turning to switch the PowerPoint on for today.

You found Finn and sat next to him, grabbing your notebook and pen. Professor Ren began speaking, class had started.

"Greek myths were not just for the purpose of entertainment, they not only created, but also reinforced, specific identities of a particular _polis_. Individual _poleis_ had their own patron god/goddess, along with a patron hero," he was pacing the front of the classroom, in front of the projector screen. _Fuck_ , he looked _so_ _good_.

"The Greeks called themselves _Hellenes_ , and so in the early first millennium BCE the Pan-Hellenic myths arose. Pan-Hellenic myths were crucial to the identity of any _poleis_. However, many of the myths bordered xenophobic. Meaning that the _Hellenes_ belittled any other cultures that weren't explicitly Greek, expressing their believed superiority over _barbaroi_ cultures,"

He had begun walking up through the rows of seats, continuing with the introduction to the course material. As he neared your seat, he slowed his pace, stopping and placing his hands on the table just beside your notebook, sneaking a glance down at your legs, before going back to the front of the classroom. _Fucker_. You silently cursed Finn for picking your spot on the end of the row.

" _Mythos_. Or _Mythoi_. The base meaning is word/story. However, the meaning changes in the fifth century BCE when it becomes more nuanced and comes to reflect the connotation we have nowadays. These stories begin to be written down during the late fifth and early sixth centuries, changing the previous _oral_ tradition of delivering."

He accentuated the word 'oral', while making direct eye contact with you. You stared back and licked your lips. He shifted his feet.

"We are going to start with the Trojan War Cycle. Does anyone have any questions thus far?" When no one put their hands up, he flipped the PowerPoint slide and continued.

"Essentially, the prelude to the Trojan War is the _Judgement of Paris_. Does anyone know any of the details of this myth?" He crossed his arms over his chest and you saw his biceps flex.

Beside you, Finn put his hand up, "Prince Paris of Troy had bad judgement, he made an agreement with Aphrodite without considering the consequences. The agreement resulted in him marrying Helen of Sparta, even though she was already married to the king. Paris kidnapped Helen and the furious King of Sparta goes to his brother, the King of Mycenae, and together they send forces into the Greek world to get Helen back from Troy."

 _Holy shit how did he know all of that_? You wished that you could sound smart like that.

You looked at Professor Ren, who looked much less impressed than you were, "Bad judgement, perhaps. Yes, king Menelaus of Sparta and king Agamemnon of Mycenae join their forces and the _Iliad_ begins."

Professor Ren continued with the content of the _Iliad_ , the epic poem written by Homer in the eighth century BCE, and you jotted down _way_ too many notes. You were fascinated by the poem though.

"The main theme of the poem follows Achilles' fury that results poorly for the Trojans. Achilles cousin, Patrocles, was killed by the eldest prince of Troy, Hector. This causes Achilles to become wild and uncontrollable, having been turned into a being controlled only by rage and revenge," his face contorted a little bit and his brow furrowed, "so Achilles strikes down Hector, ties his body to the end of his chariot, and rides it around the city walls of Troy, displaying Hector's dead body to his own subjects."

 _Kinda morbid, but so interesting_ , you thought.

"Eventually, Achilles gives Hector's body back to the Trojans, and the _Iliad_ is over. Achilles is ultimately killed by Prince Paris, the man who basically started it all, as he shot Achilles with an arrow into his heel," Professor Ren sat on the edge of the desk and crossed his legs.

"The destruction of the city of Troy by the Greeks is most known by the strategy of the Trojan Horse. From the scraps of a few of the Greek ships, they constructed a massive wooden horse, in which a few of the mightiest Greek warriors hid inside."

Professor Ren had flipped the PowerPoint to show a picture of the Trojan Horse sitting in the main-square of the city of Troy.

"The Greeks had executed the plan perfectly, and when the unknowing Trojans brought the horse into the city, they waited for their opportune moment to attack. It came in the evening when the Trojans drank in false-celebration. The Greek warriors inside the horse emerged in the night and began slaughtering everyone they came across, setting fire to the houses and buildings along the way."

His fists were balled at his sides, and his expression was set firm, jaw tight.

"The gates were opened, and the rest of the Greek army flooded the city and destroyed it completely," he glanced at the clock on the wall, "ah, I see we're done for today. Next class we will discuss the contents of the _Odyssey_ , have a nice day."

The room buzzed to life as the students began packing their things up and you turned to Finn.

"Wow, that's so cool how you knew all that stuff! This class is really _interesting_ so far, huh?" You spoke the last bit of the sentence while looking at Professor Ren, who was packing his laptop into his bookbag while addressing the students clamouring around him.

"Yeah, I was a bit of a nerd when I was a teenager. Loved Greek myth! This class is gonna be sick I just know it!" He had finished packing his things up and was looking at you as he was heading to the door.

"You go on, I've got a couple uh- just a few questions for Professor Ren," you pointed your thumb back over your shoulder and tried to play it cool. Finn seemed to believe you and he waved at you as he left.

You lingered at your spot two rows up from the front of the classroom, and waited until all the students were gone before you made your descent.

You tried your hardest to walk down the stairs in a sexy-way but of course you figured you failed horribly. When you reached the front of the classroom you looked up at Professor Ren.

He was watching you _so_ carefully. His eyes were locked to your figure and you shivered. _Maybe you did look sexy_?

Before you could say anything he grabbed your wrist, bowing his head as he smashed his lips into yours.

You swore you saw fireworks, had an orchestra playing in your head, and were 100% totally and completely dreaming.

His lips were soft, but hard at the same time, needy. Like he had been waiting to do that for his entire life. Maybe you felt like that too.

It was over way too quickly, and he pulled away from you. He straightened his shirt and placed his arms behind his back. He was looking at you again, and you felt your face get hot. You wanted more, you stepped closer to him but he held his hand up.

"Come, join me in my office. I'd like to discuss something with you."

Before you could say anything, that Sciences professor came into the room, she smiled. "Hi Kylo! How's teaching Greek Myth so far?" She laughed.

"It's fine Padmé, how's O-Chem?" He had begun walking towards the door, and you eagerly followed. He didn't stick around to hear her response, and you were in the elevator going up to his office.

 _Okay, for real, was this ACTUALLY GONNA HAPPEN NOW_?! You felt so ready, but so nervous. You were grateful that you shaved _everything_ this morning.

Your whole world was spinning. He had _kissed_ you. Hard, but was so gentle at the same time. It happened so quick that you felt dizzy in the elevator.

You must have wavered because Professor Ren had placed his strong hand at the small of your back, pulling you closer to him so that he could support your weak knees. Your pussy clenched and you squeezed your eyes shut.

He took his other hand and lifted you chin, "Look at me," he said firmly.

You did so and he planted a soft kiss on your lips again. _Holy fuck_.

What about the cameras?! You darted your gaze around the elevator, but saw that there was no camera to be seen.

"Exegol Hall is the oldest building on campus, do you really think that they would have the kind of technology for cameras in here?" You let your breath out, relieved, as you reached the floor of his office.

He walked behind you, guiding you with his hand still on your back until you got to the office door. He fetched his keys from his pocket and opened the door, waiting for you to go inside first.

You took a deep breath, swallowed hard, and despite everything your mind was screaming at you, you walked inside.


	7. Sweetheart

Once you were inside you turned around, Professor Ren was shutting the door and locking it. He turned to face you.

"Take your backpack off and go over there," he was pointing to his desk.

You took your backpack off while saying, "you want me to sit down?" You were confused.

"No," his lips curled upwards slightly, and he exhaled, "I want you to bend over my desk."

A thrill shot up your spine and your cunt responded to the deep growl of his voice. He continued to stand there, watching you as you slowly walked over to the desk. You couldn't believe that you were doing this.

You bent at your waist and placed your chest on the desk. You started to turn around, "what now?"

He grunted, "no, stay facing forwards."

You turned around facing him fully, "but why? What's going on––" he took one step forward, clenching his fists he rose his voice slightly.

"I _will not_ tell you again. I'd suggest that you obey me sweetheart, be the _good girl_ that I know you are." His tongue snaked out and coated his plump bottom lip.

You'd never been talked to like that before, and it made your heart skip. _And your pussy ached_. You turned back around and stared at the bookcases behind his desk.

You heard him slowly start approaching from behind you, and you listened to try and hear what he was doing. You heard him grunting quietly, he was _close_ , but it sounded like he was lower than you were. _Wait, holy shit_.

With your realization, you sucked in air through your teeth and fidgeted your legs together.

His hands grasped your upper thighs, prying them apart. Your mini-skirt barely covered anything at all, so you knew your whole bottom half was now on display for him. Your cunt clenched.

He snickered, "I _saw_ that," his fingers skated over your folds and you jerked forward, but his hold on your thighs tightened and you winced.

"I also see that you didn't obey my request for appropriate undergarments when you dress like a _whore_." _Shit_. You honestly forgot he had said that, and today you chose panties covered in intricate black lace, with a red bow on the back.

He yanked your skirt up to your waist and slapped your ass so hard the desk moved forward.

"Ah FUCK! What the hell was that for?!" Your head spun around and you saw him pawing at the growing bulge in his pants. "Oh fuck..." you breathed out.

He stood up, grabbing your shoulders and spun you around until your butt was on the desk. One of his hands grappled at your hair, the other slithered between your legs.

"That mouth of yours needs to be taught a lesson," his fingers dipped into your panties, you whimpered.

"Shit, you're _so wet_ for me already," he leaned in to your ear and you moaned.

"I'm going to fuck that naughty mouth of yours, until you've learned your lesson." He had grabbed your hair with both hands, lifted you off the desk and shoved you down until your knees collided with the ground. You winced as the pain erupted from your kneecaps.

He still held your hair with one hand, and with the other he lifted your face so that you were looking at him. His eyes were black with lust, the amber completely disguised by the ravaging hunger that had cloaked over them.

"Without taking your eyes off me, take off my belt, oh and open." Your heart was racing with excitement, and you obeyed.

Your hands went to his belt buckle, and you opened your mouth. He leaned down, closer, and spat onto your tongue. As soon as his saliva hit your taste buds, your entire mouth fell into a frenzy, it felt like you had been struck by lightning. You closed you mouth as you finished taking his belt off, throwing it onto the floor beside you.

When he didn't let go of your hair you gave him a pleading look.

"I didn't say stop. Keep going," he stroked your lips with his thumb and you snaked your tongue out to lick it.

He hissed, "fuck, you're a needy slut aren't you?" He plunged his thumb into your mouth and you reflexively closed your lips around it. Your hands went back to his pants and you began undoing them, feeling his hard cock twitch at the sudden touch.

Just as you released his length, he forced your head down so that you could see it.

 _Holy. Fuck. He was huge_. Not just in length, but in width too. You have _never_ seen a more perfect cock. And you wanted it in your mouth. _Now_.

You opened your mouth, waiting. Without another warning his thrusted into your mouth hard, hitting the back of your throat so fast you choked.

"Shit, you're _so good_. This is a much—mmnph a much better use for your filthy mouth."

You blinked the tears forming from your eyes and let him fuck your mouth without mercy. You allowed your esophagus to open up and he slid down into your throat. "Filthy bitch, that's it, take it all." You moaned onto his length, needing _more_.

You went to go grab his cock in your hands, but he yanked your hair back taking his length out of your mouth completely. Globs of your saliva and his pre-cum leaked from the corners of your mouth onto your equally wet lap.

"No, keep your hands at your side, _or else_ ," he warned.

You were getting impatient, and that lead to a burst of confidence, "or else _what_ Professor?" You looked up at him and slowly licked your lips while giving him the best doll-eyes you could manage.

He scoffed, smirking a little bit. "Ah, little girl thinks she can _handle_ me huh?" He crouched in front of you, "just remember, you asked for this sweetheart."

You were drunk on excitement and couldn't help but smile as he yanked you up and tossed you onto the desk.

He advanced, grabbing your shirt with both hands and _ripped_ it open. _Fuck man_ , you really liked this shirt.

He took a step back, admiring his work and his lips parted. "You're so gorgeous," he spoke softly. The words leaving his mouth slowly as if he cherished them, as if he cherished you.

He grabbed the back of your neck and kissed you forcefully, opening his mouth so that his tongue could snake it's way into yours. You opened and received him eagerly, your tongue diving to the back of his throat.

You were both drowning with lust, desperate to taste each other.

He released you and his mouth was on your neck. He bit down, hard, and you whimpered. He moved to a clean spot and sucked a fresh welt into your skin. The warmth in your abdomen combusted and you jerked your hips, moaning into his ear. Your hands fingered his dark locks and you twirled strands around your digits.

He pawed at your tits, freeing them from your bra. He stepped back, the look of surprise on his face. _What was wrong? Did he not like you anymore_?

He cupped his hands underneath both your tits, his eyes darting from them to your eyes, " _shit_ , you are a fucking whore, only sluts have their nipples pierced."

 _Oh, fuck, right_. You smiled and nodded.

You moaned as his rough fingers traced your nipples, rolling the beads of the piercings between them. His tongue traced a hot, wet line from one nipple to the other, while his hand went to your panties. He dipped his fingers in your wetness and brought them up to your mouth.

"Open slut, clean up your mess." He shoved his fingers in your mouth and you sucked them clean while he used his other hand to start tugging your panties off.

You lifted your legs to help him and he pulled them free off your feet. He stuffed them into his pocket.

"Let's see if you can listen to _this_ request: when you choose to dress like the _disgusting whore_ you are, do not wear any panties. _At all_."

You swallowed around his fingers, and nodded slightly. "Good, you'll do anything to get this cock inside you. Won't you sweetheart?"

You nodded again.

"I can't hear you," he probed, bringing the fingers from your mouth down to your pussy.

"Y-yes!" You were practically breathless.

"Yes, what?" He eyed your body, up and down, resting his thumb on your clit. You shrieked at the sudden touch.

" _YES_ Professor Ren! Yes, please I'll do _anything_!" Your body was screaming to be touched, your cunt ached to be filled, and your clit begged to be stimulated.

He huffed, pleased with your answer, "good girl," he said as he grabbed your waist with both of his hands, thrusting straight into your centre. He collided with your cervix in an instant and you screamed, clenching around him.

"Ffuuckk, you're _so fucking tight_. Just like I knew you would be, dressing like a desperate whore. Shit, you're taking this cock _so well_ sweetheart," he said as he pumped into you, syncing in time with your heartbeat.

He was relentless, his pace increasing by the second. Your body squirmed with pleasure and pain and you reached for your clit.

He grabbed both of your wrists with one giant hand, locking them above your head and he shifted to pound deeper into you.

"AH fuck, Kylo please let me c––" your words were cut off by his other hand finding your aching clit.

"What did you call me?" He said as his fingers began swirling tight hard circles over your nub. Your body flailed and your eyes shot up to his.

"I-I'm sorry, Profes––" He pinched your clit, causing your words to stop.

"No, say my name again." He resumed swirling around your clit, fucking you senseless as he pounded you so hard the desk scooted back.

"Wha... Oh _fuck Kylo._ " You purred as you locked onto his eyes, you bit your lip and clenched around his cock.

"Again," he said and he released your wrists, moving to grab your throat. He was still working your clit and you felt your orgasm build up quicker than you'd ever experienced.

You needed to cum on Kylo's cock, _right fucking now_.

"Kylo! Shit, I'm- AH, I'm gonna cum!" Your hands shot up, grabbing his arm that was choking you, your vision starting to blur. You weren't sure if it was because of the lack of oxygen, or the abundance of pleasure.

"Fuck, _cum for me whore_ , scream my fucking name." His fingers hit the right spot, his cock collided with your cervix once again and you lost it.

Your orgasm slammed into you, your eyes fell to the back of your head, and you're sure your soul left your body. The warmth exploded from your cunt, firing to your extremities and beyond. Your mind quieted and you observed your body writhing from above.

 _An out-of-body experience_.

You could see Kylo clutching your throat as you wailed and screamed his name (you think). You returned to your body and your pussy clenched and milked Kylo's cock until he convulsed, shooting ropes of cum deep into your centre. You felt his cock twitch as he came down from his climax. Still fucking into you, softly, bringing you down from yours.

Both breathing heavy, Kylo collapsed onto you for a moment, releasing his hold on your throat and your clit. His chest pressing into yours as he caught his breath.

Quickly he got up, and put his softening cock away. You sat up, and looked at him with nothing but adoration, your mind and body still buzzing from the _best orgasm you've ever fucking had_.

"Fuck Kylo, I––"

"Watch your mouth little one, and address me as Professor Ren."

I'm sorry, _excuse_ me? _What the fuck_?

"Wait, what?" You sat up covering yourself with your arms, embarrassed, confused, and growing angry. Tears began to collect in your eyes as you looked at him with disbelief.

You grabbed your ripped shirt, putting it on and wrapping it until it covered your bra. You shuffled your skirt back down and looked at him.

"Give me my panties." You held out your hand.

His eyes poured into your soul, the amber coming back to them now. Though, he still looked possessed, territorial.

"I think I'll keep these," he patted his pocket where they were hiding, "until Monday at least. I expect to see you here after you're off work. Wear a dress, no panties, and maybe I'll give these ones back. You are dismissed. Have a good weekend sweetheart."

You grunted with bubbling frustration, snatched your backpack and darted to the door. You ran past him, not looking back, slamming the door behind you (hopefully in his face).

Once you reached the Dagobah stairs, your tears had freed themselves, making themselves feel at home on your cheeks and lips. You held your arms over your ripped shirt and walked quietly back to your room.

_What just happened? Why had he kicked you out? AGAIN. After that? The most amazing sex session you've ever had. Did you do something wrong?_

You couldn't help but think it was all your fault. You... provoked him. You must have crossed a line and took it too far.

Climbing the stairs you forgot that you didn't have panties on and you felt his cum leak from your pussy onto your thighs. Your tears fell faster.

You needed to get to your room and shower. _Now_.

Finally you got to your door and fumbled with your key, opening the door to see Leia sitting on the couch watching that same program on the telly. She paused it and turned around.

Her eyes widened when she saw you and she jumped up, walking towards you. She grabbed your arms just as your knees gave out and she guided you down onto the ground.

You realized you were sobbing, your shirt had come unwrapped, and there was a pool of wetness collecting on the floor underneath you.

She observed your current state, and not saying anything she just held you tight. Letting you cry into her arms, she smoothed your hair, shushing you and calming you down.


	8. Hollow Bodies

You had spent the weekend explaining everything to Leia while still trying to wrap your head around everything yourself. She was so understanding that it sort of suffocated you even more. And you weren't sure why.

Sunday night you were laying across her lap on the couch, and she was braiding your hair again. You always liked when people played with your hair. It made you feel safe, secure, and relaxed.

She was saying that maybe he just freaked out after everything happened, and wasn't sure how to react. But he seemed to know exactly what he was doing, and he _did_ ask you to go back to his office tomorrow after work. You still weren't sure if you were going to listen to him.

"His touch was electrifying Leia, I've never felt anything like it before." Your eyes were shut as she continued to play with your hair.

"I've always felt that something in my life was missing, that I was hollow. And the people I've been with in the past have just been bodies. Incomplete, no soul connection. But being with him, around him, kissing him, and..." you shifted, opening your eyes, "well it just felt like finally I was whole, that I had found someone who had a soul that matched the passion in mine. He feels like the missing piece, finally found and put into place." You sat up and she was smiling at you.

"What?" You asked sheepishly.

"Girl, if I know anything about anyone, it's when they've found the other half of their soul. People say that everyone is born with only one half of their soul, and throughout their lives they spend time trying to find their missing half. I think you've found yours..." She placed her hands on yours and looked into your eyes,

"Don't tell me how things feel, tell me how they are." She pulled you in for a hug and you absorbed her words, letting them dissolve into your mind and settle into the crevices of your pain.

"It's only been a week Leia. And there hasn't been much talking, what with everything else we were doing. I'm going to do it, I _have_ to talk to him." You smiled a little bit. You could feel the hurt floating away as your body welcomed the warm sensation back.

Leia always knew what to say to make you feel better. You hoped she was right about everything. And you hoped that he felt the same way about you. You had never felt this way before, ever.

The two of you decided that you _would_ wear a dress (a long one cause Starbucks dress-code)–– _with no panties_ –– tomorrow and that you _would_ go to his office. But _nothing_ would happen until you talked things out first. You were going to be in charge this time.

She hugged you again and you went to bed while she stayed up watching her program.

You felt good. Your confidence lifted, you were focussed and motivated. You had a mission. And you could not fail, for the sake of your humanity.

You were lying in bed when your phone buzzed.

_Mum: hey sweetie, how was your weekend? Ready for work tomorrow?_

_You: hi mum, yeah it was good. Leia and I really uh, bonded this weekend haha. Yeah I am, just in bed now actually_

_Mum: that's good, gotta let me know if you see that handsome professor again (;_

Oh god.

_Dad: no, no boys. Focus on your studies, but tell me how the Greek class is going! I've been researching it myself, and have even contacted some of my old buddies about it_

Your dad was a retired European History professor, yet another trait you got from him. You both loved history so much, that's the whole reason why you chose it as your major, and chose to attend Alderaan. You dad graduated from here and went on to have an insanely successful career. He was your whole inspiration. He, and your mum, have always supported you with everything.

_You: that's cool dad, I'm glad! I'm gonna head to bed. Love and miss you so much xoxo_

_Dad: goodnight baby, love u too_

You checked to make sure your alarm was set, and you fell asleep, hopeful.

––

You woke up to your alarm at 5:00am and went to go shower. You let the hot steam cloud your sight while you washed your hair, face, and body. You got out and moisturized with coconut scented lotion. You blow-dried your hair as best you could and put a little makeup on. Mascara and some concealer to try and hide the marks Kylo left from Friday.

Putting your dress on with no panties felt weird, especially since you'd be working all day without them on. The thought made you shudder. You felt a little embarrassed, but your dress was more than long enough to cover everything.

You looked into the mirror and reminded yourself. _You have a mission to complete today. You're not going to let anything or anyone get in your way. Not today._

You grabbed your cardigan and your backpack and you headed to work.

You and Pax set up the store in silence. You knew he could sense that something was up with you, but you didn't have the energy––or focus–– to tell him everything right now. You promised yourself that you would though, just not right now.

The first hour was slow, you figured that, with it being the first Monday back, people would still be adjusting to their new schedules and whatnot.

With two minutes to 7 o'clock, you turned to Pax.

"Hey, can we switch? I wanna be on bar for a bit," you motioned to the espresso machines, giving him a fake smile.

He looked at you questionably, but agreed nonetheless. Pax was such a great manager, and he was one of your best friends. You doubled your promise to tell him everything once you figured it out for yourself.

In the minute before Kylo came, three other people showed up and ordered drinks that would surely keep you busy while he was at the till with Pax.

You peaked over your shoulder when 7:00am hit and sure enough, Kylo was at the till. The expression on his face was a combination of disappointment and anger? _Ugh_.

You spun around and continued making your drinks without looking at him. You reminded yourself again. _You're in charge today, he doesn't get to speak to you until you want him to._

After you finished making the three drinks you turned around and thank the Maker, Kylo was gone. Pax turned to you,

"You wanna tell me what that was about kid?"

"Pax, I promise I will tomorrow okay? I just need to figure some things out." You looked at him with pleading eyes.

"Okay, you better. Cause biiiitch he was _moody_ today let me tell you!" You felt relieved, and slightly like you didn't deserve to have him, _and Leia_ , as such amazing friends.

––

The rest of your shift went by normally, making drinks, taking orders, prepping food and whatnot. 2:30 actually came faster than you anticipated and you clocked out. Before heading down to Kylo's office you went to the bathroom to prepare yourself.

You looked at yourself in the mirror, grabbing either side of the sink while you gave yourself a little pep-talk,

_"You have got this. You are going to go in there, without knocking, and demand that he listen to you. You are powerful, you are in charge, and you are making the rules today. You will not give in to him until you're satisfied with your conversation. And you will not let him touch you until you say so. YOU HAVE GOT THIS."_

As you were walking down the hallway to his office, all of your confidence suddenly dissipated and you thought, _fuck, I seriously DO NOT go this_.


	9. Let Me Show You

You got to his office finally, and the door was cracked just a little bit. You could smell fresh coffee and you breathed in deeply.

You placed your hand on the door and pushed, waltzing in unannounced.

Shutting and locking the door you began making your case, "okay, Kylo, listen here. I wanna talk to you abou––"

"Come, sit." He didn't look up from his book. He was sitting on one of the big leather chairs in front of the fire place.

You snorted, "I don't think so, we need to––"

" _Talk,_ we need to talk. I won't ask again, _please_. Come sit." He looked up, and his eyes were soft around the edges. He didn't look possessed like you'd seen on Friday. He looked like he genuinely wanted to speak with you. You took that as a step in the right direction and went to sit on the other leather chair.

Your body fell into the plush leather and you sat up, trying to act tall. He put his book down and leaned back. You two sat in silence for a few minutes, just looking at each other.

His eyes looked like sparkling topaz jewels, cut to perfection. His brows were thick, but groomed. They were pressed together slightly, causing them to wrinkle in the middle. His nose was long, slender, and dominant on his face. His hair fell in perfect waves over his adorable big ears and his jaw sat tight as he pondered you. His face was speckled with tiny beauty spots, decorating his cheeks. You looked to his lips last. Full and pink, flushed as if he had been biting down on them moments before you entered the room. He looked perfect.

His jaw relaxed and he sighed.

"Uh, hi." You said as you looked back to his eyes.

"Hi sweetheart," he said as he bent forward, placing his elbows on his knees.

"Um, okay. Yeah we need to uh, talk about what happened last week. And... uhm, I want to finish talking before you say anything, okay?" You sounded pitiful, but you hoped you conveyed enough authority for him to listen.

He looked at you, then jerked his chin at your legs, "did you listen to my request?"

You looked down, crossing your legs, "yes, I'm not wearing any panties okay?"

" _Good girl_ , continue then."

You took a deep breath. This was it, you were going to tell him how you felt and demand that he tell you how he feels.

"Uhm, okay. Yeah. Okay..." Shit, everything sounded better in your head. You looked up at him, he was looking at you, his eyes saying, _take your time_.

You exhaled, "I spent a lot of time on the weekend crying, okay? I was so hurt and confused after you kicked me out, _again_ , on Friday after we... uh you know. Anyways, I just want to know why you did that? Why did you flirt with me all last week, drop massive hints, and then when I come here and we do _THAT_ , you just take everything back, boss me around, and tell me to leave. I just don't understand."

You were surprisingly holding it together well and you felt as if you'd get through this without crying. You hoped.

"But before you tell me what you're feeling, I-I want to tell you what I'm feeling, if that's okay?" You looked at him again, he seemed invested in your conversation, patient, and he nodded slightly.

 _Okay good, this was going good_ , you thought to yourself. You took another deep, controlled breath.

"I uhm... ugh fuck it. Kylo, I feel as if my entire being has been woken up. Been breathed to life _finally_ after having been stuck dormant for so long, after waiting for so long. I feel free and trapped simultaneously. I feel ignited, but at the same time snuffed out because of what you did to me. I just don't understand how you've managed to fuck up my _whole being_ after one week. I-I just don't know what you want from me, can you just tell me _please_?"

He met your eyes as he got up and walked towards you slowly. He reached out his hand and spoke quietly, "let me show you, sweetheart."

Your heart skipped in your chest, you breath growing rigid. _Were you ready for this?_ This is what you wanted. For him to express his feelings for you.

Technically you had said what you wanted to say, _sort of_. And he had listened to you without interrupting. So maybe this conversation went exactly how it was supposed to, and now it was your turn to listen to him.

You took his hand, "okay..."

He pulled you up and grabbing the small of your back with his other hand he lifted your lips to his. He placed your hand behind his neck and he wrapped both of his arms around you, lifting you up completely off the ground, spinning you around in slow circles.

His kiss was tender this time, it wasn't needy or hungry or lust-driven. It was soft, deliberate, and it made your head spin. You felt tears well up in your eyes, but they weren't from sadness. You were okay with that.

 _Yes_ , you thought. You wanted him. _Now_.

You fisted his hair with one hand, using your other to tug your dress up your thighs so you could wrap your legs around his waist. He grabbed your bare ass and pulled you higher. You felt his hardening cock through his pants rub against your exposed pussy. You moaned into his mouth.

He released your lips and went straight for your neck. He placed sweet kisses on the spots where he had branded you on Friday, almost like he was apologizing to you. He suckled softly at the skin on your neck, not intending to make welts.

You felt your tears roll off of your face, sure that they had made yet another new home, but now on they were on his cheeks and not yours.

He brought his lips to your ear, softly kissing them and breathing hard.

"I have been watching you since I first saw you working at the Starbucks three years ago. I _made_ it a part of my routine to come and see you on the days that you work, at 7:00 every time. I only buy coffee when you're working, I don't bother stopping if you're not there." You realized that's why Pax didn't see him on Wednesday last week.

He kissed your neck again, drawing a whimper from your throat. "Our short interactions for three years made me realize something,"

He moved from your neck and looked into your eyes, which were now red and puffy from crying so hard. He licked his lips, "I needed you to be _mine_."

Your soul erupted and you couldn't help but let out a quiet sob, "Kylo, I-"

Your words stopped when he plopped you down onto his desk, your ass hitting the cool surface. Kylo looked at you, standing in between your legs.

"When you ran into me last Tuesday, feeling your hand smack into me blasted me awake, your voice unfiltered and raw. Seeing you walk late into _my_ class, watching your doll-eyes find me standing there. And then when I found you in my office on Wednesday after class, _bending over_. Fuck, I almost lost it right there," his words were encompassed by his heavy breaths as he slurred your name.

His hands were resting on your thighs, bruising them with his fingers as he fought with his words. You watched him in awe, lips parted. You had stopped crying by now, and were totally under his spell. Completely caged in by the heat of desire. You couldn't believe what you were hearing, and he didn't stop talking.

"My whole life I have never allowed myself to open up and... accept affection. _Of any kind_. But somehow, _you_ changed that. _You_ , a student and a barista."

He had begun unbuttoning your dress by now, and he was getting more aggressive. His breath was uneven now, no longer controlled as his chest rose and fell with anticipation. _With desire_.

"But let's get _one thing_ clear sweetheart. _You are now mine_ , to do with as I please, wherever and whenever I please. I can't afford to have these new _feelings_ get in the way of the rest of my life."

 _Okay, what?_ That wasn't what you wanted. You wanted to be his equal, his lover? _No, not this._

Despite your conflicted mind, your hungry soul and body spoke for you, "Yes Professor," was all you said.

And as if you said the magic word, he tore your dress from your shoulders, having finished unbuttoning it. He reached behind your back and unclasped your bra, throwing it behind him.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out your panties, "You can have these back sweetheart, _if_ you be a good girl for me." He had them strung on his finger, waving them in the air slightly.

You were on fire, your mind and body battling for dominance.

Your body ultimately won, having sided with your heart and soul, betraying and blocking out your mind. Your senses erased, your only desire was him. At this point you _actually_ would do anything to get his massive cock inside you.

"So stunning," he said as he lowered his face to inbetween your legs.

Your eyes went big as he pried your legs further apart with his fingers. He could cover more than half of your upper thigh with his massive hands, and you clenched.

He had begun planting kisses on your thighs, moving from one to the other and back. Leaving sparks on your skin. He looked at your wetness dripping onto his desk with wild eyes.

"So desperate for me, aren't you sweetheart?" He bent and kissed the top of your mound and you whimpered.

He took two fingers and coated them with your slick, slowly opening you up for him to see. You leaned back, letting the haze of pleasure overcome you.

He pulled his fingers away, "look at me, watch me as I make you cum on my lips."

You shot your head back up at his words, and your mouth fell open letting out a wanton moan. You bit your lip and nodded as you fixed your gaze on his.

He slid two digits into your centre, reaching farther than you expected you clenched around the sudden fullness. He smirked and placed his flushed lips on your cunt.

You moaned as his wet mouth began working between your folds, gulping and swallowing the wetness erupting from your core as he pushed his fingers further in.

Not leaving your gaze, he took your clit and drew it into his mouth. Sucking hard on it, swirling it between his teeth and tongue. Your body screamed for release and you begged him with your eyes.

He knew exactly what you wanted. He released your nub and spoke seductively, "beg for it, whore. Use that filthy mouth of yours."

Your cheeks went red. Beg for it? You'd never begged for anything in your life. You couldn't come up with any words at first, but when Kylo returned his lips to your clit it was like a light bulb lit up in your mind.

"FUUUCK, Professor Ren please make me cum, I-I want to cum on your lips. _Please_ Kylo, I need to cum on your lips."

Pleased, he grunted and increased his pace, both with his fingers and his tongue. He slid another finger inside you and you yelped, stretching around the intrusion.

He pumped and curled his digits, hitting that sweet spot as his tongue swirled tight, concise circles around your clit.

"Cum. Cum for me sweetheart."

Your entire body convulsed, you writhed and wriggled as he drew out your orgasm. You screamed and felt the warmth from your cunt explode. Absolute bliss cast over your body and you came hard on his fingers and his lips. You felt a sensation that you never had before and you watched as he pulled his mouth away just as a clear liquid squirted from your cunt.

 _Woah, what was that?_ Screaming unintelligible nonsense into the air around you, you didn't care what it was, just that it felt _amazing_. Unable to focus on it anymore, you allowed Kylo to draw out your orgasm to the point where it was pleasurably painful.

He returned his mouth to your pussy as he slowly slid his fingers out of your core. He lapped up your juices, making sure to clean your thighs as well. He brought his fingers up to your mouth and nodded to them.

You were panting, trying to catch your breath, but you knew what he wanted. You opened your mouth and stretched your jaw to fit all three of his fingers inside. You sucked and licked your cum from them, humming happily. He looked at you adoringly, satisfied with your work. He pulled his fingers from your mouth and you licked your lips, wanting to taste yourself on him more.

He was taking off his jacket, and began unbuttoning his blue dress shirt. You stood up, "no, let me Professor."

He let you continue unbuttoning his shirt, one at a time you admired his body as it was becoming visible to you. His shirt was painted with splotches of your cum, and that made you smile. You took his shirt off when you were done and you were hypnotized.

His pale skin was glowing, speckled with more freckles and beauty marks. You traced your fingers from each one, connecting the dots of his soul. You rested your hands on his pecs, then moved to his strong arms. Your hands looked so small pressed up against his large chest and you looked up at him though your eyelashes.

He pushed your glasses up your small nose and he cupped your cheek. He placed a small kiss on your forehead before picking you up and placing you on top of him as he sat on a chair.

You sat straddling him and you felt his hard length swing and hit your tummy as he undid his trousers, pushing them to his ankles. He lifted you up, placing your core right above his cock, and looked at you. Your hands were on his chest and you bowed your head, sweeping his lips to your own.

He growled against your lips and pushed your body down onto his cock, forcing you to take his entire length all at once. You wailed and felt the familiar pinch of pain as you adapted to his width pumping in and out of you. He looked at you with that same possessive look in his eyes, and he stood up bringing you along with him.

He held your ass and fucked up into you as he kicked off his shoes and pants. Still holding you, seated on his cock, he walked towards the fireplace. You noticed that it was turned on, and as you got closer you revelled in the warmth that it brought to your exposed body.

He lifted you off his cock, and you felt empty, hollow again without him inside you. He placed you on your knees on the plush carpet in front of the fireplace.

"Hands and knees. Bend over for me doll." He was pumping his cock with his fist and licked his lips.

Your heart twittered with excitement as you obeyed his command. You turned away from him, bent your waist and hoisted your ass into the air as high as you could. You arched your back and spread your legs so he could see your dripping core.

"Fuck, you're perfect like this. Bent over, waiting to be destroyed by my cock. _You're mine_ ," he said your name as he thrusted into you balls deep without warning.

You inched forward and moaned at how deep he reached. If you thought you were full before, well you sure as hell were now.

Like this, Kylo reached new depths and he fucked you so hard you saw stars. He grabbed your thigh with one hand and reached the other around to grab your throat. Crushing your windpipe your mind grew fuzzy, but you couldn't help but moan from the pleasure erupting from below your waist.

He released your thigh and found your clit, still sensitive from cumming earlier. You yelped and a devilish laugh came from Kylo's throat.

He bent down to your ear, squeezing harder on your throat, "you're going to cum for me again sweetheart, I know you want to."

He was right, your clit had been crying for more attention, and he knew it.

You tried to nod against the pressure on your throat and he yanked your head back. You winced with pain, but managed to say, "please, yes."

Still grasping your throat he began a ruthless pace on your clit, all while maintaining the current ruthless pace of his fucking. The combination of his deep penetration and the precision of his fingers on your clit, you found yourself rising even faster than the last time.

You gasped, "F-ffuck, Kylo, I'm–– please, let me..." your words trailed off as he flicked your clit hard, pushing your over the edge of insanity.

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head and you clenched hard on Kylo's cock as he fired your second orgasm into you. The pressure exploded and you milked Kylo's length as he fucked you senseless. 

He released your throat and clit and grabbed your thighs, holding you up high as he pounded into you harder and faster until he sputtered and moaned, cumming deep into your pussy.

" _Shiiit_ , that's right sweetheart, take all of my cum deep inside your filthy cunt."

You were moaning and breathing heavy as you felt his cock twitching inside of you, draining every last drop of his cum into your core.

His bruising grip on your thighs loosened and he pulled out slowly. You heard a quiet _schlick_ as his cock popped out, allowing all of his cum to drip out of you. You tried to get up, but your muscles were tried and sore. He brought his arm underneath your tummy to help you sit up.

You staggered and he supported you until he sat you on one of the leather chairs. The cool leather felt good against your burning and buzzing skin. He walked towards his desk, collected his clothes and dressed. You stared at him with awe once again as you saw his muscles flex as he clothed himself.

He went behind his desk, opened a drawer and came to crouch beside you. He was holding a bottle of water and a small cloth. He opened the water, poured some onto the cloth and then handed you the bottle.

"Drink sweetheart, and open." You gulped the water as you spread your legs, knowing that he only intended to clean them. You felt safe, and you trusted him.

He stroked them carefully, as he wiped away the mixture of both your fluids. When he was satisfied with his work, he bent and gave you two little kisses on either thigh. You shivered.

He went and grabbed your dress, along with your bra. He went to give you your panties, but you held up your hand, smiling. "No, you keep them."

His lips turned up into a smile and he stuffed them back into his pocket.

You dressed yourself and glanced at the clock on his wall, it was quarter to 5:00. _Holy hell._ You guys had been fucking for almost three hours.

"I have a late board meeting with the History department that I need to go to now," he spoke your name with what sounded like regret. Your head fell in sadness and disappointment. You didn't want him to leave. Not now, not ever. 

He walked over to you and handed you a small key on a keychain, "This is a key to my office, you are welcome here whenever you would like. To study, nap, or for _anything else_."

You took the small key in your hands and brought it to your heart. You felt so incredibly happy. Nothing could ruin this now, _nothing_.


	10. Doll

It was the last Monday before Reading Week. September and October flew by, and before you knew it, it was already the middle of November.

And you'd never been happier.

You were on your lunch break, sat in Kylo's office eating chicken nugs and fries.

You went there almost every lunch break, even though he was out teaching a class at that time.

His office was quiet and warm, and it smelled like _him_. You'd rather spend the half an hour in his office than in the crammed backroom of Starbucks, so you made yourself at home on the big leather chair by the fireplace.

The one closest to the door was your favourite, because when Kylo was with you, you could sneak a look at him sitting at his desk. You could watch him concentrate on whatever he was doing without looking too obvious, without drawing attention to yourself. You loved watching him when he wasn't aware of it. He acted the slightest bit different when he thought you weren't looking at him.

More human. More _himself_. His mannerisms weren't as polished and his body language shlumped. It was so cute.

Over the last two months, you and Kylo had basically become steady, though he was never one for labels. That didn't bother you, _yet. Y_ ou were too preoccupied with your state of happiness to be upset over anything.

Leia and Pax promised to keep your relationship with Kylo a secret, thank the Maker for them.

You had kept your earlier promise to Pax, and you told him at the end of the week Kylo had confessed to you about everything. He said he wasn't surprised, and being the hopeless romantic he is, you knew he wouldn't judge you for it.

You laughed as you remember what he said after you told him everything, "As long as I don't catch you two fucking on the ice machine or something," he snorted, "I'm here for it bitch!"

Work had continued as normal. Other than increased touching, staring, and _lots_ of bending over, you and Kylo remained professional in the realm of Starbucks. The Siren on your apron always watching.

Greek Myth was getting so interesting now. Over the last two months you had covered the rest of the Trojan War Cycle, the myths of Theseus and Perseus, and were now exploring the 12 Labours of Heracles.

You and your dad even made a deal: that every other week or so you'd send him a little summary of your class notes, so that he could read them and research his newly found hobby whenever he wanted. Blowing up your family group chat whenever he made progress with something.

_Dad: hey baby, the notes you sent me this week are great thx. I have reached out to my old buddy at Alderaan and he's put me in touch with a professor who specializes in Greek mythology. I am going to try and organize a meeting of some sort to talk to him further about it, maybe collab and write a paper together._

_You: that's awesome dad!_

You knew the resident Greek bad-boy of the history department was Professor Calrissian, and you knew he was an amazing prof. Just another old dude, passionate about history, he and dad would get along great.

Finn was growing more suspicious of something every time you had class, but you couldn't find the courage to tell him, so you resorted to saying that Professor Ren was tutoring you. That seemed to work, considering his grades were way higher than yours anyways. He sort of agreed that you could use all the help you could get. _Asshole_.

Oh well, it kept him off your back. And as far as your grades went, yeah you weren't trying your hardest, but it was sort of difficult when the professor was always balls deep inside of you.

Your other classes had progressed nicely as well, the course-load wasn't too intense so you could finish assignments rather quickly.

You found yourself with a lot of free time. Free time to be pounded into oblivion by Kylo.

You smiled as you finished your lunch, you looked down at your phone, 11:56am. Fuck, your break was almost over and you had to get back up to the store.

You breathed in the familiar scent of coffee and cologne and headed back to the store, smiling.

––

She was lounging on one of the leather chairs, bare feet dangling over the side swaying in front of the fireplace, her face stuck in a textbook. Her neck was craned so far it looked uncomfortable, but he couldn't help but let out a soft, happy sigh.

It had been two months since he told her how he had felt, despite the incessant battle within his mind. His inner demons warning him not to let her in, not to give in.

He constantly fought those feeling for three years. The never-ending battle between his demons and his feelings for her. The latter had never once backed down. Persistent in his mind, his body, and his soul. Those feelings for her changed him, whether he liked to admit it or not.

He chose _not_.

That's why he doesn't allow his Sweetheart to put a label on their relationship. It would make it too real, too official. Out of his control, and he needed to be in control. Especially when it concerned her.

He had always despised pet names, but she was just too sweet, so tiny and perfect. Like she was made just for him. His Sweetheart, his Doll. _His everything._

Kylo was sitting at his desk, marking the term papers from another one of his classes while his Doll studied for the test coming up this week in his class.

Her study habits were absolutely atrocious, but she looked so sweet and content that he didn't dare disrupt her. He knew she was more than capable enough to do well in his class, even if she didn't have him wrapped around her petite finger.

He could barely admit it to himself, but it was true. She had wiggled her tiny body into his life and wedged herself into his soul.

His breath hitched, and Sweetheart looked up at him, her eyes peering through her glasses, which had fallen adorably down her little nose.

She looked perfect, wrapped in a blanket, squished with her textbook. He took his reading glasses off, "how's the studying going Sweetheart?"

She shifted and sat up, pushing her glasses up with her index finger while smiling.

_I could die right now, why is she so fucking cute?_

She was sitting cross-legged now and she closed the book, "it's good, but my eyes are getting sleepy. I think I need to take a break."

He put his pen down, and sat back in his chair.

"You've only been off work for an hour and a half, not nearly enough time to have studied and retained any valuable information. You can take a break in another half an hour, you need to actually study for this exam Doll. I've made it _harder_ than the last one."

He made sure to emphasize the word 'harder', while piercing her with his eyes. She wiggled when he did so, he loved how he could make his Doll squirm with his voice.

"Professor, _pleeease_?" Her words were dripping with innocence.

She had stood up now, turning towards her backpack on the floor beside her, "I'm sure you could use a break too." She bent down slowly and hoisted her ass in the air as she put her textbook in her backpack.

She was wearing black leggings today, outlining the curve of her ass as it created a perfect heart as she bent down. His cock twitched in his pants.

"Hmm, tempting Sweetheart, alas we both have work to do." A moment passed.

"But, there _is_ something that I have been wanting to ask you."

His heart was fluttering, he had been framing this question in his mind for weeks, waiting for the right time to ask it. To ask her.

And right now she was relaxed, and in a bit of a playful mood. _Perfect_.

She spun around, her eyes filled with mischief and she skipped over to him.

She was already getting excited, yes, this was good.

He knew he was cutting it close, what with asking her the week before Reading Week, but every other time he meant to he... was scared.

Kylo was scared to be rejected, for her to shut him down and say no.

Albeit he was more afraid of her saying yes.

Finally he plucked up enough courage and decided it was now or never.

"Come, sit on my lap Doll." He pushed away from his desk to make room for her delicate figure.

She sat gracefully, but excitedly, her feet hanging above the ground kicking into his legs gently.

He looked down at her, her eyes filled with wonder as she looked at him. He couldn't mess this up, he had to frame the question carefully.

"Listen Sweetheart, I know that Reading Week is next week. A much deserved time for you to relax, unwind, and spend time with yourself and your family and friends."

His heart was beating so fast he was sure she could hear it, but she just kept looking at him, her hand draped around his shoulder drawing little circles on his back.

She was calming his nerves and he exhaled.

"I'd like to propose that you, well I uh-" _Fuck how does she make me so fucking nervous?_

"I was wondering if you would consider, staying here for the week?" He felt relieved, having said it out loud finally.

Her nose wrinkled and she looked confused. _Uh oh, what have I done?_

"Uhm Kylo, why would I stay on campus? No one will be here." She laughed softly, tucking her hair behind her ear.

_For fucks sake, I didn't phrase the fucking question right._

He laughed too, nervously though, "Oh Doll, no I'm sorry. I meant, would you stay the week here, with me. At my home. Off-campus." He made sure to clarify, giving her an anxious smile.

Her eyes looked like they were going to pop out of her pretty little head, her arms swung up and she threw herself around you. Shifting so that she was straddling you on your chair.

"Oh GODS, yes Kylo! I-I would absolutely love that. I would love to." She was laughing and bouncing up and down on his lap, giddy with pure happiness.

_Yes, perfect. Went just how I wanted it go._

"I am _so_ glad Sweetheart, I will make all of the arrangements. After class Friday you will come home with me, spend the week at my house with me. We can do anything you would like."

He was so relieved with her answer that he almost didn't notice the growing ache in his pants.

 _Almost_.

Doll noticed it too when she released him from her death-grip hug and glanced down.

"This is _SOOO_ exciting Kylo," she pawed at his crotch with one tiny hand, "I'll tell my parents that I'm staying at the Organa's cabin for the week. They won't suspect a thing. I'll get Leia in on it and we'll make-up some excuse of going skiing in the mountains, let them know I won't have cell service. So we can have the _entire_ week to ourselves. _No distractions_." Doll grabbed his swelling cock as she cooed that last word.

He rolled his hips into her small hand, seeking more friction.

He growled, "Mhmm, yes Sweetheart, that sounds perfect." He grabbed her ass, hard.

"I suppose we could take a short break," he began pulling her ass cheeks apart, feeling the seams of her leggings strain, "but then it's right back to studying. Promise?"

She looked wicked, possessed by lust, "Yes, Professor, I promise." She crossed an 'X' over her heart and he lost it.

He took her leggings in his hands and pulled, tearing them apart to expose her bare ass on his lap. The amount of her clothes that he had ripped increased significantly over the last two months.

He took immense pleasure in hearing the fabric tear as her supple skin was exposed. He took even greater pleasure in spoiling her, and buying her whatever new clothes she wanted. Making sure his Doll was dressed, and undressed, how she wanted to be: _by him_.

Not bothered by her leggings being ripped, Doll smashed her mouth into his, hungry and fishing her tongue into his mouth.

He picked her up and placed her back down onto his desk, hoisting her legs up he ripped her leggings completely off. She _laughed_ manically.

 _Fuck, she is the perfect woman_.

He grappled at her shirt as she lifted her arms so that he could take it off revealing her breasts, nipples puckering and piercings shining.

These days Doll wasn't wearing any bras, they hurt her back and created awful dents in her beautiful skin.

_Not that I'm complaining, less to rip off of her._

"Your turn Professor," she was practically oozing with desire. She began shuffling with his shirt, tugging at the hem lifting it higher. He took over and he pulled it off, crossing his arms in an 'X'.

He watched her eyes follow his biceps, her mouth parting when he flexed as his lifted his shirt off his chest.

He put one of his hands on her stomach, gently pushing her down onto the desk. He was awestruck with how small she was, his fingers brushed the underside of her perfect, perky breasts, while the end of his palm just brushed the top of her glorious mound.

She was fun-sized, made just for him. And she could take his monster cock _so well_.

She laid there, waiting for him to continue. She knew he was in charge when they were in his office.

He held her down by her stomach as he released his throbbing length from the confines of his pants. Sweetheart's eyes going big as she saw it bounce.

Kylo grunted softly as the pressure went away, but it was quickly replaced by the need to sink into her wetness.

He brought his hand from her stomach and hooked his fingers into the top hem of her panties.

"Up." She obeyed and lifted her hips slightly, so that Kylo could yank her panties down her legs.

"Two options today Sweetheart, as we're on a tight schedule this evening."

He bent down, his face hovering just centimetres away from her delicious folds.

"One: I'll make you cum with my mouth," his tongue snaked out and licked a flat line from her ass to her clit, she winced. "Or, two: I'll make you squirt with my fingers." He teased her entrance with three digits, the amount that she needed in order to squirt.

Straightening up, he toyed with her clit lazily as he stroked his cock slowly, "which is it going to be Doll?"

She looked up, mouth hanging open already.

"Do both options end with you fucking me, Professor?"

"Always Doll, your choice of hole though."

She smiled, propped up on her elbows, she cocked her head in faux-ponder. Answering both prompts, she cooed, "Both please."

_Fuck yes, that was the answer I wanted to hear._

With no warning, Kylo dipped down, plunging three fingers into her core to his knuckles, tongue on her clit circling it in time with his fingers curling inside her.

She fell from her elbows and allowed her body to relax, though she never took her eyes from his.

_Another rule she knew, always look at me while I destroy you._

"Fffuucckkk Kylo yeeeessss." Her hands found their way into his hair, tangling them and yanking when he found her sweet spot.

He knew how to make her cum quickly, in less than a minute if he wanted to.

Even though they had work to do, she had been such a _good girl_ tonight, so he decided to draw out her pleasure a little while longer.

He kept his fingers curling and pumping at a steady pace, enough to elicit those precious moans from her mouth, but not enough to bring her to the edge.

Kylo could stay like this forever, mouth and tongue on her delectable cunt, swallowing her juices as if he'd been drained of all other sustenance.

He was _so_ happy like this, pleasuring her completely. She said she always felt bad if after he ate her out, she was too tired to finish him, but he constantly told her that he got as much pleasure from giving as he did receiving.

His cock was throbbing yes, but there have been many times where he could finish just by listening to her cry out as he made her cum.

The thought made him wild.

He quickened the pace of his fingers, thrusting deeper to find her sweet spot to start working her towards the edge. His tongue worked in time with his fingers, and she was becoming unravelled so quickly underneath him.

Her legs began to shake and her breath was coming out in short spurts. Her cunt clenched in time with her breaths and he knew she was close.

Hammering down into her pussy, Kylo sucked her clit into his mouth, rolling it between his tongue.

"AH! Fucck Kylo I'm, I'm— _oh my fucking god_..." She screamed his name, her nails digging into his scalp, making him wince.

The vibrations from his mouth tossed her right over the edge. Her body lay still for a millisecond before she erupted before him. _Literally_.

She exhaled, and while flailing her limbs she came hard, clenching and squirting all over his lips and cheeks. He curled his fingers inside her forcefully, then slowed to bring her down from her high.

He smiled as she came back to consciousness and he took his fingers from her pussy. Bringing them up to his mouth as she watched with adoration. Putting them into his mouth he closed his eyes. Inhaling her scent and revelling in her taste. She was so sweet, so yummy.

He was pulled from his trance when Doll suddenly had his cock in her mouth.

_That sneaky whore. I love it._

He jolted at the touch and she just looked up at him, his cock entirely it her little mouth. Her filthy mouth.

"Ah, _shit_ , fucking slut aren't you? A slut for this fucking cock. Your Professors fucking cock." He had grabbed her hair and was forcing himself deeper into her throat.

Spit was leaking from the corners of her mouth, but she caught it with her hands. Coating them as she grabbed his shaft, pumping his dick as her mouth worked the tip.

 _Shit, she feels so fucking good_.

Already buzzing with an ample amount of arousal, it didn't take long before Kylo was riding the edge of his own orgasm.

Her little mouth and perfect hands worked his dick like magic. She took his length from her mouth, grabbing the hilt with one hand, his balls in the other, she spit right on his cock.

"Fuck. Yes. Take it, take it all." He shoved her back onto his length, hitting the back of her throat he illicit a gag from her. The noise only spurred him further.

He could see tears running down her cheeks, but he didn't care. He was going to cum. Right now.

He grunted something devilish, and yanked her head back as he grabbed his cock with his free hand. He pumped it once, twice, and then shot ropes of hot milky cum onto her lips and cheeks.

Still pumping, Kylo rode out his orgasm, firing so much cum onto her little body. It began collecting on her chest, running down her stomach and pooling in her closed lap.

She opened her legs and used her fingers to push his cum down into her folds. Leaning back she shoved two of her fingers into her cunt, pushing his cum into her core.

He watched her with possessive eyes.

"Fuck, you're a disgusting fucking cumslut aren't you? Wanting my cum inside of your cunt."

She looked up, standing she took her fingers from her pussy and brought them up to his mouth.

"Yes, yes I am. Open Professor."

_Holy fucking shit, this fucking woman. I love h–_

His demons stopped him before he could finish that thought.

"Yes, Sweetheart" He opened and she put her dainty fingers inside his mouth. He could taste the sweetness of her cum, mixed with the saltiness of his own. Their fluids together mixed into something incredible. And he sucked her fingers clean.

She popped them out of his mouth and licked them herself. Fuck.

She giggled and went to sit on the leather chair, grabbing her textbook.

He got dressed and looked up. She was sat on the chair, legs draped over the arm, dangling in front of the fire. She was naked, glistening with sweat, and _studying_.

_Hmm, good girl._

He continued marking the papers, looking up every once in a while to make sure she was okay.

After about 20 minutes he glanced up. The book had fallen limp into her lap, and her arm had gone under her head, supporting it. She had fallen asleep. Her chest rising and falling slightly as she dreamed away.

Unbelievably happy, he got up, draping the blanket over her body taking the textbook from her lap. She immediately snuggled into it, curling herself into a little ball.

He looked at her, dazed and filled with _something_.

His demons wouldn't tell him what though. But what his demons couldn't hide were the tears he felt streaming down his face as he looked at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the link to a TikTok I made of the outfits Y/N has worn so far! 
> 
> https://vm.tiktok.com/KAwe76/
> 
> love you guys xx


	11. Itinerary Planning

You were sitting with Pax on your break between classes, after getting your coffee for the Crusades. He was in the back, doing the milk order for the rest of the week along with the Seattle order. You were sipping on your latte, telling him all about what Kylo has planned for this weekend. You wanted to tell him yesterday at work, but he was out sick.

“He says he’s going to go out shopping this week to get some more things for us! He won’t tell me much else, other than that this week is going to be the best of my life.” You sighed happily, leaning on your arm.

You’d been to his house a few times in the last couple months, but only for one night here and there. Never for a whole week. You wished this week would go by faster.

“I’m excited for you bitch! I know you won’t be on your phone all week, so you better tell me everything when we get back! I don’t want a detail spared!”

Pax was a hopeless romantic and a freak. He was always so more excited to hear about the sexy details than anything else.

“Don’t worry, I will! You and Leia both! Oh that reminds me, I have to talk to her. Finish our plan of what to tell my parents.”

He turned to you, “Are you going to tell your parents? At least that you have a boyfriend?”

You hadn’t had a boyfriend since your first year of university, he was a douche though so you cut him off and focussed on your grades.

“I will soon, after this week probably…” That was a lie, you weren’t sure when you were going to tell them. Your mum is so nosey, that she wouldn’t leave you alone unless you told her who it was. You couldn’t handle telling her yet. And your dad? No way, he’d absolutely freak out. And disown you. Send you away. Something.

You said your goodbyes to Pax and headed to class. You had a midterm, and thankfully it went better than you thought it would. Today was your exam in Greek Myth as well. You felt prepared for it, though you could have done some more studying on Monday and yesterday.

You thought back to Monday evening, sitting in the comfy leather chair trying to study. It’s incredibly hard to study when Kylo’s with you. You couldn’t focus because all you wanted to do was jump his bones. And as soon as your eyes started going sleepy, you knew you needed a pick-me-up break.

You loved teasing Kylo because of his little reactions. Small enough that he thinks you can’t see them, but you do.

He had seemed nervous on Monday, and well, now you know why. You were so excited when he asked you to stay with him for the week. A whole week, with just him! Almost 10 days, including the weekends. You hoped that you could control yourself around him for the week and not spontaneously jump him every hour. You wanted to take this time to get to know him more.

You realized that you didn’t know much about him. You knew that he had lived here his whole life, graduated with honours with two PhD’s, though you didn’t know what the other one was. He had no siblings, and that’s as far as you got with the conversation on his family. You made a mental note to ask him about that this week, at the right time.

You walked into Greek Myth, Kylo wasn’t here yet and you wondered where he was. You saw Finn in your usual spot and waved.

You went and sat down a couple chairs away from him (cause of your exam) and sat in silence for a minute or so while you got your things ready. You had a very specific set-up for when you took exams.

Water bottle, exactly three pens and two pencils, an eraser, white-out, lip chap, and a granola bar for a snack. Finn looked over at you and chuckled.

“It’s so cute how you always have all of that stuff. You only ever use one pen!”

“I know, I just like to be prepared! You never know what will happen! How do you feel about this exam? Kylo said it’s going to be harder than the last one.”

“Kylo????” _Shit. Ooops_.

“I mean Professor Ren, haha oops I don’t know why I said Kylo…” You looked down and fake laughed. _Idiot. Great._

“Oh yeah haha, I call some of my professor’s by their first names too don’t worry! When did he say that? In class? I don’t remember.”

_Gods he was persistent._

“Uhm, one of the uh, tutoring sessions last week.” You shrugged.

“Oh! Well I feel good about this one too. I don’t really get nervous for exams. What about you?”

Thank the Maker he kept falling for your tutoring lie.

You looked at the clock, 3:04pm. One minute to go and still no Kylo? You chewed the inside of your lip and bounced your leg.

3:05 hit and he waltzed into the room, flustered. _He looked so fucking cute_. He abruptly put his bookbag down and began handing out the exams. “I’m sorry that I’m late class, I lost track of time while in my office,” he turned and looked at you, “planning something for our long-awaited Reading Week.”

You heart skipped and your tummy filled with a warm sensation.

Over the last two months, it took everything that you had to control your body language while in class. Watching the way Kylo strode across the room, hands behind his back, lost in thought as he gave the course material. Looking at you every few minutes, lingering on your face and figure. Holding your breath as he walked past your row, watching his fists clench when he did. Listening to his intellectual responses to students questions, probing us to ask questions often. He seemed interested in what everyone had to say, everyone but Finn.

When Finn spoke, or asked a question, Kylo would slightly roll his eyes and take back to him in a sour way. Always challenging Finn with more questions or blatantly telling him that his answer was wrong. Kylo’s jaw always tightened when he noticed Finn talking to you. And you wondered if the man was _jealous_.

Kylo made it to your seat and handed you an exam, he looked down and winked quickly, “good luck,” your name rolled off his tongue and you fidgeted in your seat. “Thank you, Professor Ren.” You flashed him a smile and snaked your tongue out, licking your lip. You saw his eye twitch, just the slightest amount and he carried on.

He placed an exam in front of Finn without so much as looking at him, completely disinterested in whatever he had to say. You watched after him as he continued handing out exams down your row, watching his ass as it wiggled in his tight navy blue dress pants. Seeing his shoulders and arms flex as he bent to place exams on the tables. Your mouth was hung open, eating up his appearance.

Kylo made it back to the front of the classroom and sat on the edge of the desk.

“I’ll give you guys as much time as I can after class to make up for the few minutes it took me handing out the exams. You may begin.”

You put your head down and went to work. Working through the short answer questions fairly quickly, you wanted to make sure you had more than enough time to finish the essay portion.

You looked up every once in a while to glance at the clock, and at Kylo. He was sitting at the desk now, marking other exams you presumed. He’d get up every now and then and walk around the classroom, letting us know how much time we had left to complete the exam. With 10 minutes to go, you were just starting your last body paragraph.

Shit. You always spent so much time planning the essay you always ran out of time. 5 minutes left and you were rushing to finish your conclusion. Scribbling the first sentences that were coming to your brain and hoping that they made sense. You were the last one in the room, alone with Kylo.

Not because you wanted alone time, you got plenty of that outside of the classroom. But you were the fucking slowest writer ever. In all of your classes you were always the last one to finish.

Kylo came over to your spot, “class is over now Sweetheart, Dr. Amidala will be coming in here with her class now.” You jotted down the last couple of words and shut your exam booklet. You looked up at him and he was smiling softly.

“Haha what?” You said as you handed him your exam.

“Nothing, Doll. Just like seeing you work hard while writing. It’s cute.”

You scrunched up your nose and stuck your tongue out. He walked back to the front and put your exam with the others in his book bag. You packed up your things and met him at the door.

Walking out you both waved at Dr. Amidala and walked in silence down ExHall. “Sooo, are we going back to your office?” You brushed your fingers against his.

“No, not tonight.” He jerked his hand away.

“Why not?” You stopped, making him stop and turn to you. You crossed your arms over your chest.

“I have things to do tonight Doll, more preparations for your arrival, completing the itinerary, that kind of stuff.” He looked at you with a blank expression, but his tone of voice told you to listen.

“Okay, fine!” You resumed walking, him following you. You reached the elevator and he pushed you into it, guiding the small of your waist.

Once inside and the doors shut, he slammed you into the elevator wall, picking you up and placing you on the small railing.

You wrapped your legs around him and your lips met. He hungrily groped at your waist, moving to your thighs and exploring your body. His lips were desperate, hungry, and rushing. The elevator ride was short, and before you knew it you heard the ding signaling you’d made it to the floor with his office. You hopped off the railing and you both smoothed your clothes, stepping out and saying hi to another professor.

You got to his office and stepped in, when he didn’t follow you looked at him puzzled. “You go on, take a nap Sweetheart. I’ve got to go out an pick up some more things. Don’t forget to lock my door when you leave.” He leaned into his office, far enough that no one could see inside, and gave you another quick kiss before turning away and leaving, shutting the door behind him.

You huffed and went over to your favourite chair. He had gotten you a fluffier blanket for you to wrap yourself in, you loved it. You took your backpack and shoes off, and fished your slippers from their hiding place underneath the giant chair. You put them on and plopped onto the chair, snuggling up to the blanket. You put your glasses on the table beside the chair and fell asleep almost instantly.

––

It was a few hours later, you’d woken from your nap and met with Han and Leia at Mandalore. You all got a large pizza to share and you guys found a table to sit at. It was around 6:30, so it was busy with the dinner rush.

Nibbling happily on your slice, you and Leia talked about your plan. You had told your parents that you were going to Leia’s cabin, but they had asked you what you were doing specifically. So you figured you’d make a fake itinerary to give to them.

“I really wish you were actually coming with us this year! The weather is meant to be bomb, and I know you’ve been wanted to go skiing this year!” She was playing with her ringlet curls, hair braided to perfection.

She always had the best hair styles. Beautiful braided and perfect curls to match. That’s why you loved it when she braided your hair. She was always so gentle and it always looked so good.

“I know Leia! I’ll come next year!” You stuffed the rest of your slice in your mouth and grabbed your notebook to start making your fake plan.

“Just say you guys are skiing and then going to the Hot Springs or something,” Han had his legs up on the table, crossed and rocking slightly.

“That’s so boring! We need a good plan, even if it is fake.” Leia punched his arm, you laughed.

“Okay, so I thought we could throw in a spa day, or two, one maybe with your mom? And then maybe your dad could take us out deep into the mountains for snow-shoeing one day?” You were excited saying all of these ideas, a tinge of sadness hit your heart. You always loved going to their cabin, and you were so sad you weren’t going this year. But your excitement to stay with Kylo replaced your sadness quickly.

“That sounds good! Man yeah I wish you were coming! The week is actually just gonna be my mom and dad getting drunk and clowning around in the snow.” Leia laughed, throwing her arms up into the air.

“Hey not true! I’ll be there, making sure your week is filled with excitement.” Han sat up, poking Leia in the arm.

“Oohhh yeah, cause I love scruffy-looking-scoundrels!” She teased.

“Hey, who’s scruffy looking? Plus you love me because I’m a scoundrel. There aren’t enough scoundrels in your life.” He grabbed her waist and pulled her close to him. Gods they were so cute. You hoped one day you and Kylo could show your affection in public one day…

Leia just laughed and she kissed his cheek. “Yeah, yeah. I love you.”

Han looked deep into her eyes, “I know.” Then gave her a quick kiss.

You guys finished up making your fake itinerary and headed back to your dorm. Tomorrow was Thursday, that meant only one more day until you were going home with Kylo. You decided to start packing some things when your parents texted you.

_Dad: hey baby, you excited to go and stay with the Organa’s?_

_You: hey dad, yeah I am! We actually just finished the itinerary. I’ll send it to you guys._

_Attachment: 1 Image_

_Mum: oh that sounds lovely! You girls will have a great time. Shame there isn’t any cell service though_

Yeah, real shame.

_Dad: yeah, just be careful. Carry bear spray and pepper spray._

_You: lol we know dad, we’re always safe! And plus, Leia’s mum or dad is always with us when we leave the cabin. Don’t worry we’ll be fine! I’m just packing now, so I’ll text you guys tomorrow! Love you xoxo_

_Mum: okay sweetie, love you too_

_Dad: love u baby_

You tried packing more, but got lazy. You always packed the night before, yet _another_ trait you got from your dad.

You checked the clock, it was almost 10:30 so you went and said goodnight to Leia and got into bed. You didn’t start work until 10am tomorrow, hours got cut cause sales haven’t been good lately. That’ll change after Reading Week because of Christmas Launch. You weren’t complaining though, you got to sleep in.

You set your alarm for 9:00am and texted Kylo, he gave you his cell number last month after you spent weeks begging for it. It was ridiculous to have to wait to see him in person or _email_ him to talk to him. Finally he let it up and gave you his number.

_You: hey hot stuff, what’re you wearing?_

_Kylo: Hi Doll_

He ignored your childish question and you scowled.

_Kylo: I have just finished setting up some things for this weekend, only a few more things to pick up and perfect, and then I’ll be ready for you._

_You: oh goody, I’m so excited I can’t wait to see it all_

_Kylo: I’m excited too Doll, get some sleep. You work at 10 tomorrow?_

_You: yeah I start at 10_

_Kylo: Good, I’ll come buy coffee before my class at 11:00. Sleep well Sweetheart, I’ll see you tomorrow_

_You: goodnight Kylo, sweet dreams xo_

He never gave you any ‘hugs or kisses’ back, but you figured you’d have to work up to that. You smiled and put your phone on your table. You drifted off, thinking about how ready you were for this weekend.


	12. Another Gift x2

You were walking into the store when you heard something drop and Pax yell. You ran into the back to see the Toddy on the floor and the cold brew spilled all over the ground.

"Shit Pax! Here I'll grab the mop!" He had picked up the Toddy and put it into the sink, throwing paper towel onto the spill. The Toddy was always too heavy for you to carry, you weren't surprised someone hadn't dropped it sooner.

Basically the Toddy was a huge jug that the cold brew steeped in for 24 hours. It was big and awkward to hold.

You grabbed the mop and started cleaning up what had spilled.

"For fucks sake! Well I guess there won't be any cold brew tomorrow. The basic bitches will have to deal with iced coffee! Fine by me haha less to do."

You guys finished cleaning up and you finally clocked in. Rey and Poe were working the front while Pax was in the back doing the food-pulls for tomorrow. You decided to go on support and help with the food warming.

It was so busy that you didn't see Kylo approach the till, and you didn't even notice that it was him. You just saw _someone_ standing at the till as you ran by to get a sandwich from the oven, "I'll be right with you!" You shouted, not looking at who it was.

"Take you time Doll," came a delicious voice.

You peeked around the corner from where the oven was and saw Kylo standing at the till. Rey shouted from behind you saying that she'd get it, but you jumped in front of her,

"You grab this sandwich Rey, I've got till!" You basically pushed her to the oven and you hopped over to the cash register.

She didn't think anything of it, and you finally looked up at Kylo.

He was wearing a casual grey crew-neck sweater tucked into black dress pants. They were so tight you could see his bulge. You clenched.

"Uh, good morning Professor Ren. Your regular today?" You went to turn around to get his coffee but he stopped you before you could.

"Actually, I'd like something different today. Something, _sweet_ and _filled with cream_. Do you have any recommendations?"

 _Oh fuck_. He didn't like anything sweet (other than you), or anything filled with cream (other than you). He was just teasing you, he always did you while you were at work.

"Oh, shit. How about a vanilla bean frappuccino with a shot of espresso?"

"I'll have whatever you give me."

You rang through his regular coffee anyways, frap's were way too expensive, plus Pax didn't care.

You grabbed the cold cup and realized that you actually had to write his name this time. You played with the sharpie in your mouth and wrote his name in big bubbly letters with a heart.

Poe wouldn't think anything of it, you wrote hearts on lots of peoples cups. You handed it off and Kylo paid with his gold card.

"Thanks Sweetheart, come to my office when you're off work. I have another gift for you." He spoke quiet enough that no one around heard but you.

_Holy. Fucking. Shit._

You nodded, emphasizing your customer service voice, "have a great day professor!"

You turned around, "Rey can you grab cash! I'm going to go to the bathroom." She switched you, and you grabbed a tall cup, filled it with dark roast and went to the back room. You opened the back door and Kylo was already standing there.

He gave you the frappuccino and you gave him the coffee.

"Well that was fun wasn't it? Thank you for getting me something that actually tastes good," he bent down to your ear, "other than you that is Sweetheart."

You peeked around his broad shoulder and saw Pax looking at you inconspicuously over his laptop screen. He winked at you and gave you a thumbs up.

Kylo stood up and gave you a soft smile. You could honestly melt. "I'll see you later Doll, have a good rest of your shift." He ducked into the back door so no students could see you, kissed you on the cheek and walked away.

You put your hand on your cheek, wanting to feel his lips there forever. You looked at Pax.

"Okay bitch, I'm all here for PDA but not when you're clocked in! Back to work hoe." He winked at you again and you laughed.

The rest of the day went by fairly fast, thank the fricken Maker.

––

You got to Kylo's office around 6, and it was cracked open as always. Usually you just strode inside, but today you were nervous for some reason.

 _'I have something to give you.'_ His words kept playing in your head for the rest of the day. Your nerves were through the roof by the time you'd reached his office.

He knew what time you were off, and he knows how long it takes to get from the store to his office, so you decided to just fucking go for it. Before you could open the door, it flew open in front of you.

Kylo was standing at the door, looking handsome as ever. _Fuck_ , you were always blown away with how tall and broad he was.

"What's wrong Doll?" He had moved to the side and you walked in.

"Nothing, I um. I'm just tired from work is all." You hoped that he didn't hear the lies laced in your voice.

"Hmm." He totally did.

You sat on your favourite chair and pushed your legs together uncomfortably. Kylo was watching you. He looked possessive, but concerned? A weird combination of both, plus _something_ else you couldn't put your finger on.

"You're nervous." He sat on the other chair.

"Yeah, well I don't know. You've never given me anything before."

"Of course I have, I've gotten you lots of things Doll."

"Well yeah clothes and things that I've picked out, but like never a surprise." You twiddled your thumbs in your lap.

"Come, sit in front of me, face the other way."

You looked up, reluctant, but obeyed him. You sat on your knees and faced away from him. Your breath was heavy in your chest, and rising with the passing seconds. You realized you were holding your breath when you exhaled suddenly at the touch of Kylo's hands on your shoulders.

He was being so gentle, moving slowly. He pulled your hair from your neck, massaging your skin softly. He bent and began planting sweet kisses on the back of your neck, moving from one side to the other. His breath was hot on your skin and you felt ignited.

"Hold your hair up for me." His hands left your skin and you felt so barren. You lifted your hair with your hands and you heard some rustling behind you. "Close your eyes Doll." You closed them and nodded so he'd know.

A few moments later, there was something cool touching your neck. It felt like ice. It wasn't heavy. Kylo hooked the clasp behind your neck and you realized what it was. A necklace. Kylo had gotten you a necklace. You swear you could have started crying right then and there.

"Open your eyes Sweetheart." You shot your eyes open and they darted down to your chest. Your hands immediately rose up and touched the delicate silver chain, the gorgeous round flat pendant. You picked it up to inspect what it was.

"It's a plain, round silver pendant. But I've engraved something on the back for you." He answered your inner babble and you flipped the delicate coin over. You strained your eyes at the odd angle and focussed on the inscription.

In tiny letters, barely noticeable except to you, was his name. Engraved in... holy fuck. _His writing_. You recognized the loop of his 'y'. You fingered it and let it fall in your hands. You traced the chain to behind your neck and he grabbed one of your hands. He pulled just enough to let you know that he wanted you to turn around.

You spun slowly on your knees and turned to face him.

His eyes sparkled, and his mouth parted in awe. "Absolutely stunning. You are _so_ beautiful." He caressed your cheek, tracing down your neck line, following the line of your new chain. He held his finger over the pendant and you looked up at him, lovingly. He brought his hand back to your cheek, his thumb tracing your bottom lip.

"Do you like it love?"

_Okay, hold up. 'Love'? Did he really just say that out loud._

The expression on his face displayed that he hadn't meant to say it either. His eyes went big and he went to take his hand away.

You quickly grabbed his hand with yours, fingers barely reaching around his wrist. "Yes, Kylo. I _love_ it. I love it so much. Thank you." You nuzzled into his hand, a tear leaving your eye to meet his thumb.

His shoulders relaxed, "I'm so glad Sweetheart." He swooped down and kissed you hard.

You fell back onto your heels and kissed him back. Your hand went straight for his neck, grabbing his arm with your other hand to stabilize yourself as he was laying you down on the carpet in front of the fire place. Once you were on your back he sat back on his heels and effortlessly lifted his sweater off. His pale skin glowing from the light of the fireplace. You sat up and placed your hands on his chest. Tracking the beauty spots and freckles that painted his chest.

He swooped down and kissed you again, his body language screaming passion and intimacy. Something you've never received from him before, not like this. Not this intense and obvious. You were drowning in it, and you were totally okay with it.

He pulled off your hoodie and tugged at your jeans. "Off. Now." You didn't waste another second and you began undoing the zipper and button. You shucked them off so quick and you were left in your panties. You still hated wearing bras at the moment, your nipples puckering at the sudden exposure.

He rested his hands on your waist, admiring your body. "Absolutely beautiful. You are mine. All mine." He pulled at your panties and pulled them down your legs slowly. Caressing your legs and kissing all the way down to your toes. He pulled them off and took his pants and boxers off too.

This is the first time you'd both been completely naked. At the same time. You're breath hitched and you were overwhelmed with the feeling of... _love_. And copious amounts of lust.

He bent down, towering over your small figure, his elbows at either side of your head. One of his hands cupped your cheek, the other he licked, then dropped it to your aching cunt. He swiped his palm along the length of your slit, adding to the wetness that was already bred there. He positioned the tip of his cock at your entrance, coating it in your slick and teasing you.

"You want this cock in your fucking cunt?" You nodded, turning your head to draw his thumb into your mouth. You licked it and began sucking softly. " _Shit_ , you're a fucking slut aren't you?" His words just pushed you further, you nodded furiously, bucking your hips to try and get him inside of you.

"I can't fucking hear you Sweetheart."

"Yes!" You were breathless, desperate for him.

"Yes, what?" He pushed the tip in, just slightly, then pulled right back out, drawing slow circles around your entrance.

"Yes Kkylo! I'm your slut, I-I need your cock in me please!"

He looked down at you, surprised. " _My_ slut? I like the sound of that Doll."

"Yes, I'm yours! All yours." You were flailing now, ready to go crazy if you didn't get what you wanted.

" _Good girl_." He spat at you as he sheathed his full length into your pussy, balls hitting your ass as he did. You yelped and clenched around his size immediately.

"Fuck, Kylo you're so fucking big mhmhm." You words were becoming less coherent by the second. Kylo crouched down, his chest touching yours with every heavy breath. You two were so close. He never gets this close. This personal and intimate.

He dipped his head and kissed you, needy, and full of passion. He moved to hang his head by your neck, you tilted your head the other way to give him more room, more access. He immediately sucked your neck into his mouth, raising red-hot welts on your skin. Marking you as his. He bit down and you winced at the pain, but then his tongue snaked out to lick the tender flesh. He kissed it lightly before moving to a new spot. He did this a few times, bite, suck, lick, and kiss. A routine. A ceremony.

He was breathing heavy, his back arching the slightest as he shifted your hips to allow him to go deeper. You grabbed your legs and held them apart for him, stretching your cunt for him even more. "Fuck, you're so fucking tight. Taking this cock so well. You're doing such a good job Sweetheart." He was speaking into your neck, his words like fire on your throat.

"I have _another gift_ for you baby."

_Baby?! Holy shit I can die happy._

You couldn't find your words, so you just opened your legs further and clawed at his back. Without slowing his pace he rose up and reached behind you, grabbing something from underneath the leather chair. You couldn't see what it was, he moved too quickly and too be honest you weren't really _there_.

You thought you heard a soft buzzing, and then your world stopped. Something buzzing, soft, but powerful, consistent, and immediate was at your clit. You shot your head up and looked down. Kylo was holding a small vibrator to your clit.

It was sleek and black and, you cocked your head, it looked like a tube of mascara or lipstick. You moaned at the sudden sensation and your head fell back in bliss. Words completely free of your mind right now, all you could do was writhe and wriggle as Kylo launched you toward your orgasm. Moaning for him, spewing incoherent nonsense as he fucked you mercilessly.

"I knew you'd like this _whore_. Now you can pleasure that filthy cunt whenever you want. _But_ you have to ask my permission first. You want to cum but I'm not there? You better call me and ask my permission first." He pushed one of the buttons and the vibrations increased, your mind starting to go blank with euphoria. You weren't sure if you acknowledged his statement or not, but you didn't care.

With one of his elbows at the side of your head, his other hand holding the vibrator to your screaming clit, his cock pounding into you matching the rhythm of your heartbeat, he spoke. "Cum for me, cum on this fucking cock."

Your mind went blank, then suddenly you were thrown from your own body. Convulsing your legs began to shake as you came hard on Kylo's dick, the vibrations from your new toy sending shockwaves throughout your body and beyond. You gasped and sputtered, wrapping your legs around his waist, pulling him closer to you.

Once Kylo was satisfied with your deterioration, he turned the toy off and put it beside him. He placed his other elbow beside your head, boxing in your fleeing mind. He bent his knees, supporting your legs and he fucked you harder than he ever had before. Snapping his hips into yours, surely bruising your sensitive skin. His thrusts were getting jagged and uneven, and you knew that he was going to cum.

You clawed at his back, leaving tiny red scratches all over his shoulders. You felt his skin pop as you broke skin and he winced. With a sharp thrust his entire body snapped, convulsing as he pumped you full of his seed. Riding out his orgasm, letting your clenching cunt milk his cock. He slowed and then collapsed on you altogether.

Both breathing deeply to catch your breaths, he rolled over off of you. You felt cold with the absence of his body heat, but you turned your head to look at him.

He was propped up on one of his elbows, his head resting in one hand, the other tracing the outline of your deflated body. Watching your chest rise and fall he sat up and fingered your new necklace. "So beautiful..." he mumbled under his breath.

He got up and swiftly got you a water bottle and a soft cloth. He wet the cloth and cleaned your thighs and stomach from your juices. He kissed your forehead, then your sternum, your belly-button, then the top of your mound before getting himself dressed. He grabbed a t-shirt from another drawer in his desk and swopped you up, placing you on your favourite chair.

He put his sweater on you, still warm from his body heat. It was practically a dress on you, reaching to just above your knees, your hands covered by the long sleeves. But you were so warm and content that you didn't care. He draped the fuzzy blanket over you and you quickly drifted off to sleep. Your mind speaking to you through the fog of passion.

_That was amazing. He cares. So fricken much. He called you 'baby'. He said that you're his. Only his. I love him. I think he loves me too. I love him. I love him..._


	13. I-Just-Had-Bomb-Ass-Sex Face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: Talk about drugs. No actual use of drugs, just talking about how Kylo is our drug again.

Friday surprisingly went by quickly and you were in Greek Myth before you knew it. Kylo was just going over the game-plan for after Reading Week, he didn't bother with starting new material with only one class left. At about 3:45 he let the class go early, wishing everyone a good holiday.

"What are you doing for the week?" Finn asked as you guys packed up.

"Oh, I'm going to my friends cabin in the mountains! What about you?" You hoped he didn't ask any more questions.

"Oh sick! I'm going back home for the week, see my family and whatnot. Typical stuff. Your plans sound way better than mine!"

"Awe that'll still be nice Finn! I usually go home to see my parents every other weekend, but this semester I've been so uh, busy that I haven't had the chance! I won't see them till Christmas break now. You're lucky! And you'll have a great time too!"

He smiled at you and nudged your shoulder. You guys had reached the front of the classroom, and surprisingly you didn't have to make up an excuse as to why you were staying, Finn just called from the door, "Ask him if we'll have our exam marks by Monday! I gotta run and meet with a friend! See you in a week!", and then he was gone.

With the class being let out early, Dr. Amidala wouldn't be coming for almost half an hour. You looked over at Kylo when the door was securely closed behind Finn, he was sitting on the edge of the desk. "Come," he said as he patted the empty spot beside him like a little kid. Your heart started racing. You went over to him and before you could sit down he grabbed your wrist.

–– **Kylo's POV**

He yanked her backpack off and tossed it onto the ground. Slamming her face-down onto the desk he grabbed both of her delicate wrists, pinning them behind her back with one of his massive hands. His mind was a flurry of desire and lust. He knew that he only had about 25 minutes or so before Padmé would waltz in, so he had to take control.

He bent down to her ear, "don't make any noise now Sweetheart, the door isn't locked and we wouldn't want someone hearing, _or seeing_ , what I'm about to do to you." Her legs were shaking and her breath was uneven already. It riled him up so much he could bust right there.

"Kkkylo, what the _fuck_ are you doing?!" She hissed, trying to fight it, poor sweet thing.

"I said quiet love." He began shucking her leggings down her thighs, pulling her panties to the side to reveal her glorious cunt, already dripping for him.

He slapped her bare ass, the noise echoing throughout the lecture hall. He heard her wince, but saw her pussy clench.

"You fucking _love this_. Don't lie, don't try to fight it Doll. You love me taking you here, with the overarching fear of someone finding us. Finding you sprawled out, desperate for my cock. But that's what you like isn't it? Your filthy cunt is dripping at the thought of being caught." He yanked her arms, pulling her shoulders back and she nodded, keeping quiet.

_Good fucking girl._

"I am going to fuck you against this desk, make you cum, and then fill you with my load. And you are going to stay silent, do you understand Doll?" He was whispering now, but she nodded again.

 _Fuck, I love he_ –– His demons stopped him again. _Bastards_.

He released his throbbing cock, wasting no time he coated it with her slick juices. He bent down quickly and licked a fat line reaching her ass, she squirmed, but remained silent. Without another word, he thrust into her with such a force that the desk squeaked.

He heard her stifle a moan, impressed that she was doing so well. He began pumping in and out of her, creating a pace so fast that his cock was just a blurred line disappearing in her tight cunt. Still holding her wrists with one hand, he reached his other around her waist, finding her swollen clit immediately. He started rubbing fast, tight, circles around her nub and she yelped.

He pulled her arms harder and he heard the small pop of her shoulder bone cracking ever so slightly. He bent down to her ear, "I said be quiet Sweetheart, you're doing so good, taking this monster cock so well, being so quiet. Don't ruin it now." Still rubbing ruthlessly on her clit she started shaking under his massive frame. He stood upright and she arched her back. She was close, and so was he.

He widened his stance and pulled her arms more, bringing her closer so that he could pound into her deeper and harder. Snapping his hips into her ass, hearing the sounds of slick wetness accompanied by the slapping of skin.

_A beautiful symphony of sound. Music to my fucking ears._

He could hear her struggling to stay quiet, her breath coming out in short desperate spurts. He flicked hard on her clit and she went limp, he spoke quietly, "cum for me _slut_." Her entire body convulsed. Her legs shook aggressively and her head was flailing from side to side. He felt her cunt clench around his cock as she came hard. The pressure from her orgasm brought about his own, and even he couldn't stifle the erupting moan coming from the back of his throat. Guttural and primal, he grunted as he poured his cum into her pussy.

He released her clit and held her ass, rubbing it before slapping it again. Leaving a red imprint of his hand. He pulled out and bent to kiss the spot where he had just assaulted her. Tucking himself away he noticed that her legs looked like jelly, wiggling as she began to sink to the ground.

He caught her in his arms, helping her steady herself on her feet. He pulled her panties back, and gently yanked her leggings back up. Giving her ass another soft slap when he did.

_Shit, her ass always looks so fucking good in leggings. I just want to rip them off._

She slowly turned and looked at him, her eyes filled with lust, desire, happiness, and... love? He wasn't sure. His demons always made sure it was difficult for him to recognize _that_ emotion. _Fuckers._

When she wasn't saying anything he was worried for a split second, then realized he didn't say she could talk.

"You did such a good job babygirl, I'm so proud of you," he cupped her cheek, tracing over her flushed skin, "you can talk now Sweetheart."

"Fuuuucckkkk, that was... holy shit." She sounded drunk. Laced perfectly with the drug that he was for her. Addictive. Necessary. Her _everything_.

 _She is my everything too_.

He smiled down at her, so proud of his little girl. A fucking dirty slut, just for him. Just thinking about it was getting him hard again.

The sound of the door opening snapped them both back to reality as the watched Padmé stride in. Her outfits were always ridiculously extravagant, he thought. Completely unnecessary and flashy.

He stepped away from his Doll, picking up his book bag. Motioning for his Sweetheart to go in front of him, he fake-smiled at Padmé as they walked past her. You know that kind that you give your coworkers to make them think that you like them? But you actually couldn't give two fucks about them? Yeah one of those smiles. Kylo was good at those smiles.

–– **Y/N's POV**

 _Holy motherfucking shit._

You were so high on adrenalin from what had just happened. Kylo had fucked you against the desk, in your classroom, with the door unlocked. Stars, you couldn't help but clench at the thought of it. He was right, you liked the feeling of potentially being caught, of being fucked in public. It was _exhilarating_.

You walked into the elevator with him after leaving the classroom, and he pulled you by your waist closer to him. His body was radiating heat, and you clung to that feeling the entire ride up. As the elevator dinged, he smacked your ass lightly and you went in front of him. His hand on your lower back as you walked to his office.

He rustled for his keys and opened the door, you walked in first as always, but lingered by the door. He strode past you. 

"I just have to grab a few things, then we can leave." He was walking towards his desk, grabbing a small duffle bag and stuffing books and papers into it.

"Okay, I'm going to go say bye to Pax then," he looked up, "if that's okay?" You smiled at him.

"Yes, that is fine. Yes, actually, go say goodbye to Paxon, then go see Leia and Han in your dorm. I will pick you up in my car outside of your building." He nodded, and you accepted his permission.

"Okay! I'm so excited for this Kylo!" You squealed as you blew him a kiss from around the door frame and then you started heading to Starbucks.

You reached the top of the Dagobah stairs and you were out of breath, again. Gods those stairs never got easier. 

But you were still pumping with excitement and adrenalin that you didn't care. You practically skipped down the hallway until you reached the store. You turned the corner and snuck into the back room. Poe was in there doing some dishes and he gave you a soft smile.

"Hey Poe! Where's Pax?"

"Storage room run! He should be back soon."

"Oh shit, okay thanks!" you turned to leave, "have a good Reading Week!" His words stopped you before you could leave.

"Hey, uh thanks. I was actually wondering. You know that guy that's in your myth class? The iced matcha tea latte guy?" Poe is gay too, he and Pax dated for a couple of months but that ship burned, they were too good of friends.

You smiled, "Oh, yeah Finn! What about him?" If you were honest, you had gotten some vibes off of Finn that made you believe he was gay too, though he hasn't come out to you yet. You caught Finn staring at Poe when he was making drinks. It was cute. 

"Oh, nothing. Just he's really cute, and he seems really sweet and smart and I love matcha and he loves matcha and... could you maybe introduce me? After Reading Week of course! I have to build-up some courage haha." He was playing with the sponge in the sink.

"OMG yes of course! You know what? He thinks you're cute as well!" You winked.

That was true, Finn had told you one day in class, he asked about that ' _cute guy worker? The one with gorgeous hair and a smile that could kill._ _Also makes a mean matcha tea latte_." Finn's words, not yours.

Poe gleamed, and he went back to scrubbing the dishes. Splashing water out of happiness.

"Really??? Wow! Okay, yes, the moment we get back from break! Well the first time I see him with you! Yes! Thanks," he said your name with such enthusiasm you thought you'd melt.

"You're welcome Poe! See you in a week!" You left the back room and almost got run over by Pax, pushing the cart full of syrup and coffee.

"Oh shit! Pax!" You dodged the cart and scowled at him.

"You know I don't move for nobody when I'm driving this massive cart. Bitch has a mind of her own!" You just laughed.

"Hey, I was actually coming to say bye! Uh Kylo let class out early! Which was nice..." You were looking down and Pax stopped unloading the cart to look at you.

"Uhm early huh?! Look at me." He went to grab your face, but you beat him to it, you looked up and smiled sheepishly.

"OH MY GOD BIIIITCH! You're wearing your I-just-had-bomb-ass-sex face! _You slut_! You guys fucked in the classroom?!?! Hell yes, tell me everything. My horny soul needs it." He was pawing at your arms, and you started laughing.

"OMG PAX! Shhhh, someone will hear you!" You beamed a smile up at him, "But yes, he uh–– he bent me over the desk at the front of the classroom. And we–– well you know! With the door unlocked! I was so drunk with adrenalin! Ugh it was so hot." You were rubbing your shoulder, it was sore from how hard Kylo pulled on you.

Pax started jumping up and down. "UGH YES! I live for this shit. You guys are living like you're in a fucking movie/porno or something. I love it," he pulled you in for a hug, "AND I support 100% bitch."

You hugged him back hard, squeezing his small frame. "Thanks Pax, I'll see you in a week! Love you bitch."

You started walking away now, "Love you too hoe." You blew each other kisses and you headed back to your dorm. You tried to wipe the satisfied look of your face, but you knew Leia would see right through it like Pax did.

You walked in to your dorm and Leia and Han were sitting on the couch, cuddling and watching TV. You said hi and took your shoes off, heading to the bathroom. You realized you hadn't gone pee yet, since... well anyways you suddenly had to go really bad. You let out a sigh of relief and then washed your hands. You looked in the mirror and smoothed out your hair a little bit.

You went to go sit on the small lounger-chair beside the couch. You crossed your legs and placed your hands in your lap. You were watching the TV went Leia paused it.

"Okay hot stuff, spill it." She was holding the remote in her hand, pointing it at you in accusation. 

"Spill what?" You couldn't hide the smile stretching across your face. Leia rolled her eyes and you caved.

Leaning forward and placing your elbows on your knees you told her everything you told Pax. You always kept some things between you and Kylo, the more intimate things. And the more rough things. Those were only to be shared between you and him.

She giggled and Han looked horrified, which made you and Leia laugh even more.

"Damn girl! I mean Han and I did it in a janitor's closet once, but a classroom?! Atta girl!"

You felt good, you felt so glad that you had amazing friends that you could share with. You wished, you hoped that one day you could tell your parents that you at least had a boyfriend. It was tiring having to be so secretive with them. You were close with your mum and you wanted to gossip with her about boys. Maybe one day.

You guys kept talking about Leia's plans for the cabin, and your lack thereof of plans for your week when you got a text.

_Kylo: I'm outside baby._

Your heart soared.

_You: okay, just saying goodbye then gotta grab my bags. Be 2 minutes xoxo_

_Kylo: Ok._

Still no 'hugs and kisses'. _I'm gonna change that this week_ , you thought. 

"Kylo's outside! Just gonna grab my bags." You went to your room, grabbed your small suitcase and took a last look around your room. Your mental check-list sounding off inside your head.

_Charger. Check._

_Homework. Check._

_Lots of panties. Check._

_Your new toy. Double check._

You figured if you'd need anything that you could just come back for it. Kylo's house was only half an hour from the campus.

"Okay! I'll see you guys in like 10 days! Have fun at the cabin, say hi to your mum and dad for me!" You hugged Leia tight.

"I will! You have fun too girl! But, not too much fun." She winked, you smiled.

"Bye Han! Don't drive Leia too crazy now okay?" You hugged him too, he swopped you up and rubbed his fist on your head, "Don't you know me at all? Resident scoundrel at your service." He took a bow and snorted.

You laughed and smiled, waving as you took your things and headed out the door.

Once you got onto the main floor, you looked around to see if anyone was around. The coast was clear and you made it to the front door. You peeked out the front door, making sure that there was no one in the parking lot and you made a dash to Kylo's car. He was waiting by the trunk with it open. You went to pick it up your bag to put it in but he grabbed it, "let me Doll." He picked it up with ease and plopped in into the trunk.

He went around to the passenger side door and opened it for you. You slipped in and he shut it softly. You watched him walk to the driver's side, his head was on a swivel too. You hated that you had to be careful in public when you were with him. It frustrated you so much. But you knew that you couldn't risk being seen together in this way. You could care less about your academic career, but his? No way were you ever going to put it in jeopardy. You cared about him too much to risk everything he's worked for.

He got in and the car hummed to life. He drove a Porsche 911, dark grey with black interior. It was a gorgeous car, and thankfully Alderaan didn't get that much snow, so he could drive it pretty much all year round. You watched as your truck grew smaller, as you drove further away from it. You knew it would be fine, lots of people stayed for the week. Students who travelled abroad, or those who couldn't go home. Plus you asked your RA, Jannah, if she could check on it every couple days. She was so sweet, of course she said yes.

You both sat in silence for majority of the ride. Comfortable silence. Something that you were becoming accustomed to. It made your heart happy. Comfortable silence is a sign of intimacy. You didn't want to ruin it, so you hummed to the radio and looked out the window as the landscape changed.

The university was situated amongst some hills, part of the campus was actually built into one. As you got further away from it, more buildings and city-life appeared. The atmosphere roared with life. You didn't like it, it was too busy for your taste. You passed through the city, popping out on the opposite side of the campus. Kylo lived on an acreage, secluded, and surrounded by trees. His home was fairly large. Bigger than your house at home. It looked sort of like a vintage farmhouse, which surprised you the first time you saw it. But with your increasing visits that the outside did not match the inside.

He drove up the gravel drive-way and parked in front of the front door. He hopped out and opened your door for you. You stepped out and basked in the quietness. The cool air nipping at the back of your neck. The sun glowing from behind the overcast clouds.

Kylo had grabbed your bags and was walking up the porch. It was a gorgeous wrap-around porch, and there was even a porch-swing on the left side with an outdoor heater above it. You smiled, remembering that Kylo once rearranged your guts on that chair a few weeks ago.

He opened the door and stepped to the side to let you in first. You took a deep breath in, and walked in. Immediately calmed by the familiar scent of _him_. Coffee, _of course_ , and his cologne.

This was going to be an amazing week, you hoped.


	14. Ominous

You strolled into his home, breathing in his familiar and comforting scent. The house was cool from the brisk November air, the only warmth in the entire house coming from the many fireplaces. Kylo didn't get cold often, which sucked sometimes because you were always cold. But he always had tons of soft blankets, fuzzy socks, and cups of hot coffee or tea to keep you warm. Along with the snuggles you got once or twice.

Your nose instantly laid upon something delicious, and your stomach growled.

"Oh, I guess I haven't eaten much today. What smells so good?" You had put your bags down and Kylo was helping you take your coat off.

"Come, let me show you." He held out his hand and you took it. Guiding you into his gorgeous kitchen to reveal an amazing place-setting at the table.

A beautiful bouquet of flowers sat in the middle of the small round table: carnations, baby's breath, roses, and one massive sunflower. All of your favourites. There were rose petals sprawled out on the table-cloth and you saw a trail heading over to where his bedroom was.

"Ah, that's for later Sweetheart. Eyes away. Do you like it?" He stepped to the side to reveal a crockpot filled with delicious looking, and smelling, stew. Your mouth began to salivate.

 _I love how domestic he can be. He is cooking with a damn crockpot in his farmhouse for fucks sake_.

His home was a stunning bungalow, the entire main floor bigger than your house at home. The only matching feature between the inside and the outside is that the shade of white is everywhere. The side-boards outside are a beautiful stark white, the house practically glows against the deep evergreen landscape.

The inside of the house is a combination of warm tones and white. The kitchen countertops are white marble, the appliances a gorgeous stainless steel, and the fixtures on the white cupboards are a warm brassy colour. The house was immaculate, and you'd expect nothing less for Kylo's home.

You were amazed at the attention to detail, even the smallest things he considered. The first time you stayed over, he had gone out and bought an entire hair care, skin care, and body care routine for the one shower you took. You were blown away. And you loved it.

"Yes, it smells and looks amazing. I'm starving." You licked your lips and peeked on your tip-toes to get a better look into the crockpot.

"Good. Sit. I'll serve you and get us something to drink. Relax Doll. I want your first night of Reading Week to be stress free. Let me take care of you tonight." His last words made you shiver and your heart skipped a beat. You smiled and nodded, going to sit in your spot.

You always sat in the chair that had the big window in front of you. Kylo said he liked seeing how the light danced off your face through the small pane of stained glass he had installed. You always blushed when he said stuff like that. He also said that chair was closest to the countertop, so he could bend you over and fuck you more easily if he wanted to. That always made you blush too, just not in your face.

You took a deep breath in and let your head fall back as you relaxed. For the first time in weeks you actually felt like nothing was hovering over your head. And you'd only just gotten to the house.

Kylo came and poured you a glass of rosé, topping it off with raspberries and blackberries. He poured himself a glass of whiskey on the rocks. The strong smell made your nose scrunch up. He put your stew in a considerably smaller bowl than his, but gave you a much bigger piece of bread to go with yours. He knew you loved carbs. You couldn't get enough of them.

He sat down and looked up at you. You raised your wine glass, "a toast, to uhh–– to..."

"To _us_." He finished for you, clinking your glass before taking a slow sip. You smiled and took a sip of your own drink.

He waited for you to start eating before he began, as always. And as always you managed to stuff your face in the most un-attractive way possible. Holding your spoon with one hand, shovelling stew into your mouth while simultaneously shoving the bread into your mouth with your other hand. You caught yourself and stopped. Chewing and swallowing hard you looked up at Kylo.

"I'm sorry... This is really amazing, it's so yummy and I-I haven't eaten much today." You looked down, pushing up your glasses sheepishly.

"Look at me," you did, "do not apologize for enjoying the things I make you. Ever. I love seeing you indulge and I love seeing you be yourself. Your ravenous appetite is one of the many things I... adore about you." He winked and you smiled.

"Wow. Thanks Kylo, that means a lot to me."

You finished eating more or less in silence, but you didn't care because you were enjoying the food so much. Kylo had gotten you more wine when you ran out and even replenished the berries (which you had eaten too). Once you were done he went to go to the sink. You shot up from your chair, "no! Let me do the dishes Kylo, _please_."

You grabbed the bowl and hip-checked him away from the sink. As you started scrubbing away, he lingered behind you, then resumed his spot at the table, sipping his whiskey while watching you. Not just like casually looking at you, but legitimately watching you do the dishes. You continued your work and when you were done you dried them and attempted to put them away. You realized that you had no idea where anything went.

Kylo got up, he walked over to you and grabbed the glass you were holding. He got so close that your chest hit his when you breathed. He reached behind your back, caressing your waist as he grabbed another glass. He turned and put them away. He did this with each dish. Coming so close to you, bending slightly to reach the dishes, brushing up against your waist or hip as he did so, breathing hard whiskey scents into your face. You were frozen.

He finished putting away the dishes and made for the fridge. "Dessert?" You heard your voice get excited again.

He opened the fridge and pulled out two small cupcakes. By the looks of them, chocolate with vanilla icing and toasted coconut on top: your favourite.

You squealed and leapt over to him, holding your hands out to receive your dessert. He placed the small cake into your hands, making it look a lot bigger than you thought. His hands always dwarfed anything he held, and that included you.

"Yes, I got your favourite. And I have to say, the coconut is growing on me."

You raised your cupcake and cheers'd them before you both sank your teeth into the soft icing. The flavour was immaculate and you moaned with immense satisfaction. You scarfed it down pretty fast and licked your fingers clean of the remaining icing. Kylo finished his and rose his fingers to your mouth.

"Open." You did and he put his index and middle finger into your mouth. Your taste buds flooded with vanilla, coconut, and _him_. You closed your mouth and sucked. Hard. Harder than you anticipated, but you were still hungry. Not for food or drink. But for Kylo.

He took his hands from your mouth and you pounced, seizing his mouth with yours, wrapping your arms around his neck. He kissed you back, grabbing your ass and pulling your cheeks apart. Then he pulled away, breathing hard.

"We still have something to do Sweetheart. But don't worry. That will come later." He started walking along the rose-petal-path. "Close your eyes. Take my hands." You followed his orders and let him guide you to wherever you were going.

You took some corners and Kylo let go of one of your hands to open a door. He shuffled you inside and he stood behind you, holding your waist. "Okay, open."

You opened your eyes and your hand immediately flew to your mouth, gasping and stumbling back.

It was Kylo's bedroom. But it wasn't? It was different.

A new bedframe, lighter, less ominous. The duvet was now white and grey filigree pattern, not the plain black they used to be. There was about eight fluffy decorative pillows covering more than half of the king-size mattress, compared to the two in the past.

Two leather chairs, similar to the ones in his office, sat in front of a huge gorgeous window with the same stained glass detail. A new wardrobe, a dark ebony coloured wood, and beside it a shorter and longer dresser. Atop the dresser was more flowers and chocolate.

There were small round candles everywhere. On the dresser, wardrobe, tables, floor, window sills, everywhere. The floor was covered in rose petals, and in between the leather chairs was a small table with more rosé and chocolate covered strawberries.

You walked into the room, leaving his grasp on your waist. You let your bare feet follow the rose petals and they took you to each new feature in his room. Your hand traced along the side of the bed, the duvet was soft and fluffy, the bed frame had four posts that met at the top, and intricate metal work covered the top of the bed frame. The leather chairs, upon further inspection they were the exact same as the ones in his office. You pawed at the fuzzy blanket draped over the one you assumed to be yours. Rounding the room you came to the wardrobe and you looked back at Kylo, asking permission to open it, he nodded and you grabbed both handle, flinging your hands back to open the heavy doors.

Your eyes went big as you saw tons of clothes. Female clothes. All different styles for different occasions, seasons, weather, events, you name it. It was all in there. Pajamas made of silk, cotton, fleece. Everything. You gasped and stepped back, your ass meeting Kylo's urgent bulge who had snuck up behind you.

He reached around your shoulder, brushing his hand over your chest and clavicle. He other moved the hair from your neck and he bent to plant hot kisses on your exposed skin. You reached behind you and found his thighs. You massaged and kneaded them with your hands. Rolling circles into his strong quads. You looked up and saw both your reflections in the floor-length mirror in the middle of the wardrobe. He looked up from your neck and met your eyes, in the reflection.

His hands travelled your torso, one finding a home on your stomach, the other gently clutching your neck. With his eyes still locked to yours through the mirror he licked from your neck up to your ear.

His voice barely above a whisper he spoke slowly, "In the bottom drawer of my dresser," he motioned to the shorter, longer one beside your(?) wardrobe, "pick one and put it on. I'll be back soon, so be quick little one." He kissed your neck once more and was gone. You spun around but he was nowhere to be found.

Your heart was racing and you jumped to his dresser. There were two drawers on the bottom, so you opened the left one first as it was closer to you. You saw some t-shirts and tank-tops, obviously men's sizes, so you dug around trying to find whatever it was he told you to put on. Surely he couldn't have meant his clothes. You rooted through the drawer almost entirely when your fingers grazed what felt like a piece of paper. Too curious you pulled it out of the drawer.

It was an envelope. The paper was almost sepia in colour, it looked old. You flipped it around and saw it was addressed to Kylo. The handwriting was harsh, but had the familiar loops that Kylo signed his name with. Albeit it wasn't his writing. You flipped it again and saw that it had been opened. Cursing yourself you opened it and took out the letter.

_'My dear boy,_

_You must finish what I started. Find the one to save yourself. She will come, I can sense it. Though now you are only a little boy, one day you will grow to pick up where I left off on my journey. You will struggle, but do not fight it. Destiny is mysterious and can be seductive. With your training, hopefully you will escape the seduction to the wrong side. Be strong my boy, finish what I started._

_-Grandpa Ani'_

Woah, okay ominous much? You had never heard of any grandpa, or any family for that matter. You read it again and again, trying to make sense of the fading ink words.

"What. Are. You. Doing?" Kylo spoke sternly, harshly. You spun around and tried to hide the letter, but failed. Kylo advanced on you like a lion on a gazelle. You yelped as he forcefully grabbed your arms.

 _Fuck,_ you thought _, I majorly fucked up._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I LOVE domestic Kylo. But MC fucked up. Next chapter will be up within the hour! This was meant to be one chapter, but then it got really long, so I split it into two!


	15. What Redemption?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: **Kylo is not nice at the beginning of this chapter, there is extreme physical abuse, Kylo chains up MC during a fit of rage. PLEASE read at your own risk! I know this is a spike in his personality, but when I was writing, this is how it came out. Please proceed with caution.**

Kylo launched himself towards you, picking you up by your armpits like you were some child.

His face was twisted, his teeth grinding his chin into sharp edges. His nostrils flared and his eye twitched in an all too familiar way. Anger.

"Kk-kylo, I can explain––" He had grabbed the letter from your hands, stuffing it back into the envelope before putting it in his back pocket. His grip on your wrist was like a vice and you winced at the pain.

"I did not tell you to go snooping through my stuff little one." He yanked your wrist and you heard your shoulder pop quietly.

"Ah! Kylo you didn't say which drawer, I was just looking for––" He was pulling you away from the dresser and out of his room. Dragging you by your wrist you had to run to keep up with his long strides.

"You should have seen that what you were looking for was _obviously_ not in that drawer and moved on to the correct one." He was fuming now, spitting his words like venom into the space in front of him. Loud and clear enough for you to hear him as he towed you behind him.

"I'm sorry okay! Just stop please." You tried to pull away, but his grasp was too tight, he was starting to hurt you. Like actually hurt you. You kicked and screamed, trying to get him to stop pulling you along. Nothing worked, he kept going on, finally reaching, you realized, the basement door.

Woah. You'd never been down there before. _And something tells me that I don't want to know what's down there_. Out of sheer fear you screamed. A blood-curdling, high-pitched scream. Kylo stopped and turned around.

"I SAID STOP! Kylo you're hurting me, please sto––."

"Well you hurt me Sweetheart. Just returning the favour." He seethed as he grabbed your chin with his other hand. Squeezing until your jaw popped open in the most uncomfortable way. He was squeezing so hard that you thought he'd break your jaw.

You tried to speak but his grip on your chin was preventing you from saying anything. Hot tears streamed down your cheeks and your eyes pleaded with him.

Returning your gaze were black holes. Resonating with fear and hatred and hurt. His irises beady and watching you closely. His eye twitched and he spun around, releasing your chin you shot your hand up to rub the sore spot.

He continued walking, you having to keep running to keep up with him and make sure he didn't dislocate your shoulder. He spun and picked you up, throwing you over his shoulder he descended the stairs. You kicked his torso and hammered punches into his back. Still nothing worked and he kept going down the stairs.

It grew dark, and then he threw you onto the floor. Landing on a what felt like a hard mat.

He flicked on a light bulb on that was hanging from the ceiling and you found yourself on a work-out mat of some sort. Tossed onto a raised stage that was surrounded by gym equipment amongst other things. The basement was cold and not as welcoming as the rest of his house.

Kylo walked behind you and as you were rubbing your sore wrist, he grabbed your ankle, clamping a cuff around it that was attached to a chain. A chain that was embedded into the concrete floor beside the mat.

"KYLO! What the fuck are you doing?! Let me go!" You pried at the cuff and tried to pull yourself free. It was no use. The chain and cuff were massive and thick metal. Trying to remove it only made it hurt more.

Kylo walked around you, stopping once he was in front of you.

"Hello??? Let me fucking go!" You waved your hands wildly and screamed at him until he looked down at you, inhaling deeply, forcefully, angrily, completely possessed.

He screamed into the air, "just fucking SHUT UP! Let me think!" You blinked and before you could react, his hand came down hard on your left cheek, throwing your glasses onto the floor. Kylo had just slapped you. In the fucking face. And not in the fore-play way either. You started crying more. Sobbing and wailing now.

You didn't know what you did wrong, and he wasn't telling you. You stifled a sob and inhaled. Sitting up straighter you caressed your cheek as you stared him down. You tried to convey as much rage and anger as you could as you poured your hatred into his soul. How could he be doing this to you? Well, you were about to fucking find out.

"Kylo, tell me why you're doing this. I ask about your family and you shut me down. Every time. I don't understand. I didn't mean to snoop, but any mention of your family and it draws me in like a light. I just want to _know_ you. I want to _understand_ you. So _please_. _Please_ tell me. Because I can't take this anymore." You finished your sentence whispering, begging him to let you in.

He looked at you, pacing in front of you. Like a predator stalking its prey, watching it die before it eats it. His behaviour made you want to be sick. But you needed to get to the bottom of this. He squatted in front of you.

You spoke again, slowly, more calmly. But still crying. "Kylo, _please_. I don't understand. Let me in."

"No, you don't understand––" He spoke quietly but rudely.

You raised your voice, cutting him off this time, growing annoyed with his incessant condescending tone of voice. "Then tell me! I can't read your fucking mind! How am I supposed to know what to do or say if you don't give me a fucking clue! I don't know anything about you! You know SO MUCH about me! And I know NOTHING about you! I don't know your parents' names, or anything about your family for that matter, I don't know your favourite food, what food you don't like, things you love, things you hate! I don't even know your favourite fucking colour!" You were yelling now, absolutely screaming at him. But you couldn't stop yourself.

"I care SO fucking much about you, and I want to take the time to learn more about you! Why won't you let me in? Are you afraid that I won't like what you show or tell me?! For fucks sake I am such a boring person! But you always find something to say to make me feel special. Because you _know me_. You know how to make me feel good, no matter the situation." You tossed your hands into the air, "Well expect right fucking now! You treat me so fucking good, but then I do one thing and then you chain me to the fucking ground in your creepy cold-ass basement? What the actual fuck man? Nah, this is fucked up. So you better tell me what I want to know or you can fucking leave me down here to die."

Shit, you didn't mean to go that far. But your blood was boiling. You looked at him, and he looked taken aback. Fucking good, at least you were getting your point across.

"You- you can't understand Sweetheart, I––" You cut him off again. Yelling. Again.

"NO do not call me that when you have me chained up like some _slave_." You spat the word at him. "And don't treat me like I'm a fucking child! I'm an adult too okay? I have my own responsibilities and my own problems and shit. So yes _Kylo_ , I can understand. If you only just let me. I can't fight for this anymore. I've come as far as I can possibly go with pushing this. You have to come and meet me halfway." A pause. " _Please_."

He was now sitting on his butt, his legs tucked in front of him. His hands crossed over them. He looked like he was... scared. He was hugging his body in a way a child might if there was thunder outside. His eyes rose to meet yours. They were softer now, black still, but reddened and puffy.

_He's crying. Wow. What the?_

You crossed your arms, not wanting to let up your current façade. You felt your heart break at the sight of him, but you knew he was ready now. You stayed quiet now, letting the futile air disintegrate until you could just hear the sound of your steady breaths. You waited for what you were sure was 15 minutes before he spoke softly.

"My real parents died just after I was born. I don't know how, nobody does. I never knew them." He took a deep breath and you tried to wiggle your way closer to him, but you didn't get far because of the chain. It jingled and he looked up. His eyes stained with apologetic dismay, he crawled over to you, releasing your ankle from the cuff with a small key. Before your hand could go to rub the soreness, he grabbed both of your legs, pulling them on top of his thighs. He started massaging your ankles and feet as he continued. You twitched at his touch, still scarred from what he'd done to you, but you listened intently.

"My grandfather took care of me until I was about 7 or 8, his name was Anakin."

_Anakin. Ani. Grandpa Ani._

"He was a harsh man, controlling, hungry for power and wealth. I was only little, so I didn't know any better. He raised me in his ideals. That is until my uncle Rian and his partner JJ took me in." He exhaled and you put your hands over his. His shoulders relaxed and he continued, not looking at you.

"They adopted me essentially, my grandfather no longer had any rights to see me or talk to me. Rian was always good to me, the smothering type. He encouraged me to be myself. The only problem was that I didn't know who that was. JJ on the other hand was different. He always treated me like I was nothing, casting me away, neglecting me. I don't know what I did to deserve that from him." A tear left the corner of Kylo's eye, you caught it with your thumb, wiping it away and caressing his face.

"I hated them both for a long time. Rian because he reminded me of what I could be like, and what I could have. JJ because he reminded me of what kinds of people I'd have to face in my life. So when I turned 16 I left their home. I moved away and didn't tell them where I was as going. Rian always said something about redemption for my grandfather's faults, those of which I inherited apparently." He looked at you, his eyes now filled with hurt, with sadness, with abandonment.

"I didn't, and still don't, know what I need to be redeemed for? Such an odd thing to say to a 15 year-old boy. I have been working to find out why I need to redeem myself for years. I was going to give up on saving myself. And then I met you."

You let out a small sigh, and cupped his cheek harder. He was clinging onto your legs now with a force that was altogether different than the force he'd used before. This time he was holding onto you out of real fear that you'd disappear.

Silence. He massaged your calves.

"Until you m-met me?" He let out a long sigh.

"Yes, Sweetheart. Do you remember that one Monday a couple months ago? The day you confronted me the first time?"

Your heart skipped at the sudden flash of memories. You'd confronted Kylo about fucking you, then throwing you out. You yelled at him and demanded he tell you what he wanted. And he did. He said that _he wanted you_. That _you_ were the one that changed his life, that allowed him to open up and accept affection. _You_. A barista and his student.

You nodded slowly and he continued. "Well, the day that I first saw you working, my whole world turned upside down. At first I thought that it was a bad sign, that I wasn't going down the right path. That I wasn't becoming who I was meant to be. But the more often I visited your work, the more times you helped me, I knew. I knew you were meant to be _mine_. And in return, I _yours_." He shifted, and pulled you up onto his lap, cradling you, comforting you.

"I tried to fight it for three years. For three years I bought coffee every day you were working just to double, triple, quadruple check that you weren't the one. But time and time again, those feelings didn't go away. They multiplied until they overwhelmed me. Until I had no choice but to speak to you. And not just as your customer. I had to know if my fate was true. If you were true." He smiled softly, and actually laughed a bit.

"And then you were true, and your feelings were so powerful that I felt as if I'd been blown up in a cosmic supernova. You were so good and so perfect and so willing that I didn't know how to react. No one taught me. And I didn't let anyone teach me. Except for you. You broke me Sweetheart, you split me open and forced myself to square my inner demons. The ones that warned me about you. The ones that won't let me _feel things_. Even for you."

He pulled you into his torso, your face resting underneath his chin. One hand stroking your back, the other stroking the back of your head, smoothing your hair. "But I fought with them, the demons. I faced them and I have learned how to keep them at bay. Over the last two months they seldom came out. Tonight they reared their foul faces and I am sorry Doll. I hate myself for what I did to you."

You grabbed at the back of his neck, playing with his soft curls at the nape, rubbing small circles into his back. You were violently sobbing into his shoulder.

"I fought them. And I've fought myself for this. For you. I was scared to admit this, but now I am not. You've shown me strength and that one thing conquers all: love." You shuddered and he shushed you sweet nothings.

He whispered in your ear, " _I love you_ ," he spoke your name breathlessly, sounding like a harmony from heaven.

He was kissing you wherever he could reach. The top of your head, your cheek, ear, neck. He pulled you from your haven in the crook of his neck and held your wet face in both of his hands. His thumbs collecting your tears, swiping them away. He looked at you, picking up your glasses from beside him, he put them on your face. Your eyes focussed and you saw it.

Pure, real, raw, _human_ , emotion in his eyes. All of which were shadowed by an abundance of _love_.

He smiled at you, a genuine, happy, loving smile. He laughed softly and you laughed back. The kind of laugh that you make when you can't believe what just happened, but that you were so happy about it.

You pushed forward and kissed him. Hard, passionate, intimate, _loving_. The air around you was drenched in it. You were suffocating with the pressure rising from your heart, spreading throughout your soul. Kylo loved you. And you loved him.

You broke your kiss, feeling barren without his lips. Caressing his cheek now, you spoke the four words you've been dying to say aloud for weeks: " _I love you too_."

He smiled again, and he kissed you tenderly. Your lips parting for hot breaths and happy laughs as you revelled in his ambiance of _love_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY WHAT I AM LEGIT CRYING RN?! Mean Kylo always has a reason, now he is soft Kylo so come on right???? WOw I feel exhausted after writing this. I hope you guys enjoy reading it!!!!


	16. Full Circle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I got a couple comments about my last chapter, saying that abusive!kylo was too violent, and the fact that MC forgave him right away was sickening. I try and convey Kylo's character, but he is incredibly difficult to write. There are many other (AMAZING) fics where Kylo is a lot more violent and cruel than what I wrote. It is his character. I put warnings before any of my triggering chapters, so if you read beyond them, that is your fault. I will not apologize for writing what I want. If it's not your cup of tea than don't read it please! And PLEASE keep the negativity to yourselves. If I want criticism then I will ask for it. Otherwise it is 100% unwanted and at that point an insult. Please read with caution if I have put warnings! Thank you and be safe you guys xoxo

–– **Kylo's POV**

She was still trembling. Whether out of fear or affection he wasn't sure. He lay behind her, holding her close to him as they sat in his massive soaker tub. The warm water not settling his nerves. The bubbles fizzing as they disintegrated into the water. Her body radiating heat against his frigid skin.

He should feel relieved, excited, happy even. But his demons wouldn't let him. He'd already disobeyed them by telling her that he loved her. That was most definitely against the rules laid out by his demons. They'd set out to control him, shape his nature into something that was impenetrable. Something that would obtain control and power and wealth. Exactly what Anakin wanted.

No matter how hard Rian tried to reverse what Anakin had done, it was no use. There was too much darkness in Kylo. Until he met Sweetheart, he had no reason to open his heart. Just as quickly as she had punctured his soul, she was simultaneously mending it at the same time.

Kylo's heart hurt. Flashes of Doll's scared face in the basement flooded his closed eyelids, her screams and pleads. He never wanted to hurt her. Ever. For a moment, his demons were overpowering him. His heart _hurt_. Cries and sobs swarmed his ear drums and he could feel her tears on his skin. He'd done that to her. He'd hurt her. He thought that surely she'd leave him for good. But then she didn't. She understood, even when he didn't understand himself.

 _That is why. Yes. That is why I will spend the rest of my life making it up to her_.

 _It won't be easy_ , he thought to himself. He'd have to work even harder to suppress the chaos within himself. But he would do it. He'd give up all of his power and his wealth for her. She is worth it all. The pain, the struggle, everything. _She is my_ _everything_.

She shifted in the tub and pulled Kylo from his inner babble. She turned her head and looked up at him. Her eyes were dark, tired, exhausted. But still she glowed with happiness. Her glasses fogged up the tiniest bit from the steam. Kylo could see the faint pink outline of his handprint on her face. He winced and grabbed a microfibre towel, dipping it into the hot water.

He brought it up to her cheek, and she took her glasses off letting him place the soft towel on her mark. She brought her hand up and cupped his on her cheek, nuzzling into it. She sighed, a small sound. Her eyes found his. He looked at her with pure adoration. Feeding off her forgiveness and understanding.

He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve her. Yet here she was, pledging herself to him unapologetically. He swiped the cloth on her cheek carefully, coaxing out the pain. He removed it, and planted a thousand tiny kisses along the mark. His lips desperately trying to erase what he'd done.

She hummed happily, leaning into him as he smothered her with affection. He wasn't so sure if he was doing it right. Being affectionate. He had never done it before. No one taught him how or showed him any form of kindness. He hoped he was doing it right. He needed it to be right, for her. He'd learn anything for her. She was unknowingly teaching him, she had been since they first formally spoke.

About an hour had passed, Kylo had used a soft loofa to scrub Sweetheart's back and chest. Massaging her shoulders and wrists, her legs and ankles. The bruises forming around her wrists and ankle turning light purple as they settled in unwanted. He hated looking at them, it made him hate himself even more. However, the more he massaged them, the more attention he took to them, the more relaxed she became. Like she knew he was apologizing a thousand times with every rub of his fingers, with every knead of his palm.

She is so understanding. So willing. _So good_.

The water had cooled down immensely, now sitting just below room temperature. She shivered as Kylo got out of the tub, grabbing two baby blue fluffy towels. The tub drained as she sat there, chasing the fleeting warmth of the water until it was all gone. He waited until she looked up, her legs pressed to her chest, her arms wrapped around them. Kylo bent down, and with a swift motion he picked her up out of the tub, holding her legs close to his torso as he wrapped the towel around her delicate frame. She snuggled into his shoulder, letting out a big sigh.

A glance at the clock, it was nearly 1am. The night had flown by––

After ascending the basement, Kylo made Sweetheart some tea, giving her a few biscuits to nibble on while he cleaned the kitchen. The hum of the wind outside calming the air inside.

After tea, Kylo carried her into the bedroom. Placing her on the leather chair and wrapping her in the blanket while he drew the bath. He filled it with lavender bubble-bath and some of the leftover rose petals. He dimmed the lights and turned on the in-tile heater so that it wouldn't be chilly for Sweetheart to step on. Though he carried her anyways, he wanted to make sure.

Once the bath was drawn he went to her, she was drifting off to sleep but allowed him to undress her. He took his time, so as not to cause her bruises more pain. Carefully slipping her out of her clothes, he picked her up again and slowly lowered her into the tub. The bubbles reaching her chin as she fully sat down. He undressed in the bedroom, giving her a few minutes of privacy. To reflect.

He came back in and she was facing the other way, her small shoulders peeping out of the water, her back glistening with sweat from the heat and steam. He approached the tub and placed one foot in the water. She spun around quickly, startled. But just as quickly she slid forward to make room for him. He crept into the tub, sinking into the water. He leaned back and took her shoulders, drawing her back to lean into his chest. She was reluctant at first, but then eased into his torso.

Their breaths synced and they sat like that for a while.

––Now, Kylo had buttoned up the red silk night-gown Doll had chosen from her wardrobe. He picked her up again and slipped her into the covers. Letting the heavy duvet drown her body. The fluffy pillow bury her small head. He put on some black cotton pants and slipped in next to her. She liked the left side of the bed, so he climbed in on her right side. As soon as he pulled the covers over him, she wiggled her way over to him.

He put his arm up and she slid into the crevice of his body. Snuggling up to his chest, placing her hand on his pecs, draping her leg over his groin as she sprawled out over top of him. She had never done this before, never gotten so close in this way. The tiniest warning went off in his head and he stiffened. His body rigid, she lifted her head up. She noticed, she felt it. She felt everything. He took a deep breath and smoothed her hair with his hand, placing a small kiss on her forehead.

"Shhh." He cooed, coaxing her back down into the haven created by his body. She relaxed and rested her head back on his chest. His heart was beating quickly, and if he could hear it, surely she did too.

"Your heartbeat is the perfect lullaby, I'm so sleepy..." Her voice was a soft whisper, barely audible. Breathless, and just radiating exhaustion. She was fast asleep before Kylo could say anything back.

Minutes passed, which turned into hours. A glance at the clock on his bedside table: 3:47am.

He hadn't fallen asleep once since they got into bed. His mind wouldn't shut up. His demons wouldn't allow him any peace after he disobeyed them. Since he couldn't sleep, he got lost in thought. He thought about Sweetheart, and tried to piece together her complexity.

He thanked her, in his mind. Grateful that she slammed into his life with such a strong impact. _She's an angel_ , he thought, an angel sent from heaven just for him. Kylo didn't believe in the supernatural, nor was he ever really superstitious. But for some reason, he always felt tied down by his fate: the fate that had been set by his grandfather. He never wanted to live up to his destiny. He thought he could outsmart it, and his demons. But, for years he found it nearly impossible to vacate them from his mind.

His demons always telling him that he could only ever trust himself (and them of course). That he couldn't let anyone get too close or it would jeopardize his future, and therefore what he was meant to become. It was always clear to him before. Become the best in his field, respected, adored, _feared_. Seek opportunities to expand that power and revel in the wealth that came along with it. Disregard anything and anyone that would get in his way, forget them, destroy them if he must. Always cycling through and letting old things die.

It was exhausting. And boring. Unfulfilling. Kylo sought something else in life. He craved something that was missing. Felt like something was missing from his soul. Then he discovered _her_. She was like a beacon, calling to him. Begging to be his protector, and he hers. A dyad. A force. Strong apart, but even stronger together. Two souls, halved at creation, only to find each other later in life. He'd been waiting for that moment. Anticipating it, sensing that it would come, years before he had ever spoke to her.

And then once it did come, it came full-circle. Everything made sense. His demons had interpreted his grandfather's teachings wrongly. Sweetheart was meant to seduce him, to the side of love. And she did just that. She seduced his mind, his body, and his soul. Engulfing it with her radiance and beauty, her wits and her knowledge. She understood things at a much deeper level than Kylo, always explaining that things are not what they seem. She got everything. She got him.

Despite this clarity, Kylo couldn't help but feel distant. How could he not? A wave of emotions, such as love and affection, washed over him like a tidal wave. Crashing into his soul with little warning. She barged into his life and took it over so quickly he barely knew what to do.

He wanted her. He knew he had her, but still. He craved her, needed to own her. Like a possession, the precious rare jewel that she was. He needed to dominate her. That would come with time, he thought. He needed to show her what he was feeling. And now that he had, he was ready to move things on. He sensed she was too.

Almost three months of knowing her, not just knowing _of_ her. They needed more time together. 24 hours was not enough time in a day to spend with her. He needed her forever. And he was going to get it. He'd just have to wait. He could do that though. He'd waited this long already. And for her, he'd wait an eternity.

A glance at the clock again: 6:18am. _For fucks sake_. Another sleepless night. He wasn't falling asleep, so he just decided to get up.

Though she wasn't awake yet, Kylo couldn't stay in the bed any longer. His anxiety starting to rise again, he began unwinding himself from her.


	17. Permission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: if you don't like ROUGH ANAL SEX then don't read this chapter! That's all lol.

–– **Kylo's POV**

Sweetheart had moved a few times, she was facing away from him now, but he still had his arm around her. Her bum had wiggled its way to his leg, pressed up against it hard. It was so plump and soft. He slowly took his arm from underneath her head, turning on his side he peeked over her shoulders. Her face was squished with her arm, her mouth parted slightly. Little snores escaping her throat.

 _She is so fucking cute_.

He brushed some hair from her face and stroked her arm. He kissed her shoulder and got out of bed. He went to the bathroom, splashed cold water in his face and looked in the mirror. The bags under his eyes were so dark he looked like he'd been punched in the face. Yeah, _punched in the face by love_ , he thought and chuckled softly.

He got into some loose shorts and tossed on a tank-top. He went downstairs and grabbed a protein bar and a glass of water then headed into the basement.

Kylo had a vigorous workout routine and he usually worked out twice a day, once in the morning and once in the evening. Though the past couple of months he really only did mornings. He got to the bottom of the stairs and flicked the light on. He looked down onto the mat, seeing the chain and cuff still where he had left them. Rage flooded over him.

He marched over, and grabbed the chain. He was absolutely fuming. Still so angry and disgusted with himself. He yanked on the chain, hard. Once, twice, and the third time he ripped it right from the concrete. Pieces of stone flying into the air, a blasting sound echoing off the unfinished basement walls. He was breathing hard. Fist clenched around the chain he threw it at one of the floor-to-ceiling mirrors that covered the walls behind the mat.

The glass shattered and broke into a million pieces, crumbling and falling to the floor in defeat. Kylo sank to his knees along with them. He clutched his face in his hands, his fingers trembling and fisting themselves through his hair, wet with sweat. He sat like that for a long time. Waiting to see if he had woken Sweetheart. But she never came, he never heard her calling him. So he assumed through all the closed door and her deep sleep that she hadn't heard his outburst.

He went to the kitchen and grabbed a broom and dust-pan. Slowly he started sweeping up his mess, silently cursing to himself and his anger issues. His home was old, built in the 70s. But everything inside it was new. Mostly upgrades and whatnot, but a lot of it was because he had destroyed much of it too. A hole in the wall here, broken table or chairs there, smashed windows and mirrors. He couldn't control it sometimes.

It was like his demons would just scream at him, egg him on and not stop until he had had enough. Just to shut them up he'd throw something or smash something. Then when the adrenalin cleared, the demons were gone. And he'd be left in peace, but having to clean up one mess or another. He was fine living like this, but now that Sweetheart was in his life, and in his house, he swore to himself to be more careful. To think about things before he acts. He'd try his best, and he hoped that it would be enough. For her. 

After cleaning up the broken glass, vacuuming any leftover small pieces, he did his workout as normal. Checking his watch: 8:52am. He went upstairs, grabbed a banana and carefully puttered over to his bedroom. He opened the door slowly, peering in to see that the drapes were still closed. He waited for his eyes to adjust to the sudden darkness and he saw Doll, still sleeping. She had completely star-fished across the bed, her arms and legs reaching each corner as she lie on her stomach. Her face still squished, this time in between his pillow and her own.

He sighed and smiled. He walked over to her and smoothed his thumb over her cheek, tracing her lips and tucking her unruly hair behind her ears. He kissed her on the cheek again, lingering this time. Breathing in her soul.

He went into the bathroom, shut the door and turned the shower on. The water sprayed out from the water-fall shower head that was fitted into the ceiling. The glass doors and mirror fogged up and the room filled with delicious steam. He undressed and stepped in, letting the hot water run over his tense body.

He placed his head underneath the stream of water, letting it run down his face, drench his hair. He closed his eyes, and inhaled, holding it for a long moment before exhaling. He almost didn't hear Sweetheart come into the bathroom. _Almost_.

She crept in slowly, already naked. He cleared his eyes of the water and his gaze fell upon her exposed body. She opened the shower door and stepped in. He pulled her into him, letting the water fall onto her instead of him. It was cold outside of the stream, but she made him feel enflamed.

"Good morning," she beamed up at him. She was facing him, tilting her head back so that she could get all her hair wet. Blocking it from dripping onto her face with her hands. His hands found her waist and he rested them there, fitting perfectly in her curves.

"Good morning Sweetheart," he looked down at her. Pieces of his wet hair falling in front of his eyes. She took one of her hands and moved it out of the way, caressing his cheek she got on her tip-toes and planted her lips on his.

Lust engulfed him immediately and he seized her body. Lifting her by her waist until her legs wrapped around his torso. Her arms wrapped around his neck as she tried to pull herself closer to him, the water running between them now. His hands found her ass, pulling her cheeks apart and massaging them roughly. His growing erection poking at her entrance desperately.

He pulled away, looking at her, making sure this was okay. He was asking her permission. 

She looked back at him, smiled and nodded, "it's okay," she breathed into him. With her permission granted he took control quickly.

Exploring her body with his large hands, pawing at all of her exposed skin. His mouth hungry and skimming over her face and neck, trying to lay kisses in every crevice. He took one of his hands and found her pussy. Wet from the water and slick with her arousal. He toyed with her entrance and quickly slid two fingers in.

 _Shit, she's so fucking tight_.

He pumped into her a few times, Sweetheart moaning into his ear, clenching around his fingers.

"You want this cock in your tight cunt?" He spoke drunkenly, high on the endorphins she was administering him.

"Yes Kylo please!" She moaned into him, her hips jerking into his fingers craving to be filled more. He pulled his fingers out and aimed his cock at her entrance. One last look at her, and she nodded. Without another word he plunged into her core, seething as he sheathed himself to the hilt.

" _Fuck_ , you're so fucking tight babygirl." Kylo was pounding into her, the sound of wet, slapping skin filling the bathroom, echoing off the tile floor and walls.

She was mumbling incoherent delicious sounds, all of which made Kylo more aggressive.

He held her by her ass and angled himself so he could reach into her deeper. He bent his legs and snapped his hips violently, fucking up into her at an alarming rate. "You're fucking _mine_. Do you understand that Doll? _Mine_. My-- fuck, my fucking cunt." Pulling her ass cheeks apart and digging his fingers into her plush skin, he set to destroy her pussy.

He brought one finger to her pucker, tracing the rim and coating it with her juices.

"Ah! Kylo!" She jerked at the sudden sensation, "Ohh, _fuuucckkk_."

He felt her clench around his cock and he smirked. He pulled away just enough so that he could see her face. Her eyes were heavy with lust, her brows knit with pleasure.

"You fucking _like that_ don't you? Filthy whore. You want me to fuck that ass?" He plunged his finger into her ass, just to the first knuckle, but that was enough to make Sweetheart scream.

" _Holy fuck Kylo_! Fuck, ugh _yes_ , please." Her legs wrapped around his waist tighter, and she clenched again. Kylo could feel it on his cock and his finger. He lifted her off his dick with ease and plopped her down on her feet. He grabbed her waist and spun her around. Pushing her head into the tile wall, pinching her waist so she would bend over.

"Shit, you want me to fuck that pretty little ass? Poor, sweet baby. You're my _fucking slut_." He bent down and licked a long flat line along her pucker, then positioned himself at her hole.

She was looking back at him, her eyes covered in the same drunken lust that his were. He looked up, _waiting_. And she nodded, she was saying yes.

"I'll go slow baby, don't worry." He cooed, slapping her ass cheek lightly he started slowly putting it in.

 _Holy fucking shit, her ass is soo fucking tight_.

He managed to get the tip in and he roared when it sunk past her rim. She wailed and threw her head back with pleasure. He was quickly losing control.

" _Shit_ , you're doing so good Sweetheart. You're taking my cock so well in that pretty little ass of yours. Aren't you?" His words seeped out of him like honey.

When she didn't answer he thrust a little bit further in, about half way now. Her head spun around. " _FUCK!_ Yes it feels so good Kylo." Her hips began to move backwards, pushing his length further into her.

 _Shit, what a fucking dirty slut. I love her_.

Slowly, Kylo sheathed himself fully into her ass. Balls deep he felt the tight confines of her ass completely around him now. He wouldn't last long like this. He didn't care though.

He started pumping, slowly pulling out, then pushing back in. Again and again until he had built up speed and fucked her ass at a steady pace. His hands and fingers bruising her waist where he clutched onto her. Her hands running along the tile, seeking anything to grab, anything to squeeze. He reached a hand around and grabbed her throat. He felt her swallow and could feel the rumbles of her moaning.

With his other hand he reached around and found her clit, swollen and hard. He started swirling cruel circles around it, emphasizing the pressure just to the right side. He knew it was her weak spot, any friction there would bring about her orgasm faster and faster.

Her head flew back, her eyes gone from her head, her mouth hanging open. Struggling for air and moaning wanton noises into the steamy bathroom, he knew she was close.

"Cum for me slut, be a good girl and cum." His words sank into her and she convulsed in his arms. Her head was flailing from side to side, her hands clutching at the tiles, her legs shaking uncontrollably. He felt her ass clench so tight that he couldn't hold it any longer. He grunted and moaned loudly as he came in her ass. Shooting hot ropes of cum into her tight hole, riding out her orgasm by slowing his pace on her clit, then shoving his fingers into her cunt. She clenched as she finished cumming on his fingers and his cock.

The water was still running, washing away the sweat and the fluids from their bodies. He released her throat and she gasped for air. He realized he'd been holding his breath and he exhaled aggressively. He pulled out, hearing a small 'pop' as his dick was freed from her ass, seeing his cum immediately ooze from her rim. He rinsed his cock off and she spun around.

Her arms found his hips and she wrapped them around his body, pulling him closer to her. He took her face in both of his hands and bent to kiss her. His lips soft and wet as his tongue invaded her mouth. She moaned and accepted him eagerly, her tongue wrestling with his.

He broke their kiss and smiled at her. She beamed back at him, water trickling down her nose.

"I love you." She said as she turned to grab the shampoo. Facing away from him now, he looked at the back of her head. He whispered back, unsure if she heard it or not, "I love you too Sweetheart." 


	18. Defense

You were sitting on the leather chair in front of the window in Kylo’s room, dangling over the arm so you could watch him get dressed. His back was to you, but your mouth fell open in awe as you watched his back muscles flex as he bent and pulled up his pants. You watched his arms move fluidly as he put on his t-shirt, his biceps stiffening and relaxing. His body was a work of art in motion.

“What are we doing today?” You asked as you twirled a piece of wet hair around your finger.

He turned around, “what would you like to do today Sweetheart?”

You thought for a moment. You still wanted to know more. Kylo had opened up to you _so much_ , and you were grateful for it, but you couldn’t help but feel unsatisfied still.

Your mind filtered through the past 12 hours––

Dinner with Kylo, when you felt as if nothing could go wrong. And then it did. It went so horribly wrong that you still couldn’t comprehend that it actually happened.

Being caught, grabbed, and then dragged into the basement. Thrown on the floor. Chained up. Slapped. Hurt. _So hurt_. Desperate. Desperate for him to let you in. Strong. Weak. Scared. Confident. Anger. Hatred. Sadness. Understanding. More hurt, but for a _different_ reason. Empathy. Yes, empathy above all. Compassion. And, finally, _love_.

You had to fight with yourself over the last 12 hours. Your mind cursing you for forgiving Kylo so easily. But your heart and soul telling you that you did the right thing. How were you to know who was right? Despite every warning that was going off in your head about Kylo, the way he looked at you when he told you about his parents made every bad feeling fizzle away.

He was hurting. So bad. He had never been shown the sort of affection and compassion that a child should have. He was never taught how to deal with his demons, how to face them, how to smite them. He was taught to accept them, to listen to them, to trust them. You knew he couldn’t change his whole entire being in two months. It would take time. And you were willing to wait. For him, you'd wait an eternity. 

You had seen some of his outbursts before. This was just the first time that it had happened to you. You honestly figured it would happen sooner rather than later. What with you pushing him, and him growing to want to open up to you. You were ready, _you were_. You just weren’t expecting it to happen the first fucking night.

You forgave him, because he deserved it, he _needed_ it. 

He finally found someone to give him what he needs. Unconditional love, understanding, patience. He had had enough people in his life run when things got hard. He had had enough people in his life disregard him, ignore him, neglect him. He had had enough of sorrow, sadness, anger, and frustration in his life. He needed someone who would introduce his soul to happiness, joy, affection, and love. All of the things he had never had before. You wanted to be that person for him.

––He cleared his throat, you looked up. He was fully dressed now, looking at you with a cocked eyebrow.

“Can we go for a walk? Through the acreage?” You asked him, your eyes filled with wonder.

“That sounds perfect. I’ll make us some coffee before we head out. It’s cold today.” He turned, heading out towards the kitchen. You got up, grabbed your boots and coat, and followed him.

The smell of fresh coffee filled your nostrils. Kylo grabbed some Bailey’s from his liquor cabinet and poured a couple ounces into your travel mugs. The heavenly scent filled the kitchen and you inhaled. Your senses tingling.

You put your coat and boots on, Kylo followed, then gave you your mug of Bailey’s and coffee. You took a small sip, letting the hot liquid travel down your esophagus. He opened the door for you and the cold wind knocked your breath from your lungs.

You shivered a little bit and then you felt something heavy over your shoulders. Kylo had wrapped a chunky blanket over your shoulders. “Thank you,” you mumbled as you took another sip.

“You’re welcome Doll.” He had a chunky black scarf on, it draped behind his neck, almost like a poncho-looking-thing. He didn’t wear a toque, or mitts. Unlike you. You were bundled up, your fuzzy mitts clutching onto your coffee. You had a toque and a scarf on, _and_ Kylo gave you a blanket. Yet for some reason you were still cold.

You walked in silence for quite some time. You glanced up at Kylo every few feet, quickly turning away when you saw him look at you. You sighed. The chilly air clinging to your exhaled breath, making it visible in front of your face. You huffed again, this time on purpose, so you could see your breath as a fog in your eyes. You giggled as it fogged your glasses up.

You didn’t realize that you’d stopped walking until you saw Kylo turn around. He held his hand out to you, you ran to grab it. He never let you hold his hand. Ever. But you guessed it was because you were surrounded by the privacy of his estate.

The entire acreage was surrounded by rows of dense trees. No one could see in or out. The only way in was through the gate at the end of the gravel driveway. Throughout the property there were more clusters of trees. You couldn’t tell what kind because none of them had leaves. The cool November air stripped them all of their distinctions. You think you remember seeing a cherry blossom tree and a weeping willow, but you can’t remember.

You clung to his hand, letting the warmth from your mitt radiate onto his cold bare skin. Your other hand holding your mug. With a swift move, Kylo shoved your hand, still intertwined with his, into his coat pocket. Warmth flooded the small space and your hand started to sweat.

You smiled. Your heart extremely happy. A few more steps and you felt one of your heart strings pull. Before you could stop yourself, the words had fled your mouth, “Kylo, can we please talk about––“

He cut you off, stopping in his tracks. “No. Not today.” He had pulled his hand from his pocket, pulling yours along with it. He tucked his hand under his armpit and away from you. He went to keep walking. When he noticed you weren’t following beside him he turned.

“What is it now?” He sounded annoyed. Ugh.

“No. Don’t do that Kylo! Don’t push me away. Not after everything that happened. When are you going to figure out that I am not the bad guy?” You crossed your free arm over your elbow, tapping your foot into the snow.

Kylo exhaled, you saw his breath poof out in front of him.

“Fine. How about this then? For the remainder of your time here, you may ask me one question a day. Just one. So make sure it’s a good one.” He held his hand out again, you took it.

“Okay, fine. But only if you promise to give me a good answer, not just a couple words or whatever.” You tugged at his arm and he looked down at you.

“Yes, whatever fine. I promise.” He crossed and ‘X’ over his heart. You snorted and hip-checked him softly.

He bent and kissed your forehead.

“So. What is your question today Doll?” He continued walking you around his property, weaving in and out of the snow-dusted trees.

“Well since I only get one, let me think about it.”

“Take your time love.”

You guys reached an opening in a patch of trees, there was a small picnic table in the middle. The sight made your heart happy and you skipped over towards it. You put the chunky blanket over the seat and sat down, brushing some snow away you placed your mug down on the table.

You breathed in deeply. The cold air cleansing your airway. You closed your eyes and tilted your head back. You could feel snow falling from the trees, landing on your cheeks. The wind bustling through you. You hummed along with it.

You thought about what you wanted to ask Kylo. You wanted to make sure your first question was thought out, that it was sturdy enough that he couldn’t avoid answering it with a snarky remark. You wanted to phrase it so that you could get the most information out of him, without prodding too much.

You figured you’d try and start at the beginning.

“Sooo…” You opened your eyes, Kylo had sat beside you on the blanket, his legs crossed and his hands cupped around his mug in his lap. His eyes were closed too. He looked so peaceful.

He opened his one eye, “Yes?”

“So uh–– uhm so your grandfather… What did he teach you?” You hoped that wasn’t too much, you looked away quickly.

He sighed. Pondered for a couple minutes then turned to face you. He held out his hand as he stood up. You grabbed your mug and threw the blanket over your shoulder before taking his hand. The stone-cold blanket riddled your spine with shivers. You started walking again, making your way slowly back towards the house.

“He taught me through the lens of defense. How to put up a wall, to be impenetrable.” He shrugged his shoulders, you knew he didn’t want to talk about this anymore, but he also promised that he’d give you a good answer.

Squeezing your hand, he continued. “From what I can remember, and from what Rian told me, he was a very cold man. His heart hardened after his wife died. She was his everything. And once she was gone, he shut everyone out. Including me in many ways. He didn’t come to see me when I was born. The only reason why he took me in was because my parents had listed him as my primary relative.”

It was snowing harder now, sticking to your glasses. Kylo began to walk faster towards the house.

“His ideals completely changed after his wife died. He became hungry for power and wealth. To be _respected_ and _feared_ simultaneously. He drilled this into me when I was a kid. He’d say that respect was only legitimate if it was based off of _fear_. That no one would truly respect me unless they feared me. Unless I was cold, in control, powerful.”

He opened the back door for you and you shuffled inside. Kicking off your boots he helped you shrug your coat off. You took off your toque, mitts and scarf and placed them on a wooden bench by the backdoor. You both went into the kitchen. You checked the clock on the wall: 1:06pm. Wow, you didn’t realize you’d been outside for so long. No wonder you were shivering.

Kylo came back from the back living room and scooped you up into his arms. He went into the living room and lowered you onto the plush carpet in front of the fireplace. He’d lit it and was feeding it oxygen as he blew into it. The smell of burning wood filled your senses and the warmth on your skin sent shocks of relaxation through you.

He sat behind you, pulling you in between his legs. He leaned up against the couch, and you snuggled back into his chest. Your eyes reflecting the orange glow that filled the room. He pulled some biscuits from his pocket, offering you one. You took one and thanked him as you nibbled on it quietly. He inhaled and exhaled a few times before clearing his throat.

“He taught me to be hard. To listen to the voices inside of my head because they were the only ones who knew me. That they knew me better than myself. Of course I believed him, I was 7 years old. For 8 years he brainwashed me into thinking that he knew me better than myself.” He took a bite of a biscuit, swallowing hard.

“Then when Rian and JJ took me in, I resented them for trying to change me. Rian tried to reverse what Anakin had done, but it was too late. Or, at least I thought it was. When I turned 16, Rian and JJ gave me that letter you found. Then I left them and never went back.”

You soaked in all the words you’d heard over the past half an hour and turned to face Kylo. His face was emotionless, set sternly as always. There was a tiny flicker in his eyes though, his irises burning with _something_.

“Kylo, I––“

“That’s enough for today.”

“But––“

“ _Sweetheart_ ,” his voice was firm, “that is _enough_ for today. Let’s keep our promises love.” He cupped your cheek with both of his hands, using his thumb to push your glasses up your nose.

He bent and kissed your forehead, then your nose, then your lips. You pushed into him harder, your lips seeking to taste him.

Your stomach growled. You pulled away from his face and looked down embarrassed. “I’m sorry. It’s lunch time and I’m hungry haha.” He smiled, cocking his head to the side.

“You’re always hungry. Come, I’ll make some lunch.”

He wasn’t lying. You were always hungry, snackish. Always munching on something. You went and sat at the island in the kitchen, the cold marble freezing your elbows. You pulled your sleeves over your arms and watched as Kylo began pulling some bits from the fridge.

He didn’t bother asking you what you wanted, you’d eat anything he gave you. He was such a good cook, he didn’t even have to try.

He pulled out some buns and grabbed the fresh butter from the counter. He cut the buns open and squished the insides a little. You looked at him confused and snickered.

Without looking up he spoke slowly, “trust me love.”

You held up your hands in fake defense. “Okay, okay.”

He went over to the crockpot and spooned out some of the contents onto the bun. You laughed.

“OMG you made a little bed in the bun for the stew! That is so cute!” You couldn’t help but break down and laugh. He could be so domestic. Doing the smallest things that made your heart flutter. You were slowly realizing that he had always had the capacity to _feel_. It had just been suppressed so deeply that it needed coaxing out.

He started laughing too, but his answer was fully rational, “well if you don’t make a little bowl for it then it spills out the side.” He finished the sentence with a smile. You winked at him.

He put the bun on a plate and cut up some carrots and cucumber, placing them delicately beside the bun. He slid the plate over to you, watching you eagerly. You picked up a carrot and tossed it into your mouth. The crunch harsh on your teeth. Before you finished chewing the carrot you grabbed the bun and shoved it way too far into your mouth. You bit down and some of the stew seeped out the side of your mouth. You chuckled and went to wipe it with the back of your hand, but Kylo leaned over the island and wiped it away with his thumb. You watched him bring his thumb to his mouth, he opened it and placed his thumb inside. Your eyes went big and your heart rate increased.

“Yummy.” He said as he licked his lips. He came to sit beside you, his own plate with a bun and veggies. You two sat in silence as you ate, the sounds of crunchy carrots and soft bread filling the room.

A look at the clock: 2:34pm. You glanced over at your backpack sitting on the ground beside the dinner table. You groaned.

“It’s 2:30. You know what that means Doll.” Kylo had finished eating and was putting the dishes into the dishwasher.

Ugh. Homework time. Earlier in the week you both agreed that at 2:30 every day you both would do some school work for at least 3 hours, just until dinner time. Him marking exams and papers, you working on assignments, papers, studying etc…

“Do we have to? It’s the first day.” You looked at him, pouting your bottom lip and begging with your eyes.

He looked back at you and pouted back, “yes, we do pet.” You choked on your own spit, laughing.

_What the hell? He’d just pouted back to you, and called you ‘pet’._

You crossed your arms and stuck your tongue out at him like a child, “fine, can we sit in front of the fireplace though? I’m still cold.”

He grabbed your backpack, “You’re always cold. I’ll light the fire in my office. Come.”

You followed him humming, heart happy, stomach full, mind already tired from the homework you were about to do.

He lit the fireplace in his office, the room roaring to life with an orange hue. Flicks of fire blazing and floating into the air. He went to his desk and sat down, turning on the small lamp in the corner. You sprawled out on the carpet in front of the fireplace, you set up your textbooks in a circle around you.

You decided to start writing the paper for Kylo’s class. It’s due the first Wednesday back after the break. He didn’t give a topic, but rather gave small prompts to the entire class. Little bits of inspiration to come up with our own topic.

Finn decided to write on how Heracles actually wasn’t a hero. You stayed after class (as always), and Finn stayed with you one day to ask if his topic was okay. Kylo was reluctant at first, but agreed eventually, telling Finn that he was looking forward to read his thesis. 

After Finn left, Kylo told you that he thought the topic was shit, but wanted to read whatever awful arguments Finn would try to come up with to support his thesis. You punched him in the arm, telling him that he shouldn’t treat a student like that. He grabbed your throat, squeezing as he planted a wet, hot kiss on your mouth. “And I shouldn’t treat them like _this_ , either.” He said as he released your throat. You remember the feeling of your pussy clenching, your breath hitching. 

You shook your head of the thought and tried to refocus on your own topic. Realizing that you didn’t have one yet. _For fucks sake_. This was going to be a long three hours.


	19. Call Me Pretty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: BLOOD PLAY, PERIOD BLOOD, PERIOD SEX. MC and Kylo have sex whilst MC is on her period. IF Y'ALL DON'T LIKE THAT THEN DON'T READ IT!

It’s been four days since Kylo’s outburst and three since he opened up to you about his grandfather. You’d spent a lot of time processing what you guys talked about, and your questions from the last three days were mostly about his career. You figured you’d give him a break from prodding about his family.

You learned that he dropped out of high school the year he left Rian and JJ’s house, just a year before he was supposed to graduate. He felt that he was ‘too smart to be surrounded by idiots’. His words, not yours.

He wandered for a while until he ended up here, in Alderaan. He worked two or three jobs at once for just over a year so he could save enough to buy his house. This house. He bought it when he was just about to turn 18 years old. He completed his high school diploma online and then applied to Naboo University. Naboo was just 45 minutes away from Alderaan, not too far of a drive.

You had applied there as well. It has the most prestigious History program in the country, making it extremely competitive. You were rejected, but you weren’t really bothered because you wanted to come to Alderaan. To follow your fathers legacy.

Kylo got into Naboo easily, he was accepted during the early application time period and not even two months later he was attending the school. He completed his degree with honours every semester, making the Dean’s List every time. He was the best in his class. He worked hard and completed his Bachelor of History in just two years, applying and getting into graduate school at Naboo just as easily.

He went on to complete his Masters of American History and then went on to complete his Doctorate. He mentioned that he has two Masters Degrees, but neglected to tell you which other one he has. Kylo did all of this in about seven years and was immediately offered jobs around the country, even as Dean of Arts and Science at Naboo. He turned it down though. He said he felt a pull to Alderaan. That it was compelling and even though the position offered was just as a professor, he felt like he needed to go here. And so he did.

He told you that he felt as if he needed to come here because he would one day meet you. And that it was on the other side of the country from Rian and JJ.

Since he moved to Alderaan his career took off and he gradually worked his way up to Head of the History department here for a couple years. Eventually he just preferred to be a regular professor, teaching the courses he wanted to teach.

He told you that he really did not want to teach the Greek Mythology class, but that when he saw you walk in, it became his favourite class to attend.

You drank in his successes and you felt happy that he shared everything that he had with you. 

You haven’t asked him your question yet today though. He’d gone out to get some groceries not too long ago, you were trying to do some more homework but it was useless. You were so _bored_ without him there. You decided to wander the house a bit, but didn’t find anything worth exploring.

You were hungry and cranky and so _so_ horny. You got your period yesterday, so not much action on the sexual front. You were growing frustrated, and you could tell Kylo was too. You were feeling bloated and ugly and fat and all the things a woman feels whilst on her period, so you decided to take a hot bath and then dress up in some of the fancy lingerie that Kylo had bought you. The lingerie that you were _supposed_ to find instead of Anakin’s letter. Oops.

You ran the bath and put in a fizzy bath bomb, letting it dissolve and bubble in the tub. You put your hair up and sank into the water. Letting the scolding hot water soothe your aching tummy. The first couple days of your period always killed you. Cramps and cravings up the ass.

You were a nightmare to be around and Kylo was just learning that. He’d never been around you 24/7 during your time of the month, and you have to admit he was handling you rather well. He was out right now getting you chocolate and chips, everything bagels and cream cheese spread. You craved anything and everything sweet and savoury, the more sugar and the more salt the better.

You lathered up some bubbles and swished around the massive tub. Your eyes were a bit swollen because this morning you saw a commercial on TV that made you sob, then you promptly yelled and cried at Kylo for no apparent reason other than the fact that he is so beautiful. Your emotions were always a rollercoaster, your hormones affecting your mood swings drastically. You didn’t mean to be so dramatic, but you couldn’t help it. You just needed someone to bring your snacks, to rub your tummy and call you pretty. So far Kylo was completing the first task.

You grew bored of the bath and drained it, grabbing a fluffy towel. You brought it up to your nose and inhaled the scent of Kylo’s laundry detergent. It smelled so strong and you loved it. You got out of the tub and put on coconut scented lotion. You popped your menstrual cup in and went to Kylo’s dresser.

You rustled through the bottom _right_ drawer and decided on a cute white lingerie set. A simple bra, completely transparent except the two lace flowers that covered your nipples. A more intricate pair of panties, a cheeky bum covered with a short lace tutu. You found a matching garter, so you fished around the drawer until you found thigh-high nylon tights with white lace at the top.

You put everything on, clasping the garter straps to the tights and twirling in front of the mirror inside your wardrobe. You found some sleek black stilettoes on the shoe rack in the wardrobe and popped them on. You let your hair down, tousled it until you were happy with its appearance. You curled your lashes, but didn’t put any mascara on. Your eyelashes were naturally really long and dark, so you didn’t always feel the need to put mascara on. You finished your look with black-rimmed glasses and a blood red lip to match your current state and walked around the house, trying to find something to amuse yourself.

You pondered around the house, finding nothing of interest. You made your way to the kitchen, opened the pantry and grabbed a few cookies. Munching on them you made your way back into Kylo’s bedroom. You plopped onto the bed and texted Kylo.

_You: hey are you gonna be home soon? I’m bored and hungry_

_You: oh and can you pick up some Maxidol please? My cramps are killing me_

A few minutes passed, Kylo really sucked at texting. He was ancient when it came to any kind of technology.

_You: Kylo?_

Nothing.

_You: Kyllloooo heellloooo_

_Kylo: Must you insist on spamming me every time I don’t answer? Also I don’t know what this Maxidol is._

_You: must you insist on not answering me every time I text you? And it’s like Tylenol, but for period cramps. Go to the pharmacy and ask the pharmacist_

_Kylo: Watch yourself Sweetheart, and no I’ll find it myself._

Always so stubborn.

_You: yeah whatever, so you gonna be home soon?_

_Kylo: Yes baby, I just had some difficulties finding everything on the very specific list you made me._

_You: don’t forget anything okay? I need it all_

_Kylo: Really? You need two milk chocolate bars, one bag of All Dressed chips, one freshly baked everything bagel and an entire tub of cookies and crème ice cream? Not to mention exactly 12 chocolate covered almonds from the bulk section?_

You rolled your eyes.

_You: yes Kylo, I need it all alright? Don’t forget the drugs too_

_Kylo: Fine, anything for you my love._

You heart and pussy fluttered. No matter the pain you were in right now, your body couldn’t help but respond to the way he spoke to you.

_You: okay see you soon xoxo_

_Kylo: ok_

Still no ‘hugs and kisses’, but you figured it was because you’re being so difficult at the moment. Honestly right now you couldn’t care less. You just wanted your drugs, your snacks, and Kylo’s dick pounding you. Unfortunately you’d only be getting two of those things. You sighed and tossed your phone to the end of the bed.

You lulled your head from side to side. God you were so fucking bored.

You dipped your fingers into your panties and started swirling lazy circles on your clit. If Kylo couldn’t satisfy your raging horniness then maybe you could. You fidgeted and tried to find your sweet spot but came up empty. Then you remembered that you packed your new toy. You’d forgotten about it until now. You raced over to your makeup bag and dug around for it. You kept it in a soft glasses case, so it wouldn’t get damaged. You found it and fell back onto the bed, tossing the case to the side.

You tried to pull your panties to the side, but it was frustrating so you just took them off completely. You undid the garter straps and slid off the delicate lace panties, refastening the straps you got comfy.

You propped up some pillows behind you and settled into them, spreading your legs wide. You turned on the vibrator to a medium speed and placed it on your aching nub. The sensation immediately made you mewl. You shifted, sinking lower into the bed and gripped the duvet with your other hand while you drew small circles on your clit with the toy.

It felt good, you could feel some of your frustration fleeting. But it wasn’t enough. You needed more. You turned the toy up a couple notches and your head fell back with the increased buzzing. You were moaning aloud now and breathing hard. Your body squirmed as your climax came into view. You still needed more.

You’d done this before, so you thought why the fuck not.

You put the toy down and fished out your menstrual cup, discarding it beside you somewhere. You plunged two of your fingers into your cunt and started pumping quickly. You grabbed the vibrator and returned it to your clit. The added fullness combined with the constant stimulation from the vibrator was finally satisfying your craving.

You were writhing and moaning incoherent nonsense, your orgasm creeping up on you steadily. Just a couple more minutes and you’d finish, you were so close.

You imagined Kylo fucking you, using his rough hands to explore your body and punish your clit. Hearing his deep voice coax you and pull you towards your impending orgasm. Drinking up his words as he spat delicious dirty talk at you. Feeling the sharp but blissful pain from his cock hitting your cervix. Clenching around his width as he finally made you cum.

You clicked the vibrator up one more notch and you were right on the edge.

“Ohhh, ffuuu––“

“ _Stop_.”

You turned your head and saw Kylo standing at the bedroom door, bags of groceries in one hand, his other fist clenched. Your hands slowed but didn’t stop.

“Fuck! Kylo! I was so fucking close, let me finish geez.” You resumed pumping at a steady pace again, but Kylo’s hands grabbed both of your wrists. Ripping your bloodied fingers from your core, throwing the vibrator across the room.

“ _KYLO!_ What the fuck?!” You sat up slightly, and looked around. _Shit_. You’d made a really big mess. There was blood everywhere. The duvet was soaked with it, along with your liquid arousal. Your stomach had splashes on blood dotting it. There was a trail of it on the floor leading to where you’d thrown your menstrual cup. _Oops_.

“What did I say? You want to cum, you ask my permission first.”

“Oh fuck off Kylo! Seriously!” You didn’t mean to be a brat, but you were a hormonal son of a bitch and Kylo rained on your horny-ass parade. You crossed your arms and looked up to the ceiling, showing him your defiance.

You heard him grunt as he marched over to the end of the bed. He was standing in front of you now. Your legs were still open, your pussy dripping onto the duvet. He bent and leaned on his hands.

“ _Pet_. Look at the mess you’ve made,” his voice was filled with lust, dripping with sticky honey, you looked up at him. “And look at what you’re wearing. Such a pretty thing to ruin with stains.” He traced his fingers over your heel, up to your ankle. He tugged on the nylon and it ripped slightly.

“Hey! Well now they’re really ruined!” You pulled your legs together and away from him.

He grabbed your ankle, the one that had been chained up. You winced as he caught your bruise. He looked at you apologetically, but didn’t let go.

“Ah ah ah, open them.”

You were feeling feisty, high on the adrenalin that your menstruation fuelled.

“Ha! I don’t think so. You didn’t let me finish.” You pulled your leg harder, breathing through the pain radiating from your ankle.

You saw Kylo’s eye twitch, and you realized you were going to lose this fight. FUCK.

He pulled at both of your ankles now, dragging you to the end of the bed. You could feel the wet trail of your blood on your ass. You were breathing hard, your heart beating out of your chest. Kylo looked possessed. He looked like he had just killed his prey after stalking it for months.

“Listen to me _slut_. You are going to _obey_ me, and maybe I won’t punish you for destroying my bedroom.” You nodded.

“ _Good girl_. Now. Open.” You opened your legs slowly and you could feel more blood and arousal seep from your core. Kylo licked his lips.

He crouched down, held your thigh with one hand, and with his other he shoved two fingers into your hot core. You clenched around him immediately and moaned aloud.

“You’re such a pretty little thing, just beautiful." His eyes danced over your figure, taking in your bloodied body and stained lingerie. 

"But, you’re a _filthy whore_ , pleasuring that dirty cunt without my permission.” He was finger-fucking you with no remorse, curling and twisting his fingers inside of you. You could hear the slick squelching sounds coming from between your legs and your mouth fell open. His thumb found your still stiff clit and started rubbing it furiously. You cried out and snapped your hips into his hand, trying to claim back your stolen climax.

“You want to fucking cum bitch? Coat my fingers with your blood and your cum? Beg for it.”

You rolled your eyes and sighed. If you didn’t need to cum so bad you would just tell him to go fuck himself. But as it was, your body was screaming at you for release, so you’d play his game.

“I saw that. Be a good girl and beg for it.” His thumb was swirling faster now, and he plunged another finger into your red core.

“Ah! Fuck, Kylo _please_.”

“Please _what?_ ”

“UGH! Please let me cum. Make me cum on your fingers please I need to. I need it!” Your words came out more whiny than you’d have liked, but you were growing desperate.

Kylo grunted with approval and his thumb worked harder. Your body went stiff, finally about to let itself go over the edge of paradise. You inhaled, ready to feel that sweet release. Then nothing.

Kylo had ripped his fingers from your pussy, his thumb vacant from your clit. You screamed.

“KYLO WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!” You kicked and screamed at him while he got onto the bed and straddled your waist.

His sheer weight pinning you down, keeping you from moving at all. He traced his bloodied fingers over your lips, smudging your lipstick, mixing it with your blood. Trailing down until they wrapped around your throat. He squeezed.

“Only good girls get to cum. And you my love, have been nothing but a fucking brat. Giving me attitude, ruining my bedroom, disregarding my commands.” He jerked his chin to the vibrator sitting on the floor by the bathroom door.

Tears were stinging your eyes, your mind filled with rage. You tried to speak through the constriction.

“I’m sorry okay? Kylo please just let me cum. I promise to be good.” That was a lie. You knew you were nowhere near done being a brat. You had two days left of your period for fucks sake. But you’d say anything right now to let Kylo make you cum. He released your throat and stood up, he yanked off his t-shirt and pulled off his joggers.

“Come. Take these off _slut_.” You obeyed and knelt in front of him, slowly pulling down his boxers to reveal his hardened length. You kissed down his thighs as you pulled his boxers off completely. You tossed them to the side and looked up at him. Your eyes filled with lust and desperation. You licked your lips and opened your mouth.

Kylo bent down and grabbed your jaw. “Not what I had in mind Sweetheart.” He pulled you up by your jaw and threw you back onto the bed. You propped yourself up on your elbows to look at him. _No fucking way._

“Wait, Kylo. What are you doing? I’m on my––“

“Yes pet, I can see that. You’ve made a mess of my room already, so why stop there?” He had moved to in between your legs, pushing them open with his knees he positioned himself at your entrance.

“Kylo! You can’t be serious. It’s like gross or whatever, I don’t want to freak you––“

“ _Enough_. You are going to take this fucking cock. You want this. Otherwise you wouldn’t have been playing with yourself when you knew I was going to be home soon.”

 _Shit_. He got you there.

“ _Fuck_ …” You said under your breath. Your eyes got heavy as they became weighed down by desire.

“If you be good, I’ll let you cum my love.” Not another second passed before he was sheathed fully into your core. A sickening squelching sound filled the room as Kylo moaned. He felt so good. He could fill you in ways you had never been before.

He pounded you at a ruthless pace. Setting it to the rhythm of your heartbeat. You moaned into the air, grabbing at his forearms, digging your nails into his skin. Dried blood crusted onto his and your skin. He bent down, kissing your neck forcefully. He bit down and sucked. Raising welts from your skin, summoning the broken blood cells to the surface. That made you moan louder, made you clench tighter, and made your clit ache all the more.

Through sobs you cried, “please Kylo, let me cum.” Your body was writhing, become overstimulated without the satisfaction of your orgasm.

“You’re taking this cock so well, your cunt was made for me.” His fingers found your clit and you cried with happiness, tears freeing themselves from your eyes.

“And I suppose you’ve had enough torture,” his words were eating away at you, your fingers clawing at any exposed skin you could find. Yours, his, it didn’t matter. Your eyes were whiting out, your breaths coming out in short spurts. You were there once again, right on the edge. You snapped open your eyes to watch Kylo, to make sure he wouldn’t abandon you again.

He smirked, still fucking you deep and hard. “Cum for me babygirl. Cum on this cock.”

With his permission you finally let yourself go. You wailed and clenched around him hard. Your head flung back and your mind blanked as your orgasm slammed into you full-force. After having been denied twice, you felt as if you might explode this time around. You came down from your high and Kylo’s thrusts were becoming uneven. Hard as ever, but losing rhythm. He was close.

He pulled out of you and straddled your torso, his cock aiming for your chest and neck. He was pumping his red-tinged cock with his fist, blood splashing onto you and the duvet. His breaths were short and his body was trembling.

“ _Shit_. Open whore.” You opened your mouth and Kylo climaxed. Shooting hot ropes of cum into your mouth and onto your chin and chest. So much pooled in your mouth and on your clavicle, you couldn’t believe you took this much in your cunt on a daily basis.

He slowly pumped his cock until he was sure he was finished, then he leaned back on his heels, breathing hard. Still straddling you he cupped your cheek with his blood and cum soaked hand. His thumb trailed your lips and you opened your mouth.

“ _Fuck_.” He breathed as he slipped his thumb into your mouth. You closed your lips around it and sucked hard. The taste of iron flooding your palate, mixing with the salty tang of his cum mixed with yours. Your eyes fell to the back of your head and you moaned.

“That’s my good girl. Come, let’s get cleaned up.” He got up from on top of you and sat beside you. He slid his hand behind your back and unclasped your dainty blood-stained bra. He undid the garter straps and pulled the nylons off your legs, followed by the garter itself. Your body looked like you’d been the victim of a murder. Blood splotches dotted your legs and your torso. You looked back to the once white lingerie set just to see it painted with red.

Kylo picked you up from the bed, walking you to the bathroom. You looked around the room, it looked like the scene of a murder. You honestly didn’t mean to make this big of a mess, but actually it was Kylo who made it worse. You chuckled and laid your head against Kylo’s shoulder. 

He opened the shower door and sat you on the bench inside. “What’s so funny Doll?” He turned on the water and it rushed out, the steam filling the shower immediately.

“Oh, nothing. I just um, I’ve never had sex on my period before… I mean I’ve played with myself, but um no one has ever…” You trailed off, letting the steam fog your lungs. “I didn’t mean to make such a mess of your room, I’m sorry.” You sighed and looked at him as he got into the shower.

“You’re a _dirty fucking slut_ ,” he winked and smiled at you, “but you’re _my_ dirty slut, and I love you. We can go out to the shops after and you can pick out a new duvet cover. But first, let me wash you, you’re covered in blood you know.”

You got up and punched him in the arm playfully. “Oh really?" You laughed, "I love you too.” You watched as the floor of the shower flooded with red water, getting more diluted as the blood was coming clean off your skin. Kylo washed himself quickly, then returned to washing and massaging you.

He reached his hands down around to your abdomen and you winced. Your cramps really hadn’t gotten better, you’d just forgotten about the feeling when you were too busy being pounded into oblivion.

Kylo comforted you and he gently massaged your lower belly, kneading your uterus and coaxing out some of the pain. “I got you those Maxidol pills and I bought a hot water pouch for you as well.” He was behind you, kissing your neck softly as his fingers relaxed your straining belly. You sighed happily.

“Did you forget anything? You got my chips right? The All Dressed ones? The Ripple brand, not Lays? And my bagel? With cream cheese? Oh and the chocolate? Cadbury right? Not Hershey’s?” You babbled on, Kylo nodded and grunting every few words as you listed off your impossible grocery list. You were impressed he got everything right. 

You stood in the shower as Kylo retrieved your menstrual cup, his rinsed it out and handed it to you. You told him to look away when you put it in, but he just rolled his eyes and scoffed. You supposed seeing that wasn’t a big deal compared to what just happened. You guys were really ticking off some milestones this week and it was only Tuesday.

You got dressed, putting some cream lounge joggers on with a cropped black t-shirt. Kylo went with black on black as per usual and you guys made your way into the kitchen. Kylo made you some tea while you rummaged through the grocery bag of goodies.

“So pet, what is your question for me today?”

_Shit, you hadn’t thought about that._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahahah this is trash and I am going to hell. Love you guys so much xoxo


	20. Ecstatic

–– ****Kylo’s POV****

He was watching her as she opened the bag of All Dressed chips, stuffing her hand in and pulling out a handful she put them on the counter. She opened the bag of chocolate covered almonds and popped one in her mouth, following it immediately with a chip.

_What an odd combination. She’s so cute._

“I’m not sure, haven’t really thought about it yet today.” She was talking with her mouth full, garbled words leaving her stuffed face. She swallowed, “I’ve been asking you all these questions, how about you ask me one?”

He stopped for a second, his hand holding the spoon still in the mug of tea.

He never really had to ask her any questions, she was always such an open book. Sharing anything and everything about her life when she felt it was relevant to their conversations. He liked listening to her ramble on about minuscule things in her life. Speaking freely as the memories flooded her mind. Painting pictures with her words for Kylo to imagine. He delighted in learning about her life before him.

“Hmm, yes. That is a good idea Sweetheart. Let me think.” He continued steeping the tea, stirring in the sugar and milk. He slid the mug over to where she was sitting and she snatched it up quickly. With the leftover hot water from the kettle he filled up the hot-water bag and walked over to place it on his Sweethearts lower belly. Her shoulders relaxed and she sighed deeply.

“Thank you, that feels so much better already.” She sank lower into the island chair, getting comfy with her weird snack and tea. “You know, uhm. I could tell you about my family,” she looked at him, “if you want…”

Kylo didn’t know much else other than that she was an only child, like him, but she had two loving parents. That was the extent of his knowledge of her family. She never talked about them because she said she didn’t want to upset him. He wanted to learn about her parents, he knew it would be important to her.

“Yes pet, that sounds nice. Tell me about your parents. Come, let’s sit by the fire.” He scooped up her snacks and she grabbed her tea. They walked through the house to the back living room, the fire already lit and blazing. The room was cast with a warm golden hue as the flames engulfed the space. Kylo inhaled deeply, loving the scent of burning wood.

In the back living room, there was a couch in front of the fireplace, as opposed to the two chairs in the front living room. They sat on either end of the couch, Sweetheart leaned back into the pillows to allow the hot-water bottle to lay flat over her aching belly. He grabbed her legs and pulled her the slightest bit closer, massaging her calves and feet softly.

She looked up at him, “I uh- I don’t know where to start haha.”

“Start however you’d like Doll. How about telling me what the do?” Kylo used his strong hands to rub out the stiff aches in her legs and feet, kneading slowly but forcefully.

“Okay yeah. _Ooooh_ that feels _so good_.” Her head slightly tilted back, her words leaving her mouth in a whispered moan. His cock twitched ever so slightly. He loved how undone she could become just from his touch. He shook the thought away, right now he needed to listen to her.

“Okay um. Well. My dad, Billy, and my mum, Evie, well they’re so amazing. My dad is a retired History professor actually! He went to Alderaan and then taught in our hometown. He loves European history like me. He’s the reason why I came here… My mum is a florist, she has her own shop and everything! She always says that being surrounded by beauty at work is good for the soul.” She took a sip of her tea.

“I agree with your mother.” She blushed at his words, but continued.

“I had a good childhood, lots of camping trips and family time. My parents made sure they made enough time for me, even with their busy jobs. My dad pushed me to soak in any knowledge that was given to me, he told me that knowledge is the key to everything. If you don’t understand something, there will always be doubt in your life. He’s a classic academic, prefers fact and science over anything else.” She popped an almond and chip in her mouth, continuing her story with her mouth full.

“My mum on the other hand believes in things like serendipity, in one’s fate and destiny. That the world is controlled by a higher power and your lives are determined before you’re born. That your life is spent in search for its one true person. The person who will complete their soul.”

She stopped talking then, looking into her lap, clutching the hot-water bag with one hand, the other holding onto her mug. She laughed under her breath, “Wow, I didn’t mean to go that deep haha, sorry.”

“I think you are the perfect combination of your parents.” Kylo’s heart was filling with a warmness he wasn’t used to.

He understood her so much more now. He stubborn features she got from her father. Like him, she values information more than anything, but never doubts her heart when it speaks to her. She’s taught Kylo how to open up, despite him fighting it.

“Really? Kylo I––“

“Yes pet. You embody the strong sense of academia from your father, while radiating the power of emotion from your mother. It’s perfect. You’re perfect.” She smiled at him, genuine and bursting with love. He ate it right up.

“Thank you Kylo... I uh- I thought of a question…” Her smiled slowly disappeared.

He cocked a brow, curious and somewhat frightened, “Hmm?”

“Have you ever considered contacting Rian and JJ again?”

Kylo stopped massaging her feet, he hands stilled as his breath hitched. He looked at her, his eyes narrowing as his lips formed a thin line. He felt his jaw click as he tensed his face.

“No.” He spat the word. 

“But why? I’m sure they would be proud of what you’ve accomplished and I bet they’d love to hear fr––“

“ _No_. I do not need their useless words of praise and encouragement. I got to where I am without them. I do not need them anymore.” His voice was getting deeper, a sign that his demons were slowly taking over.

Sweethearts face hardened as well, she crossed her arms.

“Well you know _Kylo_ , without them, you actually wouldn’t be where you are today. You wouldn’t be _who_ you are today. They deserve to know what an amazing man you’ve become.”

Kylo didn’t know what to say to that, he'd very seldom been called a 'man'. Peoples preferred word was 'monster'. At this point all he knew was that his rage was increasing. Rian and JJ didn’t deserve anything from him. They weren’t responsible for who he was today. They had nothing to do with it. Kylo worked hard on his own to get this far. If anything they hindered him when they had his custody. He hated them.

_Or do I love them?_

No. This is too much again.

“I don’t think so pet. They didn’t look out for me, and then when I left they didn’t try to find me. They don’t care about me. They never did.”

“Kylo, I don't believe that! They do care––”

“Well too bad Sweetheart, it’s not happening. So _do not_ ask again.”

She moved her legs away from him, turning to face the fireplace, arms still crossed. He took a deep breath.

“Fine. I’m bored.”

Furious and threatening to throw something right there, Kylo stood up, “Then do some homework, I see you still haven’t started writing the paper for my class.” He was stomping to the basement door, “I expect you to have your topic picked, and a rough thesis written by the time I come back.”

“Are you kidding me?!” Her voice was loud and obnoxious.

He spun around, his eyes blaring into hers. “Does it look like I am kidding pet? Keep with that attitude and I’ll expect at least two paragraphs written.”

He saw her nostrils flare and her eyes rolled dramatically, “for fucks sake! Fine I’ll start writing this shitty paper for your shitty class. Happy?!”

“Ecstatic.” He stomped into the kitchen grabbed a banana, glancing at the clock: 3:56pm. He descended into the basement, huffing angrily. He heard the sound of something crashing into the floor above him, figuring that she’d thrown a book or her hot-water bag. He was too angry to care.

He flicked on the light in the basement and tore off his shirt. His skin glistening with sweat and angst. His mind was racing, his heart pounding and his muscles tensing. He stalked over to his punching bag and started reeling into it. Pounding it with quick short bursts, over and over and over again. He spun in a circle and kicked it with his leg so hard that it took the entire bag off the chain. It crashed to the ground and he kicked it again, making it fly into the rack of dumbbells.

He was panting, sweat forming on his hairline. “Fucking hell. She really knows how to push me. Who the hell does she think she is? Thinks she can try to tell me that she knows me better than myself?” He stopped pacing and crouched down, his hands in his face. In his mind he heard a soft demonic ' _yyeesss'._

Fuck. His demons were back. And they weren’t being quiet. He tried to free his mind from them, but as per usual it wasn’t working. He started grinding out some push-ups, steadying his breathing and counting. He did about 45 but his demons were ever present. He shifted to his back, cranking out some sit-ups. Still not free of the demons screaming at him he walked over to the bar he had installed. Grabbing it forcefully, he started doing pull-ups. Grunting and breathing hard he tried to distract his mind from his demons.

It still wasn’t working. Nothing worked, except violence. Exactly what his demons wanted. They wanted him to have an outburst, to throw or destroy something. To act out of pure primal aggression. To prove to them that he was still their slave.

Wetness enveloped his face, a mixture of sweat and tears as he fought his inner battle once again. His demons tried to tell him that it was _her_ fault. That she was the reason for him feeling like this. And maybe they were right. To an extent. She was the exact reason for him to be feeling like this. Hell, for him to be _feeling_ at all. He couldn’t let them win this time, or ever again for that matter.

He sat down, cross-legged and put his hands on his knees. He took long, deep breaths and slowed his heart rate. He counted to seven and closed his eyes. Behind his eyelids he saw her face. Looking up at him with disgust and hatred. He shook his head and concentrated on her in his mind. He used her passionate energy to push away the nightmarish images. He counted to seven.

Kylo fell into a deep state of relaxation. His demons weren’t screaming at him anymore, they weren’t showing him pictures of sadness or of violence. There was nothing. Nothing but blissful darkness. 

Then there was her. Running through his yard, the leaves a range of orange and yellow, the autumn sunset drenching her exposed skin. She was holding her sundress, running through the trees, kicking piles of leaves, laughing, smiling, crying. She was running and hiding behind trees. Ducking behind one and reappearing from another. Kylo followed her in his mind. She went behind a big tree trunk, and didn't come into his view for a long while. He explored the dream and searched for her, looking behind each tree. He blinked and he was sitting on the back porch. He saw her come from behind a tree on the other end of the estate. He blinked and she was in front of him. She approached him and held out her hand. The words that left her mouth echoed, he couldn’t tell where she was speaking to him from. It sounded like she was everywhere and nowhere. Yet there she stood right in front of him. Her lips moved, the words lagging seconds later. ' _I love you Kylo, let me in._ ' 

"Let me in..." Her voice echoed, sounding close yet far away. 

"Kylo, let me in!" She sounded closer, he grappled at her voice, trying to find where it was coming from.

Her voice boomed as he came to, and he heard pounding on the basement door, “Kylo! Let me in!” 

Sweetheart was banging on the door, kicking it and trying to turn the knob. Kylo didn’t know he had locked it. As soon as he came to his senses he darted up the stairs, unlocking the door and swinging it open, making Sweetheart fly back.

“Fuck man! Watch it, you almost knocked me over!” Her arms were crossed, her brows furrowed with annoyance.

Kylo couldn’t help but burst out laughing. 

“Are you fucking serious Kylo? That’s not fucking funny!” She started storming off, but he grabbed her before she made it too far.

He wrapped his strong arms around her waist, yanking her back into his chest. “Kylo let me go!” She was punching his arms, but he was still laughing. His heart full with the epiphany he’d just experienced. He spun her around and lifted her mouth to his.

Their lips crashed with such a force that it took his breath away. She immediately stopped fighting him and melted into his touch. She wrapped her arms around his neck and let her legs dangle as he held her up by her waist. He felt all of her anger dissipate as he kissed her with more reassurance than he ever had before. He broke their kiss and looked at her. Her glasses were jostled a little from the impact of his kiss. He straightened them and cupped her cheek.

“I’m sorry Sweetheart, I love you so much.”

She closed her eyes and nuzzled into his cheek. He felt her sigh deeply as he stroked her cheek.

“I’m sorry too, and I love you more.”

She smiled softly at him and he smiled down at her. Taking in her apology, letting it fuel the battle within him. He let it guide the resistance that he was putting up against his demons. He let her be the spark of hope that he would conquer them one day. And he would. He would for her.


	21. Worshipped

You had gotten changed, into warmer clothes more suitable to go out in. Kylo said he’d read your thesis when you guys got back from the shops. Remarkably, Kylo only had one duvet set. Conveniently the one you completely destroyed with your period blood. You chuckled quietly as you tore through the country in Kylo’s car. The bum-warmer heating your core, sending soothing waves of hotness towards your still aching abdomen.

You weren’t entirely sure if the pain in your lower belly was from your cramps or from Kylo pounding your cervix. You smiled as the world flashed by you. You were looking out the window, your forehead resting on the chilled glass. You felt something brush your thigh and you looked down. Kylo was resting his warm hand over the top of your thigh, his fingers grazing too close to the inside of your legs. You felt a suffocating heat rise from your centre, fuelled by the insane amount of lust you had for this man.

Your pleasure was cut short when a wave of cramps swarmed your uterus. You cringed and before your hands could rub your belly, Kylo’s strong hand beat you to it. He let his body heat radiate into your core, soothing your uterus as he slowly swirled circles into it. You exhaled and relaxed.

You closed your eyes and inhaled, holding it for a second before exhaling slowly. You imagined your breath swooping into your lungs, transporting the clean oxygen throughout your body. You imagined it swarming around the pain you were experiencing, holding it there so your breath could trap it. Then you exhaled slowly, letting your breath take the captured pain away, letting it flow out of your body in slow controlled breaths.

You must have dozed off, Kylo nudged your shoulder gently when you arrived at the Home Sense on the other side of the city. “We’re here Sweetheart, put your hood up it’s snowing a little bit.”

You opened your eyes, groggy and still half-asleep. You looked at the clock: 5:31pm. You rubbed your eyes and placed your hood over the top of your head. Kylo got out first, and as always he came around the side and opened your door, offering his hand for you to grab as you climbed out the short sportscar. “Thanks,” you extended your legs, stretching them for a second before you stood up.

Kylo closed the door behind you and locked his car, beeping it twice before putting his keys into his pocket. He grabbed your right hand and stuffed it into his jacket pocket to keep it warm. This Home Sense was almost 30 minutes away from his house, but he chose this one because it was the farthest from campus. Less of a chance to be seen by any students of staff he said. You didn’t mind the drive at all, especially because you could hold his hand and kiss him in public.

He let his hand fell to your lower back as you two walked into the store, you shoved off your hood and your eyes immediately went to the big sign that read ****‘BEDDING’****. You trotted over and started going through the aisles of duvet and comforter sets. You went up and down a couple aisles before your eyes settled on one set in particular.

Your fingers traced along the packaging, reading what the set included: 1 Duvet Cover, 4 Pillow Shams, 1 Fitted Sheet, 1 Flat Sheet, 2 Decorative Pillow Shams. Considering all of the new pillows Kylo got for the bed, you thought this one would be good. You picked up the heavy packaging and turned it over so you could see the design better.

It was cream-coloured, with intricate blue-grey florals. They almost looked like cherry-blossoms, but weren’t pink. The pattern wasn’t too feminine, it was quite neutral. You were drawn to the lines of the stems and leaves, connecting and starting new flowers simultaneously. There was a hole cut in the packaging so customers could feel the duvet cover. You shoved your hand into it and the cover was so so soft. It felt like a cloud. You turned to Kylo, he was behind you, holding your waist.

“This one?” His eyes were darting across the packaging, analyzing it.

You looked up at him, smiling and nodding.

“It’s perfect.” He kissed the top of your forehead.

He went and paid and you returned your hood to your head, half walking, half running back to the car. It was fucking cold out. And wet. You hated it.

Kylo opened the door for you and you scooted into the seat. The car hummed to life and you immediately turned on the seat-warmer. He started driving, but not back the way you came from. You rounded a corner and found yourself heading into a Starbucks drive-thru. Your eyes lit up.

Kylo turned to you and smiled, “I figured you’d be missing having a drink every day. What would you like?”

Your mind immediately thought of Pax, and then to Poe, and then to Finn. Leia and Han. You missed them all so much and you realized that you hadn’t thought about them since the break started. They knew you wouldn’t be talking to them and they were all fine with that, but you still missed them.

You thought about what you wanted to have. All corporate stores already had their Christmas launches, but because you worked at a licensed store, your Christmas launch wouldn’t be till after the break. You could get a chestnut praline latte, or an Irish cream latte. Maybe you just wanted your classic latte. You figured that when you got to the window it would be an impulsive decision.

“Hi what can we get for you today?” The speaker buzzed as the male barista spoke.

“Hi, can I get a tall bold, no room please. And…” He turned to you, waiting for your decision.

“Oh uhm, can I get a grande chestnut praline latte please? No whip.”

“And a grande chestnut praline latte no whip, thank you.” He spoke your order slowly, making sure he got it right.

“Okay, first window please.” The speaker crackled.

Kylo drove forward and the barista opened the window, “Here you go–– oh hi Professor Ren!” Your heart dropped, and you bent your head low to see who it was. Your eyes blew up as your discovered who it was.

Poe ducked his head through the window and smiled as he spotted you. “OMG! Hey!” His smile disappeared as he realized that you were in Kylo’s car. “What- what are you guys doing..?”

Your throat and tongue were dry as sand, the words catching in your mouth before they could escape. Thankfully Kylo spoke before you did. “Hello Poe, she’s agreed to help me mark some of the papers for my Greek Mythology class. Gain some extra credit for the class.” Kylo took the drinks from Poe’s trembling hands and he just nodded, laughing nervously.

“Oh, yeah… Cool! Well, have a great day you guys! See you next week,” Your name sounded sour on his tongue, no doubt from his confusion and disgust? You weren’t sure. Kylo floored it out of the drive-thru and gunned it out of the complex, the sirens eye watching you go.

“Kylo, I’m so sorry. I forgot that Poe works at this location when we’re not open on campus. I’m such an idiot! He won’t tell anybody though, don’t worry he’s not like that.”

He didn’t say anything, he just sipped his black coffee. You clutched onto your cup, the pain coming back in your lower belly. You looked at the clock: 6:07pm.

“Kylo?”

His jaw tensed, but you saw his clenched fist relax.

“It’s okay pet, no need to worry. It’s alright.” His hand found your thigh again, his fingers kneading your flesh.

“Okay…” Your voice was small, filled with doubt and bewilderment. You were expecting him to explode, to start yelling or punch the car door or _something_. But no, he was as cool as a cucumber. Totally un-phased. You smiled. He was _changing_.

You rode the rest of the way home in silence, sipping on your delicious drinks, taking in the frosty scenery. When you got home you took your spot at the island and had your laptop open with books sprawled out while Kylo cooked dinner.

“Let me hear your topic pet.” He was cutting up a bunch of different veggies.

“Okay, uhm well I think I want to write about Aphrodite,” his brow cocked, “more specifically how she embodies Neo-Platonic love.” Kylo stopped chopping and he looked up, he wet his lips.

“That sounds like a very interesting topic. Do you have your rough thesis?” He resumed slicing some peppers.

“Uh sort of…” You said quietly.

“Well let’s hear it love.”

“Okay… Um. This paper aims to prove that a certain beauty and reverence occurs when the two natures of love–– earthy and divine–– are encapsulated into one, while arguing that the goddess Aphrodite solely captures Neo-Platonic love.”

He looked up at you. “ _That’s_ rough?”

You put up your hands in protest, “Yeah I know it’s pretty bad, I’ll work on it as I write––“

“No. It’s good. I’m interested to see how you further support your argument.” He cut you off, his words slicing through the air. You felt a swell of confidence and you smiled.

“Oh. Okay, thanks Kylo. I’ll work on writing it while you cook, so um yeah.” You started typing again.

Kylo came around behind you, grabbing a wine glass and the rosé from the fridge he poured you a full glass, kissing you on the top of your head. “Dinner shouldn’t be more than an hour.”

You grabbed the glass and raised it to thank him. Your head fell and you zoned out, concentrating on bringing the ideas out from your head and onto the page. You start typing,

‘… During the Italian Renaissance, Aphrodite (Venus) was one of the most popular figures of myth to paint and sculpt. Her infamous naked body, her bountiful curves and luscious features...' 

You wanted to focus on how her legacy as a goddess affects her image. 

'... Known as the Goddess of Love, Aphrodite was awarded many accolades. In _The Judgement of Paris_ , Prince Paris chose her to be awarded the golden apple created by Eris instead of Hera or Athena. She was devastatingly beautiful and won the hearts of many, gods and humans alike…’

A quick sip of your wine, you ponder.

‘… She represents the two kinds of love, the divine and the earthly. Neo-Platonism relates that the two kinds of love work together, are equal, and cannot be without the other. People experience different kinds of beauty, all adding up until pure, blissful essence is achieved. Aphrodite is the epitome of this idea. She climbs and entirely makes up the Ladder of Love…’

You were just metaphorically throwing up words onto the page, you’d go through and edit it later, you just needed to get something onto the pages.

‘… Being a canon, classical nature goddess, Aphrodite holds her place in the Greek and Roman Pantheons. Her origin is somewhat unclear. Some say that she was created from Uranus’ semen as he was castrated from Gaia by Cronus. The separation of Gaia (earth) and Uranus (sky) resulted in the creation of Aphrodite, the one who embodies the earthly and the divine. Despite her commonly being affiliated with the third generation, the Olympian Pantheon, Aphrodite is often considered to be a part of the second generation of deities, known as the Titans, led by Cronus...’

You wondered what it would be like to be the most beautiful woman on heaven and earth. You sighed, sipping your wine some more.

‘… Aphrodite radiates pure beauty and love. She is earthly for she is mundane in many aspects. Her full, round body, accentuated with gorgeous curves highlights her natural beauty. She is often depicted nude, lounging and surrounded by nature. She was born in a seashell, as depicted by Sandro Botticelli, surrounded by the earth and earthly figures. She is also divine, in the plain sense that she is a goddess. But she also emphasizes luxury, being guided by the divine might of those that gave their lives tending to her…’

Kylo’s hand on your shoulder startled you a little bit, you jumped in your seat as you came out of your writing fog. “Dinner is ready Sweetheart.”

You closed your laptop, “oh, okay. Smells so good.” You took your wine glass and went to sit at your spot on the table. Kylo had already put your plate down, everything was ready. How long had you been writing? You glanced at the clock: 7:22pm.

You inspected the food, it looked like chicken stir fry. Peppers, carrots, mushrooms, zucchini, and broccoli painted the bowl with beautiful colours. Bright and enticing. You sat and picked up your chopsticks, pushing the veggies to the side you could see a bed of sticky rice with golden brown chicken. You took a deep breath, inhaling the delicious scent. You could smell sesame oil and soy sauce, mixed with something sweet, you figured it was honey. You didn’t waste any time filling your chopsticks and shoving the food into your mouth.

Saliva flooded your cheeks as the hot, tasty food enveloped your mouth. Your taste buds exploding with immense flavour. “Kylo, this is so yummy.” You smiled, talking with your mouth full, appreciative.

“I’m glad you like it pet. Tell me, how is your paper going so far?” He couldn’t use chopsticks, so he poked and prodded at his food with a shining silver fork.

“Oh,” you swallowed, “it’s really good! I think haha… I’m hoping that it all makes sense when I’m done writing it.” You stuffed more rice into your mouth and moaned. He really knew how to cook, and the sweet/salty sauce was satisfying all of your cravings.

“Good, I’m looking forward to reading it when you hand it in.” He sipped his whiskey, the ice cubes clinking against the crystal glass.

You finished eating, talking mostly about your plans for the rest of the week. Kylo said he had a surprise for you come Thursday, he wouldn’t tell you anything else though. You helped with the dishes, putting the leftovers into glass Tupperware containers and stacking them in the fridge. Kylo refilled your wine and you went to sit in the front living room. Kylo situated himself on a leather chair and you sprawled out on the carpet in front of the fire place, letting the flames warm your toes.

You gushed about your paper, spilling ideas and letting words fall out of your mouth. You always babbled on when you got talking about something you were passionate about. And it turns out that you really enjoyed studying Aphrodite. You identified with her a lot, being a combination of two entirely different concepts, embracing and embodying them both so fiercely.

As if Kylo heard your inner babble through your constant outer babble he spoke, “You remind me of her you know.” His voice was hoarse, deep and filled with seduction.

“I-I do?” You looked down at your hands.

“Yes Doll. You are earthly, you feel like _home_. Like her, you are practical and mundane. You allow the ways of the world to work on its own, letting things occur innately. You are so unbelievably naturally beautiful,” he shifted, his legs opening slightly, “your body, your curves, your face. You are _perfect_." He sighed, a wanton airy noise. Filled with need.

"And you are divine, oh yes. So divine pet, you are a goddess in and of yourself. You create and embody this cosmic aura that is encapsulating. You’re addictive, you make me obsessed. I crave you. I am completely enraptured by your entire being.” He closed his eyes for a second, and you glanced down, noticing the growing tent in his joggers. Your mouth parted, saliva filling your cheeks, your face growing hot.

He opened his eyes and met your gaze. “Your beauty reaches beyond this realm, you are an angel. Your features carved by the gods, inspired by the most beautiful goddesses, like Aphrodite. Your attitude reflects hers as well. Humble yet persistent. You know what you want, and you do not falter until you receive it. You’re adored, loved, _worshipped_ even.” Your jaw dropped when Kylo started petting his crotch, balling up the fabric and rubbing his growing erection.

“Kylo…”

“ _Fuck_. Do you see what you do to me? What just talking about you does to me? You drive me insane.” He slipped his hand into the waistband of his pants, relieving the pressure from his joggers. He moaned. You clenched.

He sat up and leaned over grabbing your face with one giant hand. With his other hand he shucked down his joggers and boxers, finally exposing his hard, reddened length. The tip dripping with pre-cum. Your eyes darted back and forth from his gaze to his glistening cock and you wet your lips. He squeezed your jaw, his thumb gliding over the wet line you just created. He grunted as he shoved your head back down, his gaze never leaving yours.

He sat back into the chair, lazily leaning back as he held his throbbing cock in one hand. He brushed his dishevelled hair out of his face with the other, you mewled.

“You _like this_ don’t you?” He started stroking long and slow, up and down his shaft, glazing his cock with his delicious icing.

Still laying on your stomach, propped up on your elbows you nodded.

“You like watching me touch myself, don’t you pet?” He clutched onto his dick, pumping it steadily, his voice growing more unstable.

Again, you nodded. You slowly started to get up, sitting on your bum, pressing your thighs together to ease the pressure.

He released his length and brought his hand over to your face, hovering just below your lips. 

“Spit.” You did. 

He returned his hand back to his cock and started pumping forcefully. Your eyes fell half-lidded, watching his hand blur as he increased his speed, your mouth watering. You started crawling towards him but he stopped you with his words.

“ _Stop_. That isn’t what this is. Stay there. No touching. Eyes on me.”

Frustrated you grunted as you sat back on your butt, sitting on your hands. You looked up at Kylo, his face wavering with pleasure, his brow furrowing. The slick sound of Kylo jerking himself off filled the room. Your body ached, hungry with the need to touch him, or yourself.

“ _Good girl_.” He gritted through clenched teeth. You watched as he pumped furiously, his dick swelling with blood.

“I _worship_ you pet. My body is–– _fuuck_ , it is nothing but a vessel for your affection. Your body stimulating my desire.” His words were coming out breathy and uneven. His words a catalyst, lighting your skin on fire.

“Your soul is the temple I want to revere for the rest of my life. Devote my entire fucking being to–– _shit_ , to making you feel fucking good babygirl.” He finished his sentence as a raspy whisper. You mouth was hung open, your eyes glued to his flushed length.

“Kylo, I––“

“ _Shiiiit_ , say my fucking name again. Tell me you love me.”

You were somewhat taken aback with his request, but you’d been wanting to say it out loud for weeks now, so when he asked you couldn’t say no. Quietly you whispered, your tongue darting out and licking your bottom lip, “Kylo, I love you.”

He _moaned_. Loud. Primal. “Louder pet.”

“Fuck. Kylo. _I love you_.” You moaned the words, your voice dripping sweetness.

His breath was catching, he was grunting, his climax incoming.

“Kylo I fucking love you!” You cried, your voice strained as you cracked out the words. Your eyes bulging as you watched it happen.

“ _Ffffuucckk_ , _I love you too baby_.” 

He came hard, ropes of white viscous cum shooting onto his hand and staining his joggers and t-shirt. He pumped his cock through the aftershocks of his orgasm and rode it out until he twitched painfully. 

He gathered his cum from his clothes, letting it pool in between his fingers. Your mouth opened reflexively, but Kylo just laughed. He locked to your gaze as he rose his hands up to his mouth, placing his index and middle fingers into his cavern. Closing his pink, plump lips around the base as he sucked them clean. Your eyes went wide and you whined. He fingers left his mouth with a slick wet ‘pop’ sound and he tucked himself away.

He leaned forward and grabbed your face hard, pulling you off your bum and towards him. You crawled towards him on your hands and knees and kneeled in front of him. Still holding onto your jaw he lowered his face to be level with yours. “Open.”

You opened your mouth, and Kylo pinched your jaw making your head turn to the side as it titled backwards. Kylo turned his head and his lips hovered over top of yours. He opened his mouth and dropped a big glob of saliva into your mouth. 

Your taste buds exploded with hints of different flavours. At the forefront was whiskey, that familiar burning sensation on your tongue. Then the mingling of his essence, his cum and saliva mixed on your palate. Creating a flavour so irresistible that you couldn’t help but swallow hard and moan. Your neck stretched from Kylo holding your jaw up. He eyes trailed down your face, watching as your throat bobbed from swallowing and he smirked.

He dipped his face down and pulled yours up simultaneously, capturing your lips with his. Hungry and desperate you mouth opened instantaneously, forcing your tongue through Kylo’s teeth meeting his tongue with greedy force. He grunted and his hand left your jaw, fishing through your hair and finding a home at the back of your head. He tugged hard, fingers threatening to pull your follicles. You winced against his mouth, but it only spurred you on.

Kylo broke your passionate kiss, trying to catch his breath.

“It's getting late, let’s take a bath pet, then we can watch a movie in bed.” You groaned in protest, but you had to admit that a bath would feel amazing, and you were getting tired. You looked at the clock on the wall: 9:41pm. 

“Ugh fine, but I can’t promise my hands won’t roam.” You winked as Kylo was snuffing out the fire carefully.

“I’m counting on that Sweetheart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW okay this LONG ASS TUESDAY IS OVER! What, 3 chapters later???? I didn't mean for the day to drag on like this MY BAD! I'm gonna skip Wednesday altogether and just get right to Thursday where Kylo will tell us our surprise!!! Love you guys I hope this chapter was easy to follow. It was hard as shit to write. Xoxo


	22. No Peeking

You woke up Thursday morning to an empty bed, cold and barren. You rolled over onto Kylo’s pillow and gathered the fluffy comforter up to your face. Inhaling Kylo’s distinctive scent: coffee and his delicious cologne, mixed with the laundry detergent and soap. You peered over at the clock on the bedside table: 8:57am.

Your stomach growled, you were hungry. You went pee, emptied your menstrual cup and reinserted it. You washed your face with a fresh-smelling facial cleanser and put your house-robe and slippers on. Walking through the hallways you could smell fresh coffee. You followed the scent to Kylo’s office, the door cracked open as always, never fully shut, but never fully open. Much like him.

You peered inside and opened the door a little more, his nose was buried in papers, a red pen frantically jotting nonsense down. He looked up. “Good morning love, I’m just marking the rest of the exams before we go to your surprise later today.”

You smiled. He didn’t give you any hints as to what your surprise was, and now he’d just given a huge one away. You walked over to the edge of his desk, half-sitting on his left side. “So we _are_ going somewhere then? The surprise isn’t here?”

He rested his left hand on your thigh, the heat radiating through your robe onto your bare skin. You shivered. “Observant pet.” He laughed slightly, his eyes not leaving the exam he was marking.

“Go look in the toaster-oven. I made you breakfast. Just hit the reheat button and it should be good.” He took his left hand and patted your bottom, ushering you to go. “I should be done marking these within the hour, then we will start packing and head out.”

“Kay, love you.” You kissed his forehead and started to walk away. His hand caught your wrist and he pulled you down hard onto his lips. He kissed you with a fire that set your heart aflame.

“I love you too. Now, go. Eat.” He smacked your bum again and you left his office. Humming happily down the hallway you mad your way into the kitchen. Peeking in the toaster oven you saw fluffy homemade waffles with some bacon. _Oh fuck yes_. You hit the reheat button and the oven buzzed to life. The smell of bacon filled your senses and you started salivating. You grabbed some syrup from the pantry and whipped cream from the fridge. You saw strawberries so you cut some up as well.

You assembled your meal and sat at the island with a glass of orange juice. You dug right in, scarfing your face with the delicious food. You ate silently and quickly, watching videos on YouTube and half-ass editing your paper. You’d finished most of it yesterday, save for the conclusion paragraph and title. You always waited until your essay was completed before you came up with a title, it was easier that way. You were pleased with how it turned out, your ideas well-rounded and flushed out.

You hoped you’d get a good grade on it. You didn’t want Kylo to be biased when marking your assignments and exams. Though, thus far he hadn’t been, your last short paper you only got an 83%. You thought you deserved more but Kylo said that you’d rushed your argument and your support wasn’t strong. _Whatever_. This paper was already so much better, so you’re eager to get your mark back already. Maybe you could hand it in early and let him mark it sooner.

You finished eating and looked at the clock on the stove: 10:11am. You decided to go and see if Kylo was finished marking the exams, you waltzed into his office and he was stacking all the exams.

“Good timing pet, did you like your breakfast?”

“Yes it was good, thank you,” you walked over behind him, going up on your tip-toes to see over his shoulder, “did you mark mine?” You trailed your index finger down his shoulder blade and back up.

“Yes, I did.” His voice didn’t give anything away.

“What did I get? Can I see it? Did you write lots of comments?”

He spun around and grabbed your throat, squeezing ever so slightly, eliciting a small groan from your chest. “Ask me nicely and maybe I’ll let you see it.”

You smiled seductively, looking up at him through your glasses with doll-eyes. “Professor Ren?” You voice was drenched with sugariness. He licked his lips, “yes, pet?” He squeezed your throat a little bit more.

“Can I see my midterm? Pretty _pretty_ please?” You drawled out your sentences, accentuating your last words.

“Hmm alright Doll, but only because you asked _so_ politely.” Without releasing your throat, he reached behind him and picked up the first exam from the top of the pile. _Of course_ yours was on top, you should’ve known.

He moved his hand from your throat and pinched your jaw, forcing you to look down at the paper in his big hand.

Your eyes focussed on the big red ink on the front page: 94% A

You smiled against his fingers and looked back up at his honey irises. “You’re serious?” You laughed and grabbed the papers from his hand. You opened the book frantically, shaking his hand from your jaw. He went behind you and started massaging your shoulders as you looked through his notes. “Yes pet, you deserved it. Your analysis of the historical significance section was flawless, and your argument for the essay section was well thought out.”

His handwriting scribbled in the margins of the pages, commenting on good points, pointing out grammatical errors, prompts to delve further. You were so happy. You’d studied for this exam, like actually studied for it. And it paid off.

You rolled your head from side to side as Kylo worked your kinks out. His strong thick fingers working your tense muscles until they were putty in his hands. You tilted your head far to the right, exposing your neck to Kylo. He took the invitation and bent down, planting scorching kisses on your pulse. He whispered sweet nothings in your ear, bending further until his tongue snaked out and licked a hot line on your décolletage. “I am _so_ proud of you Sweetheart.” His words were ice on your hot skin, making you shiver and moan.

“Come, let’s pack. Then we can finally leave.” He kissed up your neck, peppering your skin with tiny short kisses until he finally planted a long warm kiss on your cheek. Intimate and loving.

He held out his hand as he turned the lamp on his desk off, “okie dokie” you said as you took it and skipped behind him.

Kylo tossed two big duffle bags onto the bed and started rustling through his dresser, grabbing a couple t-shirts, long-sleeves and sweaters. Some joggers and a couple pairs of dark-wash jeans. You saw him grab a baby blue dress shirt and deep navy blue dress pants. You wondered what that would be for.

You went to your wardrobe and grabbed sweatpants, jeans, and loungey shorts. Some t-shirts and pullover sweaters. Plenty of undies and socks. You weren’t exactly sure where you were going or what you were doing so you packed a little bit of everything. Remembering Kylo packed a nice outfit you looked in your wardrobe for something suitable. “Don’t worry about that Doll, I have something for you there already.”

“Oh, okay.” You wondered what it would be. Kylo went out for most of the afternoon yesterday, you were thankful because you could finish your paper. You didn’t ask any questions, but now you figured he’d gone to your mystery destination to… set up? Your mind was full of questions, your voice filled with curiosity.

You packed your toiletries, some makeup and your curling wand. Kylo had already packed your face routine and your shampoo and conditioner along with his cologne and body wash. He shared shampoo and conditioner with you, he said he liked the fruity scent. He carried the bags to the front door as you got dressed. Some blue jeans and hiking socks, a plain burgundy sweater and a navy blue toque. Kylo held out your trench coat and you put your arms in one at a time.

He loaded the car while you sat on the front hall bench. You checked your phone: 11:34am. You were getting so giddy, you couldn’t help but feel like you were in a dream. Kylo came back and took your purse and grabbed his wallet. He led you out by the small of your back and locked the front door. He opened the passenger door and you slid in. The car already warm from running for the past 10 minutes. It was cold outside today, the air chilled your lungs as you breathed in. Your bum-warmer was already on too and as soon as you sat down it warmed your centre.

Your cramps had subsided, today should be the last day of your period. You hoped. You brought panty liners just in case. But no cramps and no crazy cravings was usually a good sign.

You watched as Kylo’s cute farmhouse shrunk in the side mirror, driving deeper into the countryside. Going the opposite way from the campus. The landscape turned from barren plains to mountainous hills, fir and spruce trees dotted the mountain sides and the snow decorated them like icing sugar. You hummed as the serene landscape hypnotized you into a state of relaxation.

You’d been driving for about an hour before you dozed off. Your dream was subtle, soft, hazy around the edges. You couldn’t remember what it was about, but you just remembered that it made you happy. You were woken up by the car coming to a soft albeit abrupt stop. Kylo leaned across the centre console and kissed your cheek, “we’re here baby.”

You rubbed your eyes, letting out a quiet “okay” as you stretched your arms. You looked out the windshield and all you saw was trees, with a small pathway leading into them. Kylo had gotten out and grabbed all the bags, including your purse.

He opened the passenger door and held out his hand, “You’ve got to close your eyes now love, don’t worry I’ll help you. No peeking.”

You gave him a weary smile as you took his hand, closing your eyes once you were out of the car. You heard Kylo shuffle and then the beep of his car, three times as always. You were clutching onto his hand, using your other hand to hold onto his arm to steady yourself as you walked over the rough terrain. You could feel rocks and snow crunching underneath your soles.

The air around you was frigid, the cold piercing your lungs as you breathed deeply. Your heart rate accelerating from excitement. It was quiet. You couldn’t hear any traffic, or any people talking. It was pure serenity. You revelled in the peacefulness. Kylo stopped pulling you, signalling that he had stopped walking. You halted and waited for him to do something. “We have to go up some stairs now pet, one foot at a time.”

You winced, you really didn’t want to biff in front of him. “Okay, don’t let me fall.”

“I’ve got you, always. First step, here we go.”

You lifted your foot, tapping it around until you found the first step. Proud of finding it you stepped up, then you did the same with the next foot, finding the next step and so on and so forth until you were at the top.

“You did so good Sweetheart, I’m going to let go of you just for a second. I have to unlock the door and put the bags down. Still no peeking. Do not move.”

“Okay…” He released your hands, you tried to hold on but he tore his arms from you. You felt unsafe and alone without him. You heard the clicking of a lock and a door opening, then the rustling sound of Kylo dropping the bags onto the floor. In an instant his hands were back around your wrists, you jumped at the sudden touch. He pulled you into his chest, ushering you in front of him he supported your lower back until you were inside wherever you were. Warmth enveloped you right away and you felt yourself relax.

Kylo gently pushed you forward, closing the door and locking it behind him. He came around your right side, holding your hand in one of his, holding your waist with the other. “Okay, open love.”

You opened your eyes and you gasped, your hand flying to clamp over your mouth. Tears welled up in your eyes and you smiled, laughing and crying simultaneously. You stumbled back and Kylo caught you, holding you strong, supporting you.

You couldn’t believe your eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CLIFFHANGER WHAT???? Sorry guys, I wanted to make our surprise one whole chapter! Love you guys xoxo


	23. Professor & the Brat

Kylo helped you take your jacket off as you tried to find the words to express the emotions you were feeling. Surprise. Happiness. Disbelief. Wonder. Awe. You were feeling all of it as you looked at the sight in front of you.

You were in a small wood cabin. Quaint. The back wall was lined entirely with books, it reminded you of his office. There were big windows everywhere, letting in the light. In the far right corner there was a fireplace with big rocks surrounding the base. One big leather chair sat in front of it, fuzzy blankets draped over it carelessly. There were books all over the place, maps and pieces of paper strung around the room.

To the left there was a tiny kitchenette. A small mini-fridge, with a cute old-fashioned stove/oven combo. An even tinier island, and a couple cupboards with glass doors. You could see that the plates and mugs were all different sorts, mismatched, no specific set. Disorganized and messy.

You liked it.

To the immediate left of where you were standing there were stairs, you turned to Kylo. “Go on, explore it Sweetheart. I’ll put on some tea.” 

He kissed you on the forehead and you kicked off your boots, heading up the stairs in silence. You heard the clicking of a lighter and the smell of fire filled the tiny cabin. You trotted up the stairs slowly, letting your hands skim over the wood hand-rails. They were smooth, worn, well-loved. As you neared the top you closed your eyes, your heart fleeting at what you knew was awaiting you. When your hand trailed off the last of the hand-rail and both your feet were planted on the top step you slowly opened your eyes.

A quiet sob left your throat.

You were met with a small bedroom. Big glass doors to a balcony let the sun shine in, dancing off the white covers on the bed. The ceiling was shaped like a triangle, another window, a skylight, placed directly above the bed. A warm and free ambiance engulfed you and you couldn’t help but start crying. To the right of the stairs was another door. You opened it and there was a small, but grand bathroom. A white clawfoot tub lay in the middle, with a short double-vanity sink. A big mirror with warm-toned lights hanging from the ceiling. The toilet looked old, it had one of those hanging pull-thingies to flush. You laughed.

You walked back into the bedroom, Kylo was putting the bags onto the bed, starting to unpack. There was a small dresser that he was loading clothes into. He watched as you crossed him, opening the sliding door to the balcony and stepping out into the frigid air. You breathed in and held it. Letting the cold air flush through your hot body. You put both of your hands on the railing, letting your fingers melt the thin layer of snow on it. You were still crying.

You heard Kylo come out the door. He stood right behind you, placing his hands on the railing on the outsides of yours, resting his chin on the top of your head. He breathed in too, held it, and exhaled. His breath tickling the apex of your head. He relaxed. You could feel his chest brush your back as he breathed, his shoulders bear weight on yours as he slumped down into your figure. You felt warm and safe and so happy there. In his arms. Staring out into the unknown.

You weren’t sure how long you stood like that, but when you started shivering Kylo slowly ushered you back inside. He used his thumbs to wipe away yours tears, planting kisses where they laid. He whispered, “Do you like it Sweetheart?”

You looked up at him, pushing your glasses up your nose you smiled. “Yes, Kylo it’s so amazing and beautiful here.” You wrapped your arms around his neck and reached up to kiss him.

Against your lips he smiled, “Yes it is. The perfect place for you.”

––

It was coming up on dinner time now, Kylo had made a run to a small general store about 20 minutes away. He asked if you wanted to go but you wanted to stay. He seemed reluctant to leave you alone, but agreed nonetheless.

You took the time to explore the cabin more while he was gone. You ran your finger over almost every single book spine on the case, reading the titles and imagining Kylo sitting in the big leather chair reading them. Lost in thought. His mind brought to another world, using the words in the books as his guide.

You warmed your hands at the antique looking fireplace while your head swivelled in circles. You tried to memorize the interior of the cabin. Its ruts and bends, the wear on the wood, tracing and sinking their patterns into your mind. The way the sun danced through the small panes of stained glass, beaming rainbows on the warm wooden floor.

You love that Kylo loves stained glass. It is so _so_ beautiful, and not enough places install it anymore. It used to be so popular, once upon a time. During the twelfth century. During a simpler time. During the renaissance that flourished through that beautiful era. The era where Gothic architecture was born, where stained glass first made its appearance at St. Denis cathedral. Your heart swelled. Kylo loved history, just as much as you did. His life full of little memoires of the past.

You went into the kitchen and put the kettle on to make some more tea. It was so gorgeous out here, but you were still freezing. Cursing your mother for inheriting her poor circulation you poured the boiling water into the chunky blue mug. The tea bag seeping its flavour as it steeped. You watched as the colour of the water changed from clear to a transparent greeny-brown, the smell of green tea hitting your senses.

You found some packets of honey and squeezed one into the mug. Perfect. You took the tea and found a book on the shelf: _The Iliad_ by Homer. You snickered at how fitting this book was to your current life situation. You plopped down onto the chair, the soft leather squishing beneath you. You almost lost your balance from how far you sank into it. This chair had been well-loved too. You draped a blanket over you and set your tea down on the table beside the chair.

You inspected the book cover. It wasn’t a hard cover, so it was heavily creased and bent. The spine almost destroyed from being warped and held open. You quickly flipped through the entirety of the book, the pages were filled with notes in the margins, lines and circles throughout the sentences. The pages were soft, fragile, delicate from over-use. Some pages were ripped, with little pieces of tape holding together their integrity.

You smiled. Kylo must have read this book a hundred times for it to get to this state. It made you wonder. Kylo was always the American History guy, never really caring for European history of folklore and mythology. Maybe it was a hobby when he was in his undergrad.

You’d never read the entirety of the epic poem, it was extremely lengthy. Your dad always told you that a great historian reads entire works, so maybe you could start reading it out here. You had nothing better to do while you waited for Kylo to get back.

You started reading the first page. The language pricking at your mind. You couldn’t believe that this was written in the eight century BCE. SO long ago, yet people thought the same way as you. As Kylo. History may be in the past, but it is the best teacher there is.

You remembered from class that _The Iliad_ takes place near the end of the Trojan War, mostly dealing with Achilles and his rage. Every few pages you took a couple sips of your tea, your toes wiggling in the light and warmth from the fire. You didn’t realize how long you’d been reading until you heard the door handle turn. Kylo emerged carrying a few grocery bags, his nose and cheeks tinged red from the cold. “Hi pet.”

You had found a bookmark on the shelf earlier and stuffed it in the book to keep your spot. You realized that you’d read quite a bit, the bookmark sticking out farther in than you’d expected. It was a good read, you should’ve read it sooner.

“Hiya!” You skipped over to Kylo to relieve him of some of the bags, bringing them over to the small island. As he untied his boots and took off his coat you tried to put away the groceries he bought. Kylo helped you put away the rest of the groceries and he started cutting the veggies for dinner. You grabbed your tea and the book and sat on the wobbly stool at the island. 

“What are you reading love?” He didn’t look up from his work, his voice dull.

You held up the book to show him proudly, “I found your copy of _The Iliad_! Looks like you’ve read it a bunch, huh?” He looked up at you now, his eyes narrowed with a hint of annoyance.

“Hmm yes, I have. I… I related to it when I was a young student.”

_Related to it? What morals and values are in this poem to relate to? Violence? Hatred?_

You thought.

_Oh right. His evil grandpa._

“Well I figured since I’m in a Greek mythology class, I should probably read the books we study!” You avoided irking him on any further, you didn’t want to ruin your time here with him.

“Mhmm.” He continued cutting, moving on to slicing the onions. From where you were sitting the aroma made your eyes water, yet Kylo didn’t shed a tear. He could be so emotionless sometimes. _Sometimes_.

“Do you want me to help you cook?” You started walking towards him.

He grunted, “No, go amuse yourself. I’ve got this handled.” He seem uninterested entirely in your question. You were growing annoyed with his impartial attitude. You wanted to stir that up, get a reaction out of him.

“Alright, fine. I think I’m gonna take a bath and read while you cook then. If that’s okay?”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll come get you when dinner is served.” He still didn’t look up. What the heck was up with him?

“Alright.” 

You started taking off your sweater, pulling it over your head as you walked into his view, throwing it to the floor. _He_ _didn’t budge_. Ugh. You hooked your hands behind your back and unclasped your bra, dangling it on your fingers for a second before tossing it onto the island as you walked closer to the stairs. He _finally_ looked up.

You smirked.

Slowly, you pulled your pants off, bending at your waist before stepping out of them, leaving them where you were. His eyes were glued to your breasts, trailing down your stomach, lingering on your covered sex, then falling down your legs and back up to your eyes. You tilted your head to the side in faux-amusement and licked your bottom lip agonizingly slow. You started ascending the stairs, hooking your fingers into your panties and letting them fall down your legs as you climbed the stairs.

You turned around, your back to Kylo, and bent down hoisting your exposed ass into the air, pressing it up against the smooth wood railing as you picked up your panties. You draped them over the railing and blew him a seductive kiss. His gaze eye-fucking you as you went up the rest of the stairs without saying a single word.

Just before Kylo was out of your view, you saw him snap the carrot in half that he was holding, his knuckles white with tension, his jaw set firm and his chest rising and falling quickly. Pleased with your performance you swayed your hips up the remaining steps, huffing to yourself and smiling.

You practically ran into the bathroom, giddy, shutting the door behind you and locking it. 

_Fuck_. You forgot the book downstairs. 

No way you were going back down there after what you just did. Oh well. There was a skylight above the bath tub that you hadn’t noticed before, making you happy to stare out into the sky.

You ran the bath, rummaging through the cupboards to find some bubble bath of some sort. You found one that was green tea scented with tea tree oil. You popped the cap and sniffed, it smelled good so you squeezed a hefty amount into the running water. Steam began to fill the bathroom, clouding the mirror and your glasses. You took them off and put your hair up into a bun, opening the small window to let some of the steam out. The bathroom was old, it had no fan.

About 10 minutes later the massive tub was filled, you turned the water off and the room fell into a serene silence. You put one foot in, then your other, slowly dropping yourself into the water. It prickled against your skin, making your lower back and bum itchy as you completely submerged yourself in the hot water. You took a deep breath, already warming up from the waters hug. Scorching needles stabbing at your toes as the water warmed your blood.

You sat in the tub, blowing the bubbles around and splashing about like a child. Your heart was so happy, so giddy that you didn’t mind. You closed your eyes, letting the soft sound of the snow falling on the skylight ease your senses.

You nearly jumped out of the tub when you heard knocking on the door. The door knob rattling you heard Kylo breathing hard. “Open the door.”

“Uhm. I’m kinda busy right now Kylo.” You were still annoyed with his behaviour from earlier.

More rattling of the door knob, this time harder, making the entire door shake violently. “Open. The. Door. _Now_.” His voice sounded strained, no doubt his neck and forehead was popping with veins right now. You smiled.

“Kylo, seriously I’m in the bath and I'm warm. Come back when dinner is ready.” You shifted in the tub, facing away from the door hoping to somewhat block out his ridiculously loud breathing. You listened for it.

But heard nothing. You heard nothing. He’d stopped knocking, stopped shaking the door knob, no more heavy breaths. You figured he’d given up and went downstairs. Pleased with your second performance of the evening you settled back into the tub, laying back against the cold porcelain.

Then chaos. A loud, explosive sound coming from behind you. You shrieked and spun around, causing loads of water to splash out of the tub and onto the floor. Kylo had kicked the fucking door down. Or rather he kicked it _off_ , it had completely come off its hinges, laying limp in front of the tub.

“Kylo! Are you _fucking_ _kidding me_?!” You gathered some of the bubbles, covering yourself from his intrusion.

“When I say open, you _open_ pet.” He looked insane, overcome with that dangerous possessiveness that you’d seen one too many times.

“Yeah, right, whatever.” You rolled your eyes.

He scoffed. “In fact, _never_ lock a door when you’re with me. Got it?” He still stood in the broken doorway, one hand clutching onto the empty frame, the other behind his back.

“Uhm how about no??? I need privacy from your crazy ass sometimes you know.” _Haha oops_.

He advanced in a blink of an eye and grabbed your throat with one hand, using his other to support himself on the opposite edge of the tub. His entire figure looming over you as you sunk further into the water. You squeaked against the pressure on your windpipe.

“You’re _fucking mine_ Sweetheart. That means I get to see you whenever, and however, I please. Do you understand me?”

You gulped, his eyes were overcast with black, only sprinkles of amber floating through the abyss of his irises.

He pulled your face closer to his, hoisting you up by your neck. “Answer me when I ask you a question.”

You tried to speak, your words coming out less than intelligible. “We-well it’sss kinda ffucking har-hard when you’re alwayssss ch-choking me _Sweetheart_.” You hissed at him through clenched teeth, your lungs starting to starve of oxygen.

That didn’t amuse him, nor did it make him let up on the insane pressure on your esophagus. “I’m sorry pet, I didn’t quite catch that.” He leaned his ear closer to your mouth, squeezing harder. Your eyes started to blur, your mind echoing and falling dizzy.

 _Fine. Time to stop being a brat_.

“Ye-yes, I underssstand.” You rolled your eyes in his face, slowly to make sure he saw.

He let go of your throat finally, your hands clutching to your neck, rubbing as you gulped down lungful’s of oxygen. He used his strong fingers to lift your chin, tilting your neck painfully until you were looking at him as he stood to his full menacing height. He pinched your chin and then slapped your cheek. Hard but playful. You clenched.

“You understand _what_?” He flicked his wrist, your chin jerking up into the air before he let you go, your head falling back to a comfortable spot.

“I understand _Professor_. _I am yours_.” Your words drawled out of you, lust overcoming you quickly.

He looked pleased, and now that he was standing fully you noticed the growing tent in his pants. You licked your lips and opened your legs in the tub, draping your arms over the sides lazily.

“Good girl. Dinner will be ready in about half an hour pet. Here,” he reached behind his back, grabbing the book from his waistband and threw you it at you, you grappled to catch it before it plunged into the soapy water, “you forgot this downstairs. Too busy being a fucking tease.”

You glared at him, but smiled, putting the book onto the counter behind the tub. You dipped your fingers over the surface of the water, inhaling hard so that your nipples peeked over the edge of the bubbles. Kylo’s eyes darted to your pierced pebbles and back to your eyes.

You scoffed. “Wanna join me then Professor?”

“ _Very_ tempting my love, but no. I still have to set the table.” He readjusted his crotch-area and you saw his cock bob in his pants. A soft moan left your mouth.

You quickly swallowed any other wanton sounds threatening to leave you mouth and smiled, “okay, suit yourself.” You turned around and picked up the book, lifting your ass out of the water, your skin glistening with sweat and soap. You plopped back down, turning to face Kylo.

“I’d say shut the door, but you ripped it off its fucking hinges.” You fake-smiled at him, batting your eyes.

“Hmph.” Was all he said as he stormed off, you heard his heavy footsteps descend the stairs and into the kitchen. You heard grunting and what sounded like the throwing of books and carrots and cutlery onto the floor. You just laughed.

You loved getting a rise out of Kylo. One of the many things that made his outbursts tolerable, was the mere fact that you often created them. You couldn’t help but be a brat. It was too fun. And Kylo handled you _so well_. Him being able to handle your attitude made you drip with arousal. Though he handled you too well that sometimes he almost got the upper hand. Literally, cause more often than not he’d choke you out. But you liked that, and he knew you did so it didn’t really do anything to defer your spoiled attitude.

You sank into the water once again, this time with your book. You flipped to your spot and continued reading for about 20 minutes until the water had grown room-temperature. You replaced the bookmark and started draining the tub. You grabbed a towel and wrapped your body with it. Climbing out of the tub you walked into the bedroom.

Rummaging through your bag you found your coconut lotion. You lathered your body up with it and put some deodorant on. You went back into the bathroom and sat on the toilet, you checked your menstrual cup, it was pretty much empty, thank god. You emptied the contents into the toilet, peed and flushed. You rinsed out the cup and decided not to put it back in. You were pretty light now, so you just put a thin panty liner on the pair of black lacey panties you chose.

You decided not to put a bra on and you searched your bag and the drawers for your pj's. A delicate burgundy silk set. A tank top and boot shorts with red lace. The thin silk showed off your piercings perfectly, your nipples still hard from your arousal. Shoving on some fuzzy socks you fixed your bun and headed downstairs.

You were met with Kylo’s back. His bare, exposed back. You saw his shirt discarded along with yours on the floor. You scoffed, walking towards the little dining table. You rounded the island and saw that he had taken his pants off too. Just his boxers blocking your view from his tight and toned ass.

“Hungry?” Kylo’s voice was deep and husky.

“Yes,” you were still eyeing up his perfectly perky bum, hungry for food _and_ to sink your teeth into his soft flesh, “I’m liking what I am seeing.” You sat down and started sipping the rosé that Kylo had placed at your assumed spot.

He brought over your plate, steak with veggies and a big old bun. _Yum_. He sat down and leaned back, his shoulders relaxing, his pecs flexing. His skin was so beautiful. Pale and glimmering. Peppered with beauty marks and moles. You wanted to connect to dots with your tongue.

“New rules: no shirts at dinner time.” He motioned with his head to your sleek top.

You scoffed, but you were too full of bratty lust to not play his game. “Fine by me hot stuff.” You crossed your arms as you pulled your shirt off, exposing your bare breasts to Kylo’s hungry eyes.

“Ha. No bra this evening pet?” His voice was a little unsteady, just as it always was when he was taking in the view of your naked body.

“No, it’s comfy-time and they are _not_ comfy.” You stretched your arms backwards, pulling your elbows together behind your back, arching it as you pulled your tits apart by the stretch.

“I see this, well dig in Doll, you must be hungry.” He watched you relax and shot you a smirk. Gods he was so sexy.

But he didn’t have to tell you twice, you were starved, and the food looked so good. You started eating, your sexy/bratty façade fading quickly as you stuffed your face.

You two sat in silence, as you usually did when you ate. You were always too busy scarfing your food to talk much. And Kylo didn’t seem to mind. He’d just watch you attentively, adoringly. Completely enthralled with a full belly, you gave up on being a brat and a tease. _For now_.

“Thank you Kylo, this was so fricken good.” You smiled genuinely at him, he mirrored you, smiling down at you as he collected your empty plate.

“You’re welcome love.” He started doing the dishes, you looked at the small clock on the wall: 7:39pm. Wow, where had the day gone?!

You sat on the leather chair reading, still shirtless, as Kylo finished cleaning up. He never let you help him, always saying that you needed to relax after eating. The fire crackled and warmed your bare chest, an orange hue bouncing off your clavicle, warming you from the inside out.

“Would you like to watch a movie pet?” Kylo had gone to the front bench and fished out his laptop from his bookbag. “There isn’t any wifi out here, but I have a few movies downloaded on my laptop.” He motioned up the stairs.

“Ooh yeah sure, I’ll make coffee and Bailey’s for us and be right up!” You shot up from the chair, placing the book face-down to keep your spot. You skipped over to him, kissed him on the cheek and padded over to the kitchen.

You waited as the coffee machine poured the delectable liquid into the pot, grabbing two mismatched mugs from the cupboard. Eye-pouring roughly two ounces of Bailey’s into the mugs you stirred in the coffee. Balancing them and some cookies in your hands, you ascended the stairs. Kylo had changed into some pajama pants. Blue plaid.

 _He’s so fucking cute_.

“Here you go.” You passed him his mug and set yours down on the bedside table on your side of the bed. He had brought your pj shirt upstairs and you pulled it back on. 

You snuggled into the bed next to him, pulling the covers over your chilly legs. Kylo set the laptop on his lap and extended his arm. You dove right in, nustling your head on his chest, feeling the steam from his coffee paint your face in delicious condensation. You held your mug in your lap, and you felt incredibly happy.

“So, what’re we watching Professor?” You still loved calling him that, it always made him flinch the tiniest bit.

“Close your eyes and try to guess, based on the score.”

“Ooh yeah! Okay. They’re closed.” You shut your eyes, you liked playing these domestic games with him. It made you feel like this was real.

You heard the click of the space bar, and you listened assiduously for the music to start. Every movie has a specific and distinct score, and you remembered telling Kylo that you were good at guessing the movie just from the music.

Two notes in and you knew exactly what it was.

You popped your eyes open and smiled, shouting your answer.

“STAR WARS!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TADA! Our surprise is a cute little getaway to a cabin in the woods. Literal goals. And contrary to popular belief, Kylo is NOT proposing to us. So yeah. Love you guys xoxo


	24. His Friend

You spent most of Friday working on homework while Kylo graded other papers from his other class. You have an assignment due in Arky and a midterm for Psych coming up this week. The Arky assignment was easy, you had to pick between two archaeological sites to write a short essay on: Troy and the Palace at Knossos on the island of Crete. Considering you were reading _The Iliad_ , and you were in a Greek mythology class, you chose to write on the site of Troy.

You finished writing it and proof-read it a couple of times, then started making flashcards for the Psych midterm. You have your Crusades paper to write as well, but it’s not due for another two weeks, so you don’t want to start it just yet.

Kylo had made a simple breakfast of eggs and avocado toast with some coffee, and you opted for grilled cheese for a quick lunch before returning to your homework.

You enjoyed doing homework here, it was quiet and peaceful. The glistening snow, the cool air, it all helped you zero in on your focus. You’d spent almost three hours straight just writing your Arky paper without even knowing how much time had gone by. And making the flashcards was easy, just had to copy the important point from your notes onto a flashcard. You’d gotten through a good amount before it was lunchtime.

After lunch you finished your flashcards up to where your notes had ended and decided to read some more of _The Iliad_ while Kylo started his prep work for the upcoming week. A couples hours went by and you were reading on the big leather chair when Kylo came over to you. “I’m going to the store to get dinner, would you like to come?” He was standing tall, his arms crossed over his chest.

“Hmm yeah sure, I’ll come today!” You hopped off the chair, putting the bookmark at your place and you went to get your boots on.

You put on your jacket and grabbed some mitts and a hat, just in case. Kylo put on his long pea coat and slid on his boots, grabbing the keys he opened the door for you.

“Thanks,” you slid past him and waited on the small snow-covered porch. He locked the door and held out his hand. You took it in your gloved hand and descended the stairs beside him. It was snowing just a little bit, the snowflakes looked soft and fluffy. He held your hand in his pocket to keep his hand warm. Yours was sweating but you didn’t mind.

Walking along the tree-covered path you glimpsed at as much as you could. Since you had your eyes closed on the way in you were desperate to see as much as you could on the way out.

The trees had a slight curve at the top, creating the perfect canopy from the snowfall. Every once in a while the snow would get too heavy on the treetops and would fall down in big clumps. The pathway was gravel, you remembered feeling the small rocks crunch under your feet on the way in. It was beautiful. As you neared the car, you could see it through the entrance in the trees. There was a light dusting of snow on the car so Kylo started it up while he brushed the snow off.

You turned on your bum warmer and waited for Kylo to brush all the snow off. When he got to your window, you pressed your lips up against the window, waiting until Kylo brushed the snow from the exterior to reveal your face. He cleared the snow and laughed out loud. You giggled as he bent down and pressed his lips to the window, kissing you through the glass. Both of your breaths fogged up the window as you laughed through your noses.

He finished clearing the snow and got into the driver’s seat. “So, I’m thinking we make our own pizza’s for dinner tonight. What do you think?” He was swivelling in his seat as he reversed out of the small driveway-thingy where you were parked.

“Oh that sounds good! Like our own mini pizza’s!” You smiled, starting to make a mental list of what you wanted to put on your pizza.

You arrived at the small general store, only seeing two other cars parked. Kylo got out first and opened your door for you. “Thank you,” you said as you took his extended hand. He hoisted you out and shut your door, keeping hold of your hand as you walked into the store.

The cashier greeted the two of you as you walked in, Kylo grabbed a basket and you headed into the produce section. Kylo picked up some mushrooms and more peppers. You both puttered up and down the aisles, grabbing things you wanted for your pizza’s and other snacks. You were in the canned-food aisle when you remembered something from your mental list.

“Can we get a can of pineapple?”

“Pineapple? On pizza?” Kylo turned to you and cocked an eyebrow, shifting on his feet he put his free hand on his hip.

You snickered, “Yes pineapple! It’s good okay?”

“If you say so pet.” His voice was drowning in sarcasm.

“You can try mine! It _is_ good!” You grabbed a can and tossed it into the basket.

“We’ll see, you got me to try coconut, I think that’s enough tropical fruit to last me a lifetime.” He eyed the can in the basket, tilting it so it rolled into the plastic side.

“Fair enough. Oh! We should get some black olives too.”

He stopped in his tracks, “Okay pet, we seriously need to rethink your pizza toppings.” He had turned and put his hand on your shoulder, his whole palm encompassing it entirely.

“Too far?” You shrugged.

“Yes, just stick with the pineapple.” He bent and kissed your forehead.

“Okay, okay.” You followed behind him, eyeing up the jar of olives on the shelf.

Kylo grabbed a bag a shredded cheese and a pack of pepperoni. You found some more cookies and sneakily put them into the basket. You lingered in the bakery, eyeing up all of the pastries and breads that looked freshly made. You saw Kylo’s head at the till and you skipped over. You helped him put the groceries on the belt and picked up a jar of something. You inspected it closer and you nose shrivelled up.

“Banana peppers?! So you can have these, but I can’t have black olives?” You shoved the jar into his face, stomping your feet.

“Yes, pet. Banana peppers are good, black olives are not.” He snatched the jar from you and held it high in the air, you tried jumping to grab it but couldn’t reach. Kylo’s arm-span was massive, so the length of his arm plus his already towering height, there was no way you could reach the jar.

“Fine.” You pouted, crossing your arms In front of your chest.

Kylo held up the box of cookies and shook them in your face, pouting his lips then winked at you. You couldn’t help but smile. He could be so silly sometimes. _Sometimes_.

The cashier finished with the other customer in front of you, and turned to face you and Kylo.

“Hey! B––“

“Hi Steve, long time no see.” Kylo cut him off before you heard him say anything else.

“Yeah mate, it’s been a while since I’ve seen you out this way. What brings you out here?” Steve started ringing through your groceries, you were watching and listening very carefully.

“Just a nice long weekend getaway before school resumes.” He didn’t introduce you, or make your presence known whatsoever. You decided to butt in.

“Hi! I’m uh…” You realized that you have never had to introduce yourself to someone Kylo knows before. You didn’t know exactly what to call yourself.

“This is Y/N, my friend. She’s staying the weekend with me.”

 _Ouch. Okay, that fucking hurt_.

“Well hi there! Pleasure to meet you ma’am.” Steve stretched his and out and you took it, giving it a firm but short shake.

“Pleasure is all mine.” You tried to smile through your clenched teeth, glaring at Kylo out the side of your eye.

Steve bagged your groceries and you pretty much snatched them out of his hands, saying a quick “bye,” before darting out of the store, leaving Kylo to finish paying.

It was freezing outside, but you had never felt so hot in your entire life. You were absolutely fuming. _His friend?!_ He’s going to have some serious explaining to do. You could feel the anger bubbling up inside of you, your face grew hot making your glasses fog up in the cold air. You huffed and your breath came out in little clouds in front of your face. You tapped your foot on the ground in rhythm with your finger tapping on your elbow as you held the groceries in your arms.

You marched to the car, hearing Kylo unlock it the moment you reached for the passenger side back door handle. He came swiftly behind you and tried to take some of the bags.

You yelled at him. “No! I’ve got this.”

He backed away slowly, “Okay Sweetheart, I’ll warm the car.”

You rolled your eyes, “Yeah you go do that.”

You took your time loading the bags into the back seat, watching Kylo go around to the driver’s seat. He turned to look at you as he was getting in, you quickly averted your gaze.

You put the last bag in the backseat and shut the door, not wanting to sit in the car just yet you stood there. Frozen. Literally and figuratively. You were shivering, but you were also in shock. _Friends_ don’t say ‘I love you’, _friends_ don’t fuck the shit out of each other, _friends_ don’t know how your entire body tastes. Fucking friends. Yeah right.

Kylo rolled down the driver’s side window and called out, “Get in the car.” His tone was firm, cautious, but riddled with anxiety. Fucking good.

You lolled over to the passenger front door and opened it, sliding in slowly and slamming the door once you were inside. “What the fuck was that all about??” You turned to face Kylo as he shifted into gear.

He ripped out of the parking lot, ignoring your question. You swore steam was hissing out of your ears.

“Kylo!”

“What?”

You scoffed, “Care to explain what happened back there with your good pal Steve?!”

“What do you mean pet?” His eyes were glued to the road, both his hands gripping the steering wheel, his fingers turning white.

“Oh, yeah what do I mean? I _mean_ you saying that I’m just _YOUR FRIEND_? The fact that he hasn’t seen you ‘out this way’ for a while? _That’s_ what I mean.” You were sitting on the edge of your seat, trying to position yourself in his view the slightest bit.

“Do you think I _want_ to tell people that?”

“Well I don’t know, we haven’t really talked about our label because _you_ never want to.” You were inching closer to his side, your right hand supporting your body on the dash, your left hand clutching the centre consol.

“Labels are meaningless, they do not define anything.” He shifted gears, speeding up down the stretch of highway.

“Well ‘friend’ is a fucking label! The label you’ve apparently chosen for me.” Your voice was slightly getting louder, the roar from the engine drowning your words.

“I didn’t have a choice. And put your seatbelt on.”

“Oh really? No choice? Well I guess I’ll just go _fuck myself_ , because friends don’t fuck, so sweet thanks for clearing that up bud.” You scoffed, sitting back in your seat putting your seatbelt on.

“Listen pet, you don’t understand. Steve's a friend, he and I go way back, he... he knows things.”

“Oh he knows things? Well damn, sorry I didn’t know that _he knows things_. Makes sense. Got it. Just friends.” You were so frustrated, tears were threatening to spill from your eyes. You swallowed them down, snuffing any sobs on the way down.

He didn’t say anything else, just huffed and filled the car with his hot air. You rolled down the window, not caring that it made the car freezing. You spent the rest of the drive in silence and when you finally got back to the path in the trees you didn’t waste any time getting out of the car.

You didn’t wait for Kylo to open the door this time, you jumped out and grabbed all of the grocery bags before Kylo even had shut his door. You marched into the trees, following the path. In the midst of your fury, you still looked at the trees. Envying them for their peacefulness. You got to the stairs and marched up. You reached the top and saw Kylo climbing below you. You didn’t have a key. Fuck.

You unfortunately waited for Kylo to get to the top, he fought with you and took the bags from your hands, unlocking the door once he had them all. You marched into the cabin, throwing off your boots and jacket and going right up the stairs. tossing your hat and mitts behind you, not caring where they fell.

You went into the bathroom and went to slam the door, but there was no door. Oh right, Kylo didn’t fix it yet. You wanted to scream. You settled for kicking the door and throwing a towel at the mirror. You darted from the bathroom to the balcony, hopping out the sliding door and shutting it quickly behind you. You brushed off some snow from the small patio chair and plopped down onto it. Your hands fell into your face and you let out the longest frustrated grunt.

You zoned out. Rage and anger fuelling your mind. Your heart racing. Tears finally falling.

_Is that really all I am to him? His friend? I mean friend is a step-up from student, but he couldn’t tell Steve that. But friend? A major step-down from what I thought we were._

Your mind was reeling, pulling memories from the past two and a half months to the front of your mind. Why couldn’t he just say ‘girlfriend’? Who would Steve tell? And what does Kylo mean they go way back? _Ugh_.

You sat outside for as long as you could physically bear it. Between your numb toes and your chattering teeth you sauntered back inside. You saw that the bathroom door had been fixed back into place. Geez, how long were you out there? You didn’t hear or see anything.

You crept into the bathroom, shutting the door behind you. Not slamming it, but making enough noise so that Kylo knew you were in there. Most of your anger had dissolved when you were on the balcony. Being outside, no matter how cold, always brought solace to your soul.

But you _were_ freezing, so you started running a bath. No bubbles or anything, just hot water. You checked your phone: 5:44pm. Your stomach grumbled. Shit, you hadn’t eaten anything since that grilled cheese almost six hours ago. After your bath you’d just go downstairs and make some cereal, that would have to suffice.

You stripped and sunk into the tub, letting the steamy water clog your senses. You inhaled deeply, exhaling, you let more of your fury flee your body. You needed to talk to him, and you wouldn’t get very far if you were angry.

You closed your eyes and tried to relax.

–– ****Kylo’s POV****

He had brought in the groceries, put them away, grabbed a whiskey, and waited until he heard the balcony door shut before going quietly up the stairs. He peeked over the top of the railing and saw her sitting on the chair with her face in her hands. He approached the door and went to open it, but something in his black heart told him to leave her like that.

He wished he could have given her a jacket or a blanket, he knew she was freezing, but he also knew she needed her space. He walked over to the bathroom, the door now kicked further into the small room. He put down his glass and picked up the door. Analyzing it he concluded that there was no real damage and that he could repair it fairly easily.

He trotted down the stairs quickly and quietly and went out the back door into the small shed in the backyard. He grabbed a screwdriver, some new screws, and found some hinges to replace the ones he’d broke. He ran back into the house and up the stairs. Checking to make sure she was still in the same position he got to work.

He took off the broken hinges and stuffed them into his pocket, quickly screwing in the new ones while checking over his shoulder every couple minutes. Keeping his eyes and ears open, Kylo lifted the door into place, starting at the top he screwed the new hinges into place. Pulling slightly to test the hold, he moved to the lower hinge. Repeating his work, he stood and gave the door a good yank. It held in place, so he swung it in and out a couple times to see if it moved smoothly and without any creaking. All was good so he shut it, clicking it into place. He grabbed his tools and his whiskey and darted back down the stairs.

As soon as he hit the bottom step he heard the balcony door open. Perfect timing. He hoped his small gesture would speak volumes to Sweetheart. The first step in his apology/explanation.

Fuck. Right, his explanation. He put the screwdriver and old screws onto the small island and then plopped onto the big leather chair in front of the fireplace. He heard the bath start running, the water rushing to the tap through the old pipes in the cabin.

Sipping his whiskey, he was thinking of a way to explain this to Sweetheart, without revealing too much. He wanted to tell her everything, but not just yet. It’s only been two and a half months. She couldn’t handle it yet.

And he wanted, more than anything, to be able to show her off as his girlfriend. Hell, as his fucking soul mate. But he couldn’t say that either. Not yet. Not to Steve.

Steve is way too close to Rian and JJ to trust him with any information. That’s why Kylo didn’t come out here for years. He knew Steve wouldn’t be going anywhere, so Kylo just never came here.

When he did in the past, Steve always prodded Kylo about speaking to Rian and JJ, telling him how they bought a new house and got a new dog and this and that. Kylo didn’t care. He didn’t want to hear about it. So eventually he stopped coming out here altogether. He didn’t find the need to.

Until _her_. She deserves to be surrounded by the tranquillity and the beauty that the mountains have to offer. Kylo knew it was a calculated risk that he’d run into Steve, he’d just hoped it would be when she wasn’t with him.

When he went to the store yesterday it was a young girl working, and Kylo got is hopes up. Thinking that maybe Steve had moved somewhere else, or he was injured so he couldn’t tend to the store.

When he walked into the store with her, there was a different worker at the till. Then when they got up there low and behold it was Steve.

And then Steve almost said _it_. Right there in front of her. No fucking way would Kylo be explaining that to her. Now or ever.

Kylo sat in the chair, wrestling with his thoughts, keeping his breathing under control so his demons wouldn’t appear. They didn’t have a reason to. In all honesty, Sweetheart has every right to be upset. Kylo had called her his ‘friend’, when clearly, she is much more valuable than that. Priceless even. No label can express Kylo’s feelings for her. He just wish she could understand why he can’t say them out loud.

He grunted, shifting in the chair, checking the clock: 5:56pm. He heard the tap stop running upstairs, and decided to try and fix this. 

He had to try. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More of Kylo's monsters coming out the closet! Also I am very sorry, the smut will be returning promptly! But I am a sucker for fluff, soooo bear with me! Xoxo


	25. Pineapple Heart

–– ****Kylo’s POV****

He threw the rest of his whiskey back, feeling the familiar burn down his esophagus, warming his stomach. He rolled up the sleeves of his black crewneck sweater and got to work.

He pre-heated the oven and got out the pitas. Sweetheart suggested using mini pitas for the dough, it really was a good idea. He chuckled as he smoothed the tomato sauce over the surface, reaching each side of the diameter. He sprinkled some of the shredded cheese, covering the pita with a light dusting.

He opened the can of pineapple, his nose scrunched at the wave of sweetness that arose from the can. He cut slices of pepperoni and laid some down in a neat circle. He sprinkled some more cheese over the pepperoni slices and then picked up the can of pineapple. Grabbing a few pieces he placed the triangles delicately on Sweetheart’s pizza. He wished he had time to go to the store and get her the jar of black olives.

Pleased with his creation, Kylo carefully put the pita on a sheet-pan. He put his beside hers and put the pan into the oven. 20 minutes should be enough to melt the cheese and crisp the edges.

He sat on the wobbly stool at the tiny island. He still didn’t know exactly what he was going to say to her. If anything at all. Maybe he should let her speak first. Or maybe he should just leave her food and wine on the table and go wait outside, give her some space. He knew what she wanted: to know _everything_. But he couldn’t grant her that, not yet. At the same time he _didn’t_ know what she wanted. He was so bad at feeling empathy. He couldn’t put his feet in their shoes to attempt to understand how they were feeling.

But he’d try. He had to.

He grabbed the nicest cup from the cupboard, the cabin lacked wine glasses. He poured the rosé over some ice cubes and topped it off with some Sprite. He went into the fridge and grabbed a couple berries and he decided to toss in a couple of the pineapple pieces. He set it at her spot.

20 minutes had gone by, and Kylo heard the bathtub start draining so he pulled out the pizzas to inspect them. The cheese was bubbling and the edges of the pita were crispy golden-brown. He set them on the top of the stove and used a spatula to move them from the pan to the plates. He cut them into four smaller triangles and tried to position them back into a circle on the plate.

He tried to find two matching plates, but no luck. Sweetheart’s plate was a dull grey colour, Kylo’s black. He set the table and tried to make it look nice. He grabbed a few of the tiny candles he’d brought along and placed them in the middle of the small dinner table. He lit them and let the orange light dance off the food.

Kylo heard her come from the bathroom, shuffling about upstairs. He smoothed out his sweater and ran his fingers through his tangled hair. Should he be sitting waiting at the table? On the leather chair? Standing? He wasn’t sure. So he just stood beside the table, holding the back of his chair, facing the stairs. He waited.

A few minutes went by and she still hadn’t come downstairs, he wished she’d hurry up because the ice was melting and the food was getting cold. As if she’d heard his thoughts, he saw her tiny foot emerge from the top of the staircase.

She was wearing pink fuzzy socks, her legs bare and glistening with her coconut lotion. Kylo loved the way she smelled fresh out of the shower or bath. He caught a glimpse of her silk shorts underneath the big cream fuzzy blanket she’d draped herself in. Her hair was wrapped in a light blue towel.

As soon as she saw Kylo standing in front of the table she stopped on the second to last step. Her eyes blew up through her glasses and she looked like a deer in the headlights. He didn’t want to move or say anything, he didn’t want to spook her and have her run back upstairs. So he smiled at her.

A genuine smile. He tried to be warm and inviting, but wasn’t sure if he was doing the opposite.

She looked at the table then up to him, back down, then back up. She smiled back. Kylo let out the breath that he’d been holding in and took a step towards her. She came down the last two steps and started walking slowly to the table, her little feet poking out the bottom of the blanket. 

She pulled out her chair and sat down. Kylo’s heart sank a little bit, he wanted to hug her and smother her with kisses. But he just let her get comfy in the wooden chair. She pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping the blanket around them completely.

He caught sight of her hard nipples through her silk tank top as she opened her arms to wrap her legs, he swallowed hard. He sat down across from her and waited for her to say or do something. He heard the slight grumble of her tummy. She was hungry.

“You uhm- you put the pineapple in the shape of a heart.” Her voice was quiet, breathless.

“Yes. Eat my love, before it gets cold.” She jumped at the sudden low rumble of his voice and looked up. She just nodded.

“Thanks for making this Kylo.” Her small hands emerged from the blanket and picked up one of the slices. She took a big bite and he saw her shoulders slump. She was relaxing. Thank the Maker. He started eating his pizza too, bite after bite, looking up at her every couple minutes.

She sipped on her wine spritzer, nibbling on the fruit that fell into her mouth. She sighed.

–– ****Y/N’s POV****

You slowly made your way down the stairs, fully prepared to make yourself a killer bowl of cereal and go back upstairs, but you were completely taken by surprise when you saw what Kylo had done. He’d set the table beautifully, the mismatched plates and cups creating a plethora of patterns and shades. Tiny candles sat in the middle, casting a warm hue over the table and throughout the tiny cabin.

Then you saw him. He was standing behind his chair, clutching onto it like it was his life-force. You didn’t know whether or not you should run back upstairs or not. Then you saw him smile. The creases in his face that you so longed to trace. His dimples piercing his cheeks, his cute crooked teeth peeking through his perfect plump lips. Your heart melted and you couldn’t help but smile back.

You saw him relax then, letting out the breath you were sure he was holding. You slowly made your way over to the table, glancing at him every couple of steps. You pulled the blanket tighter over your figure, not wanting to expose yourself. All you wanted to do was touch him, let him pull you into his broad chest and hold you. But you knew if you did that all of your purpose would melt away, you’d lose sight of what you came down here to do: to find out what the heck had happened at the general store.

You could feel your belly warming from the alcohol, filling with the delicious food Kylo had cooked for you. You had to admit, this was much better than the sad bowl of cereal you would have made for yourself.

You picked up your third slice, taking the right side of the pineapple heart with it and munched on it happily. The drink Kylo had made you was so yummy, fizzy and sweet. The berries and pineapples added the perfect touch.

For once Kylo had finished eating before you, but he didn’t get up from the table. Instead he just sat back and sipped on his whiskey. You finished eating, trying to avoid eye contact with him as much as possible. It was hard because Kylo didn’t take his eyes off of you. He just watched you finish your food, nodding slightly when you leaned back in your chair, indicating that you were finished.

You gulped the rest of your spritzer and your sat forward slightly. You wanted to at least try to take the upper hand of this conversation.

You cleared your throat. “That was really yummy. Thank you again.” You bent over and let your hair fall from the towel, jostling it a little bit and keeping it from falling in front of your face.

“My pleasure Doll.” He sipped his whiskey, you saw his pink tongue snake out and lick the droplets from his bottom lip.

You shifted, bringing your knees back up to your chest. “So, uhm. About today. Can you please spare me the ‘I don’t understand’ bullshit and just tell me what I want to know?” You locked your eyes to his and he took a deep breath.

He placed his glass on the table, leaning towards you. You instinctively leaned back into your chair. “What would you like to know?” He stood, taking his plate, rounding the table and grabbing yours. You nodded thanks.

“Uhm okay well. How do you know Steve?” You clutched your knees closer to your chest.

He went into the small kitchenette, his back to you as he washed the dishes in the tiny sink. You saw his shoulders rise and fall with the deep breath he was taking. You waited patiently.

“Like I said, he’s good friends with Rian and JJ. This cabin was Rian and JJ’s, they used to bring me here when I was growing up. From our frequent trips to the general store, Steve just got close with them, they were always chatting and they got on really well.” He paused, rinsing the dishes under clean water.

You got up from the chair, leaving the blanket on the chair, you walked over to the other end of the sink. You picked up a hand towel and shivered. It was cold out from the blanket and your nipples hardened at the sudden change of temperature. You saw Kylo glance down at you before returning to the washing.

You grabbed the plate from him and started drying it, he continued.

“A few of the summers we were out here, Steve even took me on to work at the store, to make some extra cash when I was like 14. Rian and JJ would just relax here at the cabin and I’d work. It was nice honestly, to get away from them. I can’t explain why though, I don’t know why but it felt good to be busy.” He handed you another plate.

“After I left Rian and JJ I didn’t come back here for a long time. Not until I had graduated my undergrad. Then I came back to see if this place was still here. It was, but it looked abandoned. So I went to the store and sure enough Steve was still there. He said that Rian and JJ never came back after I’d left. They’d told him that I’d left them, that they didn’t know where I was. Steve asked where I went, but I didn’t tell him either.” He shrugged, handing you a glass.

“I came down here for a weekend and cleaned the place up, working on repairs and whatnot. After I finished grad school and got a job, I went to the realtor Rian and JJ used to buy this place. I bought them out, all in cash. The realtor couldn’t say no because they hadn’t had possession of the place in over a decade. So I own it now.”

He leaned forward on the counter, the little sponge still in his big hand. You took another glass from the side of the sink and finished drying it.

“I knew Rian and JJ wouldn’t come back here, after they got the news that I had bought them out. So I came out here maybe three times over the last few years, just to check up on the place. I’d stay a couple nights here and there so I’d see Steve at the store. He always prodded me about seeing Rian and JJ again I couldn’t take it anymore. So I stopped coming altogether.”

He turned his head to face you, looking down your figure and back up to meet your eyes.

“I was going to sell this place this winter actually. I was already making the preparations in September, but then you ran into me. Literally. And I thought this place might come in handy. That is _if_ you became mine.”

He shrugged again, shaking his head.

“Steve is basically like an old acquaintance who’s known me since I was a teenager. He’s been part of my life whether I wanted him there or not. And I couldn’t tell him who you actually were or else I know for sure he’d tell Rian and JJ I was here, and who I was with. Keeping him out of the loop would save me the hassle later on of having to try and explain myself.”

He turned fully to you, dropping the sponge into the sink.

“I am so sorry that I hurt you. I needed to keep Steve off my back, and saying you were my friend was the easiest way to do that. He wouldn’t be bothered with telling Rian and JJ if I just brought a friend here. I- I’m sorry Sweetheart.” He grabbed both your shoulders, shaking you slightly.

“You _know_ that you’re more than just a friend. Or a girlfriend for fucks sake.” His voice was getting raspy, shaking with his unsteady breaths.

“I love you. You- you’re my… my _soulmate_. And I will never disrespect you like that again.” He was looking into your eyes, waiting for a shred of forgiveness in them. You dug deep, absorbing all of the information that he had just spilled into you. It all made sense when you thought about it. You looked back at him, allowing the glimmer of forgiveness to seep into your irises.

“I love you too. It’s okay, I understand now. Thank you.” You let him pull you into his chest, your cheek colliding with his strong pec. You could hear his heartbeat, feel it against your skin as his heart raced for you. You breathed in his scent, letting it calm you even further.

He pulled you from him, holding your face in both of his hands, stroking your cheeks with his thumbs. He dipped his face down, you went up on your tiptoes to meet him halfway. Your lips found each other and you wrapped your arms around his neck, letting him sweep you off the ground. He spun you in circles, slowly making his way over to the fire-pit.

He placed you down onto the leather chair, kneeling in front of you he kissed you passionately. Working his way to your neck, he suckled softly, raising delicate pink welts in their wake. He tugged at your top and you lifted your arms so he could pull it off. You shivered again and your nipples hardened. He eyed them, licking his lips.

“You’re so beautiful.” His voice was quiet and soft. He moved down your body, planting kisses along your collarbone, going down the centre on your sternum. He sucked one of your nipples into his plush mouth, circling it and flicking the balls of your piercing with his tongue. Pinching the other between his thumb and forefinger. He moved to your other breast, sucking a harsh welt into the soft flesh. He moved down, kissing a circle around your belly button and then stopped at your waistband.

His breath was ragged, his eyes dark with lust. He was moving quickly now, impulsive. He grabbed at your shorts and lifted your ass with one hand while shucking down your shorts and panties with the other. He threw them beside him and grabbed both of your thighs, pulling your legs a part. As he did, you could feel the slick wetness being exposed to the cool air. You shut your eyes.

Kylo kissed your inner thighs, getting dangerously close to your sex, but always missing it. He slowly massaged your legs with his fingers, pushing harder and harder with each passing second. You accidentally let a moan escape your throat and you heard Kylo’s breath hitch.

“You’re so desperate for me, aren’t you pet?” He licked a long line from one thigh to the other, his tongue ghosting over your clit. You squeaked and nodded, your eyes still closed, biting your bottom lip to stop the noises leaving your mouth.

He continued laying hot kisses along the insides of your thighs, kissing your petals that lay in between them.

“You’re shaking. Tsk, poor sweet thing. So impatient, desperate for me to pleasure that filthy cunt.” You clenched at his words, his deep voice fuelling your arousal.

“Look at how undone you become, just by the sound of my voice. You ache to be filled, touched, pleasured.” One of his hands left your thigh and made its way to your centre. You gasped as you felt his fingers prod at your entrance. Your head shot up.

“Kylo I- I’m still bleeding a little bit…” You tried to inch away from him, but he yanked you closer. 

“Have you already forgotten what you did on Tuesday hmm? Destroying my bedroom with your blood and arousal? Begging to cum on my blood-soaked cock?” He pulled you closer to his face, your ass hanging over the edge of the chair.

“ _Fuck_ …” Was all you could manage. Without warning, Kylo plunged two of his fingers into your core, curling and pumping at a fast rate. You clenched around him and your head fell to the side, your eyes squeezed shut.

He licked up your pussy, nipping at your bud. “Look at me.” You obeyed him, opening your eyes and positioning yourself so that you had a good view. You were moaning uncontrollably now, Kylo had inserted a third finger into you now and he was hitting that sweet spot deep within you. Your hands found his hair, your digits tangling themselves within his black wavy locks. Your nails threatening to pierce his scalp.

Your clit was begging for attention, it was throbbing to be touched. You moaned, trying to push Kylo’s head down but his neck was too strong.

“You want me to lick it? Suck on that clit until you cum on my lips?”

You nodded, still trying to push his head down. He looked up at you, his eyes saying all that needed to be said. You took a deep breath and locked your gaze onto his.

“ _Please_. Kylo please make me cum, I- I can’t handle it anymore.” You were barreling towards your orgasm, just from Kylo constantly massaging your sweet spot with his fingers. Filling you with his three thick fingers. You needed more, just that extra push over the edge.

Pleased with your begging, Kylo finally sunk his head and his tongue snaked out, flicking your clit. You groaned with pleasure, the heat radiating from your lower belly, slowly creeping to your extremities. You were so close, Kylo’s breath hot on your sex, his fingers and tongue working their magic.

You twitched violently and clenched, moaning as he finger-fucked you to Hell. Your nails dug into his scalp causing him to groan in pain. The vibrations from his mouth sent you dangerously close to the edge. You gasped, “Kylo, _fuck_ I- I’m gonna––“

He breathed against your clit, his voice sending shudders throughout your body. “Cum for me baby.” His sucked your clit back into his mouth and your orgasm smacked into you.

You head flew back, your eyes rolling to the back of your skull. You twitched from the shocks, from the power of your climax. Kylo didn’t slow his pace on your clit, nor did he stop finger-fucking you. You moved swiftly into the realm of overstimulation, your legs shaking violently and your voice crying out for him to stop. Kylo’s hand finally slid out of your core, tracing a blood-tinged line up your thigh, using both his hands to massage and calm your tremors.

He licked his lips, stained the slightest bit red. His eyes were heavy with lust. You looked down at him, seeing his chest rise and fall quickly as he tried to catch his breath. He rubbed circles into your legs, slowly crawling his way up to your face. You grabbed the back of his neck and forced your lips onto his.

The taste of your arousal mixed with blood flooded your tongue, you couldn’t get enough of tasting yourself on him. It drove you crazy. You were moaning into his mouth, your tongue fighting its way past his lips and into his. Wrestling for dominance. He stood up more, pushing your head down and back into the chair. He supported himself by placing his hands on the chair arms, letting your one hand keep his face on yours, your other hand slinking down to find his straining erection.

You cupped it in your hand, struggling to take it all in your palm. _Gods he’s so fucking big_. You clenched again and he stood up fully. Ripping himself from you. He pulled his sweater off and followed by pulling off his pants and boxers. He stood in front of you, the fire behind him casting him as a dark silhouette. He took a few steps back and with his blood-tinged fingers he beckoned you to come kneel in front of him.

You launched yourself off the chair, dropping to your knees in front of his bobbing member. Your mouth flooded with saliva. Kylo grabbed your hair in one of his hands, the other wrapping itself around the shaft of his massive cock.

He pulled hard at your hair, you winced, your brows furrowing with pain. His eyes speaking to you again.

You opened your mouth. “Kylo _please_ let me suck your––“

Kylo thrusted himself into your mouth, cutting off your words, hitting the back of your throat with the first thrust. You gagged and retched against the sudden pressure. You tried to pull away from him to regain your gag-reflex, but Kylo only gave you a second of relief before forcing your mouth back onto his length.

You were making gurgling sounds, choking on his dick which only added to the saliva pooling in your cheeks. The taste of his pre-cum mixing with your saliva, spilling out the sides and bottom of your mouth. Puddles of liquid collected in your lap, dripping down his balls and running down his thighs.

“ _Fuck_ , you’re a sloppy whore. Gagging and choking on this cock.”

“Mhmph hmm.” You agreed, moaning onto his length, adjusting and allowing your throat to open up for him. His cock slid down your throat and his moaned. “ _Fuuuck yes_.” He held you in place, at an angle that he could fuck your throat mercilessly. Your eyes lolled back into your head as you held your mouth open, your lips going numb as he fucked your face.

Through the tears spilling from your eyes, the saliva leaking from your mouth, and your arousal pooling from your cunt, the wetness in between your legs was increasing. Your clit cried for attention again and you opened your eyes. You pleaded with them to Kylo, hoping he’d give you permission.

“Touch yourself slut. Cum for me again.”

With his permission your hand flew between your legs, you shifted, spreading them wider so you could swirl delicious circles on your still sensitive nub. Your legs shook with the dwelling overstimulation but you pushed past it. Riding your fingers to your next orgasm. Gagging on Kylo’s cock, watching his as his head fell back in pleasure. Beautiful moans leaving his perfect lips.

Your fingers worked quickly, you were so aroused already it didn’t take long before you were balancing on the precipice. Your eyes were stinging with tears, your mouth and jaw sore from being held open. Your mind was screaming at you to stop, to let your mouth relax, but your body was telling you to keep going. Your fingers swirling on your clit, you other hand found Kylo’s balls. You cupped and kneaded them, grabbing at them and squeezing them.

He jerked his hips into you at the sudden touch, but he moaned loudly. Using both of his hands to hold your hair back and your face in place as he increased his pace. His lower belly hitting your nose as he fully sheathed himself in your mouth.

You were right there, you were going to cum. You tried to tell Kylo, but he didn’t stop fucking your face. His eyes focussed on your lips. They flickered up to meet your eyes and he saw your confliction. You didn’t want to cum without his permission, so you grunted and groaned against his cock, your hips rolling on your fingers.

He nodded, “Ffuuck, cum for–– shit, cum for me pet.” Your eyes closed as your body welcomed your second orgasm.

Kylo grunted, crushing your skull between his hands as he pumped your throat full of cum. You felt it shoot to the back of your throat. You gagged, but swallowed it. Gulping it down like it was the elixir of life itself. Your body moved through the aftershocks, your legs trembling. Kylo slowly rode out his climax, fucking your mouth more gently now, easing his aftershocks. His cock twitched in your mouth, he groaned as he made sure he pumped his entire load into your mouth. Your hand left your cunt, going to meet your other hand at the base of his cock.

Still cupping his balls, you used your other hand to stroke slowly as you bobbed your head along his length. He released your head and moaned, leaning back slightly. Inhaling deeply as he came down from his high.

He pulled out from your mouth, crouching down in front of you. He took his hand, caressing your cheek he wiped your bottom lip with his thumb, putting it into your mouth you sucked it clean. You lifted your hand to your mouth, wanting to suck your arousal from them. Kylo caught your wrist in the air and pulled your arm to his face, leading your fingers into his mouth. He opened and closed his lips around your small digits, his tongue tickling your fingertips as he sucked them clean.

He released your hand and you fell back onto your bum. Your knees and ankles sore from holding you up for so long. Your mouth and jaw were on fire, but you couldn’t help but smile. Kylo mirrored you, sitting back onto his bum leaning back on his arms stretched out behind him. 

You both sat as you caught your breaths. The fire danced off your sweat-glistened skin. You lolled your head to the side, admiring the work of art in front of you. Kylo sat in front of you, his entire body open to your viewing. He usually tucks himself away or goes straight into the shower, but this time he just sat exposed to you.

Your eyes trailed his entire body, taking in how relaxed he seemed. How happy he seemed. You smiled, and he smiled back at you.

A little bit at a time, you were going to get through the many walls Kylo had built for himself. It would just take time. And time was all you had. You’d wait forever for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND we learn more about Kylo's backstory! I'm low key struggling with writing these next chapters, so please bear with me! I might not be uploading everyday now that I'm trying to get on with the plot. Love you guys xoxo


	26. Daddy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: slapping, LOTS of slapping & Daddy!Kylo is here so yeah.

You woke up Saturday morning to an empty bed, something you were unfortunately getting used to by now. Kylo always let you snuggle up to him when you guys went to bed, but more often than not you woke up alone.

You rolled over to the right side of the bed, his side of the bed, and looked out the balcony door. The sunlight was pouring into the room, reflecting off the white sheets and making you squint. You turned on your back, looking out the skylight above the bed. You saw two magpies fly over top and you quickly saluted them. One for sorrow, _two for joy_. You could really use some joy.

You laid there for a few minutes, waking up fully. Kylo was never one to sleep in, unlike you who could sleep till past noon easily. But no, Kylo was slowly altering your sleeping-pattern and you were waking up earlier and earlier each day you were with him.

You wondered what was going to happen come Monday. Before this week you’d only stayed at his place a few times. Now you’ve spent almost ten days with him. It was going to be hard to be apart when classes resumed.

You winced, pulling the blankets over your face, huffing hot air into them. You missed everyone so much, but you were honestly dreading having to tell them everything. And on the contrary, having to come up with a pile of lies to tell your parents. _Ugh._

Maybe you could tell them that you have a boyfriend now. Kylo told you that you’re his _soulmate_. That’s pretty much past the ‘going steady’ phase, right? You wouldn’t ask him today, not after what happened yesterday. He’d told you that he had yet _another_ surprise for you later this evening. You couldn’t fathom anything better than this though.

You finally slumped out of bed and went pee. You glanced down, no more dried blood in the toilet. Fucking finally. You had to admit, you were feeling more like yourself now that you weren’t fuelled by your bleeding uterus and bratty hormones. You felt rejuvenated and you had lots of energy. But you still needed coffee.

You washed your face and brushed your hair, putting it in two braids so it would be wavy for later. You brushed your teeth and put on your comfy clothes and your glasses and headed downstairs.

Your senses were met with the smell of fresh coffee, _uh duh_ , and Kylo sitting at the little dining table with his laptop open, typing something furiously.

His head popped up when he heard you come down the stairs, he smiled, pushing his wavy unruly locks from his forehead. “Good morning Sweetheart, sleep okay?”

You waltzed over and gave him a quick kiss on the lips, inhaling the scent and taste of coffee from his mouth. “Morning. Yeah I passed out. How’d you sleep?” You walked over to the coffee machine and checked to see if it was still warm. “I slept fine my love.” The coffee was warm enough, so you grabbed a stout brown mug and poured yourself some joe. Added some cream and sugar and went to sit across from Kylo.

You pulled your knees up on the chair, hugging them as you sipped the lukewarm liquid. You glanced at the clock on the wall: 9:43am. “How long have you been up?” You took another sip.

His fingers were hitting the keyboard quickly, the clicking filling the room. Kylo looked up and around, “Uhm,” back at the laptop, “since about 6:30 I think.” You gasped, “Geez Kylo! Why so early?”

The clicking of the keyboard stopped, “I had some work to do and I couldn’t sleep anymore.” He shrugged. “Plus I wanted to make sure the preparations for your surprise were in place.” He winked at you and you blushed. He treated you like a fucking queen and half the time you swore you didn’t deserve it.

“I’m really excited to see what you’ve got planned!”

“I’m glad. I think you’ll enjoy it.” His hands were back at the keyboard, typing away in a fury.

You got up from the chair, “Have you eaten breakfast yet?”

“Yes.” He didn’t look up.

“Okay, well I’m just gonna have cereal then.”

His head shot up, “Oh, can I have some too please?”

“Haha yeah sure.” You laughed, he chuckled as he got back to typing.

You got two bowl, mismatched like the rest of the plates and stuff. You looked at your choices: Raisin Bran or Corn Pops. You didn’t need to think twice about your decision. You poured the yellow Corn Pops into your bowls and topped them off with some milk. Grabbing two spoons you went back to the table, setting Kylo’s bowl in front of him.

He looked at it and smiled, “Mhm thank you for the extra sugary cereal Pet.” He prodded at it with the spoon, dunking every Corn Pop until they had all been coated in milk. You smiled so fricken hard. “You’re welcome Professor.” He looked up at you and you winked at him, his lips curled up slightly and he let out a nervous laugh.

“You know do you don’t have to call me that when we’re not on campus?”

“I know, but I like calling you that. What else would you have me call you?”

He locked his gaze with yours, swallowing his bite of cereal he cleared his throat. His voice seeped out like molasses, sticky and thick with seduction, “How about _Daddy_?”

You choked on the milk in your mouth and started having a coughing fit. You controlled your breathing and cleared your throat, “Uhm. Haha what?” _You_ were the one laughing nervously now.

He clicked his tongue, “Just a thought.”

You couldn’t deny the excitement in your lower belly that arose from hearing Kylo say ‘Daddy’. You’d never used that word in that way before. You knew other people did, but you never thought you would, or that you would even like it. You swallowed hard again, your throat burning from choking on your breakfast. You looked at him, “Mm-maybe I’ll stick with Professor for now?”

“ _We’ll see_.” He’d finished his bowl of cereal already, meanwhile you’d barely put a dent in yours. You followed his tongue as it snaked out to lick his bottom lips, you clenched. He was looking at you, into you, through you. His eyes dark, heavy, clouded with the undeniable amount of lust flowing between the two of you.

He stood up, taking his bowl to the sink. You watched closely, admiring his body, the way his hair fell into his face while looking down. Your eyes lingered down his body until they came upon the giant tent in his pants. Your jaw dropped, and before you could stop yourself you launched yourself out of the chair and towards him.

He spun and caught you before you could do anything, picking you up by your waist and plopping you down onto the tiny island. It was the perfect height, his erection pressing into your inner thigh as he pried your legs apart with his legs. He grabbed the back or your neck, grappling until he had a firm hold on your braids. He tugged back, hard, until you were looking up at him. His lips crashed into yours and your hands flew to his chest, clawing at his shirt, trying to tug it off.

His broke the kiss quickly to pull his shirt off, returning his hands to the sides of your face, cupping your cheeks as he pulled you in for more. Your lips bruised against his, his kiss hot and needy. Your teeth and tongues clashing into one another as his mouth fought with yours. Eager to taste you, to taste as much of you as he could. Your mind was reeling, growing foggy with lust.

Your hands left his chest to start pulling down your joggers, Kylo stopped to help you. Your shirt came off next, followed quickly by your bra and panties. Kylo ripped off his own jeans and boxers, leaving the two of you completely nude in the small kitchenette.

Kylo licked his palm and started stroking his member slowly as he bent down in between your legs. Your head fell back in anticipation, waiting for him to eat you out. Kylo’s other hand forcefully smacked your sex and you yelped. “Ow! Kylo what the fuck?”

He slapped it again, this time harder. You moaned, the wetness in between your folds dripping now. Kylo hissed, and you could hear the slick squelching sounds of Kylo fucking his fist. Without warning his forced two fingers into your pussy and you clenched around him instinctively.

“Fuck, your cunt is so tight Doll.” He lifted his head up slightly, just above your mound. He spit, slowly, letting it ooze and drip onto his fingers and your pussy, making you wetter for him.

You let out a low guttural moan, your voice low and hoarse, “ _Ooh fuuuckk meee.”_

He scoffed, “Ask properly Pet.”

You sat up more, glancing down at him through half lidded eyes. “Kylo, please. Fuck me please.”

He inserted a third finger, hitting your sweet spot over and over again. His fingers curling in rhythm with his pumps, the wetness becoming unbearable. You were going to cum. Soon. Then suddenly Kylo’s mouth sucked your clit between his teeth, his tongue swirling devilish circles around it. You couldn’t stop it.

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head and your entire body jerked forward on the tiny island. You came hard on Kylo’s hands and mouth. Your body twitching as you unravelled. You opened your eyes to see Kylo lapping up your juices, but before you could say anything he had stood up and grabbed your throat with his free hand. His other still stroking his monster cock slowly.

“I don’t think you asked for my permission to do that my love.”

 _Fuck_.

“I’m sorry, it happened too fast I––“

“ _Enough_. Go upstairs, get on the floor. Glasses off, face down, ass up. I’ll be upstairs in 2 minutes.”

You hopped off the island, Kylo slapped your ass hard as you scurried up the stairs. You took your glasses off and put them on the bedside table. Looking at the small rug on the ground in front of the bed you reluctantly got on your hands and knees. Kylo didn’t say which way to face, so you decided to face the balcony.

You arched your back, resting your face on your arms as your hoisted your ass as high into the air as you could. And you waited.

Not even two minutes went by before you heard Kylo coming up the stairs. Your heart started beating out of your chest, your breathing growing uneven. You wanted to turn your head to look at him, but you were scared.

“So fucking beautiful.” He was close, and you twitched when you felt him caresses your ass. “So perfect, waiting for me to destroy you. Ready for me like a whore.” Your body buzzed, his words making your core drip once again, the heat rushing to your face.

“Now about your punishment.”

_What? Punishment? What does he me––_

*SMACK*

Kylo’s hand collided with your ass, cutting off your inner babble. You lurched forwards, clutching the carpet beneath you.

“KYLO WHAT THE––“

*SMACK*

His hand slapped your other cheek, sharp blades of pain radiated from your ass. You squeezed your lids shut, sucking in deep breaths.

“ _Good girls_ ask permission to cum Sweetheart.”

*SMACK*

“You, my dear, have been a _bad girl_.”

*SMACK*

Your eyes welled with tears, your mouth muffled by your arm as you took Kylo’s blows to your hot behind. You could feel the welts rising, the blood vessels popping as Kylo laid more relentless slaps onto your flayed cheeks.

“Kylo stop!” You wailed.

He huffed, “Ask me nicely.” He pulled on your braids, making your back arch even more.

*SMACK*

“Please! Kylo please stop!”

*SMACK*

“I’m sorry, _who_?”

*SMACK*

You were completely sobbing now, the pain overwhelming your senses. Yet your cunt clenched at the realization of what he wanted. Your lower belly flooding with warmth.

You wiggled your bum, feeling it jiggle. “ _Please Daddy_. Please stop it, _it hurts_ Daddy.” Your voice was sweet, drenched with pain and pleasure.

“Good girl.” You were quietly sobbing, flinching as Kylo rubbed your sore spots. He kissed every inch of your cheeks, soothing the burning for just a second.

You lost count by the time Kylo had stopped, your mind lost somewhere between the excruciating pain and the insane amount of pleasure you were getting from this. You could feel your liquid arousal dripping from your core, seeping down your thighs and onto the carpet.

“You _liked that_ , didn’t you? You’re dripping wet for me, you can’t help but long to be punished by me, isn’t that right? For Daddy to punish you?” He was kneading soft circles into your ass cheeks, the pain still burning, but decreasing.

“Yes, Daddy.” You were gone, overcome with lust and desire. And Kylo was right. He was absolutely right.

Kylo grabbed your waist, picking you up and dropping you on your back onto the bed. His cock red and veiny from neglect. His eyes black and wild. His body glistened with sweat, showing of the harsh contours of his toned body in the sunlight. His hair had fallen into his face, perfect waves and curls framed his features as if they were the perfect picture. And they were. _He was_.

The sheets underneath you felt like sandpaper against your raw skin, but Kylo grabbed your ankles and slid you towards him. You winced in pain but your mind quickly discarded that feeling as Kylo plunged into your core without warning.

You felt his balls smack your ass as he fully sheathed his length into you. He roared and you clenched. “ _Shit_ , you’re so fucking tight baby.”

He slid out slowly, then pushed back in, creating a steady but firm rhythm. You moaned and your mouth fell open, letting the wanton noises flow from your freely. Kylo stood, grabbing your waist he pounded into you, cursing sweet nothings and dirty everythings at you.

Your tits bounced as he fucked you hard, your legs beginning to shake. Kylo’s sheer size was enough to make you cum, the curve of his dick always hitting your sweet spot in this position. You swallowed, building up enough courage to ask him properly this time.

“D-daddy?” It was hard to speak, Kylo’s thrusts threatening to stop your ability to speak altogether.

His head snapped up, his eyes looked possessed. He grinned, “Yes my- _fuck_ , yes Pet?” His words were loose, hanging with his uneven breaths.

Your moans were a part of your speech now, Kylo’s cock, and your newfound kink, hurling you towards another orgasm.

“Daddy, may I please cum?” Your eyes pleaded with him, your voice high-pitched and whiny.

“ _Fuck_. Only cause you asked so perfectly.” He leaned back, still fucking you hard, he opened your bedside drawer, pulling out your toy. Your heart leapt.

Kylo turned on the vibrator, the delicious buzzing filling the room. He turned it to the highest setting, pressing it against your clit. You screamed.

“FUCK! Yes Daddy, please make me cum.” You didn’t recognize your own voice as you begged for Kylo to make you cum. Your body had won this battle over your mind and you were only focussed on one thing: cumming on your Daddy’s monster cock.

“Shit, you’re a fucking dirty slut. Taking my cock so well, begging to cum on Daddy’s dick hmm? That’s it babygirl, cum for me.”

Your body rattled, shaking from the hoard of vibrations being sent from your cunt to the rest of your body. You shot your head back as you came on Kylo’s cock, clenching tight around him. You distantly heard him groaning as he could no longer hold off his climax. He squeezed your waist so hard you’re sure it would bruise. He sputtered, holding you in place, keeping his cock sheathed fully inside of you as he shot his load into your cunt. His head fell back, his chest heaving as your legs started twitching from over stimulation.

Kylo still had the toy pressed up against your clit, you wiggled trying to get away from it. It rolled off your sensitive bud and you exhaled with relief and satisfaction. Kylo came down from his high and released your waist, turning the toy off and tossing it onto the bed behind you.

He grabbed the base of his cock, holding your lower belly down as he pulled out of you. Strings of white cum bridging your sexes. Kylo dipped his finger down to collect some of it, bringing it to your mouth.

You opened without hesitation, gulping down his seed. He bent, kissing your inner thighs and then placing his hot mouth over the entirety of your cunt. Sucking back his cum and yours from your core. Tickling your clit with his nose you flinched. He licked a fat line up your slit and kissed the top of your mound.

You sighed happily. Dazed and sleepy you sat up on your elbows to look at him. He held out his hand and you took it weakly. He pulled you off the bed and into his warm embrace. Your skin sticking to him with the sweat and liquid arousal that painted both your bodies.

He grabbed your face and kissed your lips tenderly. Both sighing heavily through your noses, still trying to catch the breaths your orgasms blew away.

He pulled away, inhaling and exhaling quickly. “Get dressed, something comfy but easy to remove. We’re going somewhere.” Your eyes lit up, suddenly not feeling so sleepy after all. “Where are we going? I thought the surprise wasn’t until tonight?”

“Did I say that? My bad.” He was smirking, that stupid little smirk that you loved so much. You went to go punch his arm but he caught your wrist, squeezing it hard.

“Nice try Doll.” He pulled your wrist into another passionate kiss. Not sloppy or desperate, but loving and intimate. It was over too quickly and he was at the dresser pulling out fresh clothes.

You decided to put on what you were wearing before, so you quickly went downstairs to get them. You came back upstairs and Kylo was already fully dressed. _Damn, the man moved fast_. You got dressed and your stomach grumbled. _Shit_ , you didn’t finish your cereal before you attacked Kylo.

“Uhm, do I have time to eat?” You rubbed your stomach.

“I’ll make you a bagel to bring in the car.” He passed you, heading down the stairs. You followed him intently, hating when you two were apart.

“Okay, thanks.”

“Get your stuff on.” He went to the pantry/shelf thing and grabbed the bag of bagels.

“Okay.” You walked over to the little bench by the door and started putting on your boots. It wasn’t snowing much today so you put a hat and mitts into your bag, just in case. You pulled your jacket on and fixed your hair in the tiny mirror.

Kylo came from behind you, holding out the warm bagel in a paper towel. You took it and he pulled on his boots, draping his pea coat over his shoulders.

“You ready Pet?”

You were giddy, filled with curiosity and excitement. You jumped up and down, smiling. “Yes! Will you tell me where we’re going?” He looked at you, his brow cocked.

“ _Pleeeeaaase_ Daddy?” You teased.

He laughed. Out loud. Genuine and music to your ears.

“We’re going to a spa, deeper into the mountains.”

Your face lit up, the serenity of your soul bursting at the seams. All the way to the car and to the spa your leg wouldn’t stop shaking, you were so excited you couldn’t contain it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha my daddy kink exposed. shoot me pls. But hey, we goin to a spa y'all!!!!!!! Love you guys xoxo


	27. Power

The spa was about 45 minutes from the cabin. It really _was_ in the middle of nowhere.

Once you were inside, Kylo went to check you guys in and you wandered around the foyer. You heard the receptionist greet Kylo warmly, “Hi! Welcome to Hoth Spa, here to check in?”

The foyer was simple, but gorgeous. The walls were lined with an ebony shiplap that cascaded the entire front room with a warm glow. It radiated comfort. There were two fireplaces, each of which had a couch and two chairs in front of them. The coffee tables had bowls of fake(?) fruit… You walked closer and realized that it was real fruit. Your bagel wasn’t enough so you snatched an apple from the bowl and walked over to the front desk.

Kylo was signing something and the receptionist looked at you. “Oh, you must be Mrs. Ren!” You froze with the apple in your mouth, halfway bitten when you choked on the air. You looked at her, then to Kylo, then back to her. She smiled, “Kylo here has told me that this is a special gift for you, _his wife_. I do hope you enjoy your time here at Hoth Spa!”

You swallowed the chunk of apple you bit off and tried your best to smile. Nodding you responded to her, “Hi! Yes, that’s me, _Mrs. Ren_ … Thank you so much, I’m sure I will!”

Kylo thanked her and grabbed your hand, tugging you away from the waving receptionist. Once you were through to doors into where the locker rooms were you squeezed Kylo’s hand.

“Wife is a _big step_ up from friend, don’t ya think?” You nudged him with your shoulder and he laughed.

“Well I don’t know the receptionist, and you wanted to be labelled something more appropriate. I didn’t think I could exactly tell a stranger that you’re my soulmate though, now could I?” He kept his head straight on as you guys came up to the doors of the locker rooms.

You sighed, “Yeah you’re right…” You liked the way ‘Mrs. Ren’ sounded. Your heart swelled and simultaneously broke at the sound of it.

You looked at the locker room doors, there were three of them: men, women, and you assumed non-binary. You smiled. You’d never seen anywhere have inclusive bathrooms before. You were going to head into the women’s when you realized that you had no idea where to go or what to do. You turned back to Kylo and he smirked.

He cupped your cheek and kissed you. Your lips touching ever so briefly before he straightened up. “Change out of your clothes and put on the robe and slippers in your locker. Locker 7 is yours,” he handed you the key. “Then go out the door that says ‘Private Room 1’, I will be in there waiting for you. Leave everything in the locker, but bring the key with you.”

He pushed you slightly back towards the women’s door, you smiled. “Okay, see you in a couple minutes.” You pushed the door open, but turned around to see if Kylo was still there. He was. Standing, waiting until you were in the locker room safely. You blew him a kiss, “I love you.”

He held up his hand and closed his fingers, catching your kiss. “I love you too, now go. We only have a couple minutes to get in there.”

You turned and walked into the locker room. It was huge. And stark white. Your eyes actually had to adjust from the dark, warm tones of the foyer to the brightness of the locker room. It looked spotless, and smelled even cleaner.

You padded over to the wall of lockers and found number 7. You opened it up and saw a white fluffy robe hanging on a hook, a pair of white slippers, and a lanyard for the key. You undressed quickly and pulled the robe out. It felt like a fucking cloud. There was something embroidered on the left breast, you assumed it was the spa’s name, but upon closer inspection you saw that it read ‘Mrs. Ren’. Your legs staggered and you took in a massive sigh.

 _Maybe one day_.

You undressed and put on the robe, slid on the slippers and clicked the key onto the lanyard, stuffing it into the robe pocket. You walked through a hallway behind the lockers and there was a bunch of doors with numbers. The first one saying ‘Private Room 1’. That’s the one Kylo said to go in, so you took a deep breath and pushed open the door.

Your body was engulfed in thick air, warm and humid. The room had the same ebony shiplap along the two side-walls. The back wall was plain light brown, but the wall in front of you was entirely paned with windows. The view took your breath away. Snow-dusted trees in the foreground, a huge beautiful mountain in the background. All being painted by the sun and the snow. You searched the room some more.

To your right was a long shower, with two heads and a big bench. It spanned the entire right side, a long pane of glass separating it from the rest of the room. Inside the shower the wall was completely made from stone. Small and medium stones placed together delicately. To your left was a large jacuzzi tub, really it looked like a mini hot tub. There was a table beside it that had an ice bucket with champagne sticking out of it, two slender glasses on either side.

In the middle was two massage tables. Not the regular small, short, and kinda skinny ones. No, these were massive. They almost looked like they were each as big as a twin bed. Kylo was leaning against one, his arms crossed over his chest. He’d rolled up the sleeves of his robe, his skin already glistening with sweat. You swallowed hard and walked over to him. He held his arms open and you walked into his embrace, your face pressed up against his left pec. You could just make out the inscription on his robe, ‘Mr. Ren’.

You pulled away, smiling up at him. You had to squint a bit because you left your glasses in the locker, you weren’t sure what was happening here. You put your hands on your hips, “Okay, so what happens now?”

He stood, walking around you in a slow circle. “Well, we have an hour to ourselves in here. We can use this time to bathe each other and relax before the masseuses come in,” he trailed his fingers along your shoulders and you shuddered. “They will spend an hour and a half on each of us, and then they will leave,” he started pulling the robe away from your shoulders, the warm air creeping down your back, your skin starting to bead with sweat. “After that we will have 30 minutes in here to do whatever we’d like, and then that’s it,” he kissed your exposed skin along the back of your neck and shoulders. “Three hours in total, then we can go get food and explore the compound if you’d like. They have a restaurant, the menu is over there,” he pointed towards the table beside the hot tub.

You gulped. Heat pooling in your lower belly already. “Okay, yeah that sounds amazing,” your voice cracked, so you cleared your throat, taking a deep breath. The scent of lavender danced through your senses and your shoulders relaxed as Kylo slowly kneaded them.

“It smells so good in here.” Your head fell to the side, your neck more exposed now.

Kylo dipped his face down, kissing your neck tenderly. Suckling lightly and nipping a couple times. You let your mouth part, eliciting soft moans to leave your lips.

“Mhm. I requested that they lace the steam with lavender oil. I know you love it.” He pulled away from you, dropping his robe carelessly onto the floor, kicking his slippers off.

Your eyes widened as you saw his nude body. You took in the sight, your cunt clenching. He looked completely un-phased that there was a giant window right there. He just stood, watching you watch him.

His figure always took your breath away. He was completely and utterly gorgeous. His pale skin glistened with sweat, shining like a distant star. The freckles and moles that dotted his torso looked like constellations, warped only by the few scars that were scattered on his chest. His shoulders spanned so broadly, strong, protective. His arms thick and toned, laced with veins and swirled with hair. His stomach flat, ribbed with his abdominal muscles that flexed every time he moved. A trail of hair, leading down towards his groin. Like a map leading to the treasure. You skipped over his midsection, wanting to take in his strong, thick legs. His quads thick and massive, he could definitely crush you between them. His calves slender, but toned. His entire body was perfectly proportioned.

Except his monster fucking cock.

Your eyes wandered back up to it, you could see it swelling with blood and Kylo watched you wiggle as you took in the sight of his body. Even though it was still semi-soft, it was massive. Kylo cleared his throat and you met his eyes.

“Your turn Pet.”

You smiled, “Yes, Daddy.”

His cock throbbed, and you watched it as it grew more and more.

You loosened the sash from the robe, opening it slowly to reveal only your upper half. You let the sleeves fall completely off your shoulders from where Kylo had left them, exposing your perky tits. Your nipples were soft from the heat of the room, but hearing Kylo moan caused them to stiffen immediately. He always said that your nipple piercings turned him on like crazy.

You took a deep breath, letting your back arch so that your chest swelled up. Next you entirely untied the sash, the remainder of the robe opening so that your bare sex was exposed to him. He shifted his stance, his member rock hard and needy now. You let the robe fall to the ground next to Kylo’s and you stepped out of it, and your slippers, and waltzed towards him.

Instead of walking to him, you walked right passed him. Giggling as you ran towards the huge shower space. He grunted and spun, trying to catch you before you passed him. You were quicker than him this time and you avoided his greedy touch. 

“Gotta catch me if you want me.” You ducked behind the large pane of glass, creeping backwards as Kylo slowly started towards you.

“Hmm alright. I’ll play your game Pet. But, I doubt you’re faster than me.” A split second later he lunged, crossing the distance to the shower in less than two long steps. You squeaked and made a run for it in the other direction. Running out of the shower space on the other end, darting towards the hot tub on the other side of the room.

You made it to the far side of the hot tub just as Kylo reached table with the champagne. You thanked the Maker that the tub was round, so you could keep distanced as Kylo stalked around it. 

“Nowhere to go now Doll, _you’re mine_ ,” he was on the far side now and you saw your opening. You darted back towards the showers, but somehow, Kylo inhumanly leapt towards you, grabbing your waist as you attempted to start running.

“Ah! Fuck, you got me!” You laughed, still trying to make your escape.

He spun you around, holding your waist, pulling you in towards his body. The heat radiating off of him was insane, and you could feel his urgency on your lower stomach.

“ _I got you_ ,” his voice was low, deep, drunk on the adrenalin of your little game. He squeezed your waist hard and then started walking towards the showers again. You scoffed quietly and turned to watch him go.

“Tag. _You’re it_.” He laughed, backing up slowly as he watched you get ready to pounce.

You steadied yourself before blasting towards him, you almost caught his wrist but he sprinted away, taking three huge steps before he reached the showers. You had to literally run to catch up. On either side of the shower, you leapt to take him down.

To your surprise he didn’t run, instead he stepped forward accepting your collision. He caught you, lifting you in the air he spun you in circles. He slowed his spinning, holding you by your waist, his arms wrapped completely around your body. You felt so small in his arms. So safe.

He set you down on your feet, and you reached behind him. You turned on the shower quickly and the cold water spurted out straight onto his back. “Fuck!” He jumped forward, taking you with him he crashed you into the glass pane. Your back collided with the glass, Kylo pushing you further into it so he could get away from the cold stream.

You burst out laughing. “Hahaha I got you!” He looked down at you and your laughing stopped. His face was stone, his eyes starting to cloud over with blackness. “…I got you…?” You tried again, smiling slightly.

His lips curled up, smirking. Devilish. _Oh shit_.

He spun you around, plunging you underneath the cold water. You screamed, clawing at him and laughing as you tried to get out of the freezing water. Kylo’s hand found the tap and turned it until it was oozing hot water. Your body shivered at the change of temperature and Kylo joined you under the stream.

Water and steam encompassing the two of you. Mixing and thickening the building lust between you two. Your hands rested on his chest, feeling the water run over your fingers. You were both breathing heavy. Hell, that was the most running you’d done since gym class in high school.

Kylo lifted his arms, raking his hands through his sopping wet hair, smoothing it back. _Fuck, he looks so fucking good._ His arms flexing as he continuously pulled his thick fingers through his perfect hair. His head was tilted back so you built up some courage and gently wrapped your fingers around his still hard cock.

He jerked forwards, pinning you against the cold stone wall of shower. “ _Fuck_ ,” he spat, his hair falling back into his face. His tendrils dripping with water. He looked delicious. And you wanted him _now_. 

You started pumping, slowly building up your speed as Kylo’s head fell down, his eyes blinking the running water from them as he watched your tiny hand jerk his cock. You took your other hand and cupped his balls, squeezing and playing with them just the way he likes it. His hands were clutching the wall, placed on either side of your head. His back was hunched as he slowed his breathing, trying to control it.

He groaned as you swiped the bead of pre-cum from the tip, mixing it with the water coating his length. You tightened your grip and pumped faster, squeezing his balls with a firm grip. You stepped closer to him, your tits feathering his chest as you breathed. Kylo stood up straight, his hands now above your head. You inched closer still, until you were practically standing under him. You craned your neck until you were looking directly up at him, your tits pressed firmly against his lower chest as your fist continued to fuck his cock.

His neck bent, looking down at you. Your noses millimetres apart. You could feel his laboured breath on your lips. You kept blinking as water fell from his face onto yours. Your mouth open, inhaling the moans coming from Kylo’s lips.

You moaned, “You’re _so hard_ for me Daddy.”

His breath hitched. You felt an immense amount of power radiating from your core. Your lips curled, your eyes narrowing.

“You need this, don’t you? You need my perfect little hands all over your fat dick, hmm?”

Kylo’s head fell back now, his eyes leaving yours as he moaned loudly. You squeezed his balls, hard, and his head snapped back, sucking in air through his teeth.

“Answer me when I ask you a question.” You were getting drunk off the feeling of dominance, you felt this energy coming from a place you didn’t know you had.

His eyes were full of defiance, but he nodded.

“ _Good_. Go lay down on the bench,” You gestured to the stone bench in the shower. You released his cock and balls and he groaned at the absence, but played along and laid down on his back.

You crept up between his legs and slapped his balls from underneath gently. He jumped back and winced. You felt so powerful, and you _had no idea_ what had gotten into you. You couldn’t stop yourself now.

“I am going to _fuck you_. I’m gonna ride your cock and make you cum. And _you_ are _not_ going to touch unless I say,” another slap to his balls. “Got it?”

“ _Shit_ ,” his voice was harsh and quiet.

“Hmm?” You cupped his balls, squeezing at you flicked the tip of his dick with your perfect nails.

“ _Yeeesss_ ,” he practically hissed, you could hear the reluctance in his voice. Regardless you straddled his waist, resting your feet over the top of his thighs. His arms were behind his head, holding it up so he could see your every move, and keep himself from touching you. _Good boy_.

You lifted yourself enough so that you could prod your entrance with the tip of his dick. You were dripping, coating his length as you teased both yourself and him. His eyes narrowed, his brow furrowed with anticipation. His breath raggedy in his chest.

_Is this what he felt like all of the time? Strong, powerful, dominant, controlling?_

You sunk yourself slowly onto his length. Your cunt swallowing him up inch by inch until you were fully seated on his cock. You moaned as the tip collided with your cervix, your hands finding their home on his pecs.

You arched your back so that his length reached deeper inside of you, and you began grinding your hips on top of his. Swirling in circles. Kylo moaned, his mouth hanging open, his eyes never leaving yours.

“You want me to ride this cock Daddy?” You ground harder now, still not lifting yourself up though. Giving Kylo enough pleasure to make his mind foggy, but not enough to lure him to his climax.

He nodded.

“Hmm? I didn’t quite catch that.” You leaned in closer to his face, your tits brushing up against his chest as you held your hand by your ear. Cupping it to hear him better.

He let out a frustrated grunt, his hands clutching his forearms under his head to keep from moving them. You waved the hand by your ear to signal to him that you were waiting. Your hips drawing harsh circles over his groin. His dick swirling cruelly inside of you.

“Fuck, _fine_ ,” his voice was only above a whisper, speaking through barred teeth, he reluctantly spat the three words you never thought you’d hear him say: “Please fuck me.”

You huffed in satisfaction, returning your hand to his chest, you lifted yourself until just the tip was still inside you. You hovered, looking at him again, cocking an eyebrow.

“ _Please_.”

With that, you smiled and started bouncing furiously on his cock. Kylo immediately started thrashing his head, his eyes rolling to the back of his head as you pounded yourself down onto him. You kept your upper body completely still as your ass bounced up and down, up and down. Skin smacking on skin as your ass collided with the tops of his thighs.

You moved quickly, a combination of bouncing and grinding, swirling and rocking. Interestingly enough, your clit wasn’t screaming at you to be touched. You were getting off enough from the control you had over Kylo at the moment, your hips working you towards your orgasm without traditional stimulation.

You didn’t question it any longer, you just continued to fuel your dominance. Kylo’s breaths were becoming extremely unsteady, his hips snapping to meet your bounces every once in a while. He was close. “You don’t get to cum until I’ve drenched your cock with my cum.” Your words were breathy, but demanding.

“Yes, Pet.” _Fuck_ , hearing him submit to you was making your mind dizzy, you were losing yourself more and more.

You bounced quicker, your upper body falling to rest on Kylo’s chest as your ass continually smacked against Kylo’s thighs. Your elbows rested on either side of his head, your hands intertwining themselves in his wet hair.

“Fuck, hold my wai––“ Before you finished your sentence, Kylo’s hands flew from behind his head and he grabbed your waist hard. You yelped as he squeezed your tender flesh, his fingers digging into your crevices. You rolled your hips, grinding Kylo’s dick into the sweet spot inside of you. You were going to cum.

“ _Fuuuck_ , Kylo I’m going to–– ah! I’m gonna fucking cum.” A guttural moan left your mouth, long and low as you came hard on Kylo’s dick. Not concerning yourself with your aftershocks you started bouncing again. Your legs were going numb, twitching from your climax you hoisted yourself onto your feet, placing your hands back onto Kylo’s chest you rode his dick hard and fast.

Kylo’s hands were still on your waist, and honestly you were thankful because your legs were growing more tired with every passing bounce.

Kylo moaned loudly, “ _Fuuucckkkk_.” You grabbed his chin with your small hand, making his eyes meet yours.

You were bouncing so fucking fast now, your legs completely shaking, your words leaving you in breathy spurts, “Ask me–– shit, mhmmph, ask me permission to cum.”

He growled in your hand, his face threatening to turn away from yours. You tightened your grip as much as you could on his chin, making him grunt. He didn’t say anything, so you slowed your pumps. He groaned, growing annoyed.

“ _Ask me permission_. Or you can finish yourself on your own, _Daddy_.” You motioned as if you were going to get off of him, lifting your leg up slightly.

“No!” His voice cracked, and you turned back to look at him. You sank back onto his length, wiggling your hips to keep the friction alive.

He sighed, looking at you with pleading eyes. “Please, let me cum baby. Make me cum.” His voice was low, not quite a whisper, but it was filled with desperation. No matter Kylo’s ego and pride, his need to cum overtook that, his cock red and swelled. Needy and so _so_ fucking close.

“That wasn’t so hard was it?” Your voice was sweet, drawled to bratty perfection. You smiled as you started bouncing again, fast and hard. Your legs regenerated from your brief break. You bounced on his cock like your life depended on it, and his hands clutched to your waist. His fingers bruising you for sure.

You worked your combo magic of bounce/rock/grind/roll and Kylo came undone within seconds. His head snapped back, you heard it smack the stone bench as he held your waist down, in place as he shot his seed into your cunt. His hips were jerking violently into yours, your legs vibrating from holding yourself up for so long.

You sunk on top of him, your legs falling back down on either side of him. His hands loosened their grip on your waist, and he started kneading your thighs. His chest was rising and falling heavily, his breath loud and clear. Running to catch up with his overworked lungs.

You sat on top of him, fairly composed. You were surprised that you weren’t more exhausted like Kylo was. You bent down and licked his collarbone, tracing up his neck where you bit down softly. He groaned, you could feel the vibrations from his Adam’s apple travel onto your lips. You kissed up to his cheek and eventually found his lips.

Still seated inside of you, Kylo sat up, wrapping his arms around your waist he pulled you in closer. His legs fell over the edge of the bench and he rested his back on the pane of glass. He kissed you so passionately you could die happy right then and there. He breathed into you, reaching into you until you both were synced.

You broke the kiss, moving back so you could see his face. He looked slightly embarrassed? You weren’t entirely sure, you’d never seen him look sheepish before. It made you clench and he groaned. _Oh shit, right_. You lifted yourself slightly, carefully pulling his softening cock out of your dripping core. A mixture of his cum and yours dripped onto his lower belly.

You got off him and lapped it up, sucking and kissing the skin around his sensitive spot. You licked a line up from his balls to the tip of his dick and he inhaled through clenched teeth.

You beamed a smile up at him, “Well that was fun, wasn’t it Daddy?”

He laughed, “Don’t push your luck Pet. But yes, that was fun.” He bent and stole a quick kiss before returning to the running water of the shower. Oops, you had left it running this entire time. You hoped Hoth had good water supply.

You watched as Kylo smoothed his hands over his body, cleaning it of the sweat and fluids that had gathered across it. You went to the other shower head, turning it on and waiting a couple seconds before the water heated up. You stepped underneath the stream and washed yourself quickly.

Hand in hand, you both returned to the centre of the room. Putting your robes back on you looked at the champagne. Your dominance completely gone now you looked to Kylo for permission to open it. He nodded, “Go ahead babygirl.”

You skipped over to the ice bucket, pulling the neck from the frozen cubes you wrestled with the foil hiding the cork. You undid the wiring and aimed the bottle away from Kylo and any glass in the room. You worked your thumbs against the cork, making little wiggle motions you waited for the cork to fly out.

*POP* The cork flew and hit the shiplap wall, champagne spurting out of the bottle. You were laughing, smiling, and so _so_ happy. You quickly brought it to your lips, sucking back the champagne that was still leaking. Kylo had walked over and was holding up the two glasses. You poured the alcohol into the slender glasses and set the bottle down.

Kylo held up his glass, “I love you.” You clinked his glass, “I love you too.” A quick kiss and you both took a sip. Letting the bubbles travel down your throat into your belly you sighed happily. You heard a door open and you spun around.

Two women walked in, both wearing a white uniform, their hair tied back. The masseuses. They didn’t say anything, they just motioned towards the massage tables. Kylo grabbed your hand and walked over to them. There was a small basket in between them and Kylo opened it. Pulling out a pair of briefs, a bra and a thong. “Here love,” he handed you the thong. “Put this on then take off the robe. Lie on your stomach.”

You took the thong and slid it on under your robe, Kylo did the same with the briefs. You took your robe off and quickly laid on your stomach. You caught sight of Kylo’s cute ass in the briefs before he too laid on his stomach.

You were both facing each other, gazing into each other’s eyes as the masseuses started their work. You heard your lady suck in a gasp as she surely saw your still very red and very raw ass cheeks. You looked back at her, smiling. “It doesn’t hurt, don’t worry.” You heard her exhale, relieved. She continued and not even five minutes in you passed out. Content, relaxed, serene.

This is just what you needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahah dom!reader and sub!Kylo WHHAAATTTT? Idk if that's ever gonna happen again, but it was fun to write. I was smiling the whole time! Love you guys xoxo


	28. Indulgence

–– ****Kylo’s POV****

He watched her as she dazed off, letting the masseuse ease her into a state of serenity. His eyelids were heavy too, but he didn’t want to miss her perfect imperfections. Through half-lidded eyelids, he watched her back rise and fall as her breaths steadied and slowed. He watched her face contort in pain and pleasure as she was ridded of her knots.

His masseuse felt good too, but he had to admit that it felt better when Sweetheart touched him. Her small hands exploring his body, electrifying him with her touch. No one could make him feel that way she does, not even a trained professional. The massage felt nice, but he wasn’t really focussing on that. He was too occupied with watching Sweetheart. His heart found solace in watching her be so relaxed. He felt both in control and safe so near to her. She radiated comfort, and he couldn’t help but completely unwind when he was near her.

He thought about what had happened just minutes before the masseuses came in. He had completely given her control over him. He seldom ever gave anyone control over him, including himself. But, he couldn’t help it. She was so captivating. He was completely enthralled with her behaviour, and he felt a certain twinge in his spine.

Kylo got off immensely on the exertion of his power and dominance, asserting control and taking things however and whenever her wanted. He absolutely loved dominating her. She was _his_ , in every single aspect. But this once, he let himself be hers. For her to take him how _she_ wanted in that moment.

Something about it made him crazy. He wasn’t sure what, but _something_ made him want it to maybe happen again. _Maybe_.

Kylo was shaken from his inner thoughts by the masseuses asking him and Sweetheart to turn over onto their backs. Half the time had gone by already.

Kylo sat up, picking up the bra as he did so and he leaned over to give it to Doll. She mewled and rubbed her eyes as she was woken from her slumber. She took the bra and slid it onto her perfect chest. Kylo caught sight of her perky soft nipples as she lifted her chest to place the thin material over her breasts. His breath hitched.

She just smiled at him and flipped over, her head falling to face away from him. He leaned across the space in between the tables and grabbed her chin. His arm-span reaching easily across the small gap. He turned her chin, pressing slightly so that she’d know he wanted her to look at and face him. Even if she fell asleep again, he _needed_ to be able to see her face.

She let out a breathless laugh, and nodded. Kylo retracted his hand and laid back down, signalling that the masseuses could continue. They each poured some warm oil into their hands and went back to work. Kylo let out a low groan as his masseuse started at his shoulders, his body shuddering at the relief.

He turned his head, Sweetheart’s eyes were closed again. He sighed happily. Her masseuse was working on her calves. Every few kneads he would hear sweet sounds leaving Doll’s mouth, his ears craning to hear them better.

Listening to the slick sounds of the oil, feeling the relaxing kneads, watching his Sweetheart revel in the now, Kylo’s exhaustion overtook him and he too fell into a light sleep.

–– ****Y/N’s POV****

You were in a complete state of bliss. Your body soaking up the treatment it was receiving, longing to let the movements meld into your bones.

Once you flipped over onto your back, you had faked falling asleep again. You knew Kylo was exhausted and you knew he would fall asleep eventually. Once you heard his deep breathing, the tell-tale sign that he had passed out, you slowly peeled your eyes open.

His face was turned towards you, his chin dipped down towards his shoulder. His unruly curls had fallen into his face, covering his eyes slightly. His pink lips were parted, his breaths coming out loud and long. He looked peaceful, relaxed, _exultant_. His broad chest rising slowly, controlled, as he took in the masseuses movements.

His masseuse was working his upper thighs and quads, you noticed that she got a little too close to his centre and you dramatically cleared your throat. Her eyes shot up and she made quick eye contact with you before bowing her head and moving her hands further down his legs.

You were never one to get jealous, but with Kylo it was different. You felt possessive almost. You chuckled to yourself at that sentiment. You were once _almost_ afraid with how possessive Kylo could act, and now here you were feeling the exact same way. He was _yours_ , in every single aspect. And after what had just happened, you were even more sure of that feeling.

You were honestly surprised that Kylo let you take control like that. You had to exert every single nerve-ending in your body to keep your composure. You wanted so badly to just let Kylo pound you into oblivion, to obey him and please him. But a huge part of you cataclysmically enjoyed holding such power over him.

You had never seen him submit to anyone. _Ever_. So for him to so willingly let you dominate him was intoxicating. You felt a sudden warmth in your lower belly and you quickly shut the thought out of your mind. Now was not the time to get aroused. Even if Kylo did look particularly vulnerable and sexy right now.

You sighed, and watched as Kylo stirred in his sleep, shifting slightly, his head turning to face the ceiling now. His side-profile was just as breathtaking as his face head on. His nose bridged across his face perfectly, connecting his strong brow-bone to his plump lips. His lips full and pink and slightly chapped. His chin set firm and stoic, leading down into his sharp jawline. You exhaled. He looked like a Greek god. Created along with the cosmos and carved by angels for your viewing and loving pleasure.

Your masseuse worked at your shoulders, working out your crooks and knots. A low rumble vibrated throughout your body and you moaned in pleasure. You saw Kylo’s cock twitch in his briefs. You smiled. Loving how his body responded just as eagerly to your voice as your body did to his voice. You sighed again, feeling cold as your masseuses hands left your body.

You lifted your head and both ladies were standing at the end of the beds. They clasped their hands together and bowed. Yours smiled at you, and you nodded at Kylo’s. He was still passed out, so you waved for them to be dismissed. You took a deep breath, the scent of lavender still dancing within your senses.

You sat up, watching the way Kylo breathed. Still not noticing that the massage was over. You laughed and swung your feet over the edge of the bed. You looked around the room, you guys still hadn’t gotten into the hot tub yet and you thought it might feel good on your jellied limbs.

You crept over to his bed and bent to kiss his forehead, smothering his entire face with tiny quick kisses. One final one of his lips and his eyes fluttered open. He smiled, taking a deep breath and stretching.

His arms stretched out and he groaned.

“Hey sleepy-head.” You kissed him on his nose.

“Hi Sweetheart.” He wrapped one of his hands around your waist and tugged you closer to the bed. You rested your elbows on his chest and sunk closer to him. He took his other hand and cupped around the back of your neck, pulling you in for a hot kiss.

You moaned into him, your tongue snaking out quickly to lick his lips. He smiled into you and you ate it up. "How did that feel baby?" 

“Mhm it was so fucking good. I feel so relaxed, but can we go in the hot tub? You said we have 30 minutes now right?” You spoke against his lips.

He pulled your bottom lip into his mouth and nibbled on it, you moaned into his soul. Then he pulled away, leaving your face wanting more.

“That is a great idea Pet.” He sat up, taking you with him he snuck his hand from your waist to unclasp the bra. It fell to the floor and he took in your exposed chest. His eye twitching slightly even though he fucked the shit out of you less than two hours ago. You wiggled out of his hold and started walking towards the tub, stopping just before the steps to shuck your thong off.

You sling-shotted it towards Kylo and dipped a foot in. The water was hot, nipping at your toes. You sunk in, lifting yourself out with your arms you beckoned for Kylo to come over. He had turned to face you, his legs hanging over the side of the bed but reaching the floor easily. His hands were placed on either side of him and he was gripping the edge of the bed, the thin mattress caving under his weight.

His eyes held on your chest as he stood up and started walking over to you. You noticed the bulge at his crotch growing as he stalked closer to you. He reached the edge and your hand trailed out to touch his waist. His body flinched but he sighed from your touch. You looped your fingers under the seam of the cute little briefs and started pulling them down. He groaned as his hardening length was sprung free from the tight confines of the briefs.

You took one finger and stroked the underside of his shaft and he sucked in through clenched teeth, “ _Fuck_.”

“Come on in Professor, the water’s great.” You leaned back then, going to the far side of the tub, making room for Kylo’s large frame to fit.

The tub was big, much bigger than any you’d ever been in. But you knew it would be substantially less spacious once Kylo was inside. He huffed, but swung his leg over the edge of the tub, not using the steps like you had to. The muscles throughout his legs rippled with strain as he lifted himself into the tub, you watched in awe as his abs flexed and tightened as he sat down. He grimaced as the temperature ate away at his skin, not used to it yet.

He sighed, leaning back. You sat watching him, your legs pulled up to your chest. His legs open and surrounding your tiny frame. His arms were draped over the edges of the tub, his pecs just slightly out of the water. You smiled. He looked so content.

He looked at you, and held out his hand. You shifted and pushed off the seat in the water to float across the small space between the two of you, landing in his arms. He pulled you in, dipping his hands into the water to grab your thighs, pulling them apart and placing them on the outsides of his legs. Straddling him, his hands found rest on the curve of your ass. Using the water to gently knead against your still sore skin.

The masseuse had pretty much avoided anywhere near your glutes, and you were silently thankful for that. Kylo knew your body, and he knew how to soothe your sore bits. His hands were all you’d ever need.

Your hands rooted into his hair, your fingers twirling his curls. You felt his throbbing length against your slit, but the urgency wasn't there. It was enough to just be there with him. You both sat like that for the entirety of the 30 minutes. Being _more_ than happy with just sitting in each other’s space. Breathing in sync and nurturing your connection further.

You heard a light bell ring and Kylo let you know that time was up. You sighed sadly, but got off his lap. You stretched while Kylo grabbed two fluffy towels, holding one open so you could step into it. He wrapped you tight and handed you your robe and slippers.

“Do we get to keep these?” You fingered the embroidery, still loving the way ‘Mrs. Ren’ looked.

He kissed the top of your head, “Yes we do. Shower and get dressed. Meet me in the foyer and we can get some food, yeah?”

“Okie.” You walked holding hands to the locker room doors and you went your separate ways.

––

You were back at the cabin, it was almost 4:00pm now. A full day of total relaxation. It was amazing. You’d never felt more at ease with the world.

Unfortunately you had some more homework to do, so while Kylo sat on the big leather chair typing away, you were sprawled out on the floor in front of the fire pit. Your laptop and books surrounding you. You figured you’d start planning your Crusades paper and maybe try and find helpful research in your textbooks.

A couple hours passed and Kylo disappeared upstairs for a while. You didn’t really notice for how long because you had stumbled on a topic that you actually really liked. You decided to write on Indulgences and how they were created and evolved throughout the Crusades, over the three centuries that they lasted and how people were motivated by them.

Basically an indulgence is the promise of being emitted of ones sins, in exchange for military service. Villagers and townsfolk would buy indulgences before a crusade began, believing that from serving the war, they’d be admitted into heaven with a clean slate. This ideal fuelled thousands of people to join crusades, even if what they were fighting for wasn’t exactly just and righteous. It seemed like there would be a lot of evidence and sources to research so you decided to start a very rough plan for your essay.

You heard Kylo come downstairs and you turned to look at him. Your heart stopped. Your eyes widened and you gasped. Sitting up silently, you sat cross-legged as you attempted to take in the sight before you.

Kylo was standing on the last step. Adorned in gorgeous dress clothes, the baby blue dress shirt and navy dress pants you saw him pack Thursday morning. He had rolled up the sleeves of the dress shirt, the buttons straining to confine his massive chest. You moaned at the realization that he was wearing the same shirt that he was the very first day of classes. His dress pants were tight, his strong thighs straining against the fabric. Sleek black shiny dress shoes peeked out the bottom of his slender pant legs. You noticed his blue argyle socks peep through as he came down the final step.

“Holy fuck…” You were speechless. You’d seen him dozens of times wearing dressy clothes during lecture, but something about seeing him dressed so well in _private_ made your cunt clench. He walked over to you, slowly, like he was stalking his prey. You felt completely hypnotized by him.

He crouched in front of you and you heard the straining of his leather shoes, the stretching of the seams in his pants. He bent further, his lips tickling your ear. “Go upstairs and put on what I’ve put out on the bed. Make yourself up if you’d like.” He kissed your cheek, holding his lips there for a long time. You inhaled, drowning in the smell of his cologne. Dark and delicious. Intoxicating.

He sat back onto the leather chair and nodded towards the stairs. You were frozen though, your eyes still eating up his appearance. Taking in his build, his gorgeous curls and the way they framed his face. His lips and cheeks flushed.

“ _Sweetheart_.” His voice pulled you from your daze, his low baritone vibrations directing the harmonious chorus in your mind.

“Hm? Oh, yeah. Okay! Uhm, I shouldn’t be too long.” You had stood up and started walking to the stairs. Kylo grabbed your wrist and you yelped as he pulled you into his lap. He caught your neck, holding you up as he dipped you down into a deep passionate kiss.

“Good, don’t be _too_ long.” He let you go and tapped your ass as you walked up the stairs. You were flushed and hot, drenched both in sweat and arousal. He drove you crazy, and just by doing the bare minimum. You reached the top of the stairs and looked onto the bed.

Once again you were rendered speechless, your jaw dropped, you hand clamping to cover your gaping mouth. A single tear left your eye as you gazed upon the absolute splendour waiting for you on the bed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeekk I wonder what Kylo got us to wear!!! I'm still debating whether or not to skip ahead to December after this trip, so please let me know what you guys think! 
> 
> ALSO it's my sisters 21st birthday tomorrow, and Sunday is Father's Day where I live, so I'll be busy during the day. SO I won't be updating until Sunday night or Monday. I'M SORRY! I love you guys so much, thanks for the support! Stay safe out there xoxo


	29. Perfect & Pretty & Pink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: anal sex, double penetration, multiple orgasms, lots of dirty talk. XOXO

You walked over to the bed slowly, letting your eyes flit over the gorgeous dress that was laid out for you. It was a cream-coloured silk floral dress. From what you could see, it had two slits on either side and the back was criss-crossed. You picked up the hanger and lifted the dress carefully off the bed. It glistened in the low light in the bedroom, the delicate silk material rippling as you manipulated it in your hands. It was pillow soft, and when you turned it around you noticed that the back was low and hung in a cowl style.

You peered behind the dress and saw the most gorgeous pair of nude stilettos resting beside a sleek black hair clip. You set the dress down gently and picked up the shoes. Bringing them to your chest and hugging them tightly. You squealed and decided to go and put some makeup on.

You grabbed your makeup bag and went into the bathroom, shoving your glasses onto the top of your head you examined your face. It was still a little greasy from the spa, but it wasn't anything that some powder couldn't fix. A quick janky winged eyeliner job and you caked on some mascara. You didn't bother with bronzer or anything, but you did put on some pink glittery lip gloss. You ran back into the bedroom and grabbed the black hair clip. You pulled your hair back in the mirror, pulling some bits to frame your face you clipped up the rest.

You brushed your teeth and sprayed some of your expensive perfume over your décolletage, rubbing some behind your ears and on your wrists. Skipping back into the bedroom you took the dress off the hanger, admiring it again before putting it on. You slipped it over your head, adjusting the cowl in the back. The slits sat on your thighs at the perfect height, the dress hugging your curves in all the right places. You spun around feeling so damn good.

You slipped on the heels and practiced your walk. Strutting to the balcony and back into the bathroom. Hearing the clicking sounds on the old tile floor made you feel powerful. You looked at yourself in the mirror and smiled. You felt amazing. You hadn't done anything extravagant with your face or hair, but you felt more beautiful than you had in a long time. And knowing that Kylo had picked this out for you, with your figure and personality in mind, made it all the better. He knew you so well. Florals and a nude colour palate are completely your thing.

You glanced at the clock and it was almost 7:00pm. You didn't want to leave Kylo downstairs for too long, so you took a deep breath and started your descent down the stairs. At the first click of your heel on the first step you heard shifting downstairs. You kept walking down the stairs and your eyes had to readjust to the dim lighting. As the main-floor of the cabin came into sight, your breath was taken from your lungs.

Kylo was standing by the small dining table, there were candles _everywhere_. Small tea-lights, tall slim ones and even short fat ones. All white. The candles cast the warmest glow throughout the main floor and you felt the heat rising within your body before you had even made it all the way down the stairs.

Kylo looked sexy as fuck. In the dim lighting his hair cast a dark, delicious shadow over his face. His eyes burning with amber desire and lust. The buttons of his shirt were straining with his every breath, his chest pulsating quickly as he drank you in. His eyes leisurely drew over your body. Half-lidded he lingered on your chest, then your waist, then your legs. He ate up every single bit of your figure, licking his lips as his eyes danced over your exposed flesh, his breath hitching as he caught sight of your stiff nipples, your piercings outlined by the thin material. His eyes flew back down to your legs, trailing down until you had firmly stepped down the stairs completely. His fists clenched at his sides as you walked slowly towards him.

You waltzed over to him, extending your legs and trying not to trip over yourself. You stopped centimetres from his chest, looking up at him with doll eyes. His eyes followed you until they fell onto your face. They ever so slightly darted down your neckline, catching a perfect view of your breasts from above. You shamelessly moaned, your head falling back. Kylo was invigorating. The sheer power he held over you was colossal. His hand found your neck, falling in a searing line tracing your collarbone. His fingers rough against your soft skin. He was literally just looking at you, taking your appearance in, and you were already coming undone before him. 

A twinge of self-consciousness reared its ugly head, "Do I look okay?" You asked him, looking down at your feet. He grabbed your chin gently, probably the most gentle he had ever been. Slowly pushing it up until you were glancing up at him. His eyes were serious, drenched in adoration.

"You are the most beautiful woman that I have _ever_ seen." He spoke slowly, quietly. Like he was making sure you heard him correctly. You blinked. It was one thing to hear Kylo spit dirty everythings at you, but the absolutely sweet nothings were another thing. To hear him be _so loving_ , so intent to make sure you knew what he felt, was a complete other feeling. Carrying you to a world you seldom visited.

"Kylo, I––" He interrupted your mindless words with his lips. Stealing your breath and your heart as he swooped you up into a kiss so passionate you thought you'd combust. He wrapped his arms tight around your waist, the cool silk pressing into your burning skin. Your hands found his hair, pushing it back and running your fingers through the soft curls. You soaked up his taste, inhaling his scent and the lingering essence of whiskey from his mouth.

You opened your mouth and Kylo took the invitation, driving his tongue into yours. Crashing together in the heat of the moment. Your skin buzzed, Kylo's tongue set you aflame, sending shocks of electricity through your body. Your brain sending waves of serotonin through your soul. You moaned into his mouth and he swallowed it, taking it into his own being before mirroring you and groaning into you. His hands started wandering, rising to where the dress fell so that his calloused hands found your exposed back. You jerked at the feeling, his hands warm and needy.

He pulled you closer, his other hand delving down your figure to grip your ass. His hands slipping over the slick fabric as he tried to grab your plush skin. He grunted and wiggled his hand through the slit near your thigh, his hand finally finding your tender and pliant flesh. He rubbed and kneaded forcefully. His touch getting more desperate by the second. You quickly followed him, your hands abandoning his hair to scramble at his chest, raking and scratching at his pecs. Moving to his biceps you squeezed them hard, revelling in the animalistic moan that left his mouth as you did so.

His hands left your body in an instant, and he stepped back. Breathing hard as he collected his breath. Wiping his pink lips of your saliva, smearing it and some lip gloss over his face. His eyes were possessed, beady and dark as he watched you fumble as you were freed from his touch. You grasped at nothing, being suddenly ripped from his embrace. You fixed your glasses and smoothed out your dress, stepping back to hold the chair to stabilize you.

He growled, "You're _mine_ little girl. My Sweetheart. Can you be a good girl for me tonight?" Kylo licked his lips, his fists clenched at his sides. You looked at him, thighs pressing together to try and alleviate the pressure bubbling there.

You nodded, taking a step towards him.

He growled. Pulling a trick from your case he held his hand up to his ear, "I can't hear you Pet."

You took another step, nodding again. "Yes, Daddy."

He smiled, his cock painfully hard in his sleek pants. "Good girl. Now come here, let me take care of you." He held out his hand, and you took it. He yanked you back into his frame, grabbing your waist with one hand, holding your hand up with his other. You put your other hand on his strong pec, bunching up the fabric of his shirt. He started... swaying?

 _Dancing_. You two were dancing. There was no music playing, but there didn't need to be. The rhythm of your heartbeats was all you needed. Swaying and spinning in time with your exhales. You were both still fighting to catch your breaths, reeling yourselves in from your hot make-out session. Kylo's hard cock still very much present against the thin fabric of your dress, but he ignored it. Only making small sounds when your thigh pressed against it too hard. He pulled you closer, angling himself so that your slit brushed against his length every time you moved.

You let out a soft moan, gasping as Kylo suddenly spun you around, letting you fall into a deep dip. He held you there, your head inches from the floor, your right leg extended into the air. You looked at him with dizzy eyes and he kissed you passionately. His lips soft and warm. He swooped you back up and resumed swaying slowly. Spinning you every couple of steps until you were dancing around the tiny island, making your way over to the leather chair. You spun and swayed around the entire main floor, stepping around candles in time with Kylo's movements.

You rested your head against his chest, hearing the symphony of his heart beating in your ear. You listened closer, then brought your ear away from his chest. He was humming. _So quietly_. But you heard it. A simple tune, not distinguishable, but steady and working in time with your dancing. Your heart soared, and you sighed happily.

You danced for what seemed like an eternity, letting his steps guide you. This romantic gesture made your mind and heart flutter. But you couldn't ignore the burning desire that was radiating between your thighs. You tried to push your lower body into Kylo more, seeking the hot friction you knew would buzz there. In your attempts to get closer, you stumbled over your heels, falling backwards a tiny bit before he caught you.

His laugh was deep and malicious, a smile creeping over his face. "Eager little girl, aren't you?" A nervous laugh left your lips, your cheeks flushing pink as Kylo found you out. He pulled you back in, clutching your hand resting on his chest he continued swaying. "So impatient. Relishing in the romanticism, but craving to be destroyed by me." His words were driving you further into a frenzy, you bucked your hips to his, feeling his still hard length brush against your slit. You moaned at the brief impact, seeking more.

You could stay like this forever, dancing in his arms. But no matter his gestures, they always lead to you wanting his cock. Every single thing Kylo did fuelled your lust for him. Increasing the passion you had for this man exponentially. Maybe you could figure out a way to dance, but with him inside of you? Would that be weird? Probably. You looked up at him, his face blank, but his eyes filled with all the emotion he carried.

"Please..." Your voice was quieter than you'd anticipated, coming out as more of a breath than a word.

He dipped you again, your heart falling in your chest. "Use your words baby, tell me what you want." He lifted you, your head craning back as he spun you in a circle. You chewed your lip. You'd begged before, but only in the heat of the moment, when you were seconds away from your climax. You'd never had to say what you wanted before the action started. You swallowed, searching his eyes for anything, something. He kissed your lips gently, "It's alright, say it."

You swallowed, blocking out your embarrassment and letting your lust guide you. Your soul was speaking for you now, and nothing could stop your lips from moving as you spewed your desires.

"Kylo, fuck. Please. I want you. Always. I want your lips everywhere on my body. I want to feel your tongue inside of me, inside all of my holes." You blushed, but kept going. "I want to feel you with me always, I need you. I want your kisses, I want your dominance. I want you to take care of me, forever." You didn't mean to go this deep, but your mind was gone and you were speaking without thinking now. You stopped swaying with him, locking his gaze to yours. "I want you to fuck me. I want your big cock in my tight cunt, massaging my walls as I cum around you."

His entire body jerked at your last sentence, his body stiff and rigid from your words. He swiftly picked you up, holding you against his frame tightly. His hands cupped around your ass, pressing your centre to his needy length. The slits in your dress served you well, your legs free to wrap themselves around his waist. You locked your ankles together behind his back, forcing your lower half to collide further with his groin. You felt the warmth radiate from his trousers through your thong. Your clit aching to be touched. You wiggled your bum in his hands, the movement causing your slit to brush over his cock.

"As you wish." His voice was velvety smooth, deep and lust-ridden. He started walking towards the leather chair, your hips grinding against his erection as he did. You moaned into his shoulder, your nails raking at his back as you wriggled your body against his. His breath was hot in your ear, sending shivers down your spine. He threw you down onto the chair, your legs instinctively falling open.

Kylo stood back, starting to unbutton his dress shirt. You watched him, growing impatient you surged towards him, grabbing where he had left off and you yanked with the adrenalin-powered strength you possessed. Kylo grunted as you heard the buttons fall to the floor, his eyes dark as he watched you rip open his shirt. " _Shit_." His voice was laced with surprise and excitement. He stepped back slightly, stunned by your action.

_Shit. I didn't know I could do that._

Your hands found his belt buckle and you undid it quickly. Your fingers finding the button on his pants, undoing it as you unzipped them simultaneously. You pulled them down, your knees bending as you followed your movement. Kylo stepped on the backs of his heels, sliding his shoes off and kicking them to the side. His cock was straining against his boxers, the fabric nearly ripping from his urgency. You licked up the length of his shaft through his boxers, feeling his cock throb as you reached the tip sticking out the top of his waistband. He was growling. Like an animal. Unfiltered and raw.

He bent down and seized your throat. Clutching and squeezing hard from the get-go. You squeaked and your eyes trailed up to his. His teeth were bared, his eyes completely overcast with darkness. With his other hand he ripped down his boxers, spewing nasty words and spit into your face as his length was finally let go. As he stepped out of them he hooked his fingers into his socks, throwing them along with his boxers across the floor.

For the first time, _ever_ , he was completely naked while you were still fully dressed. Your eyes ate up his exposed body, your gaze glued on his red and veiny dick. You opened your mouth, but he moved his hand from your throat to grab your chin, his fingers easily reaching up your cheeks he pressed hard. Your mouth stuck open, his fingers popping your jaw open. He tilted your head back and spit into your mouth. The taste of whiskey hitting your senses, your tongue vibrating with the burning sensation. Kylo loosened the grip on your cheeks, keeping his fingers on your cheek he brought his thumb under your chin, pushing upwards, closing your mouth.

"Swallow slut." You obeyed, swallowing slowly so that he could feel the bob of your throat against his thumb. His other hand was pumping his cock steadily, pre-cum glistening in pearls as he fucked his fist. His other hand found your throat again and he pulled you up so you were standing. His hand trailed down your clavicle and pinched your nipple through your dress. You winced, melting at his touch.

"Dress and panties off. _Now_." His head jerked down at your shoes, "Keep those on though, they make your legs look so fucking good." He stepped back, his gaze eye-fucking you as he continued to fuck his hand. You bunched up your dress, crossing your arms are you pulled it swiftly over your head. His lips parted at the sight of your exposed breasts, you dropped the dress and pawed at your tits, rolling your nipples and piercings in your fingers as you mewled for him.

Bending at your waist, you hooked your fingers in the hem of your panties, sliding them slowly down the curve of your ass and then letting them fall to the ground. You carefully stepped out of them, kicking them to the side where Kylo's clothes were tossed. You felt odd wearing absolutely nothing but shoes, but it made you feel like a sex-goddess, your legs elongated, your ass pushed out. Kylo's hand was a blur over his cock, a mixture of sweat and arousal flying off his body as he advanced on you.

He took his free hand and groped your breasts, tweaking and pulling at your nipples. You moaned at the sensation, your legs pressing together as you felt the liquid pour from your centre. In an instant Kylo pushed you back onto the chair, his palm colliding with your sternum, ripping the breath from your lungs. Kylo released the grip on his length, his hands now grabbing your thighs, prying them open. His grasp was a vice on your skin as he yanked your body forwards, so that your ass was hanging off the chair. Shifting his grip to the outer sides of your ass, he supported your dangling bottom as he bent down. His flushed lips searing your skin as he laid fiery kisses along your inner thighs.

One kiss at the top of your mound, another on your clit, another on your opening, moving lower still he planted another one on the pucker of your ass. You clenched and he smirked. "Little girl is so desperate for me. Clenching around nothing. This dirty cunt dripping wet for your Daddy, hmm?" You moaned, your hips rolling, "Yes, Kylo please."

His tongue snaked out, licking a line from your pucker to your clit. Your bucked into his face, your hands holding your legs open wide for him. His tongue started working fast, lapping up your arousal, mixing it with his saliva as he indulged in your pussy. "You taste so good Pet, so sweet. This perfect little pink pussy so eager for me." Your throat erupted, guttural moans leaking out of your flushed lips, your cheeks flooding with saliva, your cunt exploding with wetness.

His mouth was magic, his tongue swirling circles around your clit as his lips bruised your folds. You felt the tight knot of your climax emerge in your lower belly and you writhed in his hands. "Daddy please, let me cum." Your hands left your legs, finding a home in Kylo's hair. Yanking and pulling, your nails digging into his scalp as he barrelled you towards your climax. He groaned, the vibrations from his mouth channelling into your core, you were dangerously close now.

Kylo set his mouth around your clit, sucking it between he teeth he flicked it with his tongue, sucking simultaneously as he moaned into your slit. You were so close, but Kylo hadn't given you permission yet. You wiggled in his grip, grunting and moaning. "Kylo- gah! Please, _please_.."

His eyes found yours, and he gave you the slightest nod, barely noticeable but that was all you needed. His lips never parted from your cunt and you imploded onto his face. The millisecond you came Kylo plunged two fingers into your core, curling and making your orgasm explode even more into you. Your eyes glazed over, you vaguely remember seeing Kylo's blacked out irises as your eyes reflexively clamped shut. Your back arched, sending your ass further off the chair. Kylo held you up with one hand planted firmly underneath your ass as you rolled your hips into his face. His fingers drawing out your climax, your walls clenching around them as he continued sucking on your swollen nub. Nearing the realm of oversensitivity your body twitched violently and your head shot back up.

Reality settling back in now, Kylo released your clit, kissing it and your folds softly as he withdrew his fingers. He grasped his cock firmly with the hand you just came on, coating his shaft in your arousal, mixing it with more beads of pre-cum leaking from the tip. You watched as the substances mixed to create a milky, viscous slick that made his cock glisten in the candlelight.

He licked his lips, cocking his head to the side. Observing your growing anxiety. "I think you're ready for my cock now baby girl. Be good now and take all of it. Be good and I'll let you cum again, this time on my dick." His words were audio lube, making your slit weep with newfound arousal, your clit already aching to be touched again. You nodded frantically, scooting back so that your ass was on the edge of the chair.

Kylo lifted himself, using your thighs as anchors he held them wide open as he braced his entire body weight on your legs so that he could position himself at your entrance. "Grab it slut, put Daddy's cock in your tight cunt." You moaned and did as you were told. You brought your right hand over your chest, reaching in between your legs you grabbed Kylo's massive cock. Your hand dwarfed by the size of it, your fingers not reaching all the way around his girth. You aimed it at your entrance, and pulled. Kylo slowly starting pushing, inch by painful inch, Kylo tore you open. Pain was replaced by pleasure as you opened up and adjusted to his width.

What you weren't prepared for was his length at this angle. What with him holding your legs open entirely and him thrusting in from above you, the tip of his cock hit your cervix before he was completely sheathed inside of you. You yelped at the contact, but winced when Kylo didn't stop. He pushed further, still moving slow, and a sharp agonizing pain erupted from your cervix. Kylo slammed into it and you heard a popping noise, pain followed right afterwards and you screamed.

"That's my good girl. Is this too much for you Sweetheart?" He slowly pulled out, his quads already quaking from the intense slow movements. Even though it felt like he was splitting you open you couldn't stop the words from leaving your mouth, "No, I need more." _Shit_ , _I am gonna regret that in the morning_. Something wicked flashed over Kylo's expression before it returned to its usual flat state. His eyes being the only thing to ever give anything away. Complete possessiveness. Raw and inhuman. Feral. Consumed.

Kylo roared as he thrusted to the hilt, another popping sound, followed by sweet hot pain. Pleasure flooded your senses as Kylo pounded down into you, his body angled above you as he held your thighs down, pressing them far into the leather cushion. You screamed, your hands clawing at your legs and his forearms. Your back arched, and you let your head fall back into the chair. Heavy long breaths from Kylo in unison with your short breaths. He fucked you harder than he ever had before, and at this angle you felt as if you'd break in half.

With each thrust you felt him deeper, the pain reaching your stomach. You watched as you saw your lower belly inflate every time Kylo fully sheathed himself into you. The pressure and size of his cock forcing your lower belly to blow out. You put your hand over your soft spot, feeling the skin lift with every one of Kylo's thrusts. His cock quite literally demolishing your insides. Dull pain mixed with burning pleasure as your walls began to constrict around his cock. You were going to cum again.

"Rub that little clit baby, make yourself cum on this dick." Kylo's legs were trembling, his muscles growing tired as he pounded you into oblivion. Your right hand wiggled its way down your stomach and over your mound to find your still sensitive nub. You squeaked and clenched when your middle finger brushed the hood and Kylo moaned. Your left hand played with your nipples as your right started drawing criminal circles on your clit. Your fingers worked in a frenzy, incoherent and sloppy. Yet, your orgasm came slamming into you not even a minute in.

The curve in Kylo's cock repeatedly kissed your sweet spot as he fucked your cunt and your fingers coaxed your climax out of you. You shrieked, screaming dirty everythings into the air as you came on Kylo's cock. All of a sudden Kylo withdrew from you, using the tip of his dick to swat your fingers away and rub viciously over your clit. Your eyes whited out and you realized you were squirting all over his cock and abdomen. Clear fluid coated his lower body and he groaned as he fucked his fist.

He plunged back into your centre, ramming with your cervix once more as he sputtered, shooting his seed deep inside of you. You were a mumbling and moaning mess, watching Kylo as his breaths came out in uneven spurts, his lips trembling as he too muttered dirty everythings to you. "My _good girl_. You take this cock so fucking good." He was breathing hard, and he collapsed onto the floor, his cock popping out of your cunt. You felt the thickness of his cum seep out of you, falling onto the chair and leaking down onto the floor.

You came down from the alternate universe you had just visited and climbed on top of Kylo. Straddling him you bent and kissed him hard. Your tongue fighting for entry to his mouth and when he accepted it you lifted yourself up, grabbing his cock and quickly sitting yourself back onto it. Kylo's hands found your hair and neck and he squeezed them both equally hard. " _Shit_ , you still want more Pet? Fuck you're such a fucking whore." You started bouncing on his dick, feeling it get hard once again inside you. You nodded and he pulled at your throat, bringing you in for another filthy kiss. Saliva spilling out of your mouth and into his, you started bouncing quicker.

You moaned, twerking on his cock, your ass jiggling in the warm air. Your skin sticking to Kylo's from sweat and arousal. You lifted yourself off of him, just for a moment and then you were lowering yourself back onto him. Only his time you had his cock lined up with your ass, not your cunt. When Kylo felt the sudden tightness he tensed. His hands flying to grasp your cheeks, flaying them apart. " _Fuuuuck_ yes. You want me to fuck that pretty little ass? Stretch you open and tear both your holes apart?" You utilized the wetness pouring out of your to coat the tip of Kylo's cock, smearing it all over your pucker you started pushing it in. "Yes, Daddy. Please."

You entire lower body was screaming with pain, your lower belly completely riddled with an ache that you were sure would last a few days. But Kylo made you crazy, and you needed him in your ass. _Now_. You winced at the initial stretch, your muscle straining to accommodate his size. Kylo moaned and his body jerked when the tip finally popped in. You brought your hand to your mouth and spit a big glob into your palm, bringing it back down wrapping your hand around Kylo's shaft, coating it with the extra wetness.

You put both your hands on his chest, propping your upper body up, you held your abs firm as you lowered your bottom half, sliding down Kylo's cock. You moaned and Kylo's head fell back when you were finally sitting flush in his lap. His cock twitched and you could feel the pressure in your cunt. You clenched and Kylo hissed, "Your ass is- _fuck_ , its so fucking tight, _holy shiiiit_." His mouth was hanging open as you started bouncing on his dick. Slowly, pumping your ass on his length. You moaned and writhed at the feeling.

You felt so incredibly full, there was no way you could ever feel more full. Then, as if you'd said the magic fucking word, Kylo reached behind him and pulled a long box from under the fireplace. He opened it quickly, tossing the box to the side. He pulled out a baby blue dildo. Your jaw dropped. It looked massive, much bigger than the bullet vibrator he bought you a couple months ago. "Lean- _unnghgh_ , lean back baby. Let me see that ass swallow my cock."

You watched his hands intensely as you reached your arms behind you, grabbing a hold of his strong ankles you lifted yourself up on your feet. Arching your chest upwards you started bobbing on his cock again. This angle new and completely overwhelming. Kylo's eyes flew up and down as he watched your pucker eat up his monster cock. He brought the toy to your folds, swiping it back and forth he gathered your pouring arousal to coat it. The toy glistened as he prodded your entrance with it. "Ah! Kylo, it's––"

"Let's see if you can handle having both of your holes filled at the same time. You're doing _so good_ , taking this cock in your ass so well." His praise made you gasp, your entire body convulsing. "You're going to take this toy in your cunt, clench around it and my cock as you take them both in your holes." He began pushing the toy into your centre, a burst of fullness enveloped your body. You retched forward, one of your hands finding the toy. You touched it, your fingers gliding over the smooth toy, spreading your wetness over it some more.

Your eyes closed, your head falling back. It felt fucking good, you couldn't deny it. You'd never been double-penetrated before. You were sure you were going to split in half now. Yet, you didn't stop Kylo pressing the toy further into your pussy. You just kept rocking and bouncing on Kylo's dick, his length slicking in and out of your ass with ease now that you had opened up for him. Kylo was fucking you with the toy, it's size similar to Kylo's cock, you screamed in pleasure-pain. You started fucking your ass on his cock faster, Kylo matching your pace with the toy.

You didn't know how it was possible, but yet again you felt the twinge of your climax knock at your lower belly. Your entire being stuffed to capacity and you still needed to cum. "Fuck, it's so much. I-ah! I need to cum again, please Kylo." Fuck you were so gone, so completely gone it wasn't even funny. You were drunk on this feeling, spewing dirty everythings into the air once again. Kylo pushed the toy all the way into you, leaving it there he started rubbing your clit.

Even though Kylo wasn't fucking you with the toy anymore, the sensation of being stuffed did all the same as far as your orgasm was concerned. You rocked and bobbed your hips above Kylo, riding his cock in your ass as he furiously ravished your clit. Sore and flayed from overstimulation, you couldn't help but push past it. Desperately seeking the relief of yet another climax. You needed it.

Kylo was moaning shamelessly now, the sweet sounds of his deep voice serenading your climax to come out. "You are so beautiful. Just like this. I have the best view in the world Pet. Watching your ass take my cock so well, seeing your dirty cunt stuffed full with a fat dildo. Watching my fingers bring out the animal in you. You're perfect. And you're fucking mine." His words were bringing you to the edge, the sweetness in his voice equalled the absolute hunger in it. You fucking ate it up. "You gonna cum? That's it, cum for me again baby girl." He pushed his hips up as you slammed yours down, his cock reaching depths in your ass that had you wailing. The toy still embedded in your cunt pressed through your walls and Kylo's fingers once again pushed you over the edge.

Your climax was powerful. And painful. Yet you couldn't get enough of it. You chased after it and welcomed it with teary eyes as your body jutted like it had just been shot. Your chest rose in the air, your lungs holding the little oxygen left in them as you held your mouth open in a silent scream. You clenched hard, around the toy and around Kylo's cock. He hissed, moaning obscenities as he pumped your ass full of his cum. You felt the flooding of warmth bead between your legs and you collapsed forwards onto Kylo's chest.

Breathing hard your eyes lazily opened, seeking Kylo's dark amber irises. You found them, blinking, looking down at you with adoration. His face blank, but his eyes saying everything you needed to hear. Kylo used his hands to lift your ass up, his softening cock sliding out easily, a pool of cum collecting on his lower stomach. You winced as he then pulled the dildo from your cunt. More cum pouring onto his abs he tossed the toy to the side. His hands resting on top of your ass cheeks, drawing small circles into your skin.

You were both panting, sweat completely drenching your foreheads as well as the rest of your bodies. Kylo brought a hand to your face, unsticking clumps of hair and pushing them behind your ear. He straightened your glasses and smoothed his thumb over your bottom lip. You quivered and shook. You lower half starting to ache now that the high of your orgasm was depleting. You shifted, bring your elbows to rest on either side of Kylo's head.

You smoothed the curls from his face, slicking them back and caressing his face. You dipped down and kissed him. All of the emotions you had ever felt towards this man, travelling from your mouth into his. You entire body was trembling, your breath shaky as a single tear fell onto his face. He broke the kiss, looking at your face. His eyes dancing over your features, taking in your smutty appearance.

Words escaped your mind, your thoughts crowding your soul. He started to sit up, taking you with him. He stood up, wrapping your wobbly legs around his waist. He supported you, still rubbing circles into the tender flesh of your bum. "Come, let's take a bath. Let me take care of you." You draped your arms over his shoulders, your muscles jellied and dangling over his broad figure.

You sighed. "I love you so much Kylo." Your cheek pooled wetness against his shoulder, your eyes letting tears fall from them.

He took a deep breath, the inhalation making your chests press together even more.

"I love you too baby."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is very near and dear to my sick heart lmao. Hope you all enjoyed over 6000 words of shameless sexy-time with some cute dancing and candles and shit. I love you all so much! Xoxo


	30. Limbo

You awoke to your alarm going off. It was Monday morning. Fuck. You rolled in your bed, sighing heavily as you rubbed your eyes. You were exhausted.

You and Kylo had spent much of the remainder of Saturday night in the bath, then settled in bed to watch more Star Wars before you passed out. Sunday was spent cleaning the cabin and packing the groceries and your clothes. Kylo needed to be back in Alderaan before 3:00pm because he had to go to campus for something. He didn't say what. He dropped you off back at your dorm and then went to go do his business. Your truck was still in the same spot, covered in an inch or so of snow, sitting pretty. You remembered to thank Jannah for keeping an eye on it.

You didn’t see Kylo for the rest of the day Sunday, and he hadn’t texted or called Sunday night. It made you feel weird. You had just spent ten whole days together, and then as soon as you guys were back in Alderaan it was like he had completely fallen off the grid. You weren’t sure why you were expecting anything else from him, but a girl could dream. Leia and Han weren’t back yet from their cabin, and they wouldn’t be till Monday afternoon, so you had your dorm to yourself.

As soon as you were back in Alderaan though, you texted her and your parents. Letting them know that you were alive. You texted Pax too to get the schedule, and sure enough you were opening Monday morning with him. A part of you felt defeated. You had just had the best week of your life, and all of a sudden it was just over. Back to normal as if it didn’t happen at all.

But that’s how most Reading Weeks went. You’d go home and get used to being with your parents, then you’d have to go back to doing everything yourself. It felt like that still, from having Kylo literally do everything for you, to you settling on toast for dinner Sunday night.

You glanced at your phone, it was almost 5:45am. Shit. You didn’t have time to wash your face, so you brushed you teeth and threw on some jeans and a t-shirt. You grabbed your bag and a jacket and darted outside your dorm. You basically sprinted through the tunnels underneath the school and made it to work at 5:58am.

Panting, you ran into the back room. “Shit. Pax I’m sorry I’m late!” You spun around, looking for him. He was nowhere to be found. You put your bag and jacket on a hook and walked to the front. The coffee cadence was started, and everything was done. Even the pastry case was full and the oven was turned on. You were met with Pax’s ass hanging out the fridge on cold bar. You smiled and snuck up behind him.

*SMACK* You slapped his ass lightly, but enough that he jumped further into the fridge. “Who the fuc––“ He yanked himself from the fridge, his arms swinging like he was going to hit whoever just slapped him. His anger turned into excitement as soon as he laid eyes on you.

“BITCH YOU’RE BACK HELL YES!” He jumped to his feet, pulling you into his lanky arms squeezing you so hard. “Girl, I fucking missed you! That is the longest we’ve _ever_ gone without talking! I was going insane without you.” He was breathing hard and squeezing you with every word. “But OMG tell me everything!” He pried himself from your arms, the biggest smile spread across his face.

“PAX! Ugh I missed you too bitch. Like so much. There were so many times that I wanted to text you or call you!” You were just about to start telling him about your week when you heard someone clear their throats at the till. Shit, that’s right. You were late and it was now 6:04am. Officially open. You didn’t even have your apron, realizing that you forgot it in your room. For fucks sake.

You gave Pax a quick glance and he jerked his chin to the back room. You nodded politely at the customer as you scurried into the back room, rummaging through the aprons hanging on the hooks. You found one that looked somewhat clean and tossed it on. You’d have to do without your nametag today, but oh well. Most customers knew who you were anyways.

You quickly grabbed a muffin from the pastry case. You checked that there were no other customers and you stood by the oven and devoured it. You woke up _on time_ , but then let your mind babble until you were hopelessly late. Thank god you live on campus. Pax finished making the drink and waltzed over to stand behind the pastry case. Still visible for any customers, but close enough that you guys could talk.

“Soooo, spill it bitch. I don’t want you to leave out _anything_.” He leaned back against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest. You looked at him, mouth full of muffin. You missed this lanky, crazy-ass man so fucking much. You swallowed and smiled. “Okay well fuck, where should I start?”

“Start with Friday! Duh.” He rolled his eyes and you shot him a sour look.

“Okay, well we uh got to his place and he had set up the kitchen so beautifully. And _ohmygosh_ Pax he made the best stew I have ever had in my life. And he made it in a fucking crockpot.” His eyes went wide and he barrelled down laughing.

“Professor Ren?! Kylo fucking Ren uses a fucking crockpot to cook?!” He snorted, and you couldn’t help but laugh with him. “Yes Pax, and it was so yummy! And I think it’s cute.” Pax controlled his laughing and listened as you told him about the bouquet of your favourite flowers and the rose petals, the wine and the coconut cupcakes. You told him about how Kylo had completely renovated his bedroom, to make it more homey for _you_.

Working through a few customers here and there you finally told him about the letter from Anakin. You didn’t tell him what happened _after_ you found it... you weren’t sure if you were even going to tell Leia.

“Damn that’s some next level shit. What do you think creepy grandpa means?” Pax was shaking two of the shaker cups at the same time, mixing a peach green tea and Starbucks doubleshot. You were waiting for your shots to pull for a hazelnut latte. “I’m… I’m not sure Pax.” That was a full-on lie. Your stomach churned. You hated lying to him, but it wasn’t your business to share stories about Kylo’s family.

For Pax’s horny hearts’ sake, you skipped right to last Saturday morning where you and Kylo had a steamy shower. “I woke up and saw steam coming from the bathroom, so I crept in naked and Kylo was showering. I was sleepy still, but I just waltzed in with him.” You were blushing as you were steaming some milk, Pax practically clawing at your hands. “And we uh, well you know!”

He snorted again, “Bitch! I _don’t know_ , that’s why you gotta tell meeee!” He pumped your syrup for you and cued your next shots. “Thanks,” you nodded. “And okay FINE! We did anal…” You looked up at him and he was grinning, he looked evil, but you laughed anyways.

“Holy shit YEES! My girl has finally done it in the butt!” He practically shouted, his arms raising in praise as he paced across the floor and back. “Ohmygosh! Pax shut the fuck up! Someone will hear you!” You whipped your head around and thankfully there wasn’t anyone immediately around the store. Pax came back from his victory lap and patted you on the back.

“It’s fucking good right?” His smile was sinister, his laugh coming out like an evil villain from a Disney movie.

“Ugh, yes. Fuck it’s so good. And like I’ve told you,” You put the mobile order into the little basket off to the side. “Kylo is sooo––“

“I’m what?” You and Pax both spun around, your heart dropping out of your ass. Kylo was standing at the till, you looked at the clock: 7:00am on the dot.

Pax’s jaw hit the floor, his mouth hanging open, but no words were coming out. You collected yourself and strode over to the till, nudging Pax on the shoulder to knock him out of his trance. “You’re uh… you’re on time! As always. We were just talking about how you’re always on time.” You tried to sound confident, but you were sure Kylo knew what you were talking about.

You grabbed a tall cup and poured his coffee before you even got to the register. You put the cup down and looked at him. He looked flustered, his hair was messy and his curls were frizzy. The tousled look turned you on so fucking much though, it reminded you of how his hair looked after you two fucked. His jacket was unzipped, the buttons of his cream dress shirt straining as always against his strong chest. He was wearing a brown belt and onyx coloured jeans. A more casual look for him, but breathtaking nonetheless.

“First one of the week is on me Ky–– I mean Professor Ren.” You said as you shoved his gold card away. He smirked, leaning in as he grabbed the cup, “Thanks Pet, come to my office after work before your night class, hmm?”

His voice was deep, sticky with the golden honey of his words. You had to snuff the moan that crept up your throat. You nodded, “Mhmkay, bye.” You waved at him as he started down the hall towards the Dagobah stairs.

Shit, you were sweating all of a sudden and you could feel the heat radiating off your face. You helped the next customer and when there was a lull in the customers you and Pax continued your conversation. You told him about your walk through Kylo’s acreage, the silent hours you spent working on homework, but being fine with it. You told him that Kylo had opened up to you about his family, but that you couldn’t say what. And of course, Pax was fine with it. He just said that he’s glad you’re so happy and that you’re making progress with Kylo.

You told him that you’d gotten your period on Tuesday and that you and Kylo had mind-blowing sex, AND that Kylo didn’t care about the mess. That he wasn’t grossed out by it. “Shit, that is commitment! Periods are nasty. Hell, coochies are nasty. No offence.” You snorted. If that wasn’t the most gay thing Pax has ever said, you don’t know what was.

The morning puttered on, the store getting steadily more busy as students realized they had classes again today. Your story kept getting interrupted, a customer here, a lunch break there, Pax having to do orders and storage room runs. It was going to take all day to tell him everything. You cringed, you were going to have to tell this all to Leia again later.

After your lunch break you went back onto the floor, it was surprisingly dead after 11:30am so you and Pax continued where you left off. Going to the shops to get a new duvet after you ruined the other one. “He let me pick it out! Then before we went back home we got Starbs, ugh it was soo good. And–– oh shit _OHMYGOSH_ Pax we saw Poe!” Pax almost dropped the coffee pot he was holding, “I’M SORRY WHAT?”

“Yeah! He was working the drive-thru and saw me in Kylo’s car! I was mortified. I didn’t know what to say, the words weren’t coming out of my mouth.” Your brow started sweating with just remembering the awkward encounter. “Damn girl. What happened??” Pax finished emptying the pot and put it back to restart the cadence.

“Kylo said that I was helping him mark some things for his classes, for extra credit in Greek Myth.” You shrugged, “Poe seemed to believe it, sort of.”

“What did I believe?” Poe came round the corner, getting ready to clock in for his shift. _Fuck, why do people keep popping up when I’m talking about them?!_

Pax chimed in, saving your ass. “That I’m the best boss in the world!” Poe just laughed, crouching to clock in. Your hands were clammy, you didn’t know what to say.

“So, how’d marking those papers go? Did you mark Finn’s?” Poe asked, his eyes big. You exhaled, hard. Thank the Maker Poe was more concerned with Finn than your strange encounter last week. You let out a nervous laugh, “Ha, oh yeah it was good! Uhm, no Finn’s wasn’t in my pile. I’m sure he did really good though!”

He smiled, twiddling his thumbs, “Oh, well that’s good then!” The two of you stood silence for a couple beats, and then you spoke. “Hey, do you still want me to introduce you to him? I can do it Wednesday after I have class with him?” Poe’s face lit up, not too much, but enough that you knew he still wanted to.

“Oh, uh yes please! That sounds great, still a couple days away. That’s good. Yeah. Good.” Gods he is so cute when he gets flustered. “Haha okay sounds good, Finn and I will come up after class Wednesday!”

“Okay, hey thanks girl I appreciate it.” He smiled warmly at you, and you returned it as you walked over to the till. “Don’t mention it Poe!”

You worked through the rest of the day, getting pretty busy as it neared 2:30pm. You knew Kylo would be waiting for you in his office, so you apologized as you had to leave during a rush. Pax understood, Poe was oblivious, and Rey listened to whatever you said. You clocked out and skipped into the back. You went to the bathroom across the hall before heading down the Kylo’s office, taking your hair from the low ponytail and trying to smooth it out. You rubbed your eyes and smacked your cheeks a little bit. Splashed some water in your face and took a deep breath.

You felt nervous. Fuck knows why, you’d just spent a whole week with Kylo. But something about seeing him at school made your lower belly flutter and your lungs constrict. The last time you’d been with him on campus he bent you over a desk in a _classroom_. Your legs jellied at the memory. Straightening up you left the bathroom and started heading down the stairs.

Your night class didn’t start till 6:00pm, so you had a few hours to kill in Kylo’s office. Most of the time you’d spend those three hours doing homework, or the readings for your class, or Kylo was fucking the absolute shit out of you. It really depended on the day. And you weren’t sure what kind of day today was going to be like. He’d seemed flustered this morning, but spoke as if he was his usual self. Requesting your presence after work was normal. But you couldn’t forget the fact that before this morning, he hadn’t spoken to you since like 2:00pm yesterday.

You were debating with yourself on whether or not you should ask him about it. By the time you got to Kylo’s office, seeing the door cracked open as always, you decided not to ask about it. You creaked the door open more, letting the familiar scent of coffee and Kylo’s cologne his your senses. It relaxed you and made you feel at home.

Not necessarily at home in his office specifically, but rather you felt at home whenever you were with him. Wherever he was, was home. With him, in his heart and soul. That is where you wanted to be forever.

His nose was buried in a big textbook, titled ‘Achilles’ Rage’. _Hmm, interesting book_. You stepped in quietly and shut the door behind you, _not_ locking it. At the click of the door Kylo looked up and he smiled. “You’re so beautiful.” Was all he said before lowering his head back into the book. Highlighting something quickly before shutting it and putting it on his cluttered desk.

You blushed, moving to sit on your leather chair by the fire. You shucked your backpack off and got out your laptop. You figured you’d finish editing the final draft of your paper for Kylo’s class. He got up and came round the chair behind you, leaning over the top of it to wrap his arms around you. He kissed the top of your head, moving to kiss your cheek a few times before resting his chin in the crook between your neck and shoulder.

“I’m sorry I didn’t text you last night. I was busy with work, I didn’t get to bed until it was pretty much time for me to wake up.” He kissed your neck, setting your pulse on fire.

You stuttered, “It-it’s okay, don’t worry about it.” Well, that was as much closure as you were going to get, so you figured you’d accept it. You spun around a little bit, so that you were facing Kylo. "You wanna come snuggle?" You nudged the chair a little with your legs. He chuckled and kissed the tip of your nose before pulling you up slightly, capturing his lips in yours. He broke it all too soon.

“Actually, I have a meeting with another student from my other class,” he saw you start to get up. “No, it’s okay I’m meeting with her at the Starbucks actually.” Her? _HER????_ Hmm, well at least Pax would be there to keep an eye on whoever _she_ was.

“Hm, okay well I’m gonna edit my paper then. Will you be back before my class starts?” You couldn’t imagine a student-teacher meeting going on longer than 20 minutes, let alone 3 hours.

“I should be, I do have to go and meet with Lando for something though so if I’m not back before you leave, then just lock my door.” You frowned. “Professor Calrissian? For what?” Did that have something to do with the fact Kylo was _willingly_ reading a book on Greek myth?

“Just want to probe his mind about a few things, nothing really baby.” _Ugh baby. Yes_. You melted, completely forgiving Kylo’s suspicious behaviour.

“Okie dokie, well see you later then, maybe!” He bent down and kissed you again, hard and fast. You tried to hold onto him longer, but he was out the door in a blink. You huffed. What the heck was going on today? You felt like you were in a weird dream, where people were popping up unannounced, where everything wasn’t making sense and everything felt fucking weird.

You tried to ignore feeling like you were in limbo, and focussed on editing your paper. It was already pretty much finished, you were just crazy and liked to proof-read like three times. You got about halfway through your paper before you dozed off. The plush leather comforting your troubled mind, the cackle of the fire lullabying you into a soft sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOrry for another short filler chapter! Love you guys xoxo


	31. A Trip

–– ****Kylo’s POV****

Kylo _really_ didn’t want to go meet with Bazine. She was a stuck-up whorish grad student who he had the unfortunate pleasure of working on an independent study with. She had been trying to get in his pants since her undergrad years, but he continuously rejected her. Most of the time, Kylo could deal with her over email, but as the semester was past the midway point, he needed to meet with her to review her Thesis.

He got up to the Starbucks and decided he’d need coffee to get through their meeting. He hated waiting in line if Sweetheart wasn’t there, but he saw Paxon and figured that was alright. Kylo liked Paxon, he liked that he was there for Sweetheart and that he supported their odd relationship. He’d never say that out loud though, so he’d keep it to himself. Kylo waited in line, impatiently until Paxon called for the next customer.

As soon as Paxon saw that it was Kylo he smiled. “Hi! Welcome to Starbucks where all your bucks are stars.” He winked, leaning into the counter. Kylo wanted to laugh at that ridiculous slogan, but swallowed any sign of amusement. “Hello Paxon, grande bold, no room please.”

Paxon punched in the order and another employee grabbed a cup to get the coffee. Rey maybe? He didn’t really care. “Oh wow grande today huh?” Kylo gave Paxon his gold card and Paxon swiped it through the till. “Yeah, I’m uh- I’m meeting with a student of mine who gives me a headache.” Paxon burst out laughing, “No shit huh Professor?”

Kylo could barely keep up with the way Paxon talked, so he mostly just nodded and said yes. He took the cup the other barista put down, ignoring her smile at him. 

Kylo looked behind him to make sure there were no other customers. “Yeah, sure. She should be here momentarily. Actually, can I ask you a favour?” 

Paxon’s eyes lit up, “Oh yes, _anything_ for you Professor.” 

Kylo shuddered, he knew that Sweetheart told Paxon _things_ about them… “Uhm. Yeah, could you text our girl for me? When I told her I was meeting with a student I could sense her jealousy. I just want her to know there is _absolutely_ nothing to worry about.”

Paxon crossed his arms, nodding furiously. “Alllllready ahead of you big man. I texted her as soon as you got into the lineup. I’ll let her know what’s happening. And believe you me, I will be keeping a _very_ close eye on this student of yours. If I see anything more than student-teacher professionalism I _will_ make a scene.” Paxon leaned over the counter, encroaching on Kylo’s space. “And don’t think I won’t.”

Kylo leaned in too, closing the small space between them. He huffed, “I wouldn’t expect anything less from you Paxon.” Paxon sprung back, all seriousness gone from his expression, replaced by giddy happiness. “Good!” 

Kylo glanced passed Paxon, seeing Bazine waltz through the doors. She caught his sight immediately and started waving, shouting at him. Paxon turned around, mouth gaping as he spun back to face Kylo. “That’s not _her_ is it?” Kylo sighed and rolled his eyes nonchalantly, “Yes, unfortunately.” Kylo half-assed a smile and waved weakly back. She sat down at a table near the pass-off and flipped through her presumed Thesis.

Paxon snorted, “Daamn Ren. Bazine is a crazy fucking witch-bitch,” his eyes went big. “Oh, shit sorry. I probably shouldn’t say that to a professor.” 

Kylo actually laughed this time, a short, but full on, belly-laugh. “No, you’re absolutely correct Paxon. _She is_.” Paxon burst out laughing then, composing himself when someone else entered the lineup. 

He whispered, “Don’t worry, I’ll text our girl,” loudening his voice, flipping on the customer-service-switch, “Have a great rest of your day Professor Ren!” Kylo just nodded, smiling as he walked away and towards his meeting with the devil’s whore.

His smile fell from his face and he took a deep breath as he approached her, “Good afternoon Miss Netal.” He avoided her handshake by looking down and pretending to look through his bookbag. 

“Hi Kylo!” She smiled big, Kylo avoided looking at her still. 

He rolled his eyes, _ugh_ he hated that she called him that. Completely regretting that one time he said she could call him by his first name. He hated hearing her say ‘professor’ because she always made it sound sexual, but now hearing her say his first name made him even more uncomfortable. It made it feel like she knew him. Which she didn’t. No one did. No one except Sweetheart.

His mind wandered to her, leaving her in his office. Her face twisted with confusion and jealousy. He didn’t want to leave her, ever. Alas, he still had a job, a job that he needed to do well in order to keep his reputation. He hoped Paxon texted her and let her know there was nothing to worry about.

Kylo’s eyes refocussed on Bazine, his ears slowly tuning back in to her boring opening statement. Always some dreadful combination of asking how he was doing and trying to hint for him to ask how she was. He never did though, he never indulged in her small-talk.

He interrupted her incessant babble, “So, Miss Netal. How has your research been going?” 

He only ever asked her questions regarding her work. Which he regrettably had to admit, was actually quite interesting. Her topic concerned the research of bounty-hunters and spies from the Cold War, those of which were trained in martial arts from the Korean War. It was an extremely specific topic, one that Kylo was reluctant to take on at first. But her proposal was flawless and he’s extremely knowledgeable with American history, plus he needed another independent study for this year so he thought why not. Now though, all he can think about is _why_. Why the fuck did he take this, take her, on? She was a lot of work, he should’ve clued in since he’s known her since she was in her undergrad. 

Whatever, he was getting good praise from the History department for this. No one wanted to work with Bazine, because they all knew she was crazy. Kylo had to actively force himself to listen to her ramble on about her research. He knew she was doing fine, despite her reputation, she was extremely intelligent and it showed in her work. 

This meeting was more of a formality, to check-in and to obtain a copy of her rough Thesis. He could have had her email it to him, but then he’d have to print it and use his money. He decided a quick meeting would be fine, and it would get her off his case every week for trying to schedule a meeting. She emailed him almost every day. Asking stupid questions or sending him rough paragraphs. He ignored most of them, sending them to his trash bin without even opening them.

She knew he was a busy man, so she didn’t pester him further about not answering her emails. He listened half-assed as she went through her section of the martial arts training. More specifically Taekwon-do, and how it was created during the 1940s and 50s. It was interesting enough, and Kylo listened while he sipped his coffee.

Bazine got up from her stool and scooted it closer to Kylo, “Here, let me show you.” He twitched away, scooting his stool a little further away from her. She leaned in closer though, pushing her chest up and over the table while showing Kylo the images she chose. Kylo rolled his eyes so fucking hard. He slumped in his chair, his head tilted back slightly and he sighed.

_Fucks sake man, when is this gonna be over?_

He looked over to the bar and he saw Paxon snickering, Kylo huffed. Paxon fished out his phone and held it up to take a picture. ‘ _Smile_ ,’ he mouthed wide at Kylo. Kylo dramatically rolled his eyes and leaned back, putting his arm around the back of Bazine’s chair, making sure _not_ to touch her, and he flashed Paxon the middle finger. Paxon stifled a laugh and shoved his phone back in his pocket before going the till.

Kylo sat like that, leaned back and really not caring about anything Bazine was saying. A simple nod here, a few “uh-huh’s” there. Kylo did give her some suggestions regarding her paragraph structure and whatnot, he figured he actually had to give her useful advice. He looked at his watch: 3:48pm. Shit, they’d been there for over an hour. He had zoned out for most of it. Kylo shifted in his seat and his hand accidentally brushed Bazine’s shoulder.

He yanked it away and back towards his body as she stiffened, but inched closer to him. _Fuck_. She turned to look at him, her eyes covered in too much black eyeliner, her lips painted in a god-awful dark purple colour. He cringed. She smiled at him, which he ignored and he cleared his throat as he started packing up his papers.

“I think you’re progressing well Miss Netal. I expect you’ll complete your Thesis on time, and I look forward to read it. I apologize, I have another meeting I must attend. I shall email you within the next couple of days.” That was a lie. Well he did have to go meet Lando, but he was _not_ going to email her anytime soon.

She inched back into her seat, “Oh. Okay! Thank you Kylo, I appreciate you so much!” Kylo rolled his eyes again, “Yes, of course.” He held his hand out and she went to grab it. He flinched away and eyed her paper. “Oh. Right, here you go.” She handed him her paper and he stuffed it into his bookbag, not caring if he crumpled it or not.

He stood and bowed a little, “Good day Miss Bazine.” He took his coffee and glanced at Paxon, who was still laughing at him, and turned to leave before he heard her reply.

Kylo’s feet carried him away from the Starbucks hard and fast, barrelling down the Dagobah stairs towards Lando’s office. He seriously needed to talk to someone who didn’t make him want to gouge his eyeballs out of his head. He got along with Lando just fine, he didn’t have anything to complain about him. And that wasn’t something he could say about everybody. 

He walked to his office the long way, so that he wouldn’t have to pass his office. He knew Sweetheart would be sleeping and he didn’t want to chance waking her up. She’s extremely observant, and she knows the clicking sound of Kylo’s dress shoes. So Kylo took the long way to Lando’s office and seeing that the door was open, he waltzed in. 

“Don’t they teach people to knock anymore?! Haha hey kid!” _Kid_. That’s what Rian used to call him.

“Sorry, hello Lando.” Lando motioned to the seat in front of his cluttered desk, “Here, sit kid. Let’s get down to business!”

Kylo sat down, placing his left foot on top of his right, bouncing his knees. He didn’t like meeting with other professors, it always made him a little nervous. He tried to clear his mind and focus on the task at hand. Lando leaned back in his chair, lifting his feet onto the desk. He looked so relaxed, and Kylo couldn’t look further from it.

“So, kid. You reading that book on Achilles?”

“Yes, thank you for lending it to me.” Kylo’s eyes darted around Lando’s office. It was much smaller than his, but his walls were covered in bookshelves too. Kylo always loved the way a full bookshelf looked, packed with knowledge and history.

“You’re welcome. Any other’s you’d like to take? When is your trip?”

Kylo was looking around, his eyes skimming the book titles. “Uh, not that I can think of yet. And it’s not until Christmas break, can’t afford to miss any time during the semester.”

“Okie dokie, well you just let me know. You can take any of the books I have here, and you can ask me any questions you’d like.” Lando crossed his arms over his chest, lazily leaning back further in his chair.

“Thank you, I appreciate this. It’s uh- it’s been a while since I’ve been through all this stuff.” Kylo motioned to the bookshelves as he said ‘stuff’.

“Yeah I know. Must be weird huh? Going from an all-American history buff, to being thrown right back into the mess of Greek mythology. If you ask me, mythology is the best realm to get lost in.” 

“Hmm, yes. It is weird. But I have benefitted immensely from it.” Kylo blushed. He would have never met Sweetheart if he wasn’t forced to teach this Greek myth class.

“I’m glad to hear it kid! Well, feel free to look around at the books, I was actually going to call William if you want to speak to him about your trip.” Lando sat up, pulling out his ancient flip-phone. Kylo was surprised that thing still worked at all.

“Uh yeah sure, that sounds good.” Kylo stood up, walking along the bookcase he examined the spines. Some of them looked brand new, others were almost completely destroyed. Kylo smiled. He had a lot of books like that too.

“Hello? William? Can you hear me?” Lando shook the phone, screaming into his hand, “Kid how do I get this thing on speaker?” Kylo snorted, “You can’t Lando, here give me William’s number and we can call him on my phone.”

“Oh good idea kid,” Lando held his phone up to his ear, “William! William!! We are going to call you back. Hold on!” He was shouting into it like his life depended on it, it made Kylo laugh. Lando clicked through the old phone, but couldn’t figure out where to find William’s number. Kylo took the fossil from him and found the number, punching it into his phone he clicked the green ‘call’ button. It rang a couple times before the other end picked up.

“ _Lando? Is that you?”_ Another male voice yelled through the phone, echoing in Kylo's ears. William sounded like Lando, old and nerdy. 

“Yes! Haha! William I can hear you mate!” Lando punched Kylo’s arm, “Good work kid.” Kylo laughed again, he was amused that older people found basic technology so fascinating.

 _“Is young Benjamin with you?”_ The faceless phone asked. Kylo’s heart sank, his jaw clenching at that name. He absolutely cursed the fact that he completed his degrees with his dead name.

“Yes, hello Dr. Johnston.” Kylo tried not to sound annoyed, he hadn’t even met this old man yet, but he respected him too much to be a brat.

 _“Benjamin! I can’t wait for our trip! It’s gonna be a real good one!”_ Kylo could hear the smile on William’s face through the phone, and he couldn’t help but smile too.

“Yes, I am looking forward to it Dr. Johnston!” Kylo hadn’t told Sweetheart about it yet, he wanted to wait until after today. After he’d seen Lando, and now after he’d talk to William. Just to make sure he still wanted to do it.

 _“Lando, I bet you wished you could come with us you old geezer_!” William laughed through the phone and Lando scowled, “Hey! It’s not my fault I can’t travel by airplane anymore! These lungs are old, but this mind isn’t!” Kylo had to stifle a laugh. He knew that Lando wished he could go with them, but his health wouldn’t allow it.

The three men spoke for a long time, talking about the trip and discussing various myths. The history is what Kylo really enjoyed, and he knew it was going to be a worthwhile trip. He just had to pluck up the courage to tell Sweetheart that he’d be gone for two weeks over Christmas break, considering it was only three weeks long. She was saying that she’d spend half the time with her parents at home, and half the time with him in Alderaan. Now, he had to find a way to tell her that she couldn’t spend as much time with him as she’d like.

By the time they’d ended their call with William, it was well passed 6:00pm. Sweetheart would be in her psychology class now until 8:50pm. Kylo had waited once or twice for her, on the few days that she’d stay over at his place, but he decided not to wait for her tonight. Instead, he’d go home and figure out what the hell he was gonna say to her, as well as start the preparations for his trip.

He quickly stopped by his office to grab his jacket and a few extra works to bring home with him. When he walked into his office, his senses were hit with the faint scent of lavender and vanilla. Sweetheart’s perfume. He deeply inhaled, letting the air drench his lungs with her essence. She always smelled so good, and he always chased after any remnants of her perfume he could get. He walked over to the leather chair, the fire completely dead now. He lifted her blanket to his face and inhaled.

Lavender, vanilla, and _her_. He knew she fell asleep, her pheromones radiated differently when she was unconscious. Stronger, more pure. He loved it so much.

Kylo walked to his car in silent thought. He needed to tell Sweetheart about his trip. He needed to tell William to stop calling him by his dead name. He needed to find a way to get Bazine to stop buzzing in his ear every single fucking day. He needed to relax. _For fucks sake_ , the first day back from Reading Week and Kylo already felt overwhelmed.

He’d call Sweetheart when he knew she was back in her dorm. And he’d let the conversation go whichever way fate decided.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: WOOHOO badass Bazine in the house! I'm getting really excited about the upcoming chapters! 
> 
> ALSO I'm starting to roughly plan my next fic. I made a tiktok giving a small hint at what it'll be about! https://vm.tiktok.com/Je93Fqw/
> 
> Love you guys xoxo


	32. Two Trips

You woke up at 5:45, drooling onto the soft blanket that you wrapped yourself in. Kylo still hadn’t come back and you figured you wouldn’t see him tonight. The twinge of jealously irked its way back up your spine, remembering that Kylo was meeting another student.

You rubbed your eyes and yawned loudly before checking your phone. You saw that you had a bunch of texts from Pax from over an hour ago. Damn, you must’ve really passed out, you didn’t hear your phone buzz. You opened the messages.

_Pax: GURL kylo just got into the lineup_

He didn’t text you again for about 20 minutes.

_Pax: ok, false alarm! nothing to worry about my girl_

_Pax: kylo is meeting with that hoe bazine, she’s one of his grad students_

_Pax: I called her a witch-bitch and kylo agreed with me LMAO_

_Pax: SO dw, he literally despises her_

_Attachment Image: 1_

You burst out laughing, your jealously fleeing from your body completely. Pax sent you the funniest picture you think you’ve ever seen. Kylo was sitting back, completely uninterested, throwing Pax the middle finger as he rolled his eyes. You snorted, zooming in to get a better look at this Bazine person.

She was kind pretty, like maybe a 4/10. She was wearing way too much eyeliner though, and her lipstick looked like a little kid put in on her. Her outfit was much too tight and revealing. Poor thing was trying so hard. It made you feel better, actually seeing this chick and finding out that Kylo really doesn’t like her.

_Pax: he just left, not even giving her the time of day_

_Pax: bitch that was so funny, comedy fucking gold_

_Pax: poor hoe was trying so hard, and kylo just wasn’t having it_

_Pax: you’re sleeping aren’t you_

_Pax: well hope you’re having sweet dreams bitch ily_

That last text was over an hour ago. You sighed, relieved. You gathered your things and made for your psych class. You texted Pax back too, and you texted Leia. She said she wasn’t going to be back until tomorrow now, something wrong with Han’s car. You laughed, you weren’t surprised. Han’s car was a piece of junk, but for some reason it hasn’t died yet. He calls it the Millennium Falcon. God knows why, but he treats it like it’s his baby.

You puttered your way to class, picking up some chicken tendies and fries on the way. You sighed, wondering what Kylo was doing now. Walking to class you saw Bazine trot passed you. You eyed her up and felt a surge of confidence as you took in her whorish appearance. You smiled, feeling much better than you had a few hours ago.

You claimed your usual spot in the lecture hall and started stuffing your face before class started. 

––

Another night by yourself. At least you didn’t have to eat toast tonight. You stripped and started the shower. You were cold, as always, and needed some warming up. You plugged your phone in and went into the bathroom.

You spent about half an hour in there, and when you came out you saw that you had two missed calls: one from Kylo, and one from your mum.

You grunted, deciding to call you mum back first, considering that you hadn’t really spoken to her in almost two weeks. You punched in her number and put in on speaker, placing it on your dresser as you put on some lotion.

 _“Hello?”_ You relaxed hearing your mums voice. It was soft and kind, like her.

“Hi mum!”

_“Hi honey! How are you? How was the trip with Leia? How are her parents?”_

God she always asked a lot of questions.

“I’m good, just showered. And it was uh, it was good! They’re good. As always, you know _.”_

You _hated_ lying to her.

_“Oh I’m glad honey, we missed you for the week!”_

“Yeah, I missed you guys too. How’s dad?”

_“Oh you know your father, even though he’s retired, he’s always working! He’s been combing through the notes you’ve been sending him and he’s been in contact with that professor from your school!”_

“That sure sounds like dad haha. I’m glad to hear he likes the material."

You heard rustling on her end, then shouting, but she was holding her phone away from her face.

 _“Billy, come say hi to your daughter!”_ More rustling.

_“Hi baby! How was the trip?”_

“Hi dad! It was good, really really good.”

_“I’m glad to hear, we sure missed you.”_

“I missed you too dad.”

You finished putting your lotion on and threw on some fresh pj’s. Going outside to park it on the couch you plopped down, switching the speaker off. Holding your phone up to your ear made everything sound so much louder. Your parents felt that they needed to yell into the speaker for you to hear them.

You scrunched your nose, “So, uhm why’d you call me mum?”

_“OH YES! I almost forgot! We are going on a trip!”_

You leapt to your feet, “What?! Where? When? _Why?_ I can’t miss school!”

You could hear your parents laughing, you dad piping up, _“Don’t worry baby, you two aren’t going until Christmas break! And because, it's your last year!”_

“Wait, ‘you two’? You aren’t coming dad?”

_“Nope! I’m going on a work trip with some of my old buddies!”_

Geez, he really didn’t let anyone tell him to stop working, not even retirement _._

“Oh wow! So it’s just you and me mum? Where are we going?”

You heard her laughing, _“It’s a secret honey! You’ll have to wait and find out. We’ll book it when you get your final exam schedule, so when you get that let us know right away!”_

Your heart started beating faster, you were getting excited.

“Okay! OMG this is so cool you guys! Thank you!”

*BEEP BEEP* Your other line was ringing. You brought your phone down to glance and see who it was: Kylo.

“Hey mum, uh Leia is calling me. I’ll talk to you guys later. Love you both so much!”

_“Okay honey, say hi for us! Love you.”_

_“Love you baby!”_ Your dad sounded farther from the phone now, no doubt going to plan his trip.

You took a deep breath and clicked END on your parents call and ACCEPT on Kylo’s call.

“Hello?”

 _“Hi baby.”_ You shivered. You didn’t talk with Kylo on the phone too much, and the distortion from the speaker made his voice sound even deeper than it actually was.

“Uh hi, um how were your meetings?”

_“They went fine, the first was complete Hell, but the second fared much better than I thought. Speaking of which, I have something to tell you.”_

“Oh well that’s… good I guess haha. And me too actually!”

The excitement in your voice swelled, as a result from hearing Kylo call his meeting with Bazine ‘Hell’, and you just really wanted to tell him about your mystery trip.

_“Oh, you tell me first Sweetheart.”_

You couldn’t control your smile, “Okay! So, I just got off the phone with my parents. And they’re surprising me with a trip over Christmas break! For my last year! They won’t tell me where, but that it’s a secret! Isn’t that so cool of them?”

Silence.

More silence.

Then an inhale.

 _“Yes Pet, that is awesome.”_ He couldn’t sound less enthusiastic if he tried. You frowned.

“What did you wanna tell me?”

_“I am also going on a trip over Christmas break, but mine is for work. I was actually worried you’d be upset, but this works perfect.”_

Your breath caught in your throat. Kylo was going away too? For work? Hmm.

“Oh! Wow that does work out good then huh?”

He grunted, _“Yes, it does. I will make sure to plan my trip around yours, so that we can have the most time together before and afterwards.”_

You smiled again, your tiny heart not being able to contain the happiness radiating from you. Kylo may be a cold-hearted, non-emotional, unenthusiastic person most of the times, but when it came to you; well, he turned into the sweetest, more-passionate, thoughtful person ever. And it was all for you.

“Yes! Kylo that sounds perfect. Omg, it’ll work out so perfectly. I’m so excited!”

_“Me too Sweetheart. Me too.”_

You guys talked on the phone for the rest of the night. Talking about how amazing the past week was, and how you’re both looking forward to what the next month will bring. You guys haven’t talked about what will happen next semester though, and to be honest you were dreading that conversation.

You wanted to hold on to the possibility that you and Kylo could have an actual relationship. One where he could come over to your house and spend holidays with your family. You figured that as long as you prolonged the inevitable conversation that would most likely crush that hope, you could remain optimistic.

You’d made your way back into your room at some point during the night and made sure your alarm was set. You were lying in bed, your lights off and your heated mattress-pad on.

“Kylo?”

 _“Yes my love?”_ His voice was deeper now, sleepy.

“Will you um... would you read to me please? So I can fall asleep?”

You heard his chuckle softly, then heard some shifting.

 _“Yes I would love to. I’ll read you the_ Theogony _hmm?”_

You smiled. He knew you loved Hesiod, and _the Theogony_ was one of your favourites.

“Ooh, yes please.” Your voice was quiet, heavy, sleepy.

 _"Okay then baby, here we go."_ He cleared his throat, _“From the Muses of Helicon let us begin our singing, that haunt Helicon’s great and holy mountain, and dance on their soft feet round the violet-dark spring and the altar of the mighty son of Kronos...”_

Your eyelids fluttered, closing slowly, your phone laying on your bedside table on speaker. Kylo’s voice made the words sound ethereal, dramatic, reverent. You slowly drifted off to sleep, listening to Kylo read. 

_“… And once they taught Hesiod fine singing, as he tended his lambs below holy Helicon. This is what the goddesses said to me first, the Olympian Muses, daughters of Zeus and the aegis-bearer…”_

Your ears were straining to listen longer, but your mind was shutting off, your body falling asleep, his voice echoing into your dreams. 

_“… So said the mighty Zeus’ daughters, the sure of utterance…”_

And you were asleep.

Peace. Tranquility. Serendipity. Silence. 

Dreams filled with Kylo's voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is so short I'm sorry! BUT WE GOING ON A VACAY WOOT! Love you guys so much xoxo.


	33. Leaving

Tuesday had been a dreary day, it snowed for most of the day and work wasn’t awfully busy. Kylo had come by at 7:00am as always, but you didn’t see him after work because you had to study and then go take your psych exam.

Sitting in the Crusades, you listened to Canady ramble on about the upcoming paper that's due. You were happy you’d already started writing it. Not caring about the dumb questions students were asking. You wondered if anyone read the syllabus. The answers to their questions are mostly in there. Zoned out, you waited until class was over. 

After you went pee, you waltzed into Greek Myth. Finn was already sitting in your usual spot, waving at you dramatically.

“Hey!” His smile was huge.

“Hey Finn!” You tried to match the energy in his smile.

“How was your break?” He started pulling out his notebook.

You mirrored him, pulling yours out as well. “It was actually…” Your eyes followed Kylo walking into the classroom, and you smiled, “it was really good! How was yours?”

Finn was too busy sharpening his pencil to notice you gawking at Kylo. “That’s good! Mine was awesome! I spent time with my family, it was really good.”

You smiled genuinely now, you envied that Finn could be transparent with his family. You were still clinging onto the possibility that you could be truthful with yours one day. “That sounds so nice Finn! Hey what’re you doing after class?” You remembered what you had said to Poe on Monday.

He looked at you, cocking an eyebrow. “Uhm, nothing. Why?”

You smiled again, “You wanna grab Starbucks?” A pause. “I know Poe is working today.” And then you saw it, so clear, the clogs turning in Finn’s mind. The click of realization flashed across his eyes and his cheeks flushed red.

“Oh he is?” You could hear the curiosity in his voice.

You nodded, still smiling. “Yep! I know he’s been wanting to meet you.”

He grinned, “Really?!” You nodded again. “I’ve been wanting to meet him too…” His voice was quieter now, riddled with disbelief.

“Well let’s do it then!” You nudged his shoulder with your fist.

He looked up at you and took a deep breath, “Yeah! Alright let’s do it!”

He was smiling uncontrollably now and you felt your conflicted heart ease up. You were happy to connect Finn and Poe, happy that they’d probably hit it off right away, happy that they’d be able to show their affection and attraction freely.

And with that thought, your wallowing self-pity was crawling back. You looked over to Kylo, surprised to see that he was already looking at you. He smiled softly, nodding his head ever so slightly. Only visible and only meant for you. You sighed. You needed to talk to him. Again.

But this time you needed to discuss your future, and whether or not is was going to have Kylo in the picture. Your stomach turned at the thought of _not_ having him. Thankfully, your sad thoughts were jerked away at the sound of Kylo’s voice. He was starting class.

“Hello class. I do hope that you all had a good Reading Week.” He paused, clicking on the PowerPoint. “I myself had a _very_ enjoyable break.” He said that directly at you, his eyes boring deep into your soul.

“I have marked your exams, and I do apologize for not posting the marks on our class website, but I will hand them back to you at the end of class.” He gestured to the pile of papers stacked on the small desk. You clenched when you saw that they were perched right where Kylo bent you over and pummeled your pussy. Kylo cleared his throat.

“Today we are going to begin talking about the other heroic myths, starting with Jason and the Argonauts. Are there questions about anything we have covered previously?” Kylo waited a few beats, and when no one put their hand up he continued.

You struggled to keep up with Kylo’s lecture today, your mind held elsewhere. You’d catch a few words here and there and jotted them down, but you couldn’t wholeheartedly focus for the life of you. Now that you had made the decision to talk to Kylo about your relationship, you were dreading it. What made it worse is that it needed to be done and the urgency which your heart placed on it made you feel sick.

You tried to calm yourself, telling yourself that the conversation would only go bad if you let it. You tried to plan out what you’d say. How you’d approach bringing it up without upsetting Kylo. He always got so touchy when you brought it up in the past, so you’d let it go. But now, the semester was nearing its end. And you didn’t know what would happen over Christmas break, or next semester for that matter.

But you needed to find out.

Maybe you should wait till the weekend to talk to him, let this week go by normally. Or as normally as you could manage. Ugh. No, you’d only let the idea eat away at your consciousness, making you act shifty and crazy. Kylo would notice for sure and ask you what’s wrong, then you’d snap and everything would go to hell. No, you needed a semi-clear head going into this. You needed to do it tonight.

You went over different scenarios in your mind, trying to account for anything that could happen. But you knew that Kylo was so unpredictable, and oftentimes so were you.

Finn nudged your shoulder, pulling you out of your mind. When you came to, everyone around you was packing up. Fuck. You’d been zoned out the entire class. You glanced down at your notebook. Five lines. You wrote five lines of notes. _Fuck_.

“Hey, you okay?” Finn asked, looking at your notebook. You slammed it shut, “Yeah, I just didn’t feel too well during class. Can I have your notes please?”

“Of course, you uh, you still wanna get Starbucks?” He sounded sad.

You shot your head up, “Of course! I’m fine now, I’m probably just hungry.”

He smiled, “Okay, let’s go!” He got up and made for the front. Kylo had put the exams in a bunch of piles, all in alphabetical order. Finn went and got his exam and he looked at you when you didn't go get yours. 

"Oh I got mine early, I uhm. I made an appointment with him to talk about it." You shrugged, but Finn seemed to believe you. You both walked to the door and you glanced over your shoulder at Kylo, he swarmed with students as always. You saw something flash in Kylo’s eyes, his jaw tightened as he watched you leave. You averted your gaze and walked out with Finn.

You were hanging your head low, trying to listen to whatever Finn was talking about. Something about how he’s been eyeing up Poe for a couple years now, but haven’t had the guts to talk to him. You and Finn climbed the Dagobah stairs, both of your huffing and puffing when you reached the top.

Finn looked at you, “Hey are you sure you’re okay to do this?” He stopped walking and you stopped with him.

You considered taking his prompt for a raincheck, but you’d also promised Poe that you’d introduce them. You didn’t want to disappoint both of them. You nodded, “Yeah, I’m fine! Let’s go.” You started walking again and Finn followed. You burst through the doors and went into the lineup.

“Hey girl! Be right with ya.” Pax called from the oven, waving. Rey was working the bar with the newbie, you assumed Pax was doing both warming and till as always. Poe, you assumed, was in the back on his break. Perfect.

Pax took the food to the pass, calling out the name and setting the food down. He skipped back over and you motioned for Finn to go first. “Here, I’ll buy yours too!” You looked at Finn, surprised.

Stuttering, you answered, “A-are you sure?” He grabbed your arm, pulling you to the till, “Yes of course!” You smiled.

“Welcome to Starbucks, where all your bucks are stars.” Pax said in a monotone voice, making Finn laugh. You’d heard it so many times it didn’t faze you anymore, just typical Pax.

“Hi Pax, this is Finn! He’s in my Greek Myth class.” You emphasized the last bit of your sentence, urging Pax to catch on. You’d told him about your plan to set Poe up with a guy from your Greek Myth class. Pax’s eyes widened as he caught on.

“Hey Finn! Nice to meet ya. What can we get for you guys?” He extended his lanky arm to shake Finn’s hand.

“Uhm, can I have a grande iced matcha tea latte please?” Finn looked at you, “I’ll have my regular, thanks Pax.”

“Got it and got it. Any food?” Pax punched in the orders, writing them on cups too. Your stomach growled, but Finn was paying and you didn’t want to be an asshole.

Finn peeked into the pastry case, “Uh can I have a banana loaf? Do you want something?” He turned to you. Your stomach growled with happiness. “Oh uhm I’ll have a blueberry muffin please.” Pax punched in the food and grabbed it while Finn payed.

“Hey, thanks Finn.” You said as you took the food bags from Pax.

He smiled back at you, “Don’t mention it! You’re doing _this_ for me so, it’s the least I can do.”

“Thank you!” Finn called to Pax as he walked over to the pass. You lingered behind him. There was no one else in the lineup so you leaned over the counter.

“Is that him?” Pax asked, eyeing Finn up. You smiled, “Yep! Cute right? And totally Poe’s type.” A beat. “No offence haha.”

Pax belly-laughed, “None taken. I love Poe, but we are not meant to be more than friends. I hope this guy works out. Poe deserves it.” You nodded, agreeing as you walked over to Finn.

You watched in horror as the newbie almost let the shots for your latte die, but Rey swooped in and poured the steamed milk in. You exhaled, glaring at the newbie shaking Finn’s matcha. “Thanks Rey.” You smiled and she winked at you as she handed you your drink. A cute little latte art heart sat in the middle of the foam.

“Okay love, you’re doing great. I think it’s been shaken enough, so pour it into the cup, lid it and hand it off the way I showed you.” Rey’s voice was soothing, she was the best barista trainer because she never lost her temper. Unlike you and Pax. You watched as the newbie poured the drink, spilling a bunch in the process. She lidded it and spun the cup looking for the name.

“I have a uh… grande! uh… matcha tea shaken latte! uhh… iced! Oh, for Finn!” You hid your eyes with your hand nonchalantly, cringing at her delivery. When you looked up you saw Rey patting her on the back, “That was uh, that was good! Try and be more flowy next time though!” You chuckled.

Finn took his drink and looked to you. You nodded and started heading back towards the backroom. Poe was sitting outside on one of the stools outside the room, his back facing you and Finn. You approached him and cleared your throat. Poe spun around, food stuffed in his mouth. You laughed.

“Hey Poe!” You moved to the side slightly to show that you’d brought someone with you. Poe’s eyes went big. You had to stifle a laugh. Poe forgot you were coming, it was painted plainly over his face. He chewed quickly and swallowed.

“Oh! Hey!” He laughed nervously, smoothing his brown curly hair, pushing it out of his face. He grabbed a napkin and wiped his mouth. You moved completely out of the way now, and motioned for Finn to stand beside you. Poe and turned around on the stool completely now, his legs shaking with nerves.

“Poe, this is Finn. Finn, Poe.” You smiled, your eyes darting between the both of them. It was silent for a few seconds, both Finn and Poe taking each other in properly for the first time. You knew Finn needed the extra push, and Poe would only blossom if he had the confidence of being in charge of the conversation, so you broke the silence.

“I’m gonna go uhm, to the library. Have fun you two.” You smiled, Finn turned to you looking terrified, begging you with his eyes to stay. You winked and nodded, “I’ll see you guys later!” You started backing up, walking away as Poe waved and Finn took a deep breath.

You made it seem like you were heading to the library, but when you looked and made sure that they were enraptured with each other’s presence, you darted in the other direction and started heading down the Dagobah stairs, straight to Kylo’s office. Now it was time for your to build up your confidence. You needed to make it at least seem like you had your shit in line, even if you were trembling like a mad-woman.

You made it to Kylo’s office, the door cracked slightly as always. His signal to only you, that he was there, waiting for you. You stepped quietly towards the door, taking deep breaths. You steadied yourself on the door frame, ready to waltz in.

“Come in Pet.” Kylo’s voice from within made you jump and yelp. Of course he knew you’d been standing there like an idiot. You collected yourself and pushed the door open. Kylo was sitting on his leather chair, reading that book on Achilles. You walked in and shut the door, locking it behind you.

“Uhm, hi.” You put your bag down and went to sit on your chair. You plopped down and sipped your coffee.

Without looking up, Kylo acknowledged your greeting, “Hello Sweetheart.” He was highlighting more in the book, his eyes fleeting over the pages impressively. You nibbled on your muffin, trying to pluck up the courage to strike the conversation that lingered in your mind.

You finished your muffin, feeling instantly better that you’d eaten. You felt good now, and as ready as you’d ever be for what was going to come next. You sat up slightly, leaning more towards Kylo. He noticed your change of posture and eyed you up. You smiled, slowly leaning forward more. Kylo sighed and closed the book. “Yes?” Damn, were you that obvious?

“Oh…” You looked down. Kylo put the book and on the ground and opened up his body. “Come here Doll.” You shot over to him, sitting gently in his lap, draping your legs over the arm of the chair. Kylo wrapped his arms around you, pulling you closer until you were flush against his chest. The warmth radiating off of him calmed you slightly and you took a deep breath.

He felt you relax and he started stroking your arm. “What is it? You’ve been acting weird all day. I could tell you weren’t paying attention in class today. What’s on your mind? Tell me.”

You almost lost yourself listening to his voice, it was quiet. Deliberate. He sounded curious and concerned. Yet his voice was still riddled with persistence. You took a deep breath and Kylo dipped his head down to your neck. You felt his hot breath on your skin and it rose in goosebumps. You craned your neck and Kylo took the invitation. He kissed the flesh on your skin. Peppering your pulse with the outline of his perfect lips. He breathed you in, his exhales sending shivers down your spine.

You took another deep breath, “We need to talk about _us_.” Kylo stopped kissing you then, stiffening and leaning back so he could look at you. He cocked his eyebrows, his face returned to its usual flatness. Emotionless. His eyes though, always speaking to you, they showed concern. Wonder, curiosity, _annoyance_. “Us?” His voice was monotone.

You shifted, positioning your face further away so that you could survey as much of his body language as you could. “Yes, us. Kylo, we need to talk about where this is going. And frankly, what _this_ is.” You gestured between the two of you, whispering your last words. Kylo’s expression was still blank, but his eyes flashed anger.

“What do you mean ‘what _this_ is’?” His voice was becoming more stern.

“Ugh, Kylo I want to tell my parents about you! I want to be able to hold your hand in public and let the world know that you’re mine. I want to be in a mundane relationship with you. I want that label.” A beat. And then Kylo stood up, making you fall to the ground in the process. Your knees hitting the carpet hard. You looked up, befuddled as Kylo stalked to his desk.

“Hey!” You stood up, “Don’t walk away from me, from our problems! We need to talk about this!” You followed him to his desk, slamming the book shut that he had opened. He looked up at you, his eyes growing wild. His breathing increasing.

“No.”

You gasped, “No? That’s all you gotta say? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” You were growing angry now yourself. All you wanted was to have a civil conversation about your relationship with Kylo. But of course he had to go and get defensive.

He stared at you, his eyes searching yours. You rolled them, long and hard in his face. His hand shot to your neck, squeezing your pulse shut. You choked, your hands grabbing at his, pushing his fingers harder into your neck. His eyes widened at your gesture, but you kept your cool, trying to regulate your short attempted breaths. You stared him down, pushing his fingers to stop your blood flow almost completely, but your eyes never left his. That is until you were bordering unconsciousness.

Kylo let go of you then. “Are you fucking insane?” He spat at you and you grabbed onto his desk to steady yourself. Rubbing your neck you still never faltered from his gaze.

“The semester is almost over Kylo. What are we going to do next semester? And then after I graduate? Hmm? I am _not_ going to keep on being your secret lover We have to talk about this!” You gulped down the oxygen now flowing evenly into your lungs, catching the breath you personally stole from yourself.

He looked at you. “No. We don’t.” You were getting pretty fucking tired of that answer. “Why not?!” You yelled, shoving your hand into his chest. He staggered back a tiny bit. He gritted his teeth, stepping closer to you. “We can’t. You know we can’t. You’re my student, I’d be fired and you’d be expelled.” You rolled your eyes again, throwing your hands into the air.

“Well shit, I didn’t know that! Thank you for clearing that up.” His eye twitched, but you kept going. “So what? You’re expecting me to wait until I graduate? Then I can stop lying to my parents and tell them about you? The day I graduate tell them that that I’ve had this boyfriend for ages but couldn’t tell them?” Your voice was rising slowly, your face getting hot with rage.

You looked at him, your eyebrows rising telling him it was his turn to speak. He huffed, “Yes! No! I don’t know okay?”

You exploded. “YOU DON’T KNOW?! So what have the last three months been working to then? All the sex and the intimacy? The ‘I-love-you’s? All for nothing? For ‘I don’t know’?!” You sighed, though it sounded more like a growl.

“Kylo I can’t, I can’t fucking do this anymore. If you truly love me and want me to be yours, I need you to let me be yours in every realm of our lives. I want the real relationship, I want you to be able to meet my parents as my boyfriend, not as my fucking professor. I want you to spend time at my home, over holidays and weekends. I want to move in with you eventually. I want to be with you forever.” Your voice went from yelling, to barely above a whisper. You were shaking, tears gently falling from your eyes.

You looked at Kylo, his face was unbothered but his eyes were beady and dark. “I can’t give you that Pet. What we have is, it’s special, but I can’t just let the world know about us. It would ruin me.”

Well, there was your answer. The tears were ripping from your eyes now, they felt like tiny daggers dragging against your skin as they fell. Your eyes burned with the fire leaving them. You sobbed quietly.

You absolutely couldn’t do this anymore. The secrets, the deception. The false hope. You couldn’t keep suppressing your desires, shoving them down ignoring them. You wanted a life with him, a real life. But he couldn’t give you that. You deserved more than this, you’re better than this. Than what he’s giving you, what he’s given you. You took a step back, rounding the desk until you were back at the leather chair. You picked up your backpack, slinging it on you walked to the door.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Kylo’s voice was rushed, he spat his words through gritted teeth.

You looked back at him, “I’m leaving Kylo. I’m leaving your office, and I’m leaving your life.” You walked out the door, glancing at him over your shoulder. “We’re done.” And with that you turned and shut the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELCOME ANGST! Don't hate me lmao. Love you guys, thanks for your patience xoxo


	34. Eve Eve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW?: IT'S CHRISTMAS! I celebrate Christmas, so if you don't then I'm sorry but I do! I recognize that not everyone celebrates it, so I thought I should make a warning just in case!

–– ****About one month later…****

It's Christmas Eve Eve and you got home a week ago. You were helping your mum put up the Christmas tree while your dad sat laughing at the two of you. Your mum held the bottom ring while you tried to line up the stem of the tree. Laughing you finally got it in and you grabbed the next layer. You always wondered why your parents insisted on buying a tree so massive that it came in three parts, but when it was up and decorated it made the living room look beautiful.

“See? That wasn’t so hard was it girls?” Your dad was still laughing, sitting on his recliner chair with his left leg propped up. He bent forward and winced. Your mum went to his side quickly and you managed to put the next layer on.

“Billy, you have to be careful.” She put her hand on your dads upper thigh, her other hand pressing his chest back down into the chair.

Your dad huffed, “I know, I just wish I could help my two girls. It isn’t the same when we don’t put the tree up together.” He shrugged. He was smiling, but you could tell he was so sad. 

Defeated.

It had been a tradition since you were little that the three of you always put the tree up _together_ , every year on December 23rd, no matter what. That is until this year. You smiled back at your dad, letting him hand you the third and final layer of the tree.

“Don’t worry dad, we got this!” He grinned back at you, but you noticed his head drop low when you took the top of the tree from him. You and your mum completed the tree, and while your mum was fluffing up the branches you went over to sit on the ground beside your dads chair. He helped you pick the ornaments and baubles to put on the tree first, he always liked to pick the order they went on. It changed every year and he said that he went with however he was feeling that holiday season.

He decided on the baby blue and silver ones first, snowflakes and icicles. You hummed along to the Christmas music as you hung them on the tree. Glancing back at your dad every few minutes to get his opinion on where they should go. Your mum started detangling the string-lights and you continued following your dads directions for the ornaments.

You’d spent the entire day decorating the tree, it was no easy feat. The tree was huge, and there were so many different ornaments to choose from. Tinsel and lights to finish it off. You searched the boxes for the tree-topper: an angel that your parents got the year you were born. They said that you were their angel, and so for your first ever Christmas they wanted to make it special. Now it was added to the tradition. When you were little, your dad would lift you up on his shoulders so you could place the angel on the top, when you got too big, he’d just hover behind you and hold your shoulders.

You turned to face him, sitting in the chair, holding the angel. “Dad, I-“ He cut you off, already trying to get up.

“No honey, I _have_ to do this with you. We can’t break this tradition.” You hopped over to him, helping him to his feet… well his foot you should say. You lifted his leg off the chair and held him steady as he straightened his other leg. He winced and wobbled a bit, but you held him strong, letting him place much of his weight onto you. You grabbed the crutch that was beside his chair and handed it to him. He nodded in thanks.

He was so stubborn and so determined that he let go of your completely and hobbled over to the tree with his crutch, his other hand still holding on to the angel. You followed closely behind him so that he wouldn’t fall, and when you reached the tree you went to stand in front of him. He handed you the angel.

“Thanks dad, I love you.” You spun and stepped onto the little stool so you could reach the top. Your dad was much taller than you, so when you were on the stool he could reach his arms up and hold your shoulders comfortably. But this time you only felt one hand. You glanced down and saw him stretching and struggling even to reach one arm up.

“I love you too honey.” His voice sounded strained, but so _so_ happy. You quickly plopped the angel on the top of the tree and climbed back down. Holding onto your dad you both looked up at her. She sat so beautifully. Her hands placed in front of her waist, her white and gold and silver dress dancing in the dim light. Her halo held high above her head.

You both jumped a little when the entirety of the tree lit up. You spun around to see your mum standing by the light switch, holding her video camera. She was crying. So emotional. That’s where you got it from. You leaned into your dad, careful not to throw his balance off. He groaned, so you ushered him to sit back down, hoisting his leg up so that it sat comfortably elevated.

You sat on the couch beside your dad, reaching over to hold onto his hand. You exhaled, feeling somewhat relaxed and normal. This was tradition, this was a regular occurrence that you could use to distract your conflicted mind. So much has happened in the last month that you were still trying to process it all.

You left Kylo, broke up with him. If you could even call it that since you weren’t actually girlfriend-boyfriend. You had continued your classes as normally as you could. Your grades suffered a little bit, but you were able to bang out your finals. You became distant and alienated yourself from Finn and Pax. Leia and Han too.

You’d told Leia about Reading Week the day before you left Kylo, and you felt mentally exhausted after having to explain to her that you’d left him the day after you told her everything was so amazing. Pax caught on quickly when Kylo stopped coming to the Starbucks, he didn’t bother asking you about it because he knew you so well he didn’t need to. Plus you were sure that Leia filled him in at some point.

You leaned your head on your arm, your hand still in your fathers. He squeezed it softly and you looked up at him. “You okay honey?” He tilted his head, matching the angle you were looking at him. You shrugged, “Yeah dad I’m fine.” You weren’t. And you know he knew you weren’t. But he still smiled and nodded, letting you resume sulking into your arm.

You felt bad. You felt like an asshole daughter because all you were thinking about were your problems even though your dad was injured. You sighed. Your mum was working tirelessly around the house, doing twice as much work because your dad couldn’t get around very well. She had to do everything he used to do, on top of what she already did. You tried to help her out as much as you could, but either she turned you down, or you were too busy wallowing in your own self-pity to help her.

You knew your parents recognized your behaviour was different, but they were too busy trying to run their lives that they didn’t ask about it. _I’m such an asshole_ , you thought. If you could only tell them why you’re distant, then maybe you could feel less weight on your heart and help around the house some more.

“When is everyone getting here tomorrow Billy?” Your mum called from the dining room, hanging garland and poinsettia’s on the mantle of the fireplace that sat in there. She always made the most beautiful bouquet’s in her shop, Christmas was her favourite time of the year too. 

You were playing chess with your dad. One of the main reasons your mum turned down your help, you thought, is because she didn’t want your dad to be by himself. So she’d say she would do the chores and you spend time entertaining your dad. You couldn’t argue with that logic, and you liked spending time with your dad. Even if he did ask too many questions about Greek Myth. 

“Uh, I think around 11:00am. Ha! Checkmate.” He called over his shoulder as he trapped your king. You gaped at the board, how could you leave him so vulnerable? You related to his current state more than you cared to admit to yourself, so you just chimed in to your parents conversation.

“Okay hon, I’ll have brunch ready then by 11:30!” You heard her humming in between sentences.

“I’ll help you mum!” You called into the dining room, looking up to see her pop her head through the doorway, smiling. “Thanks honey, that’d be great!” You smiled back at her this time, happy that she didn’t just reject you again. You figured it was because dad would be busy enough with your guests.

This holiday season could not be further away from the traditions your family had abided by for the past 23 years, and it was making you uneasy. You always spent Christmas Eve with your parents, just the three of you. Then on Christmas Day, you guys would go to the national park that was near your house and spend the day walking through the snow and go ice skating.

This year though, none of the regular programming would be happening. You couldn’t be too angry though, because it could be a lot worse. Instead of the three of you, there could have been only two. You shuddered and your dad stroked your hand with his thumb. He knew you were still upset over what happened, that it shook you up even more than you already were. But since then he’s done nothing but comfort you, and you were grateful for it.

You were curious to see how tomorrow and the next couple days would go. You figured that this holiday season was going to be worlds different for all the families involved, not just yours. Tomorrow is going to be one of the Christmas Eve’s to remember, whether you wanted to or not.

You stayed up watching Christmas movies with your parents until about 11:45pm, calling it quits after you yawned for like the sixth time in a row. Kissing them goodnight, you sauntered to your room. Shutting the door behind you, you flicked on your lamp. Sitting on the edge of your bed you looked out the window in front of you. You could just barely make out the stars in the sky. The clouds making them look fuzzy and hazed.

You flicked on the string of Christmas lights you hung underneath your window and let the vibrant colours soothe your aching heart. They twinkled and danced, and for a moment you didn’t feel the weight of sadness on your soul. Christmas was your favourite time of the year, but this year you thought that you couldn’t have felt worse.

Looking around your room, you tried to locate things from your childhood that would bring fond memories to the forefront of your brain. Searching for little bits to prompt your brain to sift through the logs of your long-term memory. Your eyes settled upon a small stuffed bunny, it’s pink fur faded to a grey-ish colour. The plushness gone and replaced with matted hardness. You felt sad looking at it, remembering it as your favourite toy, but seeing it as a discarded affection.

Next.

You looked at the pictures that framed your mirror on your dresser, bent corners and sepia splotches creeping along the edges from how old they were, from being cast in the sunlight for years and years. Pictures of you with your parents, doing mundane child-things: riding a bike, playing with chalk, painting, eating food. All of which you remember so fondly. Yet you couldn’t help but feel a lurking gloom emanate into your brain, fuelled from the feeling of distant unreachable reminiscence.

Ugh. Next.

Frantically looking around your room, you realized that there wasn’t anything else. At least not that you could physically see with your eyes. Your heart sank a bit further. Your eyes heavy with exhaustion, both from sleepiness and from the over-exertion of your thoughts.

You walked into your ensuite bathroom and splashed cold water in your face, inhaling sharply as the ice took to your soul. You brushed you teeth and put your hair in a loose braid. You already had your pj’s on, so you crawled into bed. Turning your heated mattress pad on, you spooned your over-sized body pillow, clutching your body to it like it was another person. Like it was _him_.

A single tear left your eye and fell onto the body pillow. You’d only allow yourself one tear tonight, so you fought back against your glands and swallowed your tears before they could escape. Over the past week, you’d gotten quite good and slaying your emotions, suppressing their expressions before they could make your inner turmoil known. Yes, your parents knew something was wrong, but for the time being you could blame in on the events from a couple weeks ago.

You sighed, long and hard. Over-exaggerated for sure. It was becoming a new routine since you’ve been home, actually even before then; since you found out what had happened to your dad. Your new routine consisted of you lying in bed, not going to sleep, and doing a roll-call of the events in your life that have catastrophically drop-kicked your soul into the ground. 

Beginning with your fight with Kylo, resulting in you walking out on him.

Since then, you’ve fought with yourself about whether or not it was the right thing. You sure as hell didn’t feel any better without him, nor did you feel pleased and at peace with your decision. You could have made it work, just waited patiently until you graduated like the good girl Kylo always said you were. You clenched. But _nooooo_ , you had to go and be a dumb bitch, leaving the only good thing to ever happen to you just because he wouldn’t be your boyfriend.

Replaying it over in your mind every night made you cower, realizing that you were, in fact, a psychopath who 100% doesn’t deserve him anymore. There was no way in hell that you were going to be the first one to reach out, and since he hadn’t tried contacting you, you figured it was really over. You wondered how he felt after you walked out of his office. Sad? Angry? Confused? Relieved even? You went over scenario after scenario but nothing came from it. You went to class fine, paid attention and took decent notes. Ignored Finn and Kylo simultaneously. When Kylo walked around the classroom, he never went near your spot. He never looked at you, called on you, said your name, or anything.

You kept telling yourself you were fine with that, and perhaps at the time you were. But thinking about it now, you had the eureka! moment where you realized you are no longer _fine_ with that. Hell, you weren’t _fine_ with anything anymore. Whatever. You’d gotten through the rest of the semester without too much trouble. You went to class, worked, ate, and slept. And that was all you needed. It wasn’t until the last week before you came home when not only everything at your uni life went to shit, but also everything at your home life went to shit.

You were studying quietly with Leia in the living room, you only had one exam left: psych. _It’s going to be easy enough_ , you remember thinking to yourself as you saw your mum calling you. You hit the ‘answer’ button and your world ended. You shot to your feet at your mothers words and started running into your room, telling her that you were coming home. She, of course, stopped you and told you that you wouldn’t be able to do anything to help them there, but that you needed to stay there and finish the semester. That that would help your parents’ minds stay at ease. Well, as much ease as they could obtain considering.

More tears welled up, but you bit them back and stifled your sob. You’d never had anyone close to you be so injured. Leia once broke her wrist and had that neat hard cast you could sign, but that’s it. Nothing this serious. And this was serious. Serious enough that your dad had to cancel his trip, _and_ you and your mum had to cancel yours. He was devastated, for both himself and you girls. You honestly couldn’t care less about your trip, but you felt a great deal of empathy for your dad. He’d been so excited about this trip, he hadn’t been on one since his graduate days at uni.

All his hard work, planning with his friends, saving and budgeting, all to be ripped from his pure heart in a second. A foolish second. You felt anger bubbling in you then. Anger at your dad who just couldn’t stay out of retirement, that he had to get a mundane day-job to stay busy. Anger at the dipshit company he chose to work for. Anger at the twat of a teenage employee that shouldn’t have been operating that forklift. The little fucker should have been fired, but _noooo_ , the big fucker of the company just let it slide.

 _‘An accident’_ they said. You couldn’t believe that they couldn't see how this was as far from an accident as it could get, but your dad didn’t want any lawyers involved so he didn’t sue. Plus he’s the softest human being on earth, and he couldn’t ruin the twats life. You admired your dad for his forgiving behaviour, something that you could have used when talking to Kylo last month.

 _‘Excessive nerve damage’_ they said, _‘ruptured and teared ligaments and muscles throughout the entire leg’_ they told us, _‘six weeks of no (to limited )movements, then another four weeks of physiotherapy, then maybe another year of rebuilding strength and muscle’_ they explained. All because some fucking 15-year-old kid, a fucking cashier who had no business or authorization, decided to take a joyride on the forklift and ram one of the prongs right into your dads left leg.

Your dad was in a straight-cast. A boot the full fucking length of his tall leg. Two weeks had gone by since the _‘accident’_ and he was already going stir-crazy. You weren’t sure how he’d last four more with almost no mobility. You were dreading going back to uni in January, leaving your mum to do everything again. She assured you that she’d be fine, that she’d call her friends if they needed help. You thought that this would be a good time to have other family, but both your parents are only-children, your grandparents on both sides already gone. And you. You’re an only child too. No cool cousins to grow up with.

You felt your mind start to slow, your breathing becoming slow and long and deep. You were falling asleep. Finally. You welcomed it like the night welcomes the moon, with open arms and curtains of darkness. You allowed your inner rant to cease for this evening, satisfied with your self-pity session. Tomorrow would be another day, so different than what you were used to. But maybe that was a good thing. You needed some excitement to stir up your idle soul. Just before you completely lost yourself to unconsciousness, you made a mental note to welcome whatever happens tomorrow with eagerness and excitement, no matter what.

_No matter what._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS! Next chapter should be up tomorrow I hope. It's Canada Day so it probably won't be up until later in the evening! Love you guys xoxo


	35. Destiny

You woke up around 9:17am, groggy and rolling in your bed you stretched your sleepy muscles. As your body woke up, catching up with your mind, you stared up at the ceiling. Christmas Eve. Today was supposed to be the beginning of your family’s holiday shenanigans, but you knew it wouldn’t pan out like that. You reminded yourself of your borderline subconscious decision that you made last night to embrace whatever occurs today, let destiny take the reigns. Taking a deep breath, you sprung from bed heading into the bathroom.

You hopped into the shower, turning it on you let the cold stream shock you awake and tingle your senses. Turning the water warm you took a good long shower, shaving and exfoliating. Self-care was your first step in making today a good day. Taking the time to make yourself feel good never failed in making you feel better. And over the last month, you hadn’t shaved _anything_ once. It was winter and you had no reason to. So you didn’t.

Your parents didn’t care, and you didn’t either, but there was something about feeling silky smooth that boosted your confidence. Your skin glowing, free of the hair and dead skin cells. Like shedding your old worn out skin, making room for the new layer. Today, you were a shedding snake, leaving your old skin –– and hopefully the memories along with it –– as you embraced your new skin, welcoming the new memories that were going to be made starting today.

You left a deep-conditioning hair mask in your hair while you shaved, letting it moisturize your dead ends. You always washed your face last so you could let the steam open up your pores. You used a soft microfibre towel to gently scrub and exfoliate your face as you washed it, letting the fresh scent of your face wash wake you even further. After rinsing everything thoroughly, you felt incredibly refreshed, your mind stimulated.

You looked in the mirror, squinting to see your reflection you rubbed the mirror of the condensation from the steam. Squeaks filled the room and your fingers cooled from touching the cold mirror. You tied your hair up in a head towel and finished your face routine. You moisturized your body with a peppermint scented lotion, hoping it would help you get into the Christmas spirit. It sort of worked, and your nose tingled as the beads of peppermint wafted up into your face.

You went back into your bedroom and sat at your tiny vanity. You inspected your face in your mirror and saw that your eyebrows were unruly and unkept. Grabbing some tweezers and cosmetic scissors you tended to them. Plucking and trimming until they were perfect, by your standards anyways. You filled them in and started decided to put some makeup on, you weren’t sure if you were going to take pictures later or not. You went for a simple winged eyeliner with a bright champagne highlight in your inner corners and brow bone. You took time in coating your lashes with mascara, making sure they were separated evenly and not clumpy.

You sat back and swivelled your head from side-to-side, deciding to add some colour to your otherwise pale face. You took your bronzer and swept a big fluffy brush through the hollows of your cheeks, you always admired your cheekbones and how high-set they were. Then you swept some over your temples and down the sides of your jaw, basically making ‘3’ on your face. You grabbed a smaller longer brush and dipped into the bronze powder, dusting it over your nose. Buffing it all together with a clean brush you topped off your face with some highlighter, the same champagne one you used on your eyes.

You decided to put contacts in today, so you did that before putting eyeliner on your waterline. You took the hair towel out and combed through your almost-dry hair. Putting it in a loose braid at the nape of your neck you got dressed. For the time being you just put on some leggings and a Star Wars t-shirt, hiking some colourful socks over your ankles. You took a deep breath and looked at the clock: 10:48am. You had better gone to start helping your mum make brunch.

Exiting your bedroom you smelled fresh coffee and the scent of bacon hit your nostrils. You inhaled deeply and followed the delicious smells. You poked your head into the living room, your dad was sat in his chair with his leg elevated. “Good morning dad!” You smiled at him and waved. He looked up from the newspaper he was reading and smiled big. “Morning honey! How was your sleep?”

You walked over and kissed him on the cheek, “It was good dad, how was your sleep? You comfy enough?” You gestured to his leg. He shrugged, “Yeah baby don’t worry about me.” He nodded and kissed your hand as he held it in his. “I know dad but-“

“Honey! Is that you?” Your mum called from the kitchen. You looked back at your dad and he jerked his chin towards the kitchen, “Go help your mother hon, I’m good here.” You smiled and nodded, squeezing his hand tightly before letting go and walking to the kitchen.

“Morning honey! Here I made you some coffee,” she pushed a mug towards you. “Can you start making the waffle mix please dear?” You smiled in thanks and grabbed the mug as you went into the pantry. “Morning, thanks mum.” You looked around until you found the box of mix. You were not talented enough to make homemade waffles, not like Kylo was… You shook your head and sipped your coffee. Kylo was really good at making coffee… You grunted, pissed at yourself for always finding a way to think about him. Everything reminded you of him, _everything_.

Maybe you’d text or call him tomorrow… It was Christmas after all, and you weren’t sure what he’d be doing. You assumed he’d be alone, cause there was no way he’d be with Rian and JJ. You stopped talking to him before you found out when his trip was, so maybe he’d be gone and off somewhere cool doing something even cooler. He had probably forgotten all about you, carrying on with his life without giving you a second thought. Your existential dread started up again as you kept on reminding yourself that you were a complete psychopath last month. You really freaked out and you weren’t thinking.

Your mum’s voice stopped your pity-party before it started, “Would you like to put some cinnamon in the waffles hon?” She was holding out the spice bottle, shaking it slightly. “Oh, uh yeah sure that sounds good.” You took it from her and shook a bit of it into the mixture. The scent hit your senses immediately and you inhaled deeply. You mixed the batter some more and figured it was as good as it was going to get. Before you harnessed your full attention to cooking brunch, you made a mental note that you were going to try and call Kylo tomorrow, if anything just to wish him a Merry Christmas.

You finished helping your mum prepare the rest of the food, waiting to start really cooking it until everyone got here. People started arriving just after 11:00 like your dad said. The first two people you vaguely recognized as your dads old work friends, people he’s known since his time at uni. The third person you completely recognized, Professor Calrissian.

“Hey kid! How’s your break so far? Keeping your old man good company?” Professor Calrissian teased, patting your back as he walked in. “Professor Calrissian! Hi! Yeah, it’s uh good. Dad’s still himself which is good.” You tried to smile genuinely. “Call me Lando kid!” He walked into the living room, “Well, well, well, how’s the leg William?” You heard laughter as you went back into the kitchen.

Your home slowly bustled to life, filling with lots of chatter and laughter. Over-lapping voices and never-empty coffee cups. You started cooking the waffles and the rest of the food with your mum around 11:15ish when the doorbell rang again. You thought everyone was already here, but you heard your dad shout for you to get the door.

Your mum nodded to you to leave the waffles and you made for the door. Passing through the living room your dad nodded to you as well, in thanks. His friends payed little attention to you, but you didn’t mind. They’d just ask you about school and you didn’t want to talk about that.

You didn’t bother looking through the peep-hole on the door and you unlocked it. You swung it open half-assed, not really looking at who it was you looked behind you into the living room, motioning to your dad. You turned now to see who it was and your heart dropped out of your ass. Falling onto the floor beneath your legs. Your legs pressed together and you gasped, completely stuck in place by the organs you were sure surrounding your feet.

Staring back at you, just as dumbfounded, was _Kylo fucking Ren_.

–– ****Kylo’s POV****

Over the last month, Kylo worked hard not to reverse all the personal growth he’d achieved whilst with her. It was hard though, controlling his temper. Losing her made everything worse. As always, his demons reared their heads at the slightest inconvenience, so when she stormed out of his office it took everything he had and more not to destroy his office. 

It took him by surprise, although he knew something was wrong, he didn’t realize it was _that_. He knew things were going to get harder, and that he needed to figure out how things were going to work. But he figured he’d just push it to the back burner and work on it when it when it was absolutely necessary.

He knew she wanted to make a plan and figure out everything back in November, but he couldn’t bring himself to actually discuss it. Because if he did then everything would become even more real than it was. He’d have to actually think about the future, about his career and how he’d manage that after the two of you went public.

He went about the remainder of the semester trying not to make it obvious that he was hurting. He didn’t want to admit it to himself, let alone to anyone else. So he buried it and maintained his professionalism. He treated her like any other student in his class, and because she never made an effort to participate in class he never called on her. He stopped buying coffee at Starbucks and went about his daily routine as he did before. Just without her in it.

It was extremely difficult. For the past three years he had deliberately made time in his day to see her. He started buying Starbucks’ shitty coffee just to see her. Those few minutes at 7:00am he cherished them and started craving them. He grew attached and comfortable with the small interactions he had with her. And the more he went to see her, the more he noticed about her. The way her expression lit up when she saw him, her eyes going all doe-like with surprise and attraction. Her body language changed completely.

At the beginning she was rigid and stiff. But, after the first year she seemed more open, her arms relaxed and she let them fall to the sides of her body. The second year she became comfortable around him, she was tranquil, her bubbly personality shining through. He was becoming attached to someone he’d never properly met. The third year she had totally blossomed around him, and he noticed that her body reacted to him in a much different way than before. This year, the fourth year he’s known of her, she had changed yet again. She’d moved backwards and was awkward and distant again. She’d closed up, shut him out from herself.

He knew then that it was because she was attracted to him in an intimate way. She was no longer crushing on him, but rather she was thinking of him as more than just a professor. His demons shot warnings at him daily, alarms going off in his head whenever he saw her. The sirens eye always watching him from her apron.

And then everything went right… and then they went wrong. Kylo wondered over and over again how things could have been different. He knew that having a relationship with a student would not be easy, it would be nearly impossible for anyone else. But with her, it was just so easy. She made everything worth it. If only she’d just waited.

Or if only he’d just waited. One more year, then when she graduated he could have swept her off her feet and properly courted her. But he was impatient and greedy. She inserted herself into his life before even making true contact with him. Then he let her in, he allowed her to implant herself into his soul, attaching to him with claws so deep there was no way they’d ever leave. But then she did.

He cursed himself for being so gluttonous for her. Of course he knew who she was, so he could have waited for her, until she graduated. He knew she would have fallen for him anyways, regardless of when they met. But _he_ couldn’t wait. And now she couldn’t. It was fair, he supposed, but he was still trying to figure out just exactly how everything went to shit.

_I don’t deserve her. I am a monster and she an angel. I ruined her life, while simultaneously ruining mine. I don’t deserve her._

Kylo tried to stop thinking about her for the past month, but it failed miserably. Everything reminded him of her, _everything_.

As he drove throughout the country side, he looked to the cows in the fields along the road. He smiled, remembering how she would always exclaim “ _cows!”_ whenever she saw them. She got so happy and giddy. The morning sun penetrated his car windows and the warmth reminded him of the heat she radiated, the warmth she gave to him. Even though she was always cold, her heart was far from that. 

He tried to clear his head, glancing down every couple of minutes to check the GPS on his phone. Arriving in the destination town, he reached the house fairly quickly. He parked in front of the driveway, as there were already vehicles taking up the space. Two small cars on the driveway and an SUV was parked in front of the lawn.

He put his car in park, and grabbed his duffle bag from the back seat. He took a deep breath. He always spent Christmas alone. He had no family. Well, no family he cared to see. He was upset that his trip got cancelled, mostly because he hates disorganization and last-minute cancellations. But under the circumstances, he was more than willing to accommodate his strict personality and leave his comfort zone for this. The purpose of the trip was far too important to abandon completely.

Looking up at the house he inhaled. Breathing in the clean air, faintly smelling coffee, hearing muffled and distant laughter. The house was quaint, it looked small from the outside, but he knew it had to be big on the inside because of how many people Dr. Johnston would be hosting. He hasn’t met him yet, but from their conversations on the phone and from what Lando has said he seems like a nice man. Welcoming and full of love for history.

He leisurely walked up the front porch, examining his surroundings as he did so, and lazily knocked on the door. He heard lots of noise come from inside the house and waited a few seconds but no one came so he rang the doorbell. He heard the noise settle slightly, along with a muffled _“can you get that honey?”_ and he shifted on his feet. He heard footsteps approach the door and he straightened his posture, turning to face the door completely.

The door swung open, and inside it a small woman stood, her head turned inside. She was wearing black leggings with loud socks covering her small feet. A black graphic t-shirt hugged her torso and her hair fell in a braid behind her head. Kylo didn’t need to see her face to know who it was. He stood, frozen, aghast. He couldn’t believe this was happening.

Holding his breath he watched as she turned around, her eyes widening like they used to at school. Her breath hitched and her chest froze as she inhaled sharply. Her legs pressed together and her mouth fell open. Sweetheart stood there in the door frame, her tiny, _perfect_ , body trembling as she tried to accept the fact that Kylo was really there. They looked at each other for what seemed like hours. Disbelief and curiosity flooding their minds.

Was this a sick joke? Maybe he had the wrong house. Was this what his grandfather was talking about? Were his demons messing with him again? What the actual fuck was going on here?

Kylo thought. _No, all of that is wrong_. This can only be one thing. One thing manifested from the unbreakable bond that the two shared. They were a force, two that became one.

Fate. Serendipity. _Destiny_.

‘ _Destiny is mysterious and can be seductive.’_

Anakin’s words flooded Kylo’s mind as he looked upon the very one that was going to save himself. As he gazed into the eyes of the woman that completed him. That shared his soul. She was the missing piece. He let out the breath that he was holding as he realized, right then and there, that Sweetheart was his redemption. She, the one whom he was destined to find. She, the one to help him find his way back to who he once was.

What redemption?

_Her_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOOHHHH BENDEMPTION! Ily guys so much, thank you for all the support on this story! 
> 
> P.S. I made a tiktok about this already, BUUTT I am extremely happy to announce that I am co-writing "His Possession" with x_DriversWife_x here on AO3! (also on Wattpad). We are so SO excited to give you guys an amazing story! It's already started, but we're working on getting the next chapter out soon! Updates to come regarding scheduling and whatnot. 
> 
> P.S.S. I am so grateful for the response on this fic, on Sirens Eye. It has been so amazing! I am so appreciative of the support and even though I don't respond to all comments, I read all of them! Sirens Eye still has quite of bit to go, but I do have the ending in sight! It's been a wild ride, and there are still some loops and twists to go! So thank you all for your patience and support. Stay safe guys xoxo


	36. Who is Ben?

You stood in the doorway for much too long. Your mouth dry from being open for so many minutes in a row. Your eyes strained from not blinking. You felt the familiar twinge in your lower stomach as your eyes raced over Kylo’s body. He stood just outside the doorway, his chest rising and falling quickly. His eyes roamed your body too, taking in your appearance. You hadn’t seen this man in over two weeks, haven’t spoken to him in almost a month and a half. You had no idea what to do or say.

Your dad called from the living room, “Who’s there honey?” You couldn’t speak, your words cowering in your throat. You heard shuffling behind you and Lando extended his arm past yours and with a big smile on his face he grabbed Kylo’s hand, shaking it and pulling him inside while doing so. “Hey kid! Come on in!”

Kylo stumbled passed you and you fumbled to the side to avoid touching him. You were in shock for sure, you couldn’t breath and you felt dizzy. You heard a commotion behind you and you saw your dad getting up, his friends helping him to his feet. Your head was spinning, your world turned upside down. What was Kylo doing here? And why was everyone getting up to welcome him?!

Your mum came to your side, holding a towel and drying a mug. Her hand found your arm and she looked at you, smiling. Why was everyone so happy? What was going on? You were so confused and you felt like you were in a dream. Maybe you were. You tried blinking and shaking your head, squeezing your eyes shut you took a deep breath. When you opened them, Kylo was still there, standing in your front hall. Your dad had waddled his way over to him now and was patting him on the back. Kylo was smiling, like actually smiling at _your_ dad. What the actual fuck?

Your ears were ringing, your vision was starting to go blurry. You heard your dad speak then, but it sounded muffled and far away, “Benjamin! It’s nice to finally meet you my boy!”

_Benjamin?! Who the actual hell?_

You didn’t hear what Kylo said back to your dad because your ears stopped working. You couldn’t feel your mum’s hand on your arm anymore and your eyes blacked out.

You felt your soul rise from your body and you were suddenly back at uni. You were at work the first day of the semester, and you could see yourself talking with Pax. He was teasing you about Kylo, and then all of a sudden he stepped into the picture. You watched yourself stutter like an idiot in front of him. Cringing you looked at Kylo and you noticed something you didn’t fully register the first time around.

He was looking at you the way he did the day he told you he _wanted_ you. You hadn’t realized what that look meant until now. Even though you’d seen it a thousand times by now, you didn’t comprehend that he had given you _that look_ back on that first day. Now you were looking at him, looking at you with the same eyes, filled with the desire and adoration that he did so many times before.

Your mind clung to the memory, it replaying in your mind as you heard gentle whispers and concerned mumbles.

“Honey? Honey, open your eyes.” _Your mum._

“Hold on, I think she’s coming to now.” _Lando, I think._

“Evie, grab some ice!” _Your dad._

“Sweetheart, I’m here.” _Kylo._

You squinted your eyes, trying to focus on all the people hovering above you. Your mother was running back from the kitchen, holding ice in a towel you assumed. Your dad was on the ground beside you to your right, his crutch thrown to the side. His friends were standing behind him, and Lando was bending down at your feet. You wondered how you could see them all, considering you were on the ground. You realized then that Kylo was holding you in his lap and he was supporting your head on his knees. He was stroking your face with his free hand, brushing the hair that fell in front of it when you fell. You looked up at him, tears streaming down your face.

You sat up quickly, embarrassed that you’d just fainted in front of everyone and that you woke up crying. “Woah honey, take it slow.” Your dad grabbed your forearm and held it strong as you wobbled a little bit. You mother crouched on your left side and held your back while she pressed the towel to the back of your head.

“Oh hon are you alright? You fell pretty hard then.” She was breathing hard, her eyes were full of concern and worry. Kylo was still close behind you, you swivelled to look at him. His eyes were pained, his eye twitched as his hands fell into his lap. He held them together, clenching them together as he refrained from touching you again.

You looked at your parents, “Uh yeah I’m okay. Must’ve been because I haven’t eaten anything today.” That was a half-lie, you really hadn’t eaten anything yet, but you fainted because Kylo Ren was in your fucking home and you still had no idea why.

Your dad nodded to Lando who grabbed his clutch for him and standing now Lando walked over to your dad, “Help this old man up guys!” Your dad rolled his eyes, but let his friends hoist him up to his feet. Your mum was still sat beside you, rubbing circles into your back as you held the towel to the back of your head.

You were still in a state of shock, you didn’t really know what to say or do now. So you opted to just sit there and pretend you were still dizzy. In all actuality you just didn’t want to see Kylo, so you kept your back turned to him. Your dad was on his feet now and he looked down at you, “Are you sure you’re alright sweetie?”

You looked up at him and smiled, “Yeah dad, I’m okay. You guys go and do your work, mum and I will finish brunch in a few minutes.” He looked at you in silence, his brows raising. “Dad I promise I’m okay, just please go and… socialize with your guests.” You couldn’t believe you were basically telling him to let Kylo into the house, but you needed some space.

He nodded, “Okay fellas, let’s give her some space. Benjamin, come, let me show you what we’re planning on working on!”

_Benjamin._

You heard Kylo get up from behind you and he walked over to your dad, his bag in his hand. Your mum stood up then, “Oh don’t worry about that hon! I’ll take your bag to your room.” She extended her hand and Kylo hesitated. He looked at you and you averted your gaze quickly. “Thank you very much Mrs. Johnston.”

You looked back up and he handed your mum his bag, “Oh call me Evie!” She beamed her million-dollar smile at him and he returned it. Your insides warmed at the sight of him smiling and you had to look away again. You heard shuffling as the men walked into your dads study. Once you heard the door click shut you got to your feet. Your mum grabbed your arm again to support you as you found your bearings. She looked at you again, her brows raising. “What really happened there love?”

You shrugged her off, “I told you, I just must be hungry. And there’s a lot of people in the house, it’s really hot in here.” You tried to sound convincing, but it was no use with your mum. She saw right through you and you knew it. But she also knew that you’d talk to her about it when you were ready, so she didn’t push it.

She smiled softly at you, “Alright hon, well let’s get this food out for the boys and I’ll turn the heating off for now.” You just nodded at her and walked back into the kitchen. You helped finish the food and set the table in a buffet style, putting out plates and cutlery. You filled some jugs with orange juice and water and set out some cups. Once everything was set up, your mum went to put Kylo’s bag in one of the guest bedrooms and then went to your dad’s study to get everyone. You took her absence as a chance to escape to your room for a few minutes to try and figure out what the hell was going on.

You practically ran to your room and you slammed your door shut. Sliding down onto the ground with your back flat against your door, you hugged your knees close to your chest. You stifled the sobs that were trying to leave your throat, letting your leggings absorb the tears that were falling from your eyes. You sat for a few minutes, calming and collecting yourself. Once you felt decent you figured you’d need to freshen yourself up before heading back outside.

You got up and walked into the bathroom. _Holy fuck_. You looked like a raccoon. Your wings were running and your mascara was clumped on your lashes now from blinking so hard. Your nose was red and your eyes were puffy. You decided to just take all your makeup off, if your family wanted pictures later they’d have to deal with your bare face. You took your makeup off and splashed your face with cold water. You heard the door open and you shouted with your face in the sink.

“Mum! I’ll be there in a second!”

No answer, she must’ve heard you and just left cause you heard the door shut again.

You wet a wash cloth and held it over your face, soaking up the water droplets that were laying on your cheeks.

“Hi.”

You nearly jumped out of your skin, whipping around to see Kylo standing in the bathroom door frame. He was leaning against the wooden frame, his arms crossed over his chest. You couldn’t help but take him in, he looked so casual. And to top it, he was in _your_ room.

You took a step back, your legs running into the tub walls, “What are you doing in here?” He opened his mouth to start talking, but you interrupted him, “Actually, better yet, what are you doing _here_?!” He was slower to answer this time, his eyes locked on yours as he searched for an answer.

His jaw tightened, "What am I doing here? What are you doing here?" You scoffed, "Uhm I fucking live here?!" He rolled his eyes, "Yes, well obviously. I mean what are you–– how are you here?" You were dumbfounded all over again, dizziness returning to the forefront of your brain. 

You crossed your arms now, "Kylo for fucks sake you tell me! How do you know my dad?" 

"We've been talking for months now, Lando introduced us. Well, over the phone and through email, we've never met until today. Lando always referred to him as 'William', you told me your dad's name was 'Billy'! And your last names aren't the same! How was I supposed to know?!" 

Your eyes went big, the total miscommunication striking you hard. "Yeah 'Billy' is short for 'William' DUH! And I took my mum's maiden name, it was what my grandparents wanted... Wait, y _ou're_ the professor from my school my dad has been talking to?? I thought it was Lando the entire time! He told me it was a professor who specializes in Greek myth! You're American history!" 

Kylo threw his hands into the air, "I told you I had two doctorates, American history is only the first one. I completed my second one in Greek mythology not too long after... I-"

"Why didn't you tell me?! Oh god Kylo this is insane!" You held onto the wash cloth with such a force that water was ringing from it. 

"Fucking hell babe I don't know!" You were both breathing hard, trying to calm down before anyone outside heard you. 

He stepped into the bathroom now, holding out his hand, “Can we sit down?” You didn’t move, not an inch. You just shrivelled your nose and threw the wash cloth into the bathtub. He took another step, “ _Please_.” Your heart started beating faster, and you already started hating yourself as you stepped towards Kylo, taking his hand.

He sat on the edge of your bed, you taking a hesitant seat next to him. He didn’t let go of your hand, and you placed it in your lap. His thumb stroked your hand and you both took deep breaths.

He looked at you, his eyes fully transparent, “Ask me whatever you want. I will answer.” You looked back at him and blinked hard, trying to find the right questions. You both sat in silence for what seemed like a long while, until you finally spoke.

“Who is Benjamin? Who is Ben?” His eyes flashed something dark as you said those names, his expression hardening slightly. He sighed, running his free hand through his hair. You waited for his answer, because you knew he’d be 100% honest with you now.

He took another deep breath and spoke only one word, “Me.” You didn’t say anything, your mind was gone. You had never heard this name before, how could it be him? You waited still. He continued, “Well, it _was_ me. I was born Benjamin Solo and I went by that name until after I completed graduate school. I changed my name just before I got my first job as a professor.”

Silence. Confusion. Anger. Curiosity.

“Why did you change your name? And why didn’t you tell me what it was?” You squeezed his hand slightly and you saw his shoulders relax a bit. “I- I left him in the past, Ben Solo is dead. I wasn’t happy with who I was, so I changed myself… I didn’t tell you because that part of me was gone, destroyed. I didn’t think you would ever find out.”

You huffed out some air, “That’s not an excuse Kylo. I- I mean Ben. Or Professor or Daddy. What should I fucking call you?!” Your voice had risen slightly and you tore your hand from his. His palm found your thigh and he squeezed it lightly.

You rolled your eyes, and turned your face away. Kylo grabbed your chin with his free hand, but he was so _so_ gentle. He slowly turned your face back to his and you saw it.

Pain. Regret. Anguish. Hatred. Self-loathing. Acceptance. More regret. All of it was there, plainly expressed on his _face_. Not in his eyes, but on his face. His face had always been so emotionless, his eyes always doing the talking. But now, his face was as clear as day. You could read him like an open-book.

“I’m not sure what you should call me Sweetheart…” He sighed, a heavy sound, weighed down with years of uncertainty. You felt for him then, and you grabbed his hand back, holding onto it tightly. You whispered, “Tell me. Let me in.”

He looked pained. As if he had to fight and dig deep to find the words and memories to tell you everything. But you needed this. And more importantly, _he_ needed this.

“I told you how Rian always pushed me to be my best self? Always encouraging me and all that bullshit? Well believe it or not, that’s how I used to be. On the inside at least. For a while. I struggled with myself for a long time, weighing the pros and cons between the light and darkness,” his breathing was coming out in short spurts now, his voice cracking with an abundance of emotion, “after a while, the light just got too complicated. So I turned, I let myself go and took the easy way out. I felt like I didn’t deserve the light and love. So I destroyed that part of myself and opened myself to the darkness and isolation I manifested. I truly believed that I destroyed the weak and foolish part of me.”

You sat there, blinking. Trying to process what you had just heard.

“I was okay with how I was. I felt _enough_. It was fine. But then I met you,” he sighed, “I told you that you were the one that was going to save me. And you did, and I was just the idiot who let you leave.” His hand had left your face, and was now clutching onto your hands on your lap. You didn’t know what to say. Thankfully, he kept going.

“I fought so hard to destroy Ben because I didn’t think I deserved what he stood for. But you showed me that I did. You showed me that the easy way isn’t always the best way. You turned me back baby. You. When I realized what you had done I freaked out, I wasn’t sure if it was true or not. But when you left my office –– when you left me –– I knew.”

You swallowed, “How did you know?”

He squeezed your hands harder, his eyes stained with tears. “Because I didn’t go after you. When Kylo Ren wants something, he gets it, no matter what. When Ben Solo wants something… well I realized that if I truly love you, then I’d have to let you go. That I’d give you your space and let you come to me when you were ready. That I’d wait a lifetime for you, I’d always find you and never give up on you.”

You were crying now, again. And so was Ben. His eyes were softer now, he looked like a puppy. Your heart yearned for him and you threw yourself onto him. Wrapping your arms tightly around his neck. His arms wrapped around your waist, his hands linking together on your lower back, pulling you in as close as humanly possible.

You were crying into his shoulder, sobs coming out of you like water, your words fleeing your mouth with no control, “Oh Ben, I love you so much.” He tightened his grip around your waist, sniffling into the crook of your shoulder. He pulled away, but not too far. Your noses were touching and he moved his face from side to side so that his nose brushed up against yours, giving you the sweetest Inuit kiss.

He looked at you, his eyes darting over your face as if he was looking at it for the first time. And he smiled. Though it was different than any smile you’d seen of his before. This one was soft, and it took up his whole face. His dimples creased even more and his eyes wrinkled in a way that you’d never seen before. His plump lips forming the most breathtaking shape. You realized that this was the first time that you have seen Ben show you his real smile.

Nothing fake, nothing acted or scripted. But his real, genuine smile. One that had covered his face so many times when he was growing up, that they made permanent lines in his face that would only be seen when he let himself feel true and legitimate joy. As himself. As Ben Solo.

“I love you too.” Ben’s words left his mouth as a breath, airy and drenched with adoration. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY! So I have to change the title lmao, BEN IS BACK!!! So it's now a Ben x Reader lol. I apologize again for how long it's taken me to update! I thank you all for your patience and continued support! I love you all so so much! Xoxo


	37. Home

You were sitting at the kitchen island with your mum while the boys were huddled around the rectangular dining table. Eating their brunch, the boys were deep in scholarly discussion. You were nibbling on some waffles and trying not to look at Ben too obviously. Just whenever he’d speak, or if your dad was talking to him.

You and Ben had decided to keep your relationship to yourselves for now. The whole point of him being here in the first place was for your dad, so you both didn’t want to jeopardize anything for him. You couldn’t help but think that you were getting yourself back into a mess that you couldn’t handle, but hearing Ben’s story, and being exposed to the _real_ him, it just made you that more committed.

You quickly texted Pax and Leia about your situation, telling them that you’d call them both later to explain everything further. For now, you were still trying to get your head wrapped around what was happening.

Kylo Ren is Ben Solo, who is in your house for the holidays working with your father. Ben loves you, and you love him. There are complications with this man and your relationship with him. One thing was unequivocally true though: you would do anything to be with him. You decided silently to yourself when you were sitting there on the kitchen, watching him with your family, that you would wait for him, forever if you’d have to.

Your dad’s voice broke your mental babble, “Evie, hon, that was brilliant!” He started getting up, and Ben stood to help him to his feet and your heart soared. Ben was so good with your dad, it made you feel butterflies in your stomach. “Here sir,” Ben grabbed the crutch and handed it to your dad, he took it smiling.

“Thanks son.” Ugh you couldn’t take it anymore, you let out a soft laugh and your mum looked over at you. You quickly turned away and got up to start rounding up the dishes scattered throughout the kitchen. Your mum followed and gathered up the remaining bowls and plates. You looked over at her and she nodded.

“I got this mum, go sit with dad for a bit. Maybe they’d like to lounge in the sun room?” You took the dishes from her hand and waved her away towards your dad.

“Thanks honey, you can leave a bit for me to do later. Love you.” She kissed your cheek and left with your dad and his friends. Then it was just you.

You turned and started rinsing the plates and cutlery, placing them into the dishwasher one-by-one. Looking out the large window in front of the sink you felt yourself feeling the happiest you had in weeks. You had him back. The real him. _Ben_. The person you’d sensed in Kylo so many times, but was unable to distinguish. The person who allowed you in and who let you love him.

You felt strong hands around your waist and you flinched. Ben’s heavy breath filled your ears you sighed deeply, your neck craning to the side. Ben lowered his face and kissed your pulse tenderly. You couldn’t stop the moan that left your mouth and you backed your ass up to meet his groin. Swirling your hips in small circles you ground your ass against his hardening cock. He moaned then, a soft sound that always made you crazy.

You heard someone coming and Ben quickly went to the side of you, grabbed a pot towel and started drying some of the dishes your mum had already done earlier. Lando came around the corner, his million-dollar smile beaming across his face.

“Well, well, well, what do we have here?” You and Ben both looked at each other not knowing what to say. Lando just started laughing, “Benjamin, you’re helping with the dishes?!” You saw Ben’s shoulders relax a bit and he let out a soft laugh. You laughed too, relieved that Lando didn’t notice you two _together_ together.

“Oh yeah, I just asked for some help,” you spoke quickly and your tone made it clear that you didn’t want to conversation to continue. Lando was still smiling, you wondered if his face ever hurt from smiling so much. He grabbed some more juice and raised it as he walked from the kitchen.

You let out a deep breath and looked at Ben. He was still drying the same pot and you burst out laughing. He cocked an eyebrow but the seriousness left his face immediately and he joined you in laughing. The two of you finished cleaning, sneaking kisses and smutty touches here and there.

Ben stood behind you as you put the last pot away and his hands were at your waist again. Squeezing and rubbing your waist and hips, he pushed and pulled your body until you were grinding against him. You lolled your head to the side again and he suckled softly on your neck. His tongue licking a long and hot line across your pulse. You let your hands fall behind your back until they found the bulge in his pants. You pawed at it and rubbed it softly, making Ben moan breathlessly into your ear.

Laughter coming from the sun room made Ben look up and you sighed. You turned around and looked up at him, his hands still on your waist, fitting perfectly in your dips. He looked at you, “I should get in there, William has been meaning to show me something.” 

You groaned, rolling your eyes, “Okay fine. But, what are we going to do?” You looked at his lips, they were flushed and pink, “about us, I mean.” He caressed your cheek, his thumb stroking your face. You leaned into his touch.

“We’ll figure it out Doll. I promise.” You smiled, you felt sure about it this time. You didn’t know why or how, but it felt different now.

Ben looked down at you, his eyes flashing and full of adoration, his face plainly expressing love. He smiled, his true smile again, the creases around his eyes and the dimples in his cheeks making your belly flutter. “I have missed you so much,” he spoke quietly, his voice flooded with the whispers that were bottled up in his soul.

He kissed you quickly, his lips leaving yours too suddenly. Then he was gone, walking away. He turned back, pointing to the left, asking if that was the right way. You nodded and let out a laugh, pointing and nodding, letting him know it was the right way. He turned and left, rounding the corner. You sighed again, your heart racing and your lower belly growling with need.

Once you made sure the kitchen was clean you made your way to the sun room. Everyone was sat around the tiny fireplace in the middle of it, the snow gently falling on the windows and ceiling. The sun room was one of your favourite rooms in the entire house. All of the walls and ceiling were fashioned from big clear windows. A perfect view from each side. The tile floor was warm, heated for the colder months with in-floor heating. The fireplace radiated a warmth that travelled throughout the whole room.

Your dad was holding a big book, everyone else had smaller versions of the same book. They were laughing and chatting about mythology historians throughout the years. You came into the room as they were talking about Heinrich Schliemann.

“The man was a quack! Ruined any chance of _real_ historians and archaeologists finding anything useful!” You laughed, your dad absolutely hated Schliemann. With the amount of shit-talking your dad has done about Schliemann, you could write a whole damn book. You sat on the floor in front of your mum and she started playing with your hair.

You relaxed and listened to the buzzing conversation. Shit-talk about Schliemann, talk about what Troy could have had to offer, Crete and the palace at Knossos. You sat there, content with your life at the moment.

Ben sat across from you, positioned in a tiny chair and you snickered. Your dad and the other older guys were all sat in nice lounge chairs, but Ben was sitting in a small fold-out chair. He looked so cramped and uncomfortable. Shifting and crossing and un-crossing his leg, trying to look like he was okay. He settled for a bit, sat straight up with one foot on top of the other and his hands sat painfully still in his lap. You almost burst out laughing at how hilarious he looked and he shot you a quick glance.

He looked down, the sun reflecting off the snow and cascading a brilliant light across his face. His curls shading some of his features from the blinding light. You sighed, he looked so beautiful. So familiar. Like _home_. 

Your breath hitched when he smirked and opened his legs wide. His causal joggers outlining his massive soft dick perfectly. You clenched and flinched, your mums hands stilling on your head. You pretended to shiver and she passed you a blanket, you wrapped it around your figure even though you were burning hot. Ben’s chest moved, in the way it did when he chuckled. You silently cursed him and focussed back on the conversation in the room.

They were still hung-up on what a twat Schliemann was, so you tuned out again and closed your eyes. Your mum resumed playing with your hair and you relaxed completely. You filtered out the conversation, only tuning in when you heard Ben’s deep voice pop in every now and again. You weren’t sure how you two were going to keep hiding your relationship from your parents. You figured you could do it on your own, but with him actually there it was going to be that much more difficult.

Tonight would be the first test. Dinner and the first night of Ben staying in your house.

––

You helped your mum make dinner; pizza and some tossed salad. It was quick and would feed the seven people in your house easily. You hadn’t seen Ben for the rest of the day after you’d all left the sun room because he was busy with your dad and the other guys. They had stayed in your dad’s study for the rest of the afternoon and they were still in there when you were making dinner.

You felt phantom kisses along your neck as you stood in front of the sink, reminiscing in the sweet moment you and Ben shared this morning.

_Ben._

You had completely banished Kylo from your mind now. Ben just made so much sense. Everything clicked. You realized that he had been showing you Ben for weeks now, and the whole time you just thought it was Kylo being sweet. You also recognized now that Kylo didn’t have the capacity to be sweet. It was Ben, it was always Ben. Peeking through and opening himself up to you. Unwillingly at first, then it became instinctive. Like he wanted to show you. Like he _needed_ to show you.

Memories reeled through your mind, the cinema of your thoughts rolling through the credits of your past:

_When he told you that he wanted you to be his, in a manner more intimate than just sex. That was Ben._

_When he opened up his home to you, allowing you into his life to you even more so over Reading Week. That was Ben._

_When he got you the beautiful necklace with a his name on it._ Your thoughts paused. It said ‘Kylo’… You’d taken it off after your fight and had put it away, forgotten about it until now. You never took it off until you left him. Now your neck felt bare, naked. _The gesture was Ben, not Kylo._

_When he told you everything you wanted to know about his family, opening up himself even more to you. That was Ben, chipping away Kylo’s façade one day at a time._

_When he told you he loved you. Ben._

_When he told you that he worshipped you. That his body was a vessel for your affection. That was Ben._

_When he took you to his family cabin, spoiling you even more than you thought you could be; the spa, the gifts, the sex. Ben._

Everything added up finally. All the little moments that you saw that glimmer of _something_ you couldn’t put your finger on, all of a sudden was crystal clear. As if it the lights of your soul were finally turned on. Ignited past the point of flames, but were now raging hot blue sparks.

You blinked away the tears forming in your eyes, refocussing on the salad you were supposed to be tossing. Thankfully your mum was too busy grabbing beer from the garage to notice your stall.

 _Everything happens for a reason._ This you knew with all of your being. Despite any trials and tribulations along the way, you knew that things were supposed to happen this way. You tried not to question it too much. Especially now that you knew the serendipitous gods were looking down on you and Ben. The cosmos had brought you together at the time they did for a reason. And now you were determined to find it out.

You were startled from your thoughts when you mum waddled in carrying a big case of beer. You went over to help her and you started putting some in the fridge to keep them cold.

“Why don’t you go and get the boys? I’ll cut the pizzas and set the table,” your mum gestured to your dad’s study and went to grab some plates from the cupboard.

You nodded, “okay mum.”

You walked slowly to your dad’s study, the sound of voices and laughter growing gradually louder as you tip-toed closer to the cracked door. The smell of stale and cold coffee flooded your nostrils, along with a mixture of different colognes. You immediately distinguished Ben’s cologne and your body responded in a heartbeat. You clenched and shook your head violently to shake the dirty thoughts that were creeping into your mind.

You pushed the door open quietly and the men were sprawled throughout the small study. Body heat and buzzing testosterone smacked into you and you cleared your throat. Ben was the first to look up, his eyes quickly darting up and down your body. Your dad followed, smiling and closing a book abruptly.

You swallowed, “uh, dinner’s ready. It’s just pizza, salad and beers.” You motioned behind you.

Ben got up first, going to get your dad’s crutch he assisted him to his feet. Your heart warmed at how affectionate he was being towards your family. It made you hopeful that your parents would accept your relationship with him. When you told them of course.

“Hi honey. Sounds good! Let’s go fellas!” The other men slowly got up, cracking and stretching their limbs as they stood.

You quickly made your exit and returned to the kitchen to help your mum put the rest of the plates out. With this many people, buffet style was the easiest way to feed everyone at the same time. You took your usual spot at the table, to the right of the head, which is where your dad sat. Your mother sits to the left of the head and the rest of the table is usually unoccupied. Tonight though it was going to be full of a bunch of history buffs. Ben included.

Your mum took your dad off Ben’s hands when they got into the kitchen and sat him down at his spot. She grabbed him a beer and sat down beside him, holding his hand dearly. You sat down too, grabbing your dads other hand. Lando sat at the opposite head of the table, the other two men sitting on either side of Lando. That left one spot. One spot right beside you. And only one person left. Ben.

He came from the kitchen, holding two glasses of rosé wine. He slid into the chair next to you and put the glass of wine in front of you. Your mum noticed but she just smiled at Ben. You smiled at him too, whispering thanks before taking a lengthy sip. You shivered as the bubbly wine spritzer sank into your belly. Your tongue firing off little pops of deliciousness. He had made it the way he did over Reading Week. After you had fought with him about him calling you his ‘friend’. Your stomach warmed from the alcohol, and from something else too.

“Alright! Friends,” your dad looked to the guys, raising his bottle of beer, “family,” he gestured to your mum and then to you, “this is an extremely odd situation we have found ourselves in this year. But I want to thank each and every one of your for being so flexible and understanding. I am so grateful to have such amazing people in my old-man life,” he laughed and everyone let out quiet chuckles, “so, cheers everyone! Dig in!” Everyone raised their glasses, clinking them to whoever was closest and then started picking and choosing the food from in front of them.

After everyone had cheers’d, Ben still held his glass up, motioning towards you. You smiled and clinked his wine glass with yours, the twinkling sound ringing in your ears. He mouthed “To us,” and took a quick swig. Your heart melted, and you quickly turned around seeing that your mum was staring at the two of you. You swiftly turned back to Ben, who was still looking at you. You mouthed back “To us,” and took another lengthy sip.

Your heart fluttering like a butterfly, you turned back to your mum who was smiling warmly at you. _She knows_ , you thought. But then why wasn’t she saying or doing anything? Your worried thought was cut off by Ben handing you the salad bowl. You took it with a smile and piled on your portion.

The dinner conversation consisted of the weather, the holidays, plans for tomorrow, and of course Greek mythology. You sat quietly for the most part, eating your food and listening to your dad gush about whatever his heart desired. He looked so genuinely happy, and that’s all you wanted for him after he was in the accident.

Everyone was talking about the plan for tomorrow when Ben’s hand found your pussy. At the fucking dinner table. With your parents. You almost choked on a piece of cucumber and started coughing violently. Trying to suck back air your dad handed you a glass of water and you chugged it.

“Geez, you okay honey?” He was looking at you closely, his eyes starting to wander your upper body to check for any damage. Quickly you answered, “Yeah dad, wrong tube is all haha,” your voice croaked, and that seemed to be enough proof for him so your dad just said “okay” and returned to his conversation with your guests.

You nodded at your mum too when you saw her looking at you and she nodded back. You gulped some more water down and took a deep breath. Ben was gently petting your cunt through your leggings. Slow, concise motions. Not obvious at all.

You abruptly got up from your chair, pushing off the table. Everyone stopped and looked at you. You fake coughed, “Uh… would you excuse me please?” You kept fake-coughing as you bolted for your room. You hoped no one would follow you, that they just thought you were having a coughing fit. Which you kinda were, your esophagus still burned from almost swallowing a chunk of cucumber whole.

You got into your room and shut the door, plopping face first onto your bed. Gods you couldn’t be doing this now. You went into the bathroom and inspected your face. Red and a bit puffy still. Great. You’d blame that on choking.

You reluctantly dipped your fingers into your leggings, brushing easily past the hem of your thong you slipped in between your folds. As expected, your fingers tensed at the feeling of your slickness coating them. Your head fell back, half in annoyance and half in pleasure.

 _Just a quick one_ , you thought as you slid off your leggings taking your thong along with them. You quickly padded over you your bag and grabbed your vibrator and dildo. Holding both in your hands you weighed them both in your mind. You wanted to be quick so you decided on the vibrator.

You laid back down and closed your eyes, running the toy along your folds to coat it in your wetness. You turned the toy on full max and held it firmly to your clit. You yelped and your body jerked at the sensation, your whole body buzzing to life. Ben had already brought you halfway to your orgasm, just by touching you, and you had been thinking about fucking him all afternoon so you were dangerously close in a couple minutes.

Your mind wandered, images and audios pouring into the forefront of your mind.

Big, strong hands holding you down as a perfect pink mouth devoured your cunt. Hot breaths on your inner things and a slender nose brushing your clit with each lap of his tongue. Sweet nothings being whispered in between electric licks, in between breathy exhales. Your body writhing underneath the immense power being held over you. Dark amber eyes finding yours through all of the foggy lust, locking onto your sight and etching their brand into your soul. Raven black curls ticking your skin as they cascade over the face of the man between your legs. Your eyes focus on who it is, he looks familiar.

 _Kylo_.

You blink, your hand twitching as you hold the vibrator to your clit, your free hand fingering yourself furiously. Back into your head, you shake and the image changes. Soft wanton moans leave your throat and set the next motion picture in your mind. The reel changes and you see him.

 _Ben_.

Situated between your legs still, but instead of his face at your cunt, it’s his dick. Ben’s hands hold your waist, his thumbs almost meeting at your belly button. Without warning he pushes in, your body reacts to the phantom feeling and you finger yourself faster, in time with the memory in your head. Trying to keep quiet your abdomen tenses up, your eyes squeeze shut and you bite your bottom lip. It’s no use, because the memories keep playing in your head.

Ben fucking you hard and fast, relentless, but filled with so much passion. Lust yes, but so much passion. You speak, whether in the memory or in reality you’re unsure, “ _Please_ , I’m going to cum.” Your fingers work faster as the memory in your head speeds up. The vibrator ascending you to your high the memory speaks, and you hear the words clearly, “Cum. Cum for me baby.”

Your body jerks up, your back arching towards the ceiling as you cum hard on your fingers and toy. You can feel yourself clenching around your small digits, the liquid pouring out of your pussy as you draw out your orgasm. Sighing and coming down from your high, you take your fingers out of your centre and turn off the sleek toy. Opening your eyes you focus on the ceiling above you.

Hot and heavy breaths singe your burning throat as you catch and calm yourself. Your head lolls to the side and your eyes practically bulge from your head.

Ben was standing inside your closed door, his shoulders hunched slightly, fists clenched at his sides, his chest rising and falling quickly and violently, his dick painfully erect in his pants. You yelp and sit up quickly, closing your legs and trying to hide the toy.

“Ben, I––“

“ _Filthy fucking slut_ ,” his words sliced through yours in an instant.

You couldn’t speak, you just stared at him with your mouth open. Your body reignited with warmth as his voice seeped deep into your pores.

He started walking towards you, “I told your mother that I’d come check on you, to make sure you were okay after your little _choking_ fit.” He said the word ‘choking’ as he pawed at his erection, you clenched.

“But when I knock and there is no answer, what do I hear?” He was standing at the foot of your bed, looking down at you with a darkness cast over his eyes.

“I hear that whore mouth of yours, moaning for me to let that cunt cum.” He licked his lips and you let out a soft moan, your head falling back the slightest bit, your mouth opening wider. Instinctively you opened your legs, slowly prying them apart, letting your arousal drip onto the sheets.

“So I opened the door just to see you sprawled out, finger-fucking that pussy, moaning for me, while your family is out there having dinner.”

You looked at him then, feeling slightly embarrassed, “You saw the whole thing?” You asked quietly.

He scoffed, as if it had been obvious, “Of course I did Sweetheart, then you asked me to let you cum. I answered and you fucking lost it. If you think you were quiet, you most certainly were not my love.”

_For fucks sake._

“Fuck, Ben…” You were completely embarrassed now. Ben had walked in on you rubbing one out to him, while he was in _your_ kitchen having dinner with _your_ parents. And now he was calling you out on it. But something was telling you to just go with it.

He started undoing his casual button-up, one by one exposing the perfect porcelain chest you’d only had the pleasure of dreaming about for the past few weeks. You sighed, opening your legs wider, giving him a full view now.

His jaw tensed and he grunted, his eye twitching slightly as he took in your pussy.

“Strip. On your hands and knees. Now,” Ben demanded as he finished un-buttoning his shirt. You didn’t hesitate, flying off your bed to rip off your shirt and bra, jumping back onto the bed on all fours.

The weight distribution of the bed faltered when Ben got on behind you, his hand finding the curve of your ass. You flinched, melting underneath the touch that you had been barren of for so long. “Tsk tsk, you’re still so desperate for me. Aren’t you baby?” He stroked your ass, dipping briefly between your thighs to brush against your folds.

You nodded, moaning in agreement.

“Do you know how I have missed this perfect cunt of yours?” He slapped your ass playfully, but with enough force that it made you yelp.

You missed this. You missed him. And now, you were going to have him. But not without having a little fun first.

“No, I don’t Ben. Why don’t you show me?” You wiggled your ass, bending down so that your cheeks were hoisted high in the air, your back arched and your face shoved into the duvet now.

A deep, low chuckle came from behind you, followed by another slap. Then suddenly Ben licked a long, slow line up the length of your slit, swirling the tip of his tongue around your still-sensitive clit a few times before situating his cock at your entrance.

“I thought you’d never ask. Be a good girl now and stay quiet. Wouldn’t want your guests hearing me destroy you.” You held your breath, attempting to brace yourself for Ben’s size. You had been without it for so long you weren’t sure you’d be able to handle it all at once right away. Despite your worries, Ben pushed into you, fully filling you up with the first thrust. You yelped, but quickly buried your face in the covers to mute any more wanton noises that crept out of your throat.

Ben set a fast pace right from the start, not wasting any missed time. Your body responded to him, opening up and letting him take you.

A realization hit you, this: being with ben, being pounded by him, being connected to him on such a deep level. It felt like _home_. And you were happy to welcome it back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BEN BEN BEN YEESSSS. I love him so much. Once again, I'm sorry for the long wait for this update. I appreciate your patience more than you know! Hope you all enjoyed this chapter xoxo


	38. I Know

You and Ben had finished up your fuck-session quickly and returned to the dinner table. Everyone was still buzzing with dinner conversation, dousing themselves with alcohol. You were glad that no one really paid much attention to you and Ben as you sat back down. Your mum only gave you a slight nod when you sat back down and started picking at your food.

Dinner finished up and you helped your mum clear the plates. A quick refill of the beers all around and your dad took your guests back into his study for the rest of the evening.

This was definitely the weirdest Christmas Eve you have ever experienced, but for some reason you didn't feel out of place. Everything felt _right_.

Your guests would be staying the night and then they'd be setting off in the morning after Christmas breakfast, that way they can spend time with their families too. You wondered where Ben would go. Back to Alderaan? Maybe he could stay here with you...

Then you'd have to tell your parents about him. Maybe they'd understand. Your mum would, you know she would. Maybe your dad would be so happy that you found a history buff just like him that he wouldn't care that it was your former professor... Or maybe he'd freak out and be disgusted with you and Ben.

You didn't want to ruin any chance of Ben furthering his career with the help and guidance of your dad, so maybe you'd wait to tell them until you graduated. Maybe you'd just tell your mum for now...

You must have slowed your scrubbing cause your mum put her hand on your shoulder, snapping you from your thoughts.

"You sure you're okay honey?" She smiled serenely at you, genuine. Her eyes were welcoming, almost reinforcing the fact that you could tell her anything.

 _Do it, tell her_.

"Yeah mum, I'm fine."

_Idiot._

She cocked her eyebrow, god there was no fooling this woman.

"Well actually..."

Yes, you were going to tell her and ask for her advice.

"You know the handsome professor I used to talk about all the time?"

She nodded, setting down the pot towel she was holding to take your hands into hers. She made you feel so safe. So loved.

"Well... it's B––"

"Mrs. Johnston, where is your recycling bin?" Ben had come from around the corner, holding a couple of empty bottles.

For fucks sake.

Your mum's face lit up, "Oh Ben dear! It's just in the pantry here." She went to open it for him and he shot you a quick glance as he passed you.

"Thank you Mrs. Johnston," he dropped them carefully into the bin and went to the fridge to grab some more.

"Of course, and _please_. Call me Evie!" She smiled so warmly at him, and he smiled back. The dimples on his cheeks deepening as he laughed.

"Okay, thanks Evie." He looked down, blushing? Fuck you loved this man.

She pointed behind him back to the fridge after he'd grabbed a couple more beers, "Could you tell Billy that we'll bring in a snack and some tea later? Probably within the hour," she looked to you, "what do you think honey?" Ben turned to you now, looking at you, waiting for your response.

You swallowed, blinking hard, "Oh yeah, about an hour, yep." He smirked, looking like a school-boy you felt your cheeks get hot.

"Sure Mrs. Jo–– I mean Evie," he laughed again and your mum joined him. They were so good together, maybe she'd tell you what to do after all.

Your mum turned around and grabbed the pot towel again, drying the dishes you'd done. You looked back at Ben, he was walking away but he turned back to you and winked at your before turning the corner. If you weren't blushing before, you sure were now.

You starting washing the pizza pan again when your mum cleared her throat. You looked up at her and she raised her eyebrows, "You were saying honey?"

 _Oh fuck. Right_.

"Oh yeah. Uhm... well the handsome professor..."

"Yeah, it's Ben right? Though I thought I remember you saying his name was something else, but he's a looker nonetheless!" Your mum finished your sentence for you and your mouth fell open.

"You knew? This whole time?" You were in shock all over again.

"Of course I knew! Your father has been speaking to him for months! Did you think we didn't know who he was?"

You were starting to freak out, your anxiety rising too fast to control. You grabbed the sides of the sink to support yourself.

"Fuck..." You couldn't think. You just needed to get it out of your system.

"Mum, I'm with him." You looked down before looking up at her, she was smiling. _Okay, what the actual fuck?_

"Well of course you are! He's your professor!" Fucking hell.

"No mum, I mean he's more than that..." Her smile started disappearing.

You took a deep breath. "I'm _with_ him, I'm in a relationship with him," you spoke quietly, whispering so that there was no chance anyone would hear you.

You didn't know you were crying until she took the pot towel and swept the tears from your cheek, you looked at her full of shame and embarrassment.

She clicked her tongue, that warm soft smile returning to her lips, "Oh hon, I know."

The weight on your shoulders vanished, the vice on your lungs loosened, and the ache on your heart evaporated. _Of course she knows_.

"You... you do?" You leaned into her hand as she swept away more tears with her fingers.

She spoke softly, "Of course honey, you're my daughter. I suspected it as soon as he arrived and you fainted. Everything after that just confirmed my suspicions." She spoke matter-of-factly, like it was obvious or something. Your eyes widened with fear, your breath quickening.

"Oh love, don't worry your father is clueless! He's been too busy enjoying himself with these guys," she kissed your forehead, "we'll tell him when _you're_ ready. Okay?" She kissed you again before returning to drying the dishes, as if you hadn't just shared your biggest secret with her.

A bit dumbfounded you went back to washing up, but you told her everything. Well almost everything.

You told her how it started, how he had said that he'd been wanting you for years. You told her that you two had just clicked instantly, that you'd never felt anything like it before. That you hadn't felt complete until you had him in your life. That you hated lying to her and your dad, that you needed to keep it secret to protect him. Not you. You told her how he had treated you like you were the sole reason for his existence, that you were the most precious thing to him. You told her how fast and hard you fell for him, without considering the consequences of being with your professor. Without considering how it would affect your life, and in turn his. You told her that you had wanted more than what he was giving you, but that you didn't realize that he had already given everything to you. Not until it was too late anyways. You told her how you left him, then hated yourself for it. Thinking that you would never see him again. Then he turned up at your house and everything felt right in the universe again.

You told her all of this and she listened, she listened through the tears and through the cries. Through the anger and the frustration. She took it all in and when you were done she said one sentence. One sentence that made your feelings multiply.

"Everything happens for a reason, and each reason has an everything to go with it."

That was her way of saying 'This is what you were meant to do, what you were meant to become. And despite any adversity you may face with it, it will always find a way to go on'.

You cried with happiness. Overflowing happiness that she was so incredible and understanding and supportive. You honestly couldn't ask for a better mum.

"Plus," she nudged your shoulder, "I _like_ him. He's good for you, I can see that so clearly. You two are halves of a whole, a perfect fit. That is all I have ever wanted for you honey, to find the missing half of your soul. And you've found it and I am so happy for you," she pulled you into a big hug and squeezed you tightly.

She whispered into your ear, "And just so you know, your father will feel the same way I do. We can wait to tell him after everyone has gone tomorrow."

Everyone. Gone. Tomorrow. That means Ben too.

You pulled away from the hug, "Hey can we invite him to stay? He doesn't... he doesn't have any family to go home to." Again, it wasn't your place to say anything about his family past so you left it at that.

She grinned, "That sounds lovely hon."

You felt incredibly light and airy. Like all the sadness and uncertainty had just been washed away by a massive wave.

You looked at the clock, it had almost been an hour since Ben came into the kitchen so you put on the kettle and got the snack ready.

Your mum cut up some apples and you got the grapes, putting them into individual bowls. Your mum put a few apple slices in each bowl and put a dollop of peanut butter on the rim of each bowl. This was one of your favourite snacks ever, something your mum always made you as a late-night snack.

You made a tea for everyone, put them all on one tray and started walking to your dad's study, your mum following with the tray of fruit behind you. The door was creaked opening slightly and you pushed it open with your foot. There were books everywhere with loose paper and notebooks scattered around the small study. The conversations quieted and Ben came to grab the tray from you.

"Thanks," you muttered as you started handing out the mugs to everyone.

Your dad was sat in his big chair, his foot elevated on a small chest. He smiled at you and your mum, his face full of pride and love.

"This looks great girls!" Your mum bent to kiss him on the cheek, "Thanks Evie," your dad kissed her back and your mum giggled. Every moment you caught of them you could see so plainly that they are so in love. You looked up at Ben who was still holding the tray, the last mug sat perfectly in the middle.

"Uh, this one is yours." You took the tray back from him and handed him the mug. It was your favourite mug, it was big and round and it had sunflowers all over it. You felt a warmth pool in your lower belly when you saw how tiny the mug looked in Ben's hands.

He whispered, quiet enough that no one could hear, the buzzing conversations beginning to resume, "Thank you Sweetheart." You melted and tucked the tray under your arm before going over to your mum to grab the last bowl of fruit.

You walked back over to Ben, who was now sitting down, and handed him the bowl. Again, something that is normally huge in your hands looked like a child's bowl in his. You groaned as he took it, his fingers brushing up against yours.

He took his index finger and scooped up a bit of the peanut butter, placing his finger in his mouth he closed his lips around it. You saw his cheeks hollow out as he sucked on his finger, his legs fidgeting as you watched painfully. His finger popped out of his mouth with a delicious sound and your mouth fell open slightly.

"Mmmm," he moaned, giving you a quick glance before looking past you. You spun around, making sure no one saw what had just happened. Lando was busy talking the ears off of the other two guys, your mum keeping your dad occupied with something on her phone.

You looked at the clock on the wall: 9:04pm. You were exhausted already, mentally and physically.

Your mum walked out of the study with you, leaving the boys to their own devices for the rest of the night. She plopped down on the couch and opened her arms.

"Wanna put on a movie? How about The Nightmare Before Christmas?"

You smiled, that's your favourite movie to watch during the holidays, even though most people say it's a Halloween movie you've always watched it at Christmas.

"Yeah, I'll go put my pjs on," you started walking to your room.

"Okay love, I'll make us a tea and a snack as well."

You skipped to your room, feeling free and so _so_ happy. You pulled on an oversized t-shirt that used to be your dads and some boy-short undies, tying your hair up in a messy bun you popped your contacts out and put your glasses back on.

You came back into the living room, sinking into the couch your mum came back with a smaller tray full with your goodies. She sat down and you flicked on the movie.

Everything happens for a reason.

You were ready for tomorrow, more ready than you have ever been for anything ever. You would do anything for Ben, and tomorrow you'd need to summon some courage to face your father. 

You and your mum made a plan for after everyone left, she'd take Ben to her shop to pick up the poinsettia centrepiece for Christmas dinner. While they were gone you'd tell your dad about you and Ben.

It was a good plan, you just hoped you wouldn't chicken out. You kept telling yourself that you needed to do this, no more lying, no more deception. Everything would fall into place after tomorrow.

You found yourself anticipating it, ready to take on anything to be with Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors Note: sorry for the short chapter, and the long wait again! Well we finally told our mum YAY! What's gonna happen with dad? Lmao I have no fucking clue. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, even thought I kinda hate it hahahah. Love you guys so much! XOXO


	39. Merry Christmas

You went to bed after you and your mum finished the movie, and as you walked past your dads office you heard the soft mumbles of the men still chatting away. You checked your phone: 11:47pm. It was almost midnight and they were still working.

You wondered if Ben was tired. Not that he ever slept normally anyways. Your dad must be tired. But he's so excited about this that he wouldn't dare be the first one to turn in. You lingered by the door for a little bit, letting the aroma of stale coffee and pale yellow light seep through the cracked door.

Your mum had tidied up the kitchen, assuring you that you could go to bed. She knew you were mentally exhausted and nervous about tomorrow, but you and her went over your so-called plan multiple times for your sake.

She kissed your forehead and hugged you deeply, telling you that everything would be okay. And you believed her, you had no reason not to.

Ben got along amazingly with your family. And your dad knew the importance of one's soulmate; thanks to your mum. He'd understand. He'd have to.

You inhaled, letting the air fizzle between your lips before you headed back to your room. You closed the door and lazily walked to the bathroom. You stripped and took a searing hot shower.

You let the water trickle down your aching body. Though you weren't sure where the aches were coming from. Perhaps your heart. Your mind definitely. Your lower body for sure. Your soul? Maybe. It's so hard to tell now. So much going on.

You needed to clear your head. You turned the water cold and it jostled you to your bones. Your teeth clacked but you felt alive and awake. The fog in your mind slowly left as you exhaled, the air now frigid and alert.

You shut the shower off and put your wet hair up into a messy bun, cold water droplets falling on your shoulders. You put on your coconut scented lotion and washed your face half-assed. You pulled on a pair of white lace panties and a matching white lace bralette. You knew you were going to sleep, but you felt a tinge of nostalgia when you spotted them in your drawer.

These ones were pristine and glowing. Though as you looked closer, you thought that you might have preferred if they too were tinged crimson. You sat on your bed and flicked on the Christmas lights hanging under your window. The colours dancing playfully around your room as you blinked blankly at them.

You felt numb and electrified. Worried and exalted.

You sat for what felt like a long while, breathing, living.

A soft knock at your door startled you and you glanced down at your phone: 1:32am.

Christmas Day.

"Come in," you beckoned.

The door creaked open and a large hand emerged holding a glass on wine. The hand was followed by the face of the man you were going to risk everything you've ever had in your life for. 

Ben.

He came in and shut the door, observing your state and slowly walking over to you. He stood in front of you and offered you the glass of wine. You had already brushed your teeth, but you accepted it anyways. It was red, your least favourite, but the gesture had you craving it.

You took it in your hand as you stood up, and Ben's hand came around your backside. Your free arm reached up and drew circles on his bare shoulder.

He was only wearing pj pants, thin, light grey. The heat radiating off of his bare chest sent shivers into your heart. You realized you were freezing and Ben dipped down so that you could wrap your arm around his shoulders more.

Skin-on-skin contact. Warmth.

You sighed.

"Merry Christmas baby," he cooed into your ear before nipping softly at your lobe. You smiled into the crook of his neck, raising to your tippie-toes to nuzzle your face into his hair.

You inhaled and drank the familiar scent of his shampoo. Simple, but delicious. Like clean laundry mixed with the ocean, with a hint of coffee as always and _him_.

You exhaled, "Merry Christmas."

He started kneading the flesh of your backside, pushing and pulling softly.

"Tell me," his voice was pure ecstasy, "what was on your Christmas list this year?"

He squeezed your ass hard and you mewled into his hair, "...you..."

He moaned in appraisal, kissing your neck with hot desire.

You couldn't stop your next words,

"She knows."

He stilled his lips, but his hand kept massaging your ass.

"I know."

_Jesus Christ everyone fucking knows._

"I'm telling my dad tomorrow."

He kissed you again, hesitantly though, like he's scared.

"I know, while I'm out with your mother."

Of course he knows.

You stepped out of his embrace, setting the wine glass down on the window sill. You looked up at him, "Are you mad?"

He sighed, taking much longer than you would have liked to answer, "No. I understand that this is something that you need to do," a pause, "...for us."

You shuddered, relief replacing the dread that was hanging so heavily on your heart. You looked down at the ground, fiddling with your fingers, picking at your nails.

"I'm scared," you whispered to the floor.

Ben gently grabbed your chin, tilting it upwards until you were looking at him again. His face was gentle, understanding, stoic. But his eyes were also yielding fear and his expression was riddled with anxiety. He was mirroring what you were feeling.

"Don't be," he spoke quietly, "things will fall into place as they need to be."

He sounded like your mum, and you huffed a laugh at how much she was rubbing off on him already. He stroked your chin and you sighed.

His hands left your body and he walked over to your dresser, opened your pj drawer and pulled out an oversized t-shirt. He placed it on the bed behind you and grabbed at your bralette, tugging upwards and commanding you with his eyes. You lifted your arms up and he tugged it over your head, throwing it into your laundry basket. He pulled the t-shirt over your head and you put your arms through the holes. Your breath hitched as Ben's fingers trailed down your forearms, causing goosebumps to raise on your flesh.

He stepped back and looked you up and down, "So beautiful," he breathed, "and all mine."

He walked passed you and crawled into your bed. Your mind mused at how tiny he made your childhood bed look. It wasn't the grand king-sized mattress you both were used to sleeping in, but rather a large twin bed. You crawled in next to him and snuggled right up next to him, your bum nearly hanging off the side of the bed.

He stroked your hair and you placed your hand on his pec. Your breathed him in and out and you watched as the Christmas lights danced around the room.

"Sleep now, or Santa won't visit you," he spoke with amusement, but whispered anyhow.

You chuckled, "I don't think he's coming anyways, I've been pretty naughty this year." You nudged your body against his and he laughed back, pulling you in closer and squeezing your frame.

He sat up, supporting himself on his elbow, letting your head fall beneath him. His free hand cupped your cheek and then moved to encircle your throat. He growled, softly, but the emphasis was still there.

"Yes, you have been," his words were sweet. Like they were his own candy, spoken and taken with pride and possessiveness.

He squeezed your throat ever so slightly and then released it just as quickly. Kissing your forehead tenderly before laying back down. He put one of his hands behind his head and opened up the other. You scooted over to fill the space he created and rested your head on his chest.

His heartbeat was loud and forceful. Powerful. A beautiful melody to the song of your life.

You relaxed as Ben played with your hair, swirling it with his fingers and combing through it gently. Pushing it away from your face he smoothed his thumb over your cheek each time. Rhythmically. Coaxing you to drift to sleep.

At this point you felt nothing. Nothing but the warmth of Ben's hands on your body, his chest protecting yours, his breath casting a gorgeous haze over your precious self. He was here. And that was all you needed.

–– **Ben's POV**

Ben watched as she fell asleep in his arms. His legs dangled off the edge of the bed but he didn't care. He was too focussed on letting her sleep to care about his comforts.

 _Comfort_.

Something that he wasn't sure he'd ever care about again. Though at this particular moment he didn't, tomorrow he would. Today he did.

His comfort is _her_.

He is uncomfortable at the thought of telling William, even though he already knows that Evie has accepted them. He wasn't sure how he felt about it all. But he knew that they needed to know.

Technically, she isn't his student anymore. No one could prove that they were together when she was his student. This wouldn't affect his career, nor hers.

He does wish she would have waited until after she graduated, just to be sure, but he supposes that this would suffice.

He once said to himself that he would wait forever for her. And he still would. But part of him jumps with glee that they will be able to go semi-public.

Once upon a time he only wanted her for himself. And while this is still partially true, he sees now that it would be much more fulfilling to have her completely, as compared with having her only partially to himself.

She needs to be transparent with her loved ones to be herself. That's how she has always been. He can't fault her for that, he can only fault himself for the way in which he perceives it. A couple months ago he wouldn't have understood this in the slightest. But since being around her family, seeing how much they are a part of her life. She'd be lost without them, even if she did have him forever.

Ben would play along with Evie tomorrow, let her take him to her shop and let her pretend to distract her so that Sweetheart can tell William. Though Ben wishes that he could be there, just in case there needed to be more of an explanation. But he also knew she needed to do this on her own, even if she was terrified.

Ben thought about it. Perhaps he would be terrified too, if the roles were reversed and he had to confess something of this magnitude to Rian and JJ.

It's difficult to be empathetic when all his life Ben was coached to be the opposite. A creature with nothing on its mind but himself. And his demons of course.

Thankfully, though with a hint of regret, his demons are long gone now. At least he hopes they are. He feels like they are, like they became disinterested with how his life was progressing after _her_ that they fled.

His heart thumped aggressively in his chest and he worried that he'd wake her up. But, she just stirred in her sleep, nuzzling closer to his frame, tucking her head deeper into the covers. He waited until she stilled, but by then Ben was drifting off to sleep too.

He at last exhaled, feeling the weight of forever being lifted off his shoulders.

–– **Y/N's POV**

You woke up to an empty bed. Not that you were too surprised. It had happened often enough that you became numb to it. You also couldn't criticize too much, you were in your parents' house after all.

You checked your phone: 8:27am. The sun streamed in between the cracks in your blinds, the Christmas lights still glistening. The wine glass still perched on the window sill. You rubbed your eyes and put your glasses on. Blinking you yawned and stretched across the bed, star-fishing and letting your joints crack and pop.

You sat up and walked into the bathroom. Yikes. You brushed your teeth and let your hair down from the messy bun. It fell in gentle waves and you tousled it around until it looked half decent.

You went back into your room and noticed a small box on your dresser. You walked over and picked it up. The box was a beautiful blue colour and it had a butterfly stamped on the top. You opened it and sucked in a soft breath.

A necklace. Identical to the one you had before. The one that had ' _Kylo Ren_ ' engraved on the back. But this one had a different name, though written in the same penmanship, the same beautiful penmanship.

' _Ben Solo_ '

You fingered the delicate chain and felt the smooth metal under your index finger. You flipped the small coin over and a single tear fell down your cheek. A tiny butterfly was engraved on the other side. You pulled it from the box and put it on, clasping it around your neck you positioned it with the butterfly facing out.

In the box was a note and you opened it up,

_Dearest Sweetheart,_

_May this necklace be a small shred of proof of my redemption, thanks to you._

_Merry Christmas my love._

_Yours forever,_

_Ben Solo_

You smiled at the note, putting it down as you got dressed. You felt chilly, so you put on leggings and a big pullover hoodie. You'd get ready after everyone left.

You walked out of your room and almost ran into Lando, bumping into him slightly causing him to drop his suitcase.

"Oh! Sorry kid!" he smiled at you, "Merry Christmas!"

You smiled back, "No, I'm sorry! Let me grab that. Oh, and Merry Christmas Lando."

You walked awkwardly beside him as you carried his case for him, setting it down by the front door along with everyone else's bags. Everyone was dressed and pretty much ready to leave, the only person who wasn't there was Ben.

You wondered if he was asleep in the spare bedroom your mum had put him in. Or if he was showering. Or if he was already gone. You forgot to ask him to stay last night, you were way too tired to function.

You looked around the living room but he wasn't there. You saw your mum at the sink in the kitchen and darted towards her.

"Mum, where is–"

"Good morning," Ben said quaintly, sat at the kitchen table, sipping some coffee from your favourite mug.

You eyed him up, then looked to your mum who just smiled.

"Oh, uhm. Good morning," you shuffled over to your mum and kissed her on the cheek, then instinctively you went over to Ben and bent down to kiss his. You swallowed hard when he snickered, shooting you a sweet glance as you spun around to face your mum.

"Awe you guys! Merry Christmas!" She walked over and rounded the two of you in her arms, giving you both a great big hug.

Ben tensed initially, but relaxed when she squeezed all three of you together.

She released you two and headed for the living room, "Billy! Your friends are leaving now let's see them off from the porch!" She shouted into the living room, giving you a quick glance as she left the kitchen. Leaving you and Ben alone.

Time to ask him to stay.

You noticed he had his bag packed, it was sat neatly underneath the kitchen table. You looked away and went to the coffee maker. You poured the hot liquid into another mug and stirred in the sugar.

Ben came up behind you holding the cream, "Here, let me Doll."

You melted every time he called you that. You let him hover behind you and pour the cream into the mug. Spirals of white engulfed the darkness and pools of creaminess floated to the top. It was mesmerizing. Ben placed his chin on your shoulder, his chest heaving into your back.

"Uh, thanks... so–"

"I see you found your present," your hands automatically lifted to touch the delicate pendant, "I think I like this one better than the last."

You nodded.

He stirred in the cream, the once black liquid transforming into the perfect colour. Ben always did know how to make the best cup. He tapped the spoon on the edge three times before setting it down and bringing his hands to your hips.

He swayed with your body and spun you around to face him. His eyes fell to your necklace and he played with the pendant in his large fingers. Flipping it over and over again.

_Ben Solo._

_Butterfly._

_Ben Solo._

_Butterfly._

_Ben Solo._

"I love it so much," you paused, biting your lip and lowering your voice, "and I love you so much."

He dipped down to kiss you quickly, releasing you and going to sit back down at the kitchen table. You felt dizzy, already feeling the effects this man held over you.

You grabbed your mug and sat down beside him, kicking your feet playfully at his.

"You were saying?" He prompted.

"Hmm?" You looked up at him while taking that first sip. You sighed gently, feeling the hot liquid flow down your esophagus, trailing into your belly. Your senses awakening.

"Oh! Uhm, so I know everyone else is leaving and all to go to their uh... families. But I know you'd just be going back to Alderaan, alone... So well, what I'm trying to say is..." You took another sip of your coffee, "Stay."

Ben's eyes met yours and you waited desperately for his response.

"I thought you'd never ask," he smiled and his hand found your upper thigh again, petting it softly.

You and Ben joined your mum and dad on the porch, seeing everyone else go on their way. Waving cheery goodbyes and shivering in the Christmas air.

"Oh Ben," your mum called as you guys went back inside, "will you be a dear and come with me to my shop? I just need some help bringing the centerpieces home. And well, since Billy is out of commission I thought you could help me!"

You cringed at your mum's acting job as she tried to convince your dad that Ben was only staying to help her out, but he seemed to buy it.

"I already told you Evie! I'm sorry I can't go with you," your dad smiled, "but I know Benjamin here will fill my spot perfectly! Right son?"

He patted Ben on the shoulder as he hobbled past him to sit on his chair. Ben just laughed.

"Of course Evie. And thank you Dr. Johnston I will sure try," Ben sounded small, like he was embarrassed to receive such a compliment.

"Well let's go then!" Your mum grabbed her coat and purse, Ben grabbed his fancy pea-coat and slid on his leather boots. He looked damned good.

You watched as Ben tried with great difficulty to climb into the passenger seat of your mums tiny Mini-Cooper and laughed when he finally squished inside. You waved them off and went back inside.

Here we go.

_Everything happens for a reason._

You went and sat at your usual spot next to your dads chair, grabbing his hand as always and laying your head down next to it.

"Merry Christmas dad," you thought you would at least try to start with normalcy.

"Merry Christmas honey. Though, it is an odd one this year isn't it?"

You laughed. That was an understatement.

"Yeah, I guess so," you tried to laugh, but your nerves were starting to get the better of you.

You lifted your head and your dad was already looking at you. He looked proud. Happy. His eyes flitted down to your necklace.

"That's beautiful, who's it from?" He began to lean in, but before he could read the name engraved on the pendant you blurted it out. You've got to get the initial shock over with.

"Ben," you spoke matter-of-factly, even though your voice was shaking.

"Benjamin? Hmm," he paused. Fuck. "That was... awfully nice of him."

Your voice was small now, "Yes it was. Listen dad, I have to tell you something..."

"Mhmm?" He was half watching the TV, half listening to you. So you grabbed the remote and turned the TV off. He looked at you, giving you his full attention.

You let go of his hand and clung to the necklace around your neck. You were breathing violently and you started to sweat.

This was it.

_Now or never?_

"So you know that Ben was my professor this past semester?"

He nodded.

"Uhm, and well now he isn't?"

He nodded again.

_Fuck this was hard._

"Uh... Ah geez dad this is really hard for me to say."

"Then just say it honey. No need to step around it if it's already been stomped on," his voice was soft, but stern.

"I'm in love with him dad," your voice cracked and you realized you were crying.

Your dad blinked a couple of times, looking down, processing.

"With Benjamin?"

You nodded.

"And he you?"

You nodded again.

"Does the university know? Suspect?"

You shook your head.

"Is this what you really want? What you truly desire?"

You nodded, sniffling. Trying to find the words.

"Dad... It just happened. Neither of us could stop it. Even though we both fought it. I'm sorry..."

You fought to speak over your quiet sobs, rubbing your eyes and nose with your sweater. Your dad sighed.

"It's just like your mother and I..."

You looked up, confused.

"What?"

He grabbed your hand again.

"Destiny. Your mother had drilled that concept into me that's for sure. I may be an academic honey, but I also strongly believe in fate," you blinked, clearing the tears from your eyes.

"The world brought your mother and I together at the worst possible time. During a time at which we both believed that we were wrong for each other. We fought it too, but to no avail. We sacrificed many things in order to be together, and in the end it was the best thing that we could have done."

"Dad?"

"Hmm?"

"Ben is my other half...he is." Your voice had strengthened.

"And I believe you honey. I'm not as blind as your mother sometimes thinks," he laughed, "I've noticed how differently you've acted since you got home, and how your behaviour changed again when Benjamin arrived."

Christ, of course he knew too. Well kind of knew.

You laughed along with him, holding onto his hand as tightly as you were holding onto his words.

His next words were spoken with caution. And the wisdom that he often inflicted onto you. You always accepted it with a grain of salt, knowing that in the end he would be right.

"You must be careful honey. I will continue to do my part in mentoring him as normal, I will not reveal anything to the university. Even though I am professionally obligated to."

He wiped a tear from your cheek and continued, "You cannot tell anyone else I'm afraid honey, not until you've graduated. And it is good that you're not in any of his classes this semester. Keep professional, and be smart. These next four months are just the beginning of the sacrifices you and Benjamin are going to have to make. Just because you are two halves of one whole does not mean your life together will come easily."

You nodded.

"You two have separate lives that need completing before you may begin your life together, and in order to accomplish that closure you both must continue to keep this a secret," he paused, "but honey, I am so incredibly happy for you. You have the same glow that your mother radiates and it makes my old heart soar."

You laughed, clutching onto his hand even harder. You had no idea what you did to deserve such an amazing family. Especially since Ben had been dealt such a conflicted one. But he didn't need to worry about that anymore. He was a part of your family now. And maybe one day you'd get him to come around to the idea of connecting with Rian and JJ again. Maybe.

You got up from the chair and hugged your dad softly, careful not to squeeze too hard.

"Thank you dad, I love you."

"I love you too honey."

And you guys watched TV until you heard the beep of your mum's car locking. 

_Everything happens for a reason._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHH you guys I didn't mean for this update to take a month... LMAO my life has been a whirlwind of shit and honestly this past month went by SO FAST. So I'm sorry again and thank you for your patience and support! I love you guys so much! 
> 
> Dad knows now and everything is peachy keen! I'm planning on ending Sirens Eye fairly soon ): But not before MC graduates, so don't worry about that! XOXO


	40. Selfless & Stubborn

–– **Ben's POV**

Evie's car was tiny and very organized. Much like her personality Ben thought as he sat crammed in the passenger seat. There was a dreamcatcher hanging from the rear view mirror and three different air fresheners were sticking out of the vents. They smelled of things like 'Clean Linen' and 'Fresh Sea Breeze'. It was nice enough, clean, crisp.

The radio was on a station that played what they termed 'Oldies but Goldies, 70s, 80s, & more'. Evie hummed along to every song that played and she tapped her fingers on the steering wheel to the beat. Every once in a while, Ben would tap his foot along as well. He looked out the window at the snow on the ground and thought about how Sweetheart was doing back at home. 

She was planning on telling William everything and Ben hoped she would be able to without her overthinking it too much. He'd been alright with this so-called plan because it gave him the chance to talk to Evie alone. He could talk to William later he thought.

They got to the flower shop after about ten minutes of silent driving and Ben followed Evie in after she unlocked the door.

The shop was quaint. Small and organized. Like her car. It smelled of incense and freshness and maybe vanilla. The lights were off, but there was a giant window at the front of the store that let in tons of natural light. The sunbeams danced off the crystal windchime that hung on the front door and cast small rainbows throughout the store.

It was all so serene. There weren't many flowers, but Ben chocked that up to it being the holidays and that the store was closed.

He wandered around the store and looked at all the little knick-knacks that were for sale along with the flowers. Tiny plant pots, key chains, magnets, and more. If it were anyone else's shop, he'd have thought the entire thing was tacky. But everything radiated the kind of energy that Evie emitted. 

Pure, unfiltered happiness.

"Hey Ben, could you give me a hand?" Evie called from the back room. Ben scurried past the front desk and found Evie holding a couple of the centrepieces they'd come to get.

He rushed over, taking them from her quickly, "Yeah here, I can take a couple more that way you only have to carry the one left." She smiled at him, handing him two more so that he was carrying two in each arm.

He took a deep breath.

"Hey Evie?"

She looked up from the flowers and raised a brow, but she smiled warmly.

She nodded, "Let's hear it."

Ben's eyes widened. Had it really been that obvious that he wanted to speak with her?

He cleared his throat, "Okay... Uh well I just wanted to say– well more so ask..." He struggled to find the words. He'd never had parental figures to speak to before, at least not ones he sought advice from.

Evie waited patiently, not wanting to rush him.

"Do you believe that I am doing the right thing?"

Evie's brows raised, like she wasn't expecting that question. She pondered for a moment and Ben started to sweat. She continued prepping the centrepieces while she thought and Ben waited, shifting on his feet.

"I believe," Evie began, plucking a dead petal, "that you and my daughter are meant to be. No ifs, ands, or buts." She chuckled, " _But_ , I also believe that what you two have done is careless and is extremely dangerous. Both for her and for you hon."

Ben tensed. He knew she didn't actually approve of them. He hung his head a little lower, not knowing what to say.

"You will have to sacrifice much more then you already have in order for this to work. And you need to be careful how you go about doing so. Bill and I are more than happy for you two, but we also know how the academic community works," she spoke without looking at him, invested in making the centrepiece perfect. Ben was hanging onto every word.

"You're lucky that she's graduating this year, or else you'd have to transfer schools for sure. But, with only four months left I think you can get away with it. Especially because she isn't in any of your classes this upcoming semester," she looked up at him then, plucking another dead petal and letting it fall to the floor. Ben watched it fall, thinking that that's how he felt at the moment.

Dull, limp, falling.

He was scared.

"I don't want to put her through any more than I already have," he spoke in a small voice, remembering that he had made Sweetheart question their relationship. Question what she meant to him.

Evie put her hand on his shoulder and Ben tensed at the contact. She looked at him with a look that he had never seen before. A mother's gaze.

"She can handle it. I know that because she's my daughter and because she _loves you_."

Ben sucked in a breath, not having heard anyone else say that to him. It made it feel more real and less like a dream. He was starting to feel overwhelmed.

Abruptly he walked behind Evie and put the centrepieces back on the table, grasping the edge to steady himself.

"I'm going to do... something to screw things up. I always do."

Evie clicked her tongue, "Maybe. Probably," Ben looked up at her, shocked that she wasn't denying it, "But so will she. You know by now that she is not perfect–"

"She is to me," Ben cut Evie off, unintentionally, but he couldn't let anyone degrade his feelings for her. Not even her own mother. He looked up, expecting to see Evie frowning or something, but it was the complete opposite. She was smiling, walking over to him.

She popped out her hip and put her hand on it, much like Sweetheart does he thought, and said, "And _that_ is exactly why you'll make it work."

Ben thought about it, there wasn't anything that he wouldn't do to be with her, to protect her and make her feel like the only woman in the universe. In many ways he had already done that, but he had also made her feel small and alone, scared and confused. He wasn't sure if he deserved her constant forgiveness.

He thought that she should hate him. Not love him.

He hates himself for letting himself fall in love with someone so precious, because he's scared all he'll do is break her down. Dim her light and keep her from becoming the best she can.

"You didn't hear this from me..." Ben looked at Evie, completely terrified for her next words, "But she's applied for a semester abroad."

Ben's jaw dropped. He had no idea. When did she do this? How... could she do this?

"She did it the day she came home for Christmas Break, just made the deadline too," Evie's hand found Ben's shoulder and he tensed again.

"Where?" His eyes were downcast, his fists clenched.

"Greece, William would go with her and do his own business there to make up for the trip you guys missed."

"Greece," Ben confirmed aloud. He couldn't go to Greece. He was teaching three classes this semester. He knew that people went abroad for semesters, but he never kept tabs on where.

"It's not confirmed yet hon, she won't get the news for another two weeks."

Ben had to fight the inner turmoil starting to bubble within him. Not necessarily the blinding rage that he might have once felt, but it was more guilt than anything. It was his fault. All of it. He pushed her away and made her feel like she needed to leave. It was his fault that she applied in the first place. Now that things were finally where they were supposed to be she might be leaving.

They stood in silence for a long while, Evie plucking and fluffing the petals some more. She checked her watch and said they should be getting back so she could start dinner, so Ben wordlessly helped her with the centrepieces.

Once he crammed himself into the tiny passenger seat again, this time with less space because he was holding one of the centrepieces, he looked over to Evie.

She was humming and tapping her finger along again to the song playing, so calm and collected. 

"Thank you Evie, I really appreciate your honesty," Ben spoke valiantly, feeling more sure of himself then he did before. Even with the knowledge that Sweetheart might be moving away for a few months, he knew it would work out.

He'd wait until she told him that though, he wouldn't bring it up until the last minute.

And he'd convince her by any means to make her go. He didn't want to hold her back, he wanted her last year of university to be amazing and he wanted her career to begin with something to remember. A semester abroad would look amazing on her academic record and resume, not to mention the experience she'll get by going in the field.

Ben remembers the first time he went to Greece. He went when he was an undergrad as well. He'd spent only a month there, but he wished he could have stayed much longer. The amount of history that sits on the very land there is astounding. He wants Sweetheart to experience that.

"You're welcome hon," she smiled quickly at him before turning her eyes back to the road, "I hope you brought enough clothes."

Ben looked at her, confused.

She just laughed, "Oh don't think that we're going to kick you out after today! You'll be staying with us until the New Year."

"But–"

"No buts," she turned and winked at him.

"I really wouldn't want to impose Evie I–"

"Psshh, you became a part of this family the second you walked through our door."

She silenced him with that.

Family.

A concept so lost and foreign to him, now being thrown right at him. Shoved, but not forced. There for the taking.

He smiled, though he turned to the window so she wouldn't see.

Family.

They pulled up to their house and Ben grabbed the four centrepieces, Evie taking the last one. She balanced her bags with the flowers and kicked her car door shut. Ben made his way up the stairs and waited for her.

Evie locked her car, the high pitched 'beep' travelling through the air, and she unlocked the front door. They walked in clumsily, shuffling the flowers so that they could get inside.

"Hey hon!" William called from the next room.

"Hi!" Evie called back.

Then, Sweetheart came from around the corner, hair messy. She must have been laying down. He smiled at her and she smiled back.

She took the flowers from her mum and put them on the dining room table before coming to take two from him. Her hands brushed up against his as she took them and a spark fluttered between them.

"Hi," she whispered shyly.

He sighed, happily. "Hi baby," he whispered back.

Ben followed her after kicking off his boots and put them on the table. His hands wrapped around her shoulders and he squeezed gently. She sighed and pushed herself into him, her back flush with his chest. They just stood there, stuck in the moment, completely silent. They were just existing together.

After a couple minutes he heard Evie in the kitchen and Sweetheart went to go help her. He gave her a quick kiss on the forehead and followed her.

Ben tried to help them make dinner, but neither Evie nor Sweetheart would let him do much. He had helped William come and sit in the kitchen so they could all socialize together. The small kitchen was soon filled with steam, delicious smells, and laughter.

Low chuckles and snickers, full on belly-laughs and snorts. Every new story told or comment made everyone was having a really great time. Ben couldn't remember the last time he felt this comfortable around other people. Genuinely.

After about two hours of constant serotonin, Ben excused himself to go and shower before they'd eat. On the way he'd helped William back to the couch so that he could elevate his leg. They walked in a sort-of awkward silence since the elephant in the room hadn't been addressed yet.

Once Ben had William situated comfortably he hesitated leaving his side.

"Spit it out son," William said blatantly, patting the couch beside him. Ben huffed in surprise. This family just knew fucking everything.

Ben gingerly sat down beside William, tensing when he heard more laughter coming from the kitchen.

"They're amazing, aren't they?" William said, looking towards the kitchen with a warm smile.

Ben didn't need to ask who William was talking about. 

"Yes, they are incredible," he paused, " _she_ is the most amazing woman I have ever met, sir."

William didn't need to ask Ben who he was talking about either.

"I'm not going to repeat what I told her, because I already know my wife told you that same things, but I will say this:" he paused, grabbing Ben's hand, "my daughter is a lot of things. And she goes about life giving everything that she has. She's completely selfless, but she is stubborn."

Ben laughed, already knowing this completely. But he listened intently.

"She will challenge you, and you her I have no doubt about that," William squeezed his hand, "Benjamin, I know what _you_ call yourself. What you have others call you. What your reputation is. I know of the life you have fashioned for yourself simply because you thought you didn't deserve anything else."

Ben tensed, he didn't know that William knew him as 'Kylo Ren' because he only ever addressed him as 'Benjamin'.

"You desired respect from those who feared you, sought after the gratification of being better than everyone else," William squeezed his hand again, causing Ben to look up, "and had I not have met you and had just heard that _my daughter_ was with _you_? No way in hell would I let that happen."

Ben's heart sank. But William just laughed, "But as it turns out, the man that I'm looking at now, the man that I have seen with my daughter, is not the man you claim to be to others. We all have dark tendencies, that's just human nature, but you are not, and I don't believe you have ever been, Kylo Ren."

At that, a single tear fell from Ben's eye. He quickly wiped it away, not having realized that his eyes were welling up with them. He felt so exposed and vulnerable. But at the same time he felt safe, and finally like he was being accepted.

He looked at William with grateful eyes and whispered, "Thank you." William nodded and pulled Ben's hand, bringing him in for a hug.

He tensed, but soon relaxed and hugged him back. Squeezing harder then he thought he would.

He excused himself and walked to his room, grabbing his toiletries and fresh clothes before going into the main bathroom. He locked the door and started the shower. Looking into the mirror he saw someone he had never seen before.

A mixture. A combination. Half and half, or maybe 60-40. The exact numbers didn't matter. What mattered was that he finally felt like _himself_. For the first time in years, perhaps for the first time in his life. He didn't feel like he was acting or putting up a show, nor did he feel like he was hiding or suppressing anything. He was just him.

Ben Solo, Kylo Ren. It didn't matter anymore, because he was both. Both fought so hard for so long to win, when all he had to do was let them both in. Accept the qualities of both because that is who he is.

_We all have dark tendencies._

Such a simple statement, but when thrown into perspective it made everything crystal clear. Ben knew now, he was both people, now merged into one. His true self. Both having good qualities and bad. Just as a human should.

Balance is mundane. Whatever that balance is falters, but is mundane all the same. He cursed himself for not figuring it out sooner. But then maybe he wouldn't have met her.

 _Her_.

He thought about how scared he had been when he started _feeling_ again. Feeling anything other than hunger for power and disinterest in anything that got in his way. She had changed that. He thought about how she had challenged him, made him fight his demons.

Selfless but stubborn.

He smiled in the mirror, noticing his eyes crease more and that his crooked teeth were more visible. He stripped and stepped into the small tub/shower combo. Much smaller than he was used to, he had to crouch to fit under the tiny shower head. The pressure was weak and the stream barely covered half his body, but he smiled to himself.

He pictured her taking baths and showers in here. Her bathroom had been recently renovated. He knew from the new fixtures and more modern-looking appearance overall. So at some point she would have had to bathe in here.

He looked around, seeing old bottles of shampoo and body wash, the same ones she still uses now. He closed his eyes, remembering what she looks like with soapy water sliding down her perfect figure, rubbing the soap over her curves. Tilting her head back as she washed the shampoo out, exposing her neck, arching he back to get under the water better. Gasping as her face would go a bit too far and she'd get water in her face. Bending over to wash her perfect legs and feet.

He groaned, opening his eyes to see he had a raging erection.

"Fucks sake," he mumbled as he stroked himself a few times. This was so wrong, jerking himself in his girlfriends parents' house.

He couldn't stop the images of her naked flowing through his mind now that he had started. The steam from the hot water was clouding his vision and making it hard for him to breathe. He gripped his length harder and pumped his fist quickly. He let quiet moans fall from his lips as the hot water doused his already burning skin.

Touching himself had always satisfied, just barely, but it worked when she wasn't there. But for some reason, in this moment, it felt amazing. He closed his eyes again, tilting his head back and pumping his fist harder. With his free hand he gripped at the cold tile wall, trying to find stability. He was losing control and fast.

"Fuck..." he spat under his breath, teeth clenched his head fell forward. His wet hair fell in front of his face, water dripping from the strands, pooling around his eyes and mouth. He watched his hand blur over his cock and imagined it was hers, or– fuck, even her mouth.

Low guttural groans were flowing from his mouth now, quiet and consistent as he jerked himself closer to his climax. He was moaning incoherent nonsense, gibberish mixed with her name over and over again.

"Professor?"

Ben straightened up, startled by her voice, by what she had said. He opened the curtain of the shower to see her standing by the sink, _naked_.

She glanced down and he realized he was still jerking himself, more slowly now, but still. Her mouth gaped and she started walking towards the shower. He raised a brow and looked past her to the door.

"They fell asleep on the couch," she said quietly as she stepped in the tub with him. The two of them completely filling up the small space.

She placed one of her hands on his chest, the other going to grip his length. He groaned at her contact, teeth clenching as she wrapped her tiny hand around it completely. She started pumping him, slowly. His head fell back, the water streaming off his forehead.

He was wrong, she felt better than he ever could.

"Professor?" She said again, but this time she whined it. He glanced down at her, eyes dark, breathing heavily. She eyed his cock, her hand squeezing the base. Her other had started trailing down his body, cupping his balls he nodded quickly, giving her permission.

She smiled and knelt down, opening her mouth. She leaned in taking him whole. He moaned aloud when her warm, wet mouth swallowed him completely. She gagged over his length, but held herself there for a few seconds.

"Fuck," Ben hissed, grappling at the sides of her head, "You interrupted me, so I'm going to have to fuck your pretty face and cum in your mouth."

Her eyes went wide and her brows furrowed in pleasure as she nodded on his length. He slowly pulled out, then thrusted back in quickly. She choked and sputtered loudly, moaning from the sheer size of him.

"You're lucky the water is running, you're so fucking loud," he thrust his hips at a steady but fast pace. He was so close and so out of control from being denied minutes earlier. She moaned a response, but he didn't let her speak. He fucked her mouth with sloppy thrusts, growing harder as she gagged and drooled all over the place. Her hands gripped his thighs, her nails digging into his skin as he continually triggered her gag reflex.

"Shit, I'm gonna cum," he stuttered as he grabbed a fistful of her hair, angling her face so that she could look up at him while he finished. He used his free hand to pull his length from her mouth, drool connecting the tip of his cock to her bottom lip, and he cussed as he came hard. She stuck her tongue out to catch it all, looking up at him with wide eyes taking his load on her tongue and face.

She looked beautiful.

He stroked himself through his orgasm and she swallowed his load. His cock twitched as he watched her throat bob as she did so and then she took his length into her mouth again. Cleaning off any leftover saliva and cum before sucking at his balls.

"Fuck, baby _yes_ ," he cooed to her, loving how tingly he felt.

She stood up and smiled and he grabbed the sides of her head and crashed his lips to hers. Tasting his cum on her lips made him begin to grow hard again, and the way she moaned onto his lips sent him into another dimension.

He broke the kiss to look at her. Her hair was half wet, face glowing.

"My sweet girl. I love you."

She smiled, biting her bottom lip before going on her tiptoes to kiss him again. He melted into her, and her into him. Her hands roamed over his body, trying to touch all of his at once. She pulled away, looking at him. She cocked her head and considered him.

"I love you too," she said against his neck as she hugged him deeply. He hugged her back, stepping back so that she was under the stream of water. She shivered against him, but relaxed when the water soothed her. She stepped away from him and grabbed the body wash and loofa from the shelf, lathering it up she began swirling circles on Ben's chest.

He tried to grab it from her, but she swatted his hand away, smiling to herself. He sighed and smiled back, reaching around to smack her ass playfully.

_Selfless and stubborn._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a surprise chapter? out of no where? with full ben pov? (;


	41. Countdown

–– New Years Eve…

Christmas had been insane. One to remember for sure.

You dragged Ben out shopping on Boxing Day, leaving first thing in the morning so that you could get a parking spot at the mall. You were ecstatic to be able to go out in public with him and actually act like a couple. No one knew who he was, it was perfect. He trailed along with you, voicing his opinion when asked, offering to buy you things here and there. It was a really good day.

The days in between Boxing Day and today were spent relaxing and doing absolutely nothing. No talk of school or work. You and Ben spent so much time together without having to worry about hiding your feelings for each other.

Your mum went back to work and a few days you went in to help her with some orders, Ben even helped carry the heavier arrangements and deliver them.

Your nights were spent in Ben’s arms, he’d moved from the guest bedroom to yours exclusively now, and you relished in the feeling. It reminded you of Reading Break and all the time you spent together back then, and all of the things that changed for the two of you during that time.

This past week had been similar. More quality time spent together, and still things were changing. You were able to be open with your parents and heed their advice while being genuinely thankful for their support.

You hadn’t told Ben about your semester abroad yet though and you wished you would have told him the day he got to your house. But of course you chickened out and now it seemed too late. You wouldn’t find out if you got accepted until like January seventh, but even if you did get accepted you weren’t sure if you wanted to go anymore.

You applied in a raged state, angry with him but more so angry with yourself. You just wanted, no, needed an excuse to leave. To be miles and miles away from him and maybe then your problems would be solved. Your dad would go with you and you could start over.

But now?

You could stay. You had a reason to. A purpose.

You know you need to tell him, but not just yet. It’ll come up, eventually.

Today you’re going to a get together at your parents’ friends place, and you and Ben are going together. Thankfully these friends aren’t part of the academic community, they’re just people your parents have known since they were young. You and Ben can be completely transparent with your relationship and not have to worry about gossip. Well, you’d leave out the whole professor-student dynamic, but you can explicitly say you and him are together and they won’t blink an eye.

 _“Holy. Shit. Bitch! I can’t believe all that happened in the last week. You gotta update me more!”_ Leia squealed over the phone.

You laughed, “Yeah I know, I’m sorry I’m sorry!”

You hadn’t talked to Leia really since you came home. She went back to her cabin with her parents and there was problems with the service towers, so it wasn’t entirely your fault.

 _“But wow. If I thought your life was like a movie before, shit it’s a fucking Hallmark movie now! And Ben?! Shit, I think I like Kylo better_ ,” she snorted and you laughed again, missing her more now that you were talking to her.

“Well I mean, he’s still the same person Lei, he’s himself now. It’s different, but the same? Ugh it’s hard to explain,” you stumbled trying to explain it to her, but you couldn’t find the words.

_“So Ben in the streets, Kylo in the sheets?!”_

“Oh my god, no!”

“ _Well, I’m just saying! Fuck, I gotta go babe. Han got his boot stuck in his snowboard_ ,” she snickered.

“Fucking scoundrel, okay I love and miss you!”

_“Love you more, bye!”_

The line went dead and you fell back onto your bed. You heard the water running in your bathroom, Ben was showering. You smiled, remembering your little moment on Christmas. Your parents were awake, so no way were you gonna do that again.

You’d been talking on the phone with Leia for over an hour, and a couple days ago you’d spoken with Pax. His reaction to everything was much more enthusiastic, in the sense that he wanted the horny details more than anything. Typical. You smiled, missing everyone back in Alderaan. Missing the way things used to be.

You remembered how the semester had started, you were so ready to be going into your final year and you couldn’t wait for your classes. Then everything went to shit and happened so quickly.

Memories flooded your mind, images fucking your thoughts as you went through the film your eyes had captured this past semester.

The first day you saw him, Kylo, Professor Ren. You were working, wearing no makeup, and you stuttered like an idiot. Then that same day you ran into him and well, here you are now.

Everything that the two of you did, but you knew you shouldn’t have. At the top of the list? Falling in love. Close second? Fucking in a classroom with the door unlocked.

It seems like it was so long ago, but really it was only four months ago. So much has changed. You’ve changed, and so has he. You couldn’t help but think that it all was a dream, that you’ve just been asleep this entire time and you’ll wake up, only to go back to the way your life used to be.

Working at Starbucks, serving Professor Ren every now and again, not thinking anything else about him other than the fact that he’s gorgeous. Not knowing about his past life, his family, his demons. Not knowing the way you can make him moan by kissing his neck while you play with his balls, squeezing them gently as you bite his neck.

No, you wouldn’t know those things. Not if you woke up from all of this.

You blinked, pinching your arm.

“Hey baby,” Ben had stepped out of the bathroom, light pink towel hung low on his waist.

You blushed, sitting up, “Hi.” _Thank fuck it’s not a dream_.

“What time do we have to go?” He walked towards you, water droplets falling from his black curls, chest still wet.

You stared at him, he never dried off after a shower you noticed, always stayed soaked until he was about to get dressed. He was leaving wet footprints on your floor and you snickered.

“Uh, in like an hour? Dad said we have to be fashionably late and the party started like ten minutes ago, so I’d say that’s enough time.”

He stopped in front of you and took the towel from his waist. You strained to keep your gaze on his eyes as he brought the towel up to dry his hair. His biceps flexed as he ruffled the towel through his hair, so that gave you something else to look at. The muscles in his chest tightened and you watched as he breathed.

“How’s Leia?” He asked nonchalantly, as if his entire dick wasn’t inches from your face.

You kept your eyes on his face, “She’s good, filled her in on everything and she still thinks we’re living in a movie.” You shrugged, almost looking down. You caught yourself and tucked a piece of hair behind your ear before adjusting your glasses.

He dropped the towel on the bed beside you and walked over to his bag. You finally let your eyes trail down his back, lingering on his back dimples before… Christ his ass is so perfect.

He knew you wouldn’t do anything while your parents were awake, but he still teased the fuck outta you. He pulled his boxers on and adjusted his length before running his fingers through his hair, undoubtedly flexing his biceps as he did so. He pulled on his black dress pants, doing them up slowly. His fingers were so huge and the combo of them near his treasure trail and his bulge, fuck you were gonna go crazy.

“Fucker,” you mumbled under your breath smiling.

“What’s that?” He turned to you as he slid on a white dress shirt, arms filling the sleeves till the fabric pulled.

“Nothing,” you answered quickly, eyeing how quickly and efficiently he did up the buttons of his shirt. God, the buttons looked like they were going to burst. You clenched, swallowing hard.

“Nothing what?” He taunted as he did the final button up.

“Nothing Professor,” you moaned, leaning back on the bed.

He smirked before turning away. He loved when you called him that, it reminded him of when you were uncorrupted by him. Plus when he wore dress clothes it was most appropriate.

“You going to get ready Doll? Or are you just going to keep staring?”

You’d love to keep staring, but he was right.

“Fine fine,” you groaned as you got up, “I don’t need to shower, so I’ll just curl my hair and throw on some makeup.”

He grabbed your wrist as you passed him on your way to the bathroom, pulling you into his arms and stealing a hot kiss. You melted into him, breathing in his scent. Clean and fresh, mixed with his aftershave and cologne.

Your tongues met and danced along your lips, breathing and taking each other in as much as you could. His hand held your waist, pulling you closer until you were flush with his body. Your hands tangled themselves around his neck, playing with his still wet hair. He moaned when you tugged at it gently and he responded by grabbing your ass and pulling your cheeks apart. You giggled on his lips and pulled away.

“Okay okay, let me get ready Professor, or we’ll be more than fashionably late,” you untangled yourself from his body and he smiled down at you. He nodded and slapped your ass before completely letting you go.

You got ready in about 45 minutes and decided to wear a dress that Ben bought you on Boxing Day. Something that you never thought you’d ever wear: an emerald green silk dress. You hated green, or at least you thought you did. Years of wearing the dreaded Starbucks apron ruined the colour for you, but it caught your eye when you were shopping, and Ben noticed.

You steamed it, pulled it on and smoothed it out. Fuck. It looked amazing. It hugged your curves in the right spots, but flowed perfectly in others. You got goosebumps looking at yourself all dolled up and your nipples hardened. You laughed, seeing your piercings poke through the thin material.

You put the finishing touches on, some hoop earrings and the necklace Ben got you for Christmas, some red lipstick and you were done. You went with black heels and your black pea coat and you guys headed to the party.

Your mum and dad went in your mum’s car, and you and Ben went in Ben’s. He held the door open for you and made sure your coat was in before shutting the door. He got in and followed your mum.

It was almost 9:30, perfect time to show up to a party, according to your dad anyways. He always said an hour, to an hour and a half late is the perfect time. You’re not the first ones there, awkwardly waiting for more people to show up, and it’s not too late that it’s considered rude. You couldn’t argue with that logic, and when you got there the party was already bustling to life.

The night went quickly, music, food, alcohol. Everything was already there and waiting. Ben took some convincing, but eventually went and danced with you, but you think that the amount of beer he was drinking helped that.

Something about seeing him be so loose turned you on so much. It was one thing to see him poised and drinking whiskey, being all proper and shit. But seeing him drink beers, be loud and having fun? It was a whole new thing and you fucking loved it. His hair got messier as the night went on and the buttons on his shirt slowly started coming undone until half his chest was out.

The women at the party were all over him of course, your mums friends and their daughters and their daughters friends. Even the men swarmed him, asking him all kinds of questions and shit. You smiled, not minding staying in the corner, watching him grow more and more uncomfortable as more people started to approach him.

He looked over at you around 11:56 and gave you the ‘please come and save me look’. You laughed and made your way over to him, politely pushing past the people around him.

“Excuse me, sorry I’m gonna have to steal him, almost midnight!” You directed at the people around him. Mixtures of ‘awehs’ and ‘okays’ were exchanged and the crowd slowly dissipated.

You heard Ben exhale and you looked at him. He looked so fucking good. Flushed and a little sweaty from the alcohol and relieved from you saving him. But under all of that? He was eye-fucking you so hard right now. You clenched your legs together and playfully nudged him with your shoulder.

He smirked and pulled you into his frame by grabbing your waist, leaning down slightly, “Thanks baby.” He planted a kiss on the top of your head and you smiled up at him.

You saw your mum and dad make their way over to you guys and you all shuffled towards the TV. Everyone gathered round and the hosts unmuted it.

11:59 and the countdown was about to start.

You held Ben’s hand tightly, thinking that nothing could make your life better, nothing could make you happier.

“TEN!”

Ten days in November. The ten days that really changed everything about your relationship.

“NINE!”

The number of times, you recall, that you cried yourself to sleep over this man.

“EIGHT!”

Eight moments you cherish. Some good, some bad. Ben squeezed your hand, stroking your thumb with his. 

“SEVEN!”

The time you started anticipating every day you worked. 7:00am on the dot.

“SIX!”

Six people you’re grateful for. Six people who support you no matter what.

“FIVE!”

Who knew five years of university would get you here.

“FOUR!”

Four months ago everything changed. Ben squeezed your hand again and you turned to look up at him. He was still looking down at you, eyes hazy and cheeks flushed.

“THREE!”

Three words that you wished he would say to you for the longest time, and when he finally did you knew your heart belonged to him.

“TWO!”

Two sides of the same person: Kylo and Ben. Both perfect, both the man you fell so hopelessly in love with. Now, two halves of a whole: you and him.

“ONE!”

One more semester. One more semester and you and him can do whatever you want. Together.

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

Ben pulled you into his arms, lifting you up until your lips met his. The room around you disappeared and it was only you two. Fireworks and laughter filled your ear drums but you couldn’t see anything but him. He let your feet find the ground and his hands made their way up to frame your face, caress your cheeks. His fingers threaded themselves in your hair and he brushed the tears off your cheeks.

He laughed and smiled on your lips, your kiss so passionate and deep. Your lips moved with his in perfect harmony, exchanging your love without the use of words. Your hands fell to his chest, rubbing small circles on his pecs he moved one hand to grab the back of your neck, pushing your face closer to his. Your breathed him in, letting your love seep back out into him. He inhaled it, letting it fill him so that he could breath it right back into you.

Slowly, reality came back. Fuzzy and loud. Everyone was laughing and there was confetti flying in the air. You looked around, laughing too and smiling with every bit of happiness you had as you watched the glittery pieces fall on Ben. He laughed too, the crinkles near his eyes deepening and his cute crooked teeth poking through his lips.

His head dropped and his forehead fell to yours. Through all of the music, all of the shouting and clapping, he whispered, “You’re mine. I love you.”

You laughed, feeling more tears fall down your cheeks. You wiped them off your cheeks and pulled away from Ben before throwing your arms over his shoulders and hugging him so tightly you took your own breath away.

“I love you too,” you whispered into the crook of his neck. His arms wrapped around your waist and he squeezed you just as hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the countdown has started! this is the beginning of the end you guys ): it's been a wild ride you guys, honestly it's been insane. i started writing this in may and never thought it'd get this much attention. thank you all so much for the support! love you guys all so much. xoxo


	42. Enough

–– A few days later, back in Alderaan…

You held the envelope in your trembling hands, sweat threatening to stain the white paper. You’d just gotten back to Alderaan and your mail had been waiting for you.

Your letter from the Students Abroad committee was in the pile, whether acceptance or rejection you weren’t sure yet. You were too nervous to open it, and you still hadn’t told Ben about it yet. Not that you were going if you did get accepted.

You sighed. Leia and Han wouldn’t be back till next week, when the semester actually starts. But Ben had to come back this week because he’s faculty, and you decided to come back with him.

He’d gone straight to campus for a meeting, so you were alone in your dorm once again. It felt cold. Foreign. You weren’t sure how you’d survive living here for another four months. Away from Ben.

Now that you weren’t in any of Ben’s classes this semester, you both had to be careful when you saw each other and how much time you spent together in the public eye. You both agreed that you should really only see each other whenever he comes to Starbucks during school hours/on campus. Anything more would be too suspicious.

You hated it. But you knew you had to do it.

Maybe going away for a semester would make it easier. You wouldn’t have to fight yourself to stay away from him. You clutched the envelope in your hands, crinkling the pristine paper.

Another sigh.

You quickly shut your eyes and ripped open the envelope, opening the letter without peeking. You smoothed out the paper and opened one eye, just to make sure the paper was the right way before shutting it again. You held onto the paper with new resolve, though unsure of what for.

You took a few deep breaths, trying to calm yourself before slowly opening your eyes. You let them focus on the words in front of you and you scanned the letter.

You skimmed over the casualties, addressing you and your application status. Blah, blah, blah.

Then–

“ _Congratulations! You’re application to the ‘Students Abroad: Greece!’ has been accepted_ …”

You froze. You weren’t surprised, what with your grades, your family, etc… But still? You were shocked that your plea to leave Alderaan was heard and granted.

What were you going to tell Ben now? You had to tell him. But first you had to decide if you were going or not.

You went to call your mum, but as soon as you picked up your phone it started ringing: _Ben Solo_ popped up on your screen and you started to sweat again as you clicked the green button.

“Hello?”

“ _What’s wrong?”_

Fucks sake, he always knows.

“Uhm, nothing. You done your meeting?” Your voice was still shaky.

“ _Mhm. Yes, it was quick. Is there anyone in your building?”_

He didn’t believe you, of course.

“Uh no, I don’t think so. It’s too early still and anyone who stayed over the holidays stayed in Kamino.”

“Okay good,” he sounded out of breath.

“Why?”

“ _I’m here, buzz me in_.”

Just then your landline phone in your dorm rang, making you jump.

“Jesus seriously?” You went to click the accept button on the landline, pressing the pound key to open the door downstairs.

“ _Yeah baby, be up in a sec_ ,” and then he hung up.

You sat there for a minute or so, still shocked that he’d risk coming to your dorm, even if there wasn’t anyone here yet. Someone still might see him coming into the building, or leaving.

There was a knock on your door and you realized that you were still holding the letter. You quickly stuffed it into your front pocket of your hoodie and skipped to the door. You opened it and Ben was leaning in towards the door frame, arm supporting him. His hair was a bit wet, from the snow outside you figured. He looked so fucking good.

“Hi baby,” he breathed as he stepped in.

“Uh hi,” you were still dumbfounded, watching him kick off his boots and take his pea coat off.

You tried to cover your front pocket in the most natural way possible, waltzing into the living area and plopping on the couch, bringing your knees up to your chest. You hoped he didn’t see anything.

He grabbed a glass of water and sat next to you, chugging it all in seconds.

You sat in silence, awkward for you, probably fine for him. You couldn’t stop yourself from fidgeting and you could feel your forehead growing damp from sweat.

 _Just tell him_.

“What’s this?” He said as he reached over your shoulder and grabbed the discarded envelope.

 _Shit_. You forgot about the envelope.

 _Well, it’s now or never_.

You abruptly ripped the letter from your pocket and shoved it into his hands, sinking back down into the couch while he read it.

His eyes widened as he read further and further. He knew about this… So why was it so surprising? He took a deep breath and looked at you.

“I’ll help you pack,” he smiled softly.

You let go of the breath you were holding and sat up slightly.

“Uhm. What?” What the fuck?

“You are going. End of discussion,” his voice was soft but stern. A combo you’ve heard so many times. You know he’s not budging, but Christ he didn’t give you any time to explain.

“Ben…” You don’t know why, but for some reason you felt relieved.

He pulled you in to his frame, squeezing you tight.

“Today is January 5th, the letter says you leave January 11th. Less than a week. So we’d better get packing Sweetheart,” he played with your hair, speaking as if he had this planned all along. You were still speechless.

“How can I even go? After everything?” You found yourself saying.

“Enough. I would never let you pass up an opportunity like this. Ever. It will be great for your last semester and will look amazing on your academic resume. You’re going,” he reiterated.

You felt tears prick your eyes, but blinked them away. How could this be happening? Did he know somehow? How is he being so calm?

“I’ll be gone for…”

“One semester. That’s all. Then you’re done and you’ll be mine forever,” he whispered. You blushed hard.

 _Forever_.

“It’s longer than that though, I won’t be back until after the official convocation ceremonies, the letter said June. That’s six months Ben,” You sat up so you could look at him and he smiled.

“I know pet, but it’s too good for you to pass up. So stop overthinking it,” he pinched your cheek playfully.

You swatted his hand away, laughing. You felt… good? Like this wasn’t such a terrible idea.

You weighed the pros and cons quickly in your mind and found yourself nodding ‘yes’.

“Good girl,” Ben praised in a low voice. You looked up at him, seeing that his eyes had changed. They’d gone darker, and the sweet smile was replaced by a sinister smirk. You shivered, feeling your legs involuntarily press together.

He turned to you, pushing himself closer to you so you inched back until you were laying down flat on the couch. He hovered over you, holding himself up with his strong arms, lowering himself until his chest was touching yours, his lips centimetres from yours.

“Six days. Six days until you leave. And then you’ll be gone for six months,” he was speaking, but not necessarily to you. More like he was thinking out loud, but letting you hear his thought process.

He tsk’ed his tongue a couple times, letting his eyes roam your face, taking in your wide-eyed expression.

“Every day until you leave, I am going to fuck you like it’s the last time. I am going to break you down little girl, take you however and whenever I want to make up for each month you’ll be away,” he spoke matter-of-factly, dropping one of his hands to drag down your body. His touch gave you chills and you started getting excited.

“We have to be careful how much time we spend together on campus,” he was still thinking out loud, “so, you’ll have to be discreet if you come to my office.” He paused, considering how the two of you would go about seeing each other on campus, especially since students and faculty are going to be returning over the next couple days.

“I’ll be needing the key to my office back pet, can’t have anyone seeing you going in when I’m not there,” he smirked, lowering himself so that he could kiss your neck.

“Yes, Professor Ren,” you replied, making him stop before his lips touched your skin. He backed up so that he could look at you, eyes dark. You smirked right back before fidgeting underneath him, purposefully making your thigh rub against his groin.

He raised a brow at you and you shot him an innocent look.

“People here still call you Kylo Ren, so _you’re_ going to have to get used to me calling you that Professor,” you wiggled under him again and he tensed up, warning you.

He forgot how much hearing you call him that turned him on. ‘Professor Solo’ just doesn’t sound as good, another reason why he changed his name. But now that you were solely calling him ‘Ben’ over the past few weeks, hearing you say ‘Ren’ made his length ache.

That name holds many connotations, for both you and him, one of them being how dominant and assertive he can be. How possessive and commanding. He missed feeling this way, and you missed provoking him.

Over the Christmas break he’d been an angel, for lack of a better word, mostly because you were with your parents. But now that you were back in Alderaan, back in the city where everything started, it made him a bit stir-crazy. The memories and feelings flooding back, going straight to his cock.

“Hmm, good girl,” he replied back, agreeing with you.

He was supporting himself over top of you with one hand while his other dipped into your not-so-sexy sweat pants you’d thrown on. You squeaked quietly when his fingers brushed the hem of your panties.

He growled lowly in your ear, “Let’s see how wet you are for me, hmm?”

You moaned and nodded as his middle and index finger made their way down your slit, collecting the liquid arousal already seeping from you. He grunted in approval, sliding his fingers up and down. Down until his middle finger circled around your pucker, gently pressing into it slightly. Your body jerked at that and you playfully pushed his chest. Ben huffed and shoved his two fingers into your dripping cunt. You groaned and clenched around the sudden fullness, but spread your legs wider for him.

“Fuck, Ben, please…” Your voice was small, whiny. You tried to open your legs further, but the way you were laying on the couch made it hard. Heat flooded your cheeks as you realized that you’d never fucked in your shared dormitory. Leia was always there so he could never come over. But now that she wasn’t here it made your body heat up, being able to be so intimate in a place you shouldn’t be.

He moaned against your neck, biting down gently on your pulse. Your heart fluttered and your back arched up into him.

“Please…” You breathlessly moaned into his ear. He took your hint and added his ring finger into your centre, curling his fingers in time with his thrusts. He was hitting your spot so perfectly now and you were chasing your release.

He groaned into your neck, licking and biting your soft skin, eliciting soft moans from your lips. He was doing everything right and you were going to tip over the edge.

“You gonna cum for me little one?” He asked in harsh whisper, his breath tickling your wet neck.

You nodded against him, arching your back more. You felt your body tense and your cunt clench and you were right there and–

Nothing. Your body relaxed involuntarily and you whined into his ear, smacking his chest harder now.

“Uggghhhh,” You groaned, frustrated.

Ben sat up slightly, grinning as he pulled his fingers from you and put them into his mouth. You watched his lips close around them as he sucked your juices off of them and your mouth fell open. He dipped his face down and stuck his tongue out. You raised your head to meet his and opened your mouth wider, letting his tongue go in. Your tongue met his and your sucked on it hard, trying to taste yourself on him. You writhed underneath him, trying to find any friction to propel you to your release.

“So desperate,” He moaned into your mouth. You bit down, not really caring where, and he jerked back, hand flying to his mouth.

He pulled his fingers away and the tips were stained red. You’d bit his lip, hard. And he was bleeding. You felt your heart drop, suddenly scared of what he would do, but for some reason you found yourself smiling.

He licked his lip, smearing the blood across his bottom lip, coating his tongue in the crimson liquid. He smirked, grabbing your throat with his stained hand. He brought his face down close to yours, lips ghosting yours and then he spit. Long and slowly onto your lips. Your body shivered at the contact, feeling the warm liquid pool in the crevices of your mouth. You opened your lips slightly, tasting the pang of iron mixed with the saltiness of your arousal that still lingered.

You moaned, half wheezing because he was choking you with more force than before.

“Fucking slut,” He spat at you, blood flying from his lips onto your face. You blinked, feeling the spatters on your heated cheeks. You wiggled again under him, needing that friction now.

“Please daddy, I’m sorry,” you whined, trying to grind up onto his crotch.

He took a deep breath. He loved hearing you submit to him, even if you were a fucking brat about it. If anything that riled him up even more. He eased up on the pressure on your neck until he finally released you. You sucked in as much air as you could, breasts meeting his chest with each inhale.

He swiped his fingers across his lips again, collecting more of the blood that lingered there. Then he dipped them back into your pants, not hesitating before thrusting all three fingers back into you. You winced, but moaned at the feeling. Ben started thrusting and curling his fingers quickly, getting you to the edge again faster than he had before. You clawed at his chest, watching his eyes pierce your soul as he looked down at you.

You felt the knot of heat in your lower belly start to burst and you tensed again, feeling the pressure start to explode. He was planning on stopping again, edging you over and over again until you were a mess and then–

“Fuck! _Kylo please_!”

You opened your eyes wide, surprised that you said… that. He stopped too, his fingers just moving in and out of you slowly now. Then, he bent and crashed his bloodied lips into yours, his fingers fucking you hard and fast again as his tongue fought with yours. His movements were erratic now, less calculated, messy. You closed your eyes, letting him devour your lips. With each thrust he curled his fingers and hit your spot, rubbing your walls and making your cunt flutter.

You whined against his mouth, body tensing again.

“Say it,” he called against your mouth.

You moaned into him, arching your back and clenching hard.

“Fucking say it–“

“Oh fuck, Kylo I’m gonna–“

He twisted his fingers inside you, curling them hard and fast and you lost it. You shrieked against his lips, mumbling incoherent nonsense as he finger-fucked your orgasm out of you. Something in your chest lifted and you felt as if you’d just been injected with a potent drug.

As he dragged out your orgasm you slowly started remembering this feeling you’d had months ago, the feeling that him, _Kylo_ , was your own personal drug. Formulated and mixed just for you. You’d had this feeling lots over the past few months, but never pin-pointed it to this memory.

Finally, he took his fingers out of your dripping core and situated himself on the couch so that your head was now laying on his lap. You grabbed his soaked hand and put his fingers in your mouth, cleaning them of the blood and cum. He groaned as you swirled your tongue around his fingers and you felt his cock bob beneath your head.

He pulled his fingers out of your mouth, wiping them on his shirt to dry them, and then started playing with your hair.

Your eyes closed and your heart fluttered. He was everything. He is both.

Something felt different just then, calling him ‘Kylo’ instead of ‘Ben’. It was bound to happen, but neither of you thought it would be this big of a deal. Not in a bad way necessarily, but in a right way.

It’s hard to explain that both Ben and Kylo are the same person, so technically the names can be used interchangeably, but in the correct situation. Everything about each of them felt so right, felt the same, but different.

You thought about it, tried to wrap your head around this insane concept. He did too, wondered why it caught him off guard, but for just a second before it felt like second-nature again. Before it felt like _home_ again.

Ben continued to play with your hair as the two of you thought in peace. Silence casting over the room, letting you think about everything that was going to happen.

Still, you were leaving in six days. Gone for six months. You were going to miss this. Miss him.

“I’m going to miss you,” you whispered your thoughts out loud. Ben’s hand stopped on your forehead and he tucked some hair behind your ear.

He sighed, still struggling to find the courage to express himself. He swallowed hard and replied back, “I’m going to miss you too baby.”

You melted into him, heart calling out to his, dying to be connected.

For right now, this was enough. This, right here was all you and him needed. You’d just have to hold onto that feeling, it would be the only thing to keep the two of you going. 


	43. Sirens Eye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU GUYS! This is the final chapter of Sirens Eye. I am beyond grateful for all of the love and support on this story. I never thought it would reach 72k reads on Wattpad and 13k hits on here. This has been incredible. I am sad that it's over, but I am so excited to release the projects I have planned! I have some one-shots in the works and I'm planning... A CHARLIE X READER FIC. I also want to write a REY X KYLO short as well. And I haven't forgotten about Bad Habit, for those who have read that so far, the update is in the works! I just wanted to focus on writing the ending for this, and honestly, it is not what I was expecting it to be. With this being my first fic, it was extremely disorganized and I had no plan for it at all, so I tried my best to give you guys an ending that would make most of you happy! I plan on making another KYLO X READER in the future, but probably after my CHARLIE one. Again, thank you guys SO MUCH OH MY GOD. 
> 
> XOXO MEG

––Six days later...

January 11th.

The day you're leaving for six whole months. That's half a year. Half a year you'll be away from Ben and your mother. Yeah, you'll be with your dad, but you can't deny that you'll be missing Ben and your mother. Hell, you already missed them and you haven't even left yet.

Over the past six days Ben did exactly what he promised: he helped you pack, remembering things that you forgot to put on your list, and he fucked you thoroughly every single day. Every moment you spent together when you weren't packing you spent bent over something or sat on top of something with Ben in between your legs.

You'd snuck into his office a couple times, but the second time you two almost got caught so you stopped trying. In the first couple days Ben came to your dorm, but as it got closer to the beginning of the semester, more students came back so he couldn't come in anymore. You found it harder and harder to see him, so you just ended up going to his place.

The last three days you stayed at his place. You'd go to the uni with him in the morning, him letting you out near the bus stop where there wasn't a lot of students yet, and you'd walk back to your dorm to pack while he was in meetings. Then you'd go back to the bus stop and he'd pick you up and you'd go home, eat, fuck, snack, fuck, and then sleep.

Now, it was the morning of January 11th. You were at Ben's place, eating waffles and drinking his coffee. Any other day this would be normal, but this morning you were already dressed, and there was a massive suitcase waiting by the front door.

He was in his office, finishing up the syllabi for his classes this semester and you were trying not to cry on your breakfast. You didn't think those six days would really feel like the last days you'd be spending with Ben. But your heart ached, and you weren't sure why.

You felt like everything had been resolved and that it was time to start living your life together with Ben. But now, you're going across the world for six months. The time difference is nine hours. Speaking to Ben and your mum will be hard, especially when they're working every day.

You sniffled, clearing your cheeks of the tears that had snuck out and resumed eating your breakfast. You looked at your phone: 7:48am. That means 4:48pm in Athens. If you wanted to talk to Ben or your mum it would have to be early in the morning for them... It was hard to think about.

You finished your waffles and downed your lukewarm coffee. You went to the bathroom and inspected the state of your face. Not too bad, been worse, but could be better. Your eyes were a tinge red, but they weren't puffy. Not yet at least. Your makeup was still intact and your face wasn't splotchy: again, not yet at least.

When Ben and your mum would be dropping you and your dad off at the airport, that's when your eyes and face will suffer. You don't know why you even bothered putting makeup on at all.

You pulled yourself together and brushed your teeth, glancing at your phone again: 8:02am. You had to be at the airport by 12:00pm, your flight was at 2:00pm. You had some time you supposed.

You made your way to Ben's office, the door cracked slightly as always. It made you smile. All of the little things he does, you still notice on a daily basis.

You remember when you first wandered by his office and the door was cracked the same way. You couldn't stop your curiosity and you just waltzed right in there. You remember the early evening light, cascading across his gorgeous office. The smell of stale coffee and his cologne filled the entire room. That damned statue that you knocked over, and when you picked it up is when he came back.

You shivered at your memory of that day. How it all started, really. It made your lower belly begin to pool with heat. You took a deep breath and opened the door.

You smiled, seeing Ben hunched over with a book in one hand, the other hand typing on his laptop, his breakfast and coffee untouched. You walked over to his desk, pushing some papers aside and sitting down, arching your back slightly to try and get his attention.

No good. He was too invested in whatever he was doing to look up at you.

"How was your waffles?" He asked, still looking between the book and his laptop.

"They were good, you should eat yours too," You slid his plate closer to him, "Or, you could eat something else."

 _That_ got his attention.

He looked up, his gaze meeting your crossed legs on his desk, then they wandered up to your face. You looked down at him with eager eyes and you wiggled a little bit. His face always took your breath away, especially when his hair was tousled and he had his reading glasses on. You sighed.

"Like what?" He tilted his head, trying to get a look at your ass on the desk.

You smiled, uncrossing your legs and opening them up slightly, nodding downwards.

He immediately shut his laptop, placing the book on top, all while never taking his eyes off your lower half. Taking his glasses off, he smirked, bringing his hands to rest on your upper thighs. He checked his watch, and you made note of the time as well.

"Hmm, you haven't had enough baby?" He bent and kissed your legs, sliding his chair so that he was positioned in between your legs. "These past six days haven't been enough for you? Needy little thing."

Your head lolled forward, watching him rub your upper thighs, his lips kiss up your legs.

He stopped, looking up at you. "Answer me."

You sucked in a breath, and exhaled. "Yes, Professor Ren. I need more."

You squirmed when his hands squeezed your thighs. The last six days you've enjoyed calling him by that, and by the way it gets him worked up, he likes it too still.

His hands made their way up your legs, reaching under your shirt. His hands were warm on your lower belly, only making the heat pool faster. He swirled circles around your belly-button and his hands slithered up to cup your breasts through your bralette. He pinched your hardening nipples through the thin fabric and you arched your back into him.

He took his hands from your shirt and slid his chair back.

"Everything. Off." He commanded, pawing his erection through his slacks.

"Yes, Professor Ren." You replied, standing quickly you lifted your shirt off and wiggled out of your jeans.

He held back a moan, nodding to you. "Those too."

You unhooked your bralette and let the dainty straps fall from your shoulders. Then you hooked your fingers in your panties, letting your hips move back and forth as you bent down to slide them off.

"Wait." He growled.

You froze, looking back up at him. He slid closer, pulling your panties back up. He held your hips, kneading your skin, making you moan. His hands travelled to your backside and he squeezed your ass before slapping it hard.

"Shit, Ben what was that fo–"

"These are the panties you wore that day in my office."

You quickly looked down, realizing that yes, they were the ones you wore that day. You hadn't even meant to pick them, they were just the first ones you grabbed.

You laughed nervously, seeing Ben's eyes darken as he looked your figure up and down.

"Go over there." He said darkly as he nodded towards the fireplace.

 _Fuck_.

You walked slowly over there, glancing at him over your shoulder when you reached the fireplace. You stood quiet, waiting.

"Drop that." He pointed to the mantle and you turned to see a statue. Not the same one in his uni office, but similar. A Grecian bust, it looked like Aristotle.

You grabbed it, and dropped in on the carpet. You knew it wouldn't break, but dropping it still made you wince. Your heart raced, feeling the déjà vu hit you right in the chest.

"Now, pick it up. Let me see that ass in those slutty panties." Ben's voice was deep, dark, smooth. Surely you were soaked through your panties by now.

You bent over, slowly, remembering how you bent at your waist to pick up the statue in his uni office. You arched your back, making your ass stick out even more. You picked up the statue, lingering for a couple seconds before standing back up and putting the bust back on the mantle.

You went to turn to go back to his desk, but when you turned you hit Ben's chest. His right hand immediately went into your panties, rubbing your clit as his left hand wrapped itself around your neck. His breath was hot on your ear and you wiggled in his arms.

"Fuck. I just might have to keep these." His voice was low, hoarse. He was already gone.

"Fuck, Ben–"

Your words were interrupted by him spinning your around and picking you up. You wrapped your legs around his waist, dying to feel his hard length through his pants. He walked a couple steps to the chair by the fireplace, much like you've done so many times in his uni office. You felt a flood of memories hit you and they made you moan.

Ben plopped you down on the chair and lifted your ass so he could take your panties off. With his free hand he thrusted three fingers into your soaked cunt. You cried out and Ben shoved your panties in your mouth, muffling your strangled moans.

He knelt down, curling his fingers sloppily, bringing his other hand down to play with your nipples. Pulling on them one after the other, making them swollen and sore. You bucked your hips with his thrusts and he caught your gaze. You locked eyes with him and watched as he lowered his face, sticking his tongue out he licked up his fingers until he reached your clit.

You groaned into your panties and your body reacted to his touch. Ben lapped at your clit, swirling circles around it and sucking on it as he finger-fucked you. You'd been so worked up that you were already so close. Your body tensed slightly and you could feel that heat about to explode.

Ben stopped then, standing up and taking his fingers from you. "Not yet baby. You can wait like a good little slut, hmm? You're doing so good." He praised, popping his fingers into his mouth.

You whined, but watched as he took his length from his slacks. Your eyes fell half-lidded, always in such awe of his body. You propped yourself up on your elbows so you could see it all.

He tsk'ed his tongue, taking your panties from your mouth. "Hands and knees babygirl, I still wanna see that ass."

You moaned, but got up from the chair and got onto the carpet. You bent over in front of him, but facing towards him. He looked down at you, about to say something but you took his cock into your mouth before he could stop you.

"Shit babe." Ben choked out the words, his teeth gritted together.

You sucked hard on the tip, playing with his balls as you did so. He knew how to get you worked up, and well, you knew how to get him worked up too. You massaged his balls with your hand as you took his entire length into your mouth, letting it slide down your throat easily. You gagged on it, but let it sit there for a couple second. You swallowed around it and Ben's hands grabbed the back of your head.

He held you still and face-fucked you with quick, short thrusts. You had to steady yourself with both hands on the floor now, blinking the tears from your eyes.

You knew your makeup would be getting ruined with tears today, and in all honesty, you preferred these tears to the ones you'd be shedding later on.

Ben pulled out of your mouth quickly, saliva flying out and connecting your tongue and lips to the head of his cock. He grabbed the hair on the back of your head and pulled backwards, making you look up at him. He looked down at you, his eyes were dark but not in the way the once were.

They were dark with lust yes, but not just primal, guttural lust. No, they were drenched in lustful love. It was hard to discern, but you could see it plainly. Ben loved you so much, in every single way possible. But this, the way you were for him right now? This was one of the first ways Ben loved you, so it would always make him soft, despite his feral behaviour.

He bent down and swept your lips into a rough and wet kiss. His tongue licked along your lips, forcing its way into your mouth. You moaned into him and he pulled at your hair again.

He released your lips and hair, pushing your face gently to tell you to turn around. You obeyed and turned so that your ass was high in the air in front of him. He wasted no time in lining up his cock with your cunt, coating the tip in your wetness and his saliva.

"Say it baby," He said quietly as he pushed the tip in, "I want to hear it again, please."

Your heart soared, you didn't say it much because you knew it was a lot for him to handle: someone _loving_ him. But when he asked for it, you always obeyed.

"I love you– ah!" He thrust into you as you said it, slamming to the hilt right off the bat. He held your waist with his massive hands, holding you in place as he lifted his own hips so he could fuck down into you.

"Fuck– Again." His thrusts were already so sloppy, you knew he was close.

"I love you, so much Ben." Your words were breathy, laced with moans and quick inhales.

Ben's eyes shut, feeling all of the emotions he's ever felt towards you explode from him. He only got like this every once in a while. Losing control like this. Being so vulnerable. He blamed it on the fact that you were leaving, and this would be the last time he could do this to you, for you, for six months.

"Shit, I love you too baby." He jutted out between thrusts, the slick sounds of slapping skin surrounding his words. You arched your back more, arms stretched out in front of you, trying to stabilize your body with Ben's hard thrusts.

"Play with your clit babe, cum all over my cock." Ben squeezed your ass hard, making you moan into the carpet.

You steadied yourself on one arm, reaching your other underneath your torso. You started rubbing it quickly, not really making precise movements of anything. Ben knew he could make you cum just from fucking you, but he also knew that clit stimulation made you climax that much harder.

From the stimulation on your clit, you were dangerously close to finishing. Your body tensed again and you clenched around Ben's length. You moaned again, telling him without words you needed to cum.

Ben's hands tightened around your waist, his thumbs digging into your back dimples, pressing you down so your legs spread apart further.

"Fuck Ben, please!" You cried into the carpet, body vibrating from trying to hold off your orgasm. 

Ben's thrusts were completely sloppy now, incoherent, but perfect in every way. He held you in place and rocked his hips into you, you could feel his body tensing too.

"I'm gonna cum baby, fuck, cum for me, please Sweetheart." His words were shaky, low, quiet. You didn't need anything more than that though. You flicked your clit as Ben pushed into you and you both lost it.

So in tune with each other's bodies that you knew how to work them. You came hard around Ben's cock, feeling it twitch inside you as he coated you walls with his spend. You relaxed as the familiar warmth spread from your centre to your extremities, feeling your orgasm high descend, feeling Ben relax against you.

He sighed, bending to pepper your back with kisses. Your hand fell from your clit, your body twitched with the remnants of pleasure.

You felt Ben slip his hands underneath your belly, slowly lifting you up he picked you up bridal style and sat on the chair, letting your legs drape over the arm of the chair. He held you close to his chest, the heat radiating between the two of you.

He stroked your hair and you felt your eyes shutting. Ben kissed your forehead a couple times and stood up, placing you back down onto the chair. He got himself decent and walked out of the room. He came back with a cloth, a water bottle and a new pair of panties.

You watched him clean in between your legs, letting you take small sips from the water bottle as he took care of you. Your mind jumped again, feeling that sense of déjà vu hit you again. You've been here before with him, once before. You melted, feeling your heart start to weep.

You glanced at the clock on the wall: 8:39am. You needed to leave pretty quick to make it to your parents in time to pick your dad up and go to the airport in your hometown. Alderaan's airport was insanely small, and only had national flights, not global ones.

You got dressed and Ben quickly ate his breakfast before double-checking that you had everything from his place ready to go. You other bags were already in your truck. Ben was going to drive your truck, your bags wouldn't fit in his car.

You waited at the front door, shoes and jacket on, waiting for Ben to pack his overnight bag. He was going to stay with your mother for the first few nights, just so she wouldn't be alone. You didn't ask him to do that, but he offered and you and your mum were grateful for it. The small gestures like this that he does warms your heart and makes you love him even more.

He explained to the university that he had a family emergency and that's why he wouldn't be there for the first week of the semester. They didn't mind, what with him being Professor Ren and all that. They didn't even bother arguing with him.

He plopped his duffel bag on the floor and pulled his boots on.

"You ready baby?" He asked, grabbing his bag and your suitcase.

"Yeah, I guess so." You said back quietly.

He shifted his duffel bag to his shoulder so that he could grab your arm, pulling you into him.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay, okay? This is amazing for you and William. It's only six months."

You took a deep breath, letting him hold you close, you wrapped your arms around him, hugging him tight.

"I know. I know." Was all you could muster, you didn't want to cry, not yet.

He helped you into your truck and made sure the bags were secure in the bed before starting her up. You were going to miss your truck so much too. But Ben said he'd keep it in his garage for you while you were gone.

You sat in the passenger seat watching Alderaan disappear. You rarely got to sit in the passenger seat when in your truck, but it made you happy. Being able to watch Ben drive, letting you relax and sleep if you wanted.

Ben's hand found yours in your lap and he grabbed it, holding in while resting on the gear-shift. You sighed, feeling his thumb stroke yours, his thumb tapping to the music every once in a while.

"So," he began and you looked at him, "When you get back..." He hesitated.

He'd been wanting to ask this for a while, even before he got the news that you were leaving, and now that you really were leaving, he needed to ask you now.

"Yeah?" You prompted.

"Well, you're graduating this year and I know you have no reason to stay in Alderaan but," he took a deep breath, laughing to himself, "Will you move in with me when you come back?"

Your eyes widened with shock, not that you were surprised, you'd stayed with him for so many nights, but you weren't expecting him to ask that. When you didn't answer he continued talking, babbling more like.

"While you're gone I'll have everything moved from your parent's house and your dorm. I'll use your parents' names when clearing your dorm, and I'll set up a room for all of your things. I'll rearrange the bedroom and organize everything so that it's perfect and ready for when you're back with me. For when you're back home."

You sighed again, feeling your eyes already begin welling with tears.

He took a deep breath, inhale, exhale, long and slow. You could tell he was tearing up too.

You squeezed his hand.

"Ben, yes. Oh god, yes!" You clicked off your seatbelt and launched yourself over the centre console, hugging him.

"Fuck, babe I'm driving!" He shouted, laughing.

You hugged him hard, both of his hands gripping the steering wheel tightly. You laughed back, hugging and kissing him anywhere you could reach.

"Ohmygod Ben, I'm so happy. I love you so much." You giggled as you sat back down in the passenger seat, putting your seatbelt back on.

He grabbed your hand again, resting it on the gear-shift.

He snuck a glance at you, seeing that you were already staring at him adoringly.

"I'm so happy too. Thank you." His voice was soft, cute.

"For what?" You stroked his thumb.

"For loving me."

You smiled, squeezing his hand before bringing it up to your lips to kiss his knuckles.

The rest of the ride was spent in blissful silence. Perfect quietness. You were so comfortable, so ready for this chapter of your life. You felt more prepared for this than you've felt for anything else in your life. You felt stronger, supported, and above all else, you felt incredibly loved.

––

"Bye honey! Have fun! We'll miss you!" Your mum shouted to your through the gate, clutching onto Ben's arm as she waved furiously.

"Bye mum! I love you!"

"I love you Evie!" Your dad shouted from beside you.

You looked to him and he smiled. His carry-on bag hung over his shoulder, his other hand holding his one crutch in place.

He was out of the full-leg cast now, but had a smaller cast and still needed one crutch. But, the doctor gave him the okay to travel, so he hopped on the opportunity to go with you in a heartbeat.

"I love you too Billy! Aweh, have so much fun you guys!" Your mum was sobbing, her words were strings of sniffles and choked out words.

You waved back at her, and waved to Ben too. He was quiet, but his eyes were stinging with tears. You'd hugged and kissed a dozen times before you went through the gates, but he missed you already. He couldn't bring himself to say anything, or he'd for sure break down.

You looked at him, then back to your dad. Your dad nodded at you and held out his free hand. You put your purse strap on it and ran back through the open gate and right into Ben's arms.

You jumped and he caught you, lifting you up and spinning you around in circles. He cried freely now, and so did you. You'd done well to only shed a few tears before, but now you just let it all out. You felt Ben let go of you with one of his hands and into his pocket. He took something out and you let him drop your feet back to the floor.

You blinked your eyes and rubbed them free of the tears and when you opened them back up you gasped.

Ben was knelt on one knee, holding open a small velvet box. Inside it was the most beautiful ring you've ever seen.

"I was counting on you running back through there Sweetheart," he began, winking when your hands flew to your mouth, "You are so incredibly special and I can't even begin to explain how much you mean to me."

He took the ring out of the box and you dropped your left hand into his.

"So, if you will, please let me spend the rest of our lives trying to find the words to do exactly that."

He held the ring in front of your ring finger, "Will you marry me?"

You didn't even need to think about it, you burst into tears again and practically screamed, "YES!"

Ben slid the ring onto your finger, a perfect fit, and he got back onto his feet. You jumped into his arms again and sobbed into his shoulder. You could hear your mum and dad and the other people in the hangar cheering for you and Ben.

"Last call for boarding, Flight 66 to Athens. Last call for boarding, Flight 66 to Athens." The intercom blared from the speakers in the airport and Ben slowly untangled himself from your arms.

He put you down and held your face in his hands. He squished your cheeks and planted kisses all over your wet face.

"Everything will be okay. The house, the wedding. You don't worry about any of it alright? Just enjoy this experience, enjoy Greece. I'll be here when you get back, ready for my wife." Ben's words only made you sniffle and sob more, but you smiled, feeling so happy.

"Okay, I love you." You spoke between snorts and sniffles.

"I love you too." He said sweetly before dipping down to kiss your lips softly.

You breathed him in, once, twice, and then you ripped yourself from him. You waved to your mum quickly and ran back through the gate. You knew if you lingered you wouldn't be able to leave them, you had to go quick, rip it off like a band aid.

Your dad was crying and he hugged you briefly before you both turned back. Your mum was half-hugging Ben, still bawling and still waving at you and your dad. You grabbed your purse and grabbed your dads hand, both of you waving back to your mum and Ben.

You started walking, through the doors and into the tunnel to the plane. You watched Ben, seeing the panes of glass behind him, watching his face grow smaller and smaller. You waved and blew kisses until you couldn't see them anymore. Then it was just you and your dad.

He lifted your hand, the one holding his, and turned it over. He was on your left side, so he admired the new ring on your finger.

"I'm so happy for you hon. Now, let's take on Athens, hmm?" He smiled, squeezing your hand.

You sniffled again, wiping the tears from your cheeks.

"Yeah dad, let's do this." You said back.

You caught up to the small line, waiting to board the plane. The cold air filled the tunnel and you took a deep breath.

Everything is falling into place. Falling in a way that you never thought it would, but still falling nonetheless.

You're going to Greece for six months.

You're graduating university.

You're moving in with Ben.

You're _marrying_ Ben.

How did this all happen? You couldn't recall. The first image that popped into your mind, the thing that's really watched over you this entire time?

The sirens eye. 

_END_


End file.
